Fic: Written Upon The Sands Of Time 5/8 Dune/Buffy
Written Upon the Sands of Time. By: Lopaka Tanu Fandom: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer/Dune. Pairing: Xander/Angel, mentions of Paul/Duncan - Paul/Otheym. Rating: Adult Slash. Archive: Yes, just tell me. Warnings: Violence, Language, Character Death, Sexual Content. Disclaimer: I do not own either Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Dune. Summary: After Halloween, Xander feels like he is losing his mind. When deaths of mysterious origins happen, will he remember what is so familiar about them in time to save those close to him? "The Water of Death," he said "It'd be a chain reaction. Spreading death among the little makers, killing a vector, of the life cycle that includes the spice and the makers. Arrakis will become a true desolation -- without spice or maker." - Muad-dib, The Great Death of Arrakis.
The door to Willy's bar flew open with a bang. Standing in the doorway, Xander glanced from one demon to the next until he found Willy at the counter. Moving towards his goal, he raised the dagger from his belt and stepped up to the bar.
Willy came over quickly, the damage from the night before still evident on his bar top. Reaching under the counter, he pulled out a vile. "This will fix you up kid. If you take a sip, it will remove the personality. Drink the whole thing and you're stuck with it forever. However, I have to tell you, the bitch, I mean witch who sold it to me gave me clear instructions. The memories will continue to surface until eventually you remember everything, once that happens, they will begin to fade. In a few years, you will be back to the old you."
"What's in it?" Picking up the vile, Xander examined it against the light. The red substance inside was sickeningly familiar looking.
"Inspelled Mandrake Root extract. The stuff is kinda toxic, but it makes a great fake blood for squeamish Wiccans." Snickering, he held out his palm for remuneration. The fat wad of cash around the dagger made him pale. "Is this a threat or a bribe?"
"Neither, either." Pocketing the vile, Xander turned for the door.
"Hey, you hear about the death of the kid behind the Magic Box? Real nasty piece of work." Willy's smirk grew in size when Xander stopped walking. "I hear he was a friend of the slayer's up from L.A. Was thinkin about trading her for immortality."
"I heard him scream as Spike tore him to pieces with his teeth like a dog." Moving again, Xander reached for the door handle. "It was funny."
Willy swallowed as he slid a hand around his throat in empathy. The slamming of his door closed caused him to jump. "Nice doin business with ya, kid."
(ooooo)
Sunday dawned with the stench of death in the alley behind the Magic Box. Police men inspected while a Crime Scene Photographer took pictures. Twenty feet away reporters tried to get a look at the body that had been discovered in the trash not an hour ago. So far all the savage craziness of the crime had been kept under raps, but that might change any moment.
Above all this on the roof of the Magic Box stood three figures. Buffy looked up from the carnage done to her former crush to her current boy friend and Watcher. Angel was wrapped in a hooded coat to protect him from the Sun. Giles held a cloth to his nose to ward off the stench.
"Do we know who did this?" Her knuckles popped as she clenched her fist in her palm. "I'm looking for a little killing action myself."
"There is a definite pattern to this killing." Giles glanced to Angel, but the vampire ignored him. Releasing his breath, Giles studied the crime scene again. "From the shape of the body, the damage to the crime scene, and the placement of the remains, I would say it was definitely a vampire."
"It was Spike." Xander didn't react as the other three faced him. Standing above the crime seen on the near by building, he kept his hood up to hide himself from the Sun as well. "I saw him catch the idiot. He actually tried to kill Spike with a gun. Needless to say the fight was over pretty quickly, his death lasted longer."
"You saw Spike kill him and did nothing to stop him?" Buffy stood there incredulous. It couldn't be, her friend would never have done that.
Glancing up at them, his eyes glowing iridescent blue, Xander's stone set face revealed no emotion. "I was studying." Looking back down at the crime scene, Xander shrugged. "He forfeited his life, it was his choice."
Aching with sadness, Buffy swallowed. "What's happened to you, Xander?"
