Fic: In Open Arms 1/1 STXI RPS
Title: In Open Arms. Author: Lopaka Tanu Disclaimer: The events and people contained within do not reflect any person living or dead. It is all make believe for the entertainment of others. Characters: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto Words: 4342 Prompt: Chris/Zach - Emotional Impact based on 'White Blank Page' by Mumford and Sons. For: aprilleigh24 My Brazil Flood Auction Winner. Fandom: STXI RPS Pairing: Chris/Zach Rating: Adult Warnings: Language, Angst, Clueless!Boys. Summary: Their relationship is not at all like Zach thinks. It's not even... Author's Note: Set in 2010/2011, New York. ______________________________________ The Last Day.
He woke to heat. The bed was too hot for him to continue sleeping comfortable and he began to toss. Pushing the heavy blanket off, Zach tried to find another comfortable position. Cooler air flowed over his sheets, but that quickly died away. Soon, he was back to being uncomfortably hot again.
Groaning, he opened his eyes to search. Brilliant orange-yellow sunlight flowed through the white curtains. It bathed the room in an ethereal glow that left him perspiring in the sheets. Realizing there would be no getting back to sleep now, he rolled over and sat up with a sigh.
Behind him, a quiet murmur came from the blankets. This was quickly followed by a soft puff.
A fowl smell filled the room and Zach grimaced. Pinching his nose, he waved at the air. "You are never having chili in my apartment again."
A annoyed grunt disagreed with him.
After scowling at the rotten jerk, he stood up and staggered to the bathroom. A cool shower would wake him. It was going to be unseasonably warm in the city today and he wasn't going to start it sticky with sweat.
~~~~~~~~~~
The eggs were runny and the toast burnt. It wasn't Chris' best effort by far, but Zach ate like he was starving. He'd rather have oatmeal and a piece of tart, but there wasn't either to be had. He'd been too busy the past several days to drop in the bodega down the street.
Heat darkened his cheeks as he shifted in his chair. It's not that he minded what they had been doing in that short time. In fact, this was best he had felt in years.
Zach sighed. Dabbing the edge of the toast in the eggs, he quickly soaked up the rest of the yoke. The thought of eating it raw made him shudder inside. Yet, he stuffed it in his mouth and quickly swallowed. Forcing a grimace into a smile, he nodded in faux appreciation to Chris.
The other man gave him a relieved look before it quickly passed. Putting a cup of coffee to his lips, he sipped it and turned his attention to the paper in front of him.
Grabbing his own mug, Zach washed down the mouthful. The after taste was almost as bad. Using the coffee like an insulator, he quickly finished off the rest. When he was done, he carried the plate to the sink. "So, I was thinking, there's no reason we can't spend the holidays together."
"I've got a shooting schedule for two days before and the day after Christmas." Chris spoke without even looking up from his paper. "Dad said mom wants me there all three days to make up for missing the holy days."
Feeling his stomach fall made him queasy. Staring at his hands, Zach tried to keep his voice even. "What about thanksgiving? Can you get here before the show starts?"
"I'm busy on set."
"Right." Nodding, Zach searched for something to do. He noticed a stain on the sink's edge and grabbed the sponge to wipe it clear. "I'll be free end of January."
With a soft sigh of appreciation, Chris set his mug aside. "I've got another shoot lined up mid-month that runs through to March."
Nodding to himself, Zach dropped the sponge in the sink. It wasn't important now anymore. Heading for the back bedroom, he kept his thoughts focused on his footsteps. "You're flight leaves in three hours, I'll make sure everything's packed."
"Thanks."
~~~~~~~~~~
Holding Chris' carry-on, his fingers had grown numb. The death grip was stupid and he knew this, but Zach still held tight. There wasn't going to be a sudden change. The plane was already passed inspection for take off by the landing crews. The pilots were already aboard and most of the passengers had already been checked.
This was going to happen.
Watching the line to board grow ever shorter made it harder to breathe. Sucking in a deep breath, he jerked his gaze to the ceiling. When that didn't help, he closed his eyes and counted to thirty. His heart was pounding. Unable to stop, he sniffed.
"Put my bag on the scanner, I'm next." Chris sounded bored and annoyed. Which meant he was not affected by this at all.
Suddenly dizzy, Zach staggered towards the belt. He nodded at nothing while he held out the bag. Opening his eyes, he watched it fall to the conveyor. It landed softly.
