Agent Fox Mulder (i_want_2) wrote in multi_fiction, @ 2008-08-08 22:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | au, gen, golden girls, rated: teen |
Fic: Super Hero AU 1/1 Golden Girls
Title: Super Hero AU
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Prompt: 18 Sensory loss/impairment
Claim: General Golden Girls
Rating: Mature Adults
Genre: Humor - Alternate Universe
Summary: The girls get super powers at a special cost.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Golden Girls.
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The girls were sitting out in the driveway one afternoon sipping lemonade and watching the traffic. It had been a pleasantly cool day, but not all together cold. This was one of the better days before it got cold and wet for winter. All of a sudden, the squealing of tires on pavement drew their attention. Coming down the road, a stolen plutonium truck with six armed police cruisers came flying by.
As it did, the back doors flew open and a barrel of plutonium flew out the back, it's lid popping off and plutonium coating the girls. Much to their horror, they started to glow. Blanche grew upset that green did not at all go with her outfit and decided to have a bath. The girls readily agreed, but only after Blanche had hers as they agreed green was definitely not her color.
~~~~~ The Next Day. ~~~~~~
Blanche stood in line at the bank. Stamping her foot, she waited impatiently, chewing a piece of gum from the bottom of her purse. It was funny, the gum had no flavor, yet the wrapper said it was Redhot flavored. Getting huffy over the length of time the teller took with the woman ahead of her, she increased the tapping of her foot. Suddenly she found herself tripping.
On the ground, Blanche looked at her shoe. The sole of her suede pump was gone. "Damn, and I just bought these!"
~~~~~ Else Where! ~~~~~~
Something was off about her class today. Dorothy couldn't put her finger on it, it just felt wrong. The entire place just didn't seem to have the right feeling. One thing was, they were all staring at her in rapt attention. Feeling slightly disturbed, she sat down in her seat. Suddenly, they erupted in to cheers and high fives. She couldn't figure out what it was.
Discreetly, she tried standing up. It couldn't have been glue, her butt wasn't stuck to the chair. Glancing down at the chair, she looked to see if there was paint on it. There weren't any smudges in the color. Frowning, she sat back down. 'I wonder what they find so amusing?'
Suddenly, she knew. They had placed a tack in her chair. All of the sniveling little brats were in on it. 'If they want to play games, I will play games.' Eyes narrowing anger, she focused all her rage on them. "You will all stay in my class after school today."
As one, they sat up straight in their chairs, eyes going blank. "We will stay in your class after school today."
"Good! Now, in your text books, turn to page one hundred thirty-two."
~~~~~~~ Still Else Where ~~~~~~~
Bumping in to yet another person, Rose turned around and smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you coming." When he pretended to speak without saying a thing, she gave him a reproving look. "Now that isn't funny, young man. I'm not hard of hearing, you won't convince me other wise!" Going around him, she glared at the people.
They were all in on it. Making it seem as if she were deaf. As if it were her fault the alarm hadn't gone off this morning and she was late for work. At least people in traffic on the way to work were nice to her. All their cheerful waving had provided a distraction from the fact her radio was broken. At least the banging in her engine was now gone.
A person behind her bumped in to her. Falling over, Rose rolled over and stared at him in shock. "Watch where you are going!"
He gave her a rude gesture and started to walk on.
"Young man, I think you should apologize."
He gave her the rude gesture again over his shoulder.
Feeling rage well up inside her, Rose narrowed her eyes at him. Suddenly a brilliant light shot at him and he burst in to flames and ashes. She hated special effects people, they always got flashy when making an exit. Anger at what happened made her look around to see if anyone else had noticed. Seeing everyone staring at her in shock, Rose decided to speak up. "Why are you all just standing around lolly gagging? You act as if you've never seen a special effects stunt before. Get back to work, we have a show to put on!"
Much to her surprise, they quickly did what she said. Perhaps what Dorothy said about being more assertive really worked.
~~~~~~~~~ Finally, Else Where. ~~~~~~~~~
Sophia walked in to the park smiling. This morning her trip to the bathroom hadn't resulted in two hours of straining for the first time in years. In fact, she was over productive. Coming down the walk to Old Man Jensen's flower stand, she smiled at him. He was forty years her junior, but she could still flirt with the best of him. "What have you for me today, Jerry?"
"A sweet bloom that's a cross of a southern magnolia on a sultry summer night and the jasmine of the orient. It's guaranteed to get you in the mood or a dozen are on the house." Holding up to her a brilliant white bloom, he smiled. "One whiff and you'll be in heaven."