"I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that one out, Buff." Holding his cloak tighter to his body, he shivered in the cool breeze. Xander took a deep breath before continuing. Exhaustion made it harder on him, but he couldn't rest yet. "There is something coming, Buffy. Don't fight it, you won't win. None of you will. This is my battle, I've got to do it on my own."
"We're your friends, let us help!" Buffy started for the edge of the roof with the intention of jumping across it to the next, but Angel held her back. Diverting her attention to her boy friend, she pleaded with him. "He's my friend."
"He's gone."
Buffy looked back to where Xander had stood only to find the roof completely empty. "Why did you stop me?"
"He was already gone ."
(ooooo)
Willow glanced to the monitor of the computer she had scanning the town news paper, coroner's office, municipalities, and Mayor's office for unusual activity. The information she had been gleaning from the news groups suggested that something much greater was going to be happening. Life was going to get a lot more interesting for them if even half of what she learned was true.
Spice addiction was apparently lethal.
Apparently there was detailed in the book a holy war led by these Fedaykin to cleanse the universe of the corrupt. Holy wars, while amusing in the abstract, were very, very bad. Especially of the cleansing kind.
There weren't much details of the novel she could find beyond that. But there were mentions of Sand Worms that might prove interesting in a biological study kind of way later on. Deciding to focus more on the Spice, she had found that there was a great deal of speculation on its true properties. All seemed to agree it was a biological agent, but not what.
There was one posting on a special news group she had to wait for a moderator to approve her posting before it would show up. The person had speculated on how much the Spice effects were real and how much of it was actual human ability. The fact that they had ignored the post made it curious to her.
What were the abilities gained from Spice Addiction?
Her thoughts were thrown off track by something that popped up in the sewer/water database. Something had damaged one of the city wells. Whatever it was, was big and caused the earth to tremor. On a hunch, she pulled up the seismologist's database she monitored for signs of an impending hellmouth activity.
Willow's fingers froze on the keyboard. Whatever that had been attacking the well was still there. The tracking data showed it's obvious path leading from the desert to the pumping station. There was no reversal or escape path, only increased activity around the pumping station at regular intervals suggesting it was trapped there. With shaking fingers, she reached over and dialed up Buffy's pager number. When the options came up, she typed in the code number for really big demon, seven-seven-three-four.
Hanging up, she shook a little in fear. This was a really big demon. Willow forced herself not to get worked up over something that could set seismometers off. After all, a decent sized SUV could set one off. It was just that she was a little jumpy after the whole Master thing, with The Earth Quake awakening the hellmouth.
Pushing it from her mind, she scanned for any signs of an impending apocalypse, the usual blood from water, plague of locusts, festering boils. So far, nothing came up on any of her searches to indicate it was more than just a random demon. That made her feel a little better.
Then again, nothing random ever happened on the hellmouth. Large demon from the desert; the seismic activity was constant showing that whatever it was always ran or it slid. Either they were dealing with a giant centipede or a really large snake. A sand snake. Willow froze. "A sand worm?"
Pulling up her web browser, she typed in 'Sand Worm Size'. Much to her horror, there were posts on how big they got and just how much destruction they could do. "Oh... no, not good, not good!" Grabbing the phone again, she dialed in Buffy's pager number. Instead, this time she typed in the emergency number seven-one-four-five-dash-four-zero. Hanging up the phone, she prayed Buffy got there soon.
(ooooo)
Slamming through the library doors, Buffy slid to a stop, her chest heaving from the heavy breathing. Glancing about the library, she finally spotted Willow in the book return. Moving towards her friend, she finally caught her breath. "What's up, Willow? I got the 'Hell' and 'Oh Shit' messages, is there an impending Apocalypse?"
"You don't have to sound so excited about it, Buffy." Pulling up the data, Willow thought about boring her friend with the entire complexity of her search, then discarded it. Other important things were happening. "There's a Sand Worm destroying the intakes on Well Five."
"Sand Worm, Willow? You got me to leave Giles and my boy friend, who could be turning to ash in the sun, for fish food?" Buffy was about to go off when Willow turned the screen around to face her. Upon seeing what a Sand Worm looked like, she flinched. "Oh god, you could have at least warned me. That thing is hideous. What are the teeth for?"