Standing off to the side, Chris checked his phone one last time. The screen was blank and he sighed with annoyance. "Looks like I'll get a frantic message when I land."
Zach looked up, startled. He found Chris still frowning at the phone. Putting two and two together, he realized that his friend was talking about. His agent was always late in calling to confirm his schedule. They had fought about him changing agencies just last night. A little relieved, he huffed in amusement.
Chris finally looked up at Zach. His expression softened and he reached out to wrap an arm around his shoulders. Tugging Zach into a hug, he inhaled deeply. "Thanks, man. I'm glad you're here."
His eyes closed as he was enveloped in the solid presence of Chris' arms. The intense heat of the other man's body burned away all his pain and worries, leaving only a relaxed peace. He was actually being held by Chris Pine. It was perfect. "I love you." The words slipped out without him even thinking about it, but he wouldn't take them back.
Moaning softly, Chris nodded as he pressed his lips to Zach's cheek. "Mm, love you too." He squeezed Zach a little tighter. Then he released him and stepped back. "I gotta go."
For his part, Zach could only stand there. He didn't breathe or move a single muscle. Chris had said he loved him back.
"I'll call you sometime after I get settled." With a final smile, Chris waved and turned to the security gate.
Zach watched him walk away. He stood there like a statue until long after the door had closed and the staff cleared out.
Chris loved him.
~~~~~~~~~~ 3 Weeks Later.
He couldn't decide what exactly was so special about it. This had happened for months before. Nothing about it those other times had left him like this. Just something about seeing the ID on his phone as it rang sent a special thrill through him. Zach took a moment to enjoy the feeling before dragging his finger across the screen.
Sucking in a quick breath, he exhaled slowly over the line. "Hi, Chris." He instantly felt ridiculous for how deep his voice had gotten. The first call from the man since he left and he was already making an ass of himself.
"Yeah, hey, good to hear from you." At least the other man didn't seem to notice. He was distracted from the way he spoke. "Listen, I've only got a couple minutes. Did I leave my suede pants in your chair?"
Zach giggled. Reaching up, he tugged the strands of his hair behind his ear. It was a bad habit Milo had gotten him into that left his hair greasy after a few times. He couldn't help it, though. Thinking about those pants and the stains left in the crotch left him giddy.
A cleared throat dragged his attention back to the phone.
"Uh, yeah. Yes, I found them after you left." Swallowing, he glanced across his living room to the pile of Chris' things. They sat like a small shrine on that antique table Zoe had gotten him for his last birthday. Well, more like a guilty proverbial rug to hide things under. Speaking of which, he'd have to get it fixed soon before she came over and saw the crack in the top.
"Great! That's wonderful. I'm going to have my on-set assistant text you an address. Send them along with that gray shirt you didn't like but looks good on me. Thanks. Sorry, they're signaling for me to get back. I gotta go. Bye."
His phone went dead before Zach even got a chance to react. Stunned, he frowned at it.
What the hell had just happened?
~~~~~~~~~~ 2 Months Later.
Reaching for the door behind him, Zach stared up at the sky. Fluffy clouds rolled over the horizon, filled with the promise of snow. An unseasonably warm wind teased along his cheeks and he closed his eyes to enjoy it. It was a beautiful day.
After a deep breath, he coughed a little. He grumbled to himself out of habit. For a moment, he had forgotten just where he was. There was no such thing as fresh air anymore. Oh well.
Heading down the steps of his brownstone, he checked the gate at the bottom. His lock was still there along with the strapped down recycle cans. He would have to set those out tomorrow. Trash wasn't until Tuesday, though, so the smelly stuff would stay another day.
As he reached for the lock, his eye caught the watch. There wasn't enough time for him to have a smoke before the cab arrived. But, if the cabbie was efficient, he might have a few minutes before rehearsal. If he didn't, then, so what. It was a dirty habit any ways. He always meant to quit, but, never seemed to get around to it.
At least he wasn't the only one. There had been another shot of Chris getting caught last night on TMZ. Not that he watched that terrible program. Everyone knew it was beneath someone like him.
Before he realized it, the whine of worn breaks was shrieking through the air. Shaken from his thoughts, Zach quickly twisted the key in the lock. It fell off in his hand and he pushed the rusted gate open. He was slamming the lock back in place when the cabbie honked for him. After a wave over his shoulder, he made sure the lock was in place.
