Fic: Cold Weather Indicators 1/1 Golden Girls
In honor of the cold front that has swept most of the nation, I present:
Title: Cold Weather Indicators. Author: Lopaka Tanu Prompt: 11. Frostbite/hypothermia Claim: General Golden Girls Rating: Mature Adults Genre: Humor. Summary: Blanche has a bad experience with ice. Disclaimer: I do not own the Golden Girls. _________________________________________
"Oh, god, this is just the worst weather I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. How in the hell can Atlanta get this cold?" Sitting on the bench waiting for the bus, Blanche glared at her sister Virginia. The blonde had used false pretenses to get her there, got them both robbed, and now they were both stuck waiting for the bus. "When we were girls, Atlanta was always a mild, temperate place, now it could freeze the balls off an eskimo!"
"Oh, Blanche, it isn't that bad." Especially since Virginia was decked out in a silver fox coat and leather breeches.
"Not that bad? You try wearing something as slinky as this silk shirt and tell me 'it's not that bad'." Adjusting her pale white sweater over said shirt, Blanche glared at her sister.
"I told you to put on something appropriate, we were going out." Adjusting her rabbit muff, Virginia smirked at her sister's expression.
"I thought we were going to dinner and a theater, not help you get your money back from a shyster, who, by the way, has stolen not only your money, my money, and my purse, but has made off with a fortune in my jewelry. When they catch him, I hope they put him in a cell with big man named bubba." Reaching for her collar, Blanche tugged at it gently. "A man with big, sweaty arms. Bulging in perfect motion with each movement of his supple, warm body. Long arms that end in perfect, strong hands that could cover your chest... Lord, it's warming up already." Blanche undid the front of her sweater, flapping the sides in the wind.
Tugging at her own collar, Virginia nodded.
As they attempted to cool off, the bus arrived.
"About damn time!" Getting to her feet, Blanche brushed a hand over her sweater to smooth it out. As she ran her hand over her chest, she frowned. She ran it over again, experiencing the same sensation. "That's funny, I can't feel my nipple."
"What?" Wide eyed, Virginia stopped in her tracks and glanced at her sister.
"I said I can't feel my nipple. It's hard, but when I ran my hand over it, I couldn't feel anything." Taking said protrusion in hand, she tweaked it and frowned. "Nothing!"
"Let me see." Also frowning, Virginia pinched Blanche's nipple. "Anything?"
"No, nothing." With alarm, Blanche pinched her other nipple. "I can't feel any thing in either of them! I can't feel my breasts! I can't feel my breasts!" Blanche pulled her shirt away from her chest and checked out her breasts and shrieked. "They're both solid white! My breasts are frozen!"
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Dorothy sat on the couch holding a weeping Blanche. "It's okay, honey. You still have them."
"But they're dead, Dorothy! I can't feel anything in them." Shaking her head, Blanche slapped at her breast. "They're dead, dead, dead. Frost bite, how the hell can your breast get frost bite?"
"It's happens, Blanche." Not to her, because she is smart enough to wear clothing appropriate to the weather, but it happens.