"Eating whatever it comes across. The size in this picture is just ridiculous. The worms are hundreds of meters long." Seeing Buffy about to glaze over, Willow sighed. It took quick thinking to convert it to basic for her friend. "A baby is from the end zone on a football field to the thirty yard line. What is causing this damage is apparently a teenager or the whole football field in length."
"That's a big damn worm! How am I supposed to kill it? They don't exactly make hooks that big." Glancing back to the weapons locker in the book cage, Buffy suddenly felt inadequate. "I feel like I did when they asked me what I wanted to do with my life in eighth grade. If they told me then I would be a slayer, I would have asked for other options."
"It's okay, Buffy, the worm is killing itself. It got stuck in the retaining pond, the worm can't deal with water, it is highly toxic to it. The worm is gonna drown from all the water and that is the problem." Willow pressed three buttons on the keyboard and a picture of a Sand Worm with it's mouth in a muzzle held by two large men appeared on the screen. "What the Maker, that's what they call a worm, spits up as it dies is called 'The Water of Life'. It is essentially the essence of the worm. This essence is highly poisonous to anyone who even tastes a drop of it. Well Five is the main water producer for SunnyDale, Buffy. That worm is going to flood the entire town with poison, you have to stop it!"
"Oh that's just great." Buffy felt a sudden need to be else where. Mentally she debated, save the town from giant poisonous worm or go buy new shoes. It was a tough choice, but her sense of duty won out. "All right, tell me where and what am I supposed to do?"
"Shut down the station. The worm is going to die if it isn't already. We need to turn on the over flow valves and send the water out on to the ground to dissipate. Apparently if it sinks back in to the ground naturally it is neutralized by the soil." Turning her computer around to face her again, Willow typed on the key board and drew up the maps of SunnyDale. "Okay, I know how to get there. We're gonna need my mom's car, which I have conveniently parked in the lot."
Placing a hand to her chest, Buffy feigned surprise. "Willow, you car thief you, I'm shocked.
"It's not something I am proud of, but you gotta earn a living some how. How else do you think I would be able to afford these neat little accessories?" She pulled on her hat and picked up her lap top. After unplugging and closing it, she placed it in her bag. "Let's roll!"
"Now, here is a side of you I don't get to see too often, Action Willow. Do you come with a neat Kung Fu grip too?"
(ooooo)
Xander sat staring out over the sand of the desert. The world here made more sense than he felt it ever had the right to. Some things should just not be explained. The world was shinier, all glittery when mystery filled. He was now of the feeling too much knowledge was a bad thing.
Then again, not knowing made it that much worse. Holding the vile of Inspelled Mandrake Root, he smiled down upon it. So simple. Just forget everything he had become. One sip and he was just normal, funny Xander, friend of Buffy and Willow, thorn in the backside of 'He who broods', annoying one to Giles. So easy, yet he couldn't even bring himself to open it.
Normal funny Xander wasn't special.
All his life he had wanted special powers. Something to make him greater than superman. He wanted to be a super hero. Then he got a wake up call, learned what exactly the good guys did to save the world. The price they paid to be who they were. He now understood from their point of view.
But the question was, would he give it up to be normal again? Should he give it up? All the confusion, the thoughts that weren't his, the memories of things that never happened, were they worth keeping? It shouldn't matter, he should just want to be his normal Xandery self. But what was so good about normal Xander?
Normal Xander got hurt. Normal Xander got the crap beat out of him by the bad guys every single time. Normal Xander couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a wide blast from a shot gun. Normal Xander was the comic relief in the movie that was Buffy: The Evil Guy Killer. Normal Xander was alone because he was a so low on the social ladder that even the dog wouldn't piss on him.
But normal Xander also had friends. He had people who cared about him.
That was the problem. Normal Xander or Halloween Scary Dude Xander?
Forcing himself to make the decision, he popped the cap off the vile. Holding it up, he closed his eyes and put it to his lips. A sudden shooting pain up his spine made him drop it before even a drop could reach his lips. Pressure built in his head and he cried out.