The last thing he needed was someone breaking in. Anton's shit was still showing up on Ebay.
Gate secured, he turned for his cab. The door was unlocked, which was almost a first here lately. He jerked the messenger bag into his lap and climbed in quickly. "Can we take the RFK? I want to get a few shots for my collection?" Slamming the door shut, he checked his cabbie's hack license. "Dave?"
There was only silence for a full minute. The cabbie sat there staring in his rearview mirror at him. Then he grinned. "Hey! You're the guy."
Sighing, Zach looked down at his bag. Wishing he had worn a larger hat, he nodded. "Yeah. I'm the guy." Needing something to do to keep from groaning, he reached into his bag for his camera.
"I bet you know that Pine guy."
"Yes." He nodded to be polite. "Can we please go? I don't want to be late."
"Yeah, sure." His cabbie threw the car into motion and quickly pulled away from the curb.
Zach had to hold the door arm rest to keep from sliding across the seat. He had serious doubts about getting those pictures now.
The cabbie didn't notice, though. Keeping his eye on his mirror, he kept grinning at Zach. "Man, I can't imagine bein' that guy. All those chicks throwin' themselves at his feet. Why he wants to bang that scrawny bag of bones is beyond me, know what I mean?"
Startled, Zach looked up at the man. He felt his face grow hot and he trembled just once. "What do you mean?"
"That costar of his. You know the one." He waved a hand in the air as he made a sharp turn. "The chick with the chin like an old can opener. Man, that was some funny shit when they did that episode of 'Family Guy' on her, seriously." Chuckling now, he winked at Zach in the mirror.
All the strength fled his body. Feeling light headed, Zach clutched at his messenger bag and sank down in the seat.
Taking a break from eyeing his passenger, the Cabbie stared up out the windshield. "God, what a fuckin' beautiful day. Long as them clouds keep goin', it'll stay that way."
Zach couldn't disagree more.
~~~~~~~~~~
Staring at the glass revealed no new secrets. The contents were still a cheap wine he had found among the old gift baskets. He wasn't sure if he had gotten at the Oscars, the Emmys, or the...he frowned. There were so many other places that had sent him junk in the past. It had been a treasure trove until that damned green movement.
Now, he was lucky to get earth pads made from recycled moss and news papers. Raising an eyebrow, he was certain that was a real thing. Who knew at this point.
He glanced down at his phone with a sigh. There was no change there either. After ten hours, he was certain there might have been at least a LOL. Instead, the screen showed no new messages in his email or texts.
~~~~~~~~~~ 4 Months Later.
There was a strange buzzing noise. He couldn't quite figure out why is sounded like a bee. There were no bees in Never-Never Land. It was quite a ponderous thing.
His phone buzzed again.
Eye slitting open, Zach glared at the nightstand. His cellphone was vibrating incessantly. A quick glance told him it was way too early. Some ass was calling him at three in the morning.
Grumbling, he reached over and picked it up. It stopped ringing the moment he touched it. He saw there were five missed calls. Not recognizing the numbers, he squeezed the power button until the screen flashed. Soon, the phone was dead and he was free to sleep again. Rolling over, he dropped the phone underneath Chris' pillow.
~~~~~~~~~~
"When was the last time you talked to Pine?"
Sighing, Zach swirled the fruit paste into his smoothie with a straw. It was poorly made, still frozen, and looked bland as hell at seven in the morning. Eyes wrapped in thick shades, he knew he looked stoned and hungover. He didn't care. But the idea of having something stronger in his smoothie suddenly appealed to him.
Anton groaned. "Don't get philosophical on me. I realize your epic romance turned into an MCR song fast, but..."
"If you mention one more reference to your lame, hipster, counter-culture bands, I'm hanging up on you." Snapping at his bluetooth headset had less impact than it would have in face-to-face. Still, it got the kid to shut up for five seconds.
"Oh, no you don't. I've seen the pictures, not to mention, met you in those jeans and your glasses, pal. You and Chris both." Anton snorted at something said just out of hearing range of the phone. "You two are the perfect emo fags, I swear. If you were anymore diehard hipster, Wentz would fall out of your ass."
