mercwitamouth (mercwitamouth) wrote in marvel_united, @ 2010-09-06 21:13:00 |
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Entry tags: | deadpool |
Who: Deadpool
What: Wade Wilson isn't going to let a little thing like a total adjustment of his powers stop him from bringing home the bacon.
When: Tuesday, September 7th
Where: Bismark, Germany
Rating:R
"[Crotch shot!]" There was a grunt of pain as the bubbly Asian cheerleader slammed the heel of her shoe straight up into the crotch of the burly, German hired-gun. "[Ooooo, that's gotta hurt!]" She giggled innocently as she rolled backwards over her head, the skimpy school uniform flaring out. "[I heard you Krauts were a fan of the classics and that was definitely a.. wait for it.. Nutcracker! Ba-zinga!]" There was a loud pop as smoke burst out of a small metal canister. "[That was German right? Don't judge me for my awesome knowledge of ball jokes. I kidnapped the guys from South Park. They're feeding me my lines right now.]" Thick, dark smoke spread high in a large cloud that permeated the crowd and choked the group of hired thugs that circled the small, stereotypical anime character. "[Just like I'll feed them their own intestines if they don't stop with the silly voices inside my head.]"
That's not them boss.
You thought a little power swap would get rid of us?
"[Aw nerts.]" She giggled again in a mad little way and removed a curved blade from a messenger bag at her side. The metal made not a sound as she eviscerated guard after guard, blood arching high into the air. Every so often the voice would change as Wade's appearance shifted back and forth. One minute they were facing Gogo from Kill Bill, the next John Lithgow towered over them before finally Wade assumed his normal form as Deadpool. It left the guards feeling rather disoriented. "[C'mon fellas! All I'm getting out of you is pained grunts, 'please don't kill me's and death rattles. It's so boring. How's 'bout a nice friendly song?]" The merc broke a man's tonfa with an elbow strike. "[Sing it with me now! Mein Bratwurst has a first name. It's F-R-I-T-Z! Mein Bratwurst has a second name it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N]" With each consonant and vowel, Wade blew his way through the guards with a gun he removed from one of the fallen men. The hammer clicked home on the final vowel and with a smirk he hurled the gun into the face of his mark. There was a moment of stunned silence (from the target since Wade never shut up) as Deadpool stepped forward.
A short cry from his right took the merc by surprised and he ducked out of the way as a large broadsword came hurling through the air at his head. The point left a long gash on the side of his face. "ARG! Mein face! Wait.. My face! My face. My. My. My. Face. My Face. Weeeeeeeird." The merc with a mouth looked to his attacker who had managed to get the tip of the broad sword lodged in the hardwood floor. Despite all of the man's tugging the sword wouldn't budge. "Uh.. let me guess?" The guard looked up when Wade spoke. "There can be only one?" With speed reminiscent of Ben Wade, Deadpool removed the gun at his side and put several bullets in the head and torso of the final guard. The bloody scene was ruined when Wade tried to spin the gun on his finger like a gunslinger and the pistol fell to the ground with one final gun shot. "WHOA!" The merc jumped up at the loud crack. "That was close!" He ran his hands over his body to ensure he was safe.
It wasn't until the mob boss dropped dead to the ground that Wade looked up from his own torso. "Well would ya look at that! Right between the eyes. Gotta love that Deus Ex Machina. Good stuff."