On autopilot, he turned towards the source of the pain, SunnyDale. Something was happening. Xander climbed to his feet and staggered back down the dirt road to his car. He had to get to town. Not knowing why, he had a feeling it was important.
(ooooo)
Willow pulled up outside the Water Treatment Facility. It didn't look like much, just a large building with a few pools around it and a large metal building with pipes that lead towards the city water tower. Smiling as the dust started to settle around them, she glanced over to Buffy. Her smile grew.
Buffy stared ahead, her fingers having left furrows in the dash board from gripping it so hard. When she realized they had stopped, she blinked wide eyed at Willow. "You are never driving me again."
"Oh come on, Buffy, that was fun."
Feeling irate, Buffy leaned over to glare at her friend. "Driving safely does not mean out running not one but six cop cars."
Willow only found her threatening posture that much more amusing. Giggling, Willow grabbed her laptop bag and slid out of the car. Pulling up the blue prints from memory, she was about to tell Buffy when the ground shook. "Well, I guess you can pretty much guess where we have to go."
"The big tower with the pipes?" Buffy was already moving when she spoke. Running for the building, she had to stagger in order to remaining standing as the ground shook. She reached the stairs and took them two at a time. Upon reaching the top, she glanced about the building and froze. "Oh crap!"
"What?" Halfway up the stairs, Willow looked down. "I don't see it? What's wrong?"
"Really big worm!" She pointed towards the large pipes in the ground leading in to the water tower. Beneath it, the large end of a worm rose up from the ground. "Hold on tight, Willow." No sooner than the words were out of her mouth, than the worm's tail slapped back to the earth and shook the plant.
Willow grabbed the arm rail as she slipped on the stairs. A loud thundering shook the building while the worm tried to free itself. When the earth stopped moving, she ran up the last of the stairs to Buffy. "You have to go along this scaffolding around this tower to the other side. Over there is a valve release with a lock on it. You have to break the lock and turn it clock wise. That will turn off the city's water supply. I will redirect the city mains from it to the secondaries and empty the water from Well Five in to the desert."
"Got it!" Buffy grinned at her friend and flashed her a thumbs up. "Good luck, Willow!"
Smiling at her friend, Willow flashed her a thumbs up too and laughed. "You too, Buffy. I'll see you back at the car when I am through."
"Will do!" Taking off around the large water tower, Buffy headed for the water supply controls.
Willow watched her for a moment before turning in the opposite direction and running for the control room. Her path took her down the water tower control steps towards the large building along the feeder pipes. What she hadn't told Buffy was that she had to pass over the inflow pipes where the worm was trapped. She was halfway across the scaffolding when the worm raised its tail again.
Seeing it coming at her, Willow ran for the other side as fast as she could. She knew she wouldn't make it when it suddenly took a downward arch. Willow desperately grabbed on to the arm rail and prayed she was strong enough to ride out the quake.
Upon reaching the giant wheel with a lock on it, Buffy smirked. "This is gonna be easier than I thought." Grabbing the lock, she jerked. It refused to budge. Glaring, she put more strength in to it and the metal only hissed. Finally, with a great twist, she rended the lock from the wheel. She dropped it to the ground and started twisting the wheel. As she gave it a final twist, she felt the Earth move.
The giant worm's tail came down upon the ground causing it to crack. Large chunks of the scaffolding behind Willow shrieked as the ground shook violently. The pipes below her broke from their moorings and water started to gush out upon the trapped worm. With dawning horror, she could only watch as several parts of the scaffolding fell.
It was a race against the falling for her survival. Willow stood on shaking feet and ran for the building on the far side. In almost slow motion the scaffolding fell out from under her. In a desperate move, she jumped for the building. Two feet short of it, Willow flinched as the air about her increased momentum.
Instead of impacting and breaking upon the pipes and ground below like she thought she would, Willow landed in a pair of strong arms. Opening her eyes in shock, she stared in to the blue ones of her best friend. "Xander?"
Xander put her down on the cement ground. "We need to free the Maker, Willow."
