Nicholas Craine || Agravaine (thearrogant) wrote in monte_logs, @ 2012-08-30 12:38:00 |
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Entry tags: | agravaine, ~complete |
Characters: Nicholas/Agravaine (thearrogant), mentions of Alice/Nyx (protogenos) and their daughter Nikki
Date/Time: August 18th, 2012
Location: Local Park - Nikki's B-Day Party
Rating: PG
Warnings: Just a mention of drinking.
Summary: Agravaine is a father, and he doesn't know what to do about it.
He sat in his car for a while, his fingers fumbling with the flap of the matchbook he kept in his car's cup holder. There was a cigarette hanging from his lips, but he couldn't make himself light it. Nicholas didn't want to look like the stereotypical deadbeat dad wearing a wife-beater, a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other, and yelling at people on his front lawn full of rusted vehicles. Never mind the fact that he wouldn't be caught dead looking or acting like that. And never mind the fact he had no idea just how deadbeat of a dad he actually was.
He supposed he should be angry. He still was a short week ago. A six-year-old he didn't know about was running around out there, and her mother didn't even pick up the phone to tell him. Six years. They didn't part on the best of terms, but it would have been nice to know. Then he thought about it and concluded it was probably for the best.
He was coming up on his thirty-third birthday. Sometime between now and his fortieth birthday, he was going to die. Yes, if he wanted to look at the bright side, this life could be the other one that passed 40. Statistically, the chances were slim, so it was possible his daughter could have only one year with him. He was perfectly fine doing that to an adult, but a child was a different story. Being this was his child, it made things a thousand times worse.
This was why he didn't want a family. This was why he didn't try to stop her from leaving.
He arrived a little late, wanting to slip in the background and watch than be a part of the show, but Alice noticed him as he walked up to the group. A stipulation of coming was being sober, and it made sense she wanted to make sure it was met. He told her the truth. He wasn't completely sober, but he tried. It was a horrible experience for him, and he would rather never have to go through that again. (It was only a couple of days, a short weekend, but he sweated, shook, got sick, and the nightmares were worse than ever.) Nicholas was surprised when she let him stay.
Agravaine was never a coward. He couldn't deny there were times when he looked out for himself, but he never backed down from a fight, from a challenge, from anything. He couldn't even remember a time in his other lives where he could describe himself as cowardly. In the time it took for Alice to point out Nicholas' daughter, Agravaine finally knew what it felt like to be a coward. It was a horrible sensation. His started heart beating rapidly, his mouth went dry, and his palms became so sweaty he had to discreetly wipe them on his pants. Nicholas made sure Alice introduced him as a coworker, a friend. His daughter seemed to take it well, but, then again, she had no reason to suspect a lie, and playing a coworker helped him calm down enough. He was even able to shake his daughter's hand, a surreal experience.
After handing her the red gift bag with the first edition copy of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz — it was the only thing Nicholas could think of giving — and a card that simply stated 'Happy Birthday' and his name, he found himself staring, trying to find out what features belonged to him. The easiest to spot was her full lips. Even her smile was his, something that surprised him. Her eyes, big and expressive, belonged to her mother. As she walked away to place the gift with the others, Nicholas realized how beautiful she was going to be one day.
During the party, there wasn't much time for conversation between the three of them, which was fine with him, and he slipped out before everyone else, so he didn't have to worry about awkward goodbyes. Besides, he didn't know what he was going to say. He thought about asking Alice to tell him everything — what she told his daughter about him, what she said about them as a couple, what his daughter thinks of him — but this was neither the time nor the place. And he still wasn't sure if he was going to stay around. He wasn't any better than the trashy deadbeat dad.
That night, while trying to decide whether or not to step up as a father, he drank himself sick.