No, no, no, I'm not asking you to post links, for the very reason you mention: it's far too easy for the discussion to be derailed by emotional reactions when you single out particular people. But I thought asking you to elaborate on the *memes*, as clashing ideas/approaches, might be a good place to start.
You've offered a few examples, and it's interesting, because I don't necessarily see them as incompatible with acafannish sensibilities. Or, well, at least not *inherently* so.
I'll set aside the "fandom-as-religious-mandate perspective" for now, (although I'd love it if you could explain that. I don't think I've come across it anywhere!). But let's take "ooh hot boyz" to start with. I've seen plenty of acafannish people engage in exactly that sort of squeeage themselves! So for me, that's not incompatible as a meme. As for Mary Sue and furries, fandom *at large* seems to be quite hostile to them. If anything, acafen might be a little more likely to consider Mary Sue as a phenomenon worthy of serious analysis if not a certain respect, whereas a non-aca fan might be more likely to engage in kneejerk mockery and/or sporkage. But are your perceptions different from mine here?
There's subtle-to-direct contempt for anyone who can't (or won't) explain why they like it, and why it's important to them, and how it's changed their life
This is a very interesting observation. Can you elaborate a bit more when you have time? I think you might be onto something with this, but I need to mull over it some more.