"We can't. It's stuck down there and going to die. If we don't hurry, the water of life will kill everyone in SunnyDale." This did something in Xander that she couldn't recognize. Seeing him resolve himself, it was like a totally different person. "Xander?"
"What do you need me to do?" Stepping back from her touch, Xander held his hand on the Crysknife.
"Uh, I need to get up to the control room." She pointed to the gangway ten feet above them. When he picked her up in a two handed carry, she blinked. When he jumped and suddenly they were landing on the gangway, she nearly had a heart attack. "Oh! Oh! We are so going to have a talk, Mister!"
"Later, Wills. Right now we got a town to save!" Putting her down again, Xander stepped back and gestured to the control room.
Side stepping him, she headed for the room. She tried the door. Finding it locked, she shook her head. "I need to get inside."
"No door too locked!" Jumping up, Xander spun around to kick the door off its hinges. As he landed, the door crashed in upon the control room. "Not exactly open-says-me, but it does the trick."
"Real long talk." Eyeing him, Willow ran in to the room and set up her lap top on the desk inside. Bringing it online, she waited until the blue prints came up. "Come on, damn it!"
"Willow," Xander screeched, "I'm shocked at you!"
"Oh, shush! I curse you know. I can curse. I curse a lot." Willow placed a lock of hair behind her ear with irritation. Her hat had fallen off some time between the car and now, she noted. When the blue prints finally came on, she compared them with the controls.
The ground shook hard again, throwing Willow in to Xander's arms. Quickly pushing her back to her feet, he ignored the look of longing she sent him. "Come on, Wills, we got to get this going."
Willow nodded. Matching up the controls with the blue prints, she began pressing the commands to shut down Well Five. Next came redirecting the flow, which required a control key. She turned to Xander and gestured at the key slot.
Xander pulled out a metal dagger and jammed it in to the slot. Twisting it clock wise, he improvised a control key. "What next?"
"Turn it to the green, press the yellow button, then turn it to the red. Press the orange button, then turn it back to the green. That should redirect the flow from the water tower to the over flow valve. Any toxic water left in the tower will be drained harmlessly in the desert." As Xander did that, Willow pressed the controls to activate the secondary pumps and increase the production of those already in service. "There, that should take care of the water supply until they clean the Sand Worm out of Well Five."
The ground shook again, this time with less intensity.
Xander turned the key slot back to the starting position and removed his dagger. "Done."
"Good, that means our work here is complete." Willow closed her lap top. Placing it back in the bag, she turned to smile at Xander. Only, he wasn't there any more. She frowned. "Xander?" No reply came.
(ooooo)
Underneath the intakes on Well Five, Xander walked slowly through the underground maintenance shaft. He had seen the blue prints on Willow's computer and memorized them with the blink of his eyes. He didn't even know he could do it, but it happened just like that. Now, he was moving along the service shaft towards the damaged area he knew housed the dying Maker.
He could feel its pain, knew that it suffered greatly. His pace slowed as he came to the steel door that locked off the retaining pond at the bottom of the water tower. All water the tower pulled up from the wells came to the ponds before being sent out in to the town. This was pond five, where the Maker was stuck and would drown in before the water was drained enough for it to survive.
The pain in his spine increased. Reaching the door, he turned the bolts and pulled it open. A great sloshing sound filled the cement chamber. The Maker was close now. An emotion he hadn't been able to identify before filled him in thought over the maker dying.
The ground shook one last time, faintly. A deep groan filled the chamber that resonated until it slowly faded away. At the loss of sound, the pressure in his head disappeared and Xander felt tears come to his eyes.
It was wrong.
Tears for the dead was a waste of water, a custom he had learned his first days in the desert. When he cried for Jaimis, it had been for himself as well. Now, it was just plain grief, loss of the Maker.
Xander knew it was supposed to be this way. A Maker could not survive on a green world. The Maker required pure desert sand, free from all traces of water. Earth was too green, too blue. However, the knowledge of facts still held nothing to facing the loss of this creature.
This time a different rumbling began in the tank. The water levels in the tank started to subside.