"Hanging up now." Holding up his phone, Zach slid his finger across the screen to drag the kill button. It must have slipped, because it stopped halfway across and went back.
"Wait," Anton cried, sounding breathless. "You haven't talked to him at all? Not since..."
Zach closed his eyes to stave off an emotional reaction. As if he literally couldn't see, it wouldn't be real. "No, I have not been in contact with Mr. Pine."
"Oh, god. Mr. Pine? Seriously?"
This time he used both hands to control the phone. When it disconnected, he held the power button. So much for getting caught up on the latest news. It looked like one of those days it was best not to even go outside.
~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe he was a masochist. There was no other explanation for why he was firing up the computer instead of hibernating until the next news cycle. It wasn't even his laptop, which had all his sites bookmarked. Unfortunately, the laptop was back in L.A. thanks to his stupidity last weekend.
The dinosaur PC whirred as it slowly grumbled to life. After six years, he knew it was time to get another, or better yet, switch completely to laptops and recycle this one. Still, a part of him held on for a reason.
After typing in his password, he had to wait for the screen to come on. His instant messenger came on the moment he clicked the internet. If anyone saw that he was using the old AOL service, he would have died on the spot. Still, it was a classic. An offline message appeared while it finished signing on.
Sighing, he debated ignoring it. Then again, no one he knew used the messenger anymore. It had been nearly a month since he had used it himself. That meant he could have gotten it a month ago. Oh well, better late than never.
That was when he glanced at it. Seeing the name made him continue reading it. Joe had left him a message instead of directly contacting him. Curious, he skimmed the message, then reread it.
'I hope the fact that your phone is off means you're ignoring technology this week and not reading the news. If you receive this message before I arrive, read a book or play that ancient NES you got stashed away. DON'T WATCH THE NEWS OR GO OUTSIDE!'
Okay, that was the final straw.
Groaning, Zach dropped his chin to his chest. He reached over and hit the power button on the tower. Hearing it shutting down, he spun his chair and headed for the living room. There was a good book he had been putting off reading for a while.
~~~~~~~~~~
The knocking started shortly after two.
Jerking his head up, Zach blinked awake. He moaned softly at the crick in his neck as he realized he had fallen asleep in the easy chair. The book was still open to page one in his lap when he glanced down. There was a reason he hadn't started reading it yet.
Feeling like there was cotton around his brain, he slumped a little in his chair. He groaned as he glanced at the clock above his mantle. The knocking started again and it was more insistent this time. Groaning again, he put a hand to his face to wipe at the drool on his chin.
More knocking dragged him to his feet out of irritation. Who would want to bother him today? He had a vague notion that it might be Joe, but his brain was still foggy. Stumbling to the door, he leaned against the jam once there. Carefully, he turned the lock then opened the blasted thing.
Then the world came to a stop.
Standing there with a half smirk, Chris stared at him through the glass door. He tucked his hands down the front pockets of his jeans with a shy shrug. "Hey."
"Hi." Zach was at a complete loss. Standing there slack-jawed and wide-eyed, he felt the world drop out from under him. Feeling like he was floating on air and the only thing keeping him from drifting away was the doorjamb, he stared helplessly. He couldn't think of a single thing to say.
Chris smiled shyly, with a hopeful edge to it. "Can we go some where?" He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I got something kinda important I want to ask you."
The fluttering in his heart made Zach's face heat up. "Yeah, just, give me a second." It was then something occurred to him. Much to his horror, he really was living in a poorly written, terribly sung, song.
Of course, that didn't matter. Feeling like he could giggle, he stepped back from the door and back walked to his bedroom. All the while, he kept his eyes on Chris and smiled like a loon.
Definitely Anton-bad material.
~~~~~~~~~~
"What?" Zach sat frozen, staring up at Chris with the painful rictus of a grin still in place. All the happiness he had been feeling moments ago was gone. All that remained was this horrible gaping maw.
Seemingly unaware the effect his words had had, Chris sipped at the coffee cup. He moaned softly, tonguing the slit for the bit of chocolate and whipped foam.
It was an ingrained habit that Zach had once thought cute. Now, as he stared at the smug, annoying bastard, all he could think was the hope that he cut his friggen tongue on the plastic and bleed to death, defying the average human's clotting ability. He couldn't believe it. After all this time...