"Sure, sure." But she was smiling. A good rose was what the day called for to make it extra special. Placing her nose to the petals, she inhaled deeply, then frowned. There was no smell. "What kinda crap is this? I'm not smelling anything. My sense of smell may not be what is used to be, but that flower isn't anything like you said!"
"I don't understand. I smelled them myself this morning as I picked them." Putting it to his nose, he prepared to take a deep whiff.
At that moment, Sophia's over abundance decided to rear it's head. Releasing a small, discreet one, Sophia covered it up with a small cough.
Taking his deep breath, Jerry gagged violently. He clutched his nose and throat, eyes watering. Coughing badly, he ran towards the bathrooms across the bike path.
"If you have such violent allergies, what the hell are you doing in the flower business?" Tisking, Sophia shook her head. Despite the lack of smell, they were beautiful roses. Taking the dozen he promised, she decided to go to her usual bench. Funny, there was almost no one around. She could have sworn there were other people here.
Sitting down on her favorite bench to wait for the other girls of the Cloud Society to arrive, she reached in to her hand bag and pulled out a pair of knitting needles and her new project. It was a little something for the kids at the hospital, just a little something to cheer them up. While she made another loop, she felt the need to release some pressure. Seeing that no one was within ten feet and after all, they were odorless, she tilted to the side and let it rip.
Off to the side, a couple who had been coming towards her on the path suddenly stopped and started gagging.
"What, you're twenty feet away, you can't possibly smell that!" She didn't smell anything, so it wasn't her fault. She had to go again, this time letting out a smaller one. A dog in the field across from her whined and scratched at it's nose. "That's it, to hell with all of you!" Getting in to a crouch, she bit her lip and pushed out all the built up gas and pressure. That one, she heard.
All around her, people went silent, falling to the ground unconscious. Insects stopped their buzzing, traffic went silent. Thumps behind her made Sophia look over her shoulder. Birds were dropping from the sky, twitching a few times, then going still.
Staring with wide eyes, Sophia put her knitting back in to her bag and walked out of the park whistling.
~~~~~~~~~~~ That Evening. ~~~~~~~~~~~
Sophia entered the front door of the house and found herself swamped with hugs. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Oh, Sophia, honey, we thought you were gone!" Blanche kissed the old lady's forehead.
"What the hell are you three talking about? You been painting with the windows closed again?" Pushing her way through the girls, Sophia made for the kitchen.
"Ma! We were so worried. The news said dozens of people were dead in River Side Park today. The area for miles is under quarantine for possible gas leak contamination. We knew that is where you usually go and were worried." Following her mother, Dorothy shook her head in consternation.
"Well, no need to worry, I'm fine. None of the girls showed up by nine this morning, so I decided to book it over to South side park in case I was wrong about the meeting place. I found them, we had some drinks, watched some clouds. Forgive me if I don't call and give you my location, warden." Putting her purse on the counter, Sophia took out the empty bottle of sherry and threw it away. "So, girls, how was your day?"
"Oh, it was wonderful!" Taking her chance to tell her story, Rose was almost ready to burst from the excitement. "I finally decided to stand up for myself and they actually listened to me! That was after everyone decided to play a joke on me, they tried to make it seem like I was deaf. Can you imagine?"
"No, now shut up, you're boring me." Getting the frozen lasagna out, Sophia put it in the oven. "Blanche, your turn."
"Well, I had just bought this new pair of stunning shoes that matched my perfectly gorgeous outfit this morning when the damn things broke on me in the bank." Walking to the cabinet, Blanche pulled out a stack of plates. "I marched all the way back to the store and threw them at Mr. Roberto and told him he could keep his cheaply made shoes and I wanted my money back. I had to strong arm him in to giving me my money. Then he pretended I broke his arm and hand. Well, I slapped him across the face for insulting me and he then pretended to have a broken neck. I swear, with god as my witness, I will never shop there again!"
"Blanche, you're a terrible actress. Dorothy, your turn, give me something I can work with before I pass out here." Pulling out a bottle of wine, Sophia put it on the table.
"I had a perfectly lovely day. Well, there was this morning. Some kid put a tack in my chair and I made the entire class stay after school. After that, they were perfect angels. You would think they would have at least been resentful, but they just sat there and did what I told them. Also, I never did find where the tack went, since it wasn't there when I sat down. I would have felt it." As Dorothy finished speaking, Sophia let out one. "Ma, I think you should go wipe, that one sounded wet."
"You don't smell anything?" Sophia glanced to other girls, who shook their heads no. "I knew it, those guys this morning were faking it! Tomorrow, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind."
"Okay. But seriously, ma, I think you should go check."
THE END