A part of him knew something had to be saved, the Maker's water was precious. Xander turned behind him. There were large rods with a cup on the end of them. Grabbing one, he lifted it over the edge of the railing and in to the pond. He pulled out a cup of the water and quickly hauled it up.
Carefully, he removed the dipping cup and carried it back to the shelf he found it on. Beside it were sample jars for testing the water. He filled two of the jars with the sample cup and dumped the rest back in the Maker's grave. After sealing both jars carefully, he wiped his hands on his cloak and put them in the pockets on his belt.
One last look at the Maker's now visible maul and Xander turned away.
(ooooo)
Willow reached her car and frowned. Buffy wasn't there yet. She had the easier job and should have gotten there quicker. Looking about her, Willow tried to see if Buffy was coming. No sign of the familiar blonde hair could be seen.
Walking back to the tower, she continued to see if she could find Buffy. Because the stairs to the scaffolding had crashed to the ground, she was forced to walk around the pipes. Up close, she could smell the strong scent of Cinnamon coming from the dead beast. It was funny, all the time she had been here and she hadn't even noticed until now.
With a quirked smile, Willow made an extra long trek around the dead worm. She was sure she knew a spell that could remove the dead worm before the authorities got wind of it. That had her snickering.
Finally, she came around the worm and over the pipes until she could see where the stairs reached the tower. Still no sign of Buffy. She started to grow worried. What if she was trapped on the other side? A trapped Buffy was a mean Buffy. Many a dead vampire could attest to that.
Quickly walking, she started around the tower, keeping an eye out for Buffy on any of the piping. Halfway around the tower she stopped. The computer bag she held dropped from her shoulder. "Buffy!"
(ooooo)
Staring in to the sun of Earth was not the smartest of things he could do, but it felt right some how. The bright light should have hurt his eyes, made him turn away blinking in tears. There was nothing beyond the usual sting for a moment and then the brilliance of the large sphere. High in the heavens, it hung, spreading the radiation that both gives and takes life.
It was a thing of ultimate beauty to him. No matter how many lives were born or perished under its light, nothing done by man effected it. Eternal in comparison, man could barely comprehend the existence. To many, all they saw, when they could look, was a ball of light. Almost none understood the intricate balance it maintained by existence.
Xander felt the world around him fade away. Slowly the sounds of birds, sirens, and even the wind filtering through his hood were drowned out. The brightness of the sun filled all his senses. Coolness of the void spread through out his limbs until he felt solid in place.
Just as slowly, a world settled around him, the burning heat of an ancient sun. Dry winds scattering particles of sand picked up about him, but left him untouched. The body housing his conscious ached from the prolonged position of sitting there. In the distance he could hear children playing, laughing over their games. One of those could be his son one day.
"What bothers you, Usul?"
A figure crossed the light, blocking his view of the sun for a moment. Blinking, Xander tried to focus on the person only to be blinded by spots in his vision.
"You have been told not to stare in to the sun, it will blind you one day."
"My vision is more clear in the face of such endlessness." Raising a hand to block out the sun so he could focus on the person, Xander tried to remember who exactly this person was. When cool fingers pressed against his neck, forcing his hood back, Xander recognized the touch. "You should not be out here in your condition, Chani."
"I should be nothing. I go where I please, do not forget that despite the burden of your son, I am still a Fremen." After kissing his forehead, she pulled the hood back in to place. "I grow restless with all this laying about. Laziness is not natural to me, I swear to never get used to it."
"And you shall not. But our son is not a Fremen, Chani, he is a burden that requires more than strength and courage to survive." Smiling, Xander played his fingers across her abdomen. "He is a Dukel heir!"
"As if that makes him better than his mother's people, your people, Usul." Frowning, Chani tried not to make it a bigger issue, but the man she held now would never truly be one of her people. Usul was the Madhi, he was the voice that would lead them, free them. She would never show it, but at times like this, when he was all alone in his vision, she feared him. She feared what this meant for their unborn child. "We are your people, Paul Mua'dib."
"And I am yours." Xander knew this for a lie the moment it came from his mouth. He would never be one with them, never truly come to accept their ways as his own. Paul was an instrument of change, a catalyst that left destruction it its wake. From here they would go out, they would scatter among the stars like fertilizer in a garden and rid the universe of stagnation. He was not a Fremen, he was their god.