Chris moaned softly after swallowing down his mouthful. "God, that's the best. You can't get that anywhere but here, you know?" He looked up to meet Zach's gaze with a teasing wink.
Eyes narrowing, Zach fought the urge to throw his own in the man's face. Only the fact that they were surrounded by paparazzi and passing New Yorkers stilled his hand. They were supposed to be two friends meeting for coffee. It was supposed to be a light and easy conversation to everyone outside them two.
Zach sagged in his chair. Closing his eyes, he placed a hand over his face. "Are you serious about this?"
"Of course." The words were teasingly light. This was all fun and games to the clueless bastard. "This is the world's best coffee."
"Christopher." Zach couldn't help himself. Relapsing to their old roles was his standby when he had no idea how to react.
That was Chris' cue. "Yes, Zachary?"
Stabbing pain through his forehead made Zach wince. Rubbing at his sinuses, he sought to ease the throbbing. "You know damn well what I meant!" He hadn't meant to shout but something buried inside overroad his control.
There came a quiet in the air around them. More people than who were politely within earshot had been listening.
Opening his eyes, Zach glared at only his friend across the table, though. He didn't care who was watching or what they might say any longer.
For his part, Chris didn't either. He stared casually back. "I asked if you wished to be my best man?"
That sinking, sick feeling in the pit of his stomach was a normal reaction he clinically noted. Along with the stinging in his eyes and burning in his nose, they were signs of grief. Feeling flushed, he took a shuddering breath. "You bastard," he whispered.
Chris sat back, a surprised look on his face. "Excuse me?"
His eyes immediately sought the blond's out. "No, I won't!" He sat up in the chair and gripped the armrests tightly. "I haven't heard from you in six months. Now you spring this on me? Here, all this time, I had thought we were together, that I meant something to you, then you ignored me! You completely cut me off!" He finished speaking with his fingers jabbing in his own chest.
"What?" Staring at him like he was crazy, Chris took on a defensive stance. Then his gaze grew distant. "It wasn't no six months."
"It was!" Scoffing, Zach shook his head and looked away. His vision grew blurry, but he didn't care. It didn't fucking matter anymore. "I loved you."
"And I do too, you that is." When Zach looked his way, Chris held his gaze. "But, not in that way. I can't. Zach, you're a guy, we're both guys. It was just sex, it doesn't mean anything. Guys do it all the time." It was obvious that he was trying to sound sincere and caring at the same time.
Zach just stared at him. He couldn't believe the words that he was hearing spew forth from the man. So he had finally reached the heart of the matter. It was ugly and left him completely dumbfounded. "You're an idiot."
Eyes narrowing, Chris pointed a finger at Zach. "Hey, don't try to turn this around on me. You're the guy acting like he's a chick all of a sudden!"
Closing his eyes, Zach shook his head in disbelief. Done with the conversation, he stood up from the table. Unsteady on his feet, he turned and headed for the exit. He could hear Chris calling for him, but he didn't dare turn around. What had happened was already enough.
~~~~~~~~~~
Watching an early spring rain fall outside his window, Zach sat curled up in their blanket on the couch. The fireplace was on and it provided enough heat to keep the chill out of the air. Not that he noticed in his numb state. Eyes aching from hours of tears, he watched a tree across the street sway in the wind.
The couch beside him dipped under Joe's weight. He placed a warm mug in Zach's hands without speaking.
Zach nodded his thanks, but didn't take a drink. He just wanted a little warmth at the moment. Eyes burning worse, he sniffed. "It doesn't matter."
A deep sigh came from his right. Joe wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tugged him close. "Of course it does. You spent over a year chasing the asshole before landing him. It's a huge investment emotionally for anyone. Well, except maybe Mr. Burns or Methuselah."
Choking on a laugh, Zach hunched down in his blanket. "I don't want it to be over."
"No body ever does when it's love." Reaching up, Joe stroked a hair out Zach's face. "Did he tell you how it happened?"
Light headed, Zach turned to glance at his brother. "I don't even know who it is, I don't care." Facing the window again felt like the natural thing to do. "He's in so deep a delusional state that it's not worth the effort or my time."
Dropping his head to his brother's shoulder, Joe sighed. "You'd drop to your knees and beg him to love you if it would make a difference."
"In a heartbeat," he agreed. Breathing slowly, he listened to the clock on the mantle and the rain beat at his window.