MarinaNova Asylum

Psssst. Got a question for all of you.

[ silence - background static - for a few seconds. there is the sound of a page turning, a deep breath, and then- ]

"If you were an animal, what kind would you be?"

[ guess who found the Big Book of Young Children's Icebreakers in the library. ]

[Bro comes home from the Christmas party slightly boozed up and Cal-less. Though the buzz takes the sharp edge off the loneliness he feels when he slips into his bed and doesn’t find his beloved C keeping the futon warm for him, it isn’t enough to make sleep come any easier. He has a hard time trying to get rest. Worst fuckin’ insomnia.

He wastes about three hours trying to lull himself into unconsciousness by composing raps, sewing, watching porn. Nothing works.

His body is exhausted, but his mind honestly can’t settle if his bed is empty. And that’s when he decides that his best bet for getting rest is…

Dave.

After all, before he finally put his foot down and made the little man man the hell up, his precious baby brother used to climb into his bed whenever he had nightmares or got scared of the dark or any number of other lame excuses for bein’ less of a Strider. It was about time Dave returned the favor for all those years of loving care.

He ninjas over to Dave’s room. It really is so nice to have the kid back.]

[ It's a sweltering hot day under the sea! Luckily the wardens have provided the necessary means to keep cool: whether you're sunbathing at the beach, sniping your fellow inmates with a fully loaded super soaker or just cooling off under a tree with a cold treat, this is the place to do it! ]


(( ooc: Mingle away! You are of course encouraged to make your own posts and mingles for this event, should you want to! Event information can be