Opening his eyes, Xander was once again on his rock over looking the desert. Shadows had fallen across the desert while he sat there dreaming. He swallowed to wet his mouth, the taste of Spice filling his throat.
He had over dosed on Spice.
Xander knew this was very dangerous. Over dosing on Spice increased his tolerance threshold faster and he would need more from now on. The side effect of zoning out and losing oneself in the Spice Vision was also hazardous. One was potentially defenseless under the influence of the drug. That was something he would have to get used to until he could over come it.
Then again, he never knew if he would over come it. There was no previous experience for him to draw back upon that said one time he would not come back from the Spice Trance. Time would only tell.
Closing his eyes as a wind picked up over the horizon, Xander started to chant to himself the words of his lessons. "My mind and my body become one. I have become one, I have become many. I feel them, I know... Buffy." The whispered word caused Xander's eyes to open.
He rose to his feet. The world felt oddly silent all of a sudden. Not even the winds buffeting his hood held sound. In spite of the intense heat, he began to freeze. Hopping off the rock, Xander moved back to the trail and headed for the road where he left his car.
It was almost over.
(ooooo)
Keeping his head down, Xander moved through the Hospital. Down the halls towards the emergency room, he felt so near to his goal. People cleared out of his way without him even having to make mention of it. Outside the Emergency Room, he stopped.
It took a minute for the gathered people to realize he was there.
Willow shot to her feet, launching herself for Xander's arms. When he held her at arm's length, she stared at him in confusion. "Xander?"
"I came here to say good bye." Gently handing her off to Giles, he firmly kept her away from himself. Xander met the older man's gaze. It was just as he had feared. He forced himself to look away and head inside the room.
Inside the room only two beds were occupied. The one at the far end of the emergency room was an elderly woman being assisted. The bed closest to him had a police man standing guard over it. In it, Buffy laid broken and on life support. Several parts of her body were wrapped in bandages, including her head.
Coming towards the cop, Xander stared him down. "You may go."
Hand on his weapon, the officer shook his head. "I can't do that."
"Yes, you can." Inflecting his voice, Xander went as high as his voice would go without cracking. "There is no need to guard her. She is just a girl, she couldn't harm anyone."
"Right, just a girl." Sneering down at Buffy, the officer adjusted his belt and started away. He bumped shoulders with Xander as he walked passed him.
Xander let the insult go. It was better to let the man think he was superior else he might wisen up and the voice would lose power over him. Then again, he worked for SunnyDale PD, there was no way the voice would ever lose effect. Moving closer to the bed, Xander held his cloak tighter about him.
Accepting loss as a part of the cycle was the Fremen way. His father had taught him to not let grief overcome him, to remember the strength of the Strong and honor them for it. His mother had instructed him in the Bene Gesserit way, to not see death as an ending so long as a life has been properly used. Duncan ripped from him the very essence of his humanity when he died.
All these methods for grieving were meaningless as he stared down upon his broken friend. Despite the strength he knew she possessed, the form in the bed was far from capable of withstanding even a harsh thought now. Reaching out, Xander slipped his hand in hers and gently squeezed the undamaged fingers. The only thing he could see uncovered.
He could hear the faint beeping of her heart monitor. Such an ugly, harsh sound to know that a person's existence could be so limited. He longed to reach out and shut the machine up. He wanted to rip the tubes that desecrated her body. He wanted to strip from her every last piece of unflattering bandage. Xander wanted so much, he wanted to be able to heal her, to make all her troubles go away.
But he could do nothing.
Watching the rise and fall of her chest, Xander's world started to blur. He tried blinking it right again, but the strange distortion continued. It wasn't until the burning sensation spread from his eyes and down his cheek that he realized it had been tears. Wiping at them, he stared in fascination.
It had been so long since he had cried, Xander could hardly remember what the sensation felt like. Tears for the dead was a waste of precious fluid. In a desert world, water was more precious than gold. The harsh lessons learned stuck with a person no matter where they went afterwards. It really was a waste of fluids, but Xander couldn't bring himself to stop crying.
"Oh, Buffy..." Throat constricting, he looked away towards the wall. "We were going to make it. You were going to be the oldest living slayer ever and I was going to be right there by your side being the oldest living slayer's best guy friend, because... that's what I do. I'm your Xander, your goofy yet loveable friend. And Willow would be there, just us three. Of course we can't forget Giles, he would probably be telling us to keep our music down even when he is a hundred and couldn't hear a thing."
Sighing, he forced himself to over come the emotions and to say what he came here to say. "You are my best friend, Buffy. At times I envied you, at times I wanted you, there were even times I felt so completely overwhelmed by you, but most of the time I just was so glad, so proud you chose me to be your Xander friend. I can't really explain how I feel about you, not sure myself, being of the non too articulate variety. It all boils down to just how much we care about each other and what lengths we are willing to go just to see each other happy."
Xander stopped. He looked directly upon her face. "Buffy, I want you to be happy. The time has come for you to be happy and I think you should take it." Squeezing her hand, he tried to express how much this meant to him. "You did what you had to do, you've defeated the bad guy, got the golden key, and rescued the princess. It's game over time and you can go off to that big slayer playground in the sky. You can rest now."
"What do you think you are doing?" Angel grabbed the boy's hand from Buffy's and jerked Xander around to face him. "Just what the hell is going on here?"
"Stay out of this, Dead Boy, she's been through enough!" Pulling his arm free, Xander ignored the glare Angel was giving him. "There is nothing left for her to do here, she can go..."
Angel grabbed Xander by the throat. "Shut your mouth! Just shut it! She's not going anywhere, you hear me?"
Xander's hand went around Angel's wrist and tightened quickly until he heard a snap. Freeing himself, he shoved Angel away. "It is her time. Let her go!"
"Get away from her!" Angel tried to get at Buffy, but Xander bodily blocked him. Each move of his arms or body was met by Xander no matter how fast. Desperate, he tried to aim directly for the boy only to find air in his path. "Let me to her! She needs me! Buffy is going to get better and I am going to be there when she does!"
"Don't be an idiot!" Hitting Angel in the chest, he sent the vampire flying back against the wall. Standing over the huffing vampire, Xander adjusted his cloak. "She is not all right, things will not get better. The only reason she is still alive is because she feels an obligation to remain with us!"
Glancing up at Xander, Angel frowned. "How do you know?"
"Because I can feel it. I know it." Xander twisted to stare at Buffy again. "I know her. She's in so much pain, I can feel it inside me. Every break, every fracture, every bruise, so much so that it is taking all she's got just to keep her heart pumping. It's too much." Swallowing, Xander shook his head. "It's too much. She's done enough, been through enough. Just let her rest. If you love her, you'll tell her she can go."
"I can't do that."
"Then she'll linger on in pain until you do." Xander brushed the back of his hand over Buffy's bandaged cheek. Turning to go, he spared one last look at Angel. He wanted to say something more, but thought better of it. Closing his eyes to Angel, Xander tuned out the dead man from his senses and walked away.
(ooooo)
He was on top of the Espresso Pump when he felt it.
Sitting on top of the most popular building in town aside from the Bronze, Xander had been watching the town since an hour before sunset. It was amazing the amount of life that went on in this down despite the evil behind it. People persisted in the strangest of states.
Then again, people of the empire felt it insane that a group of desert dwelling misfits inhabited the same sands as the Maker. To each his own, as the old saying went. There were better things in life than to examine why some people were crazy enough to live in such harsh conditions.
One of those things was staying alive long enough to see the next sun rise. It had always been a challenge for him, each day harder than the next. There were times when it felt like all he had were these moments of just existing, watching the people and envying them their selective ignorance. He couldn't do that, he couldn't just sit by and let others die when there was something to be done.
He couldn't let others suffer.
When he felt her slip away, Xander closed his eyes and prayed she found peace at last to no one in particular. In her short life, Buffy had more than earned her rest. He hoped it found her and never let go.
Pulling up his hood, Xander turned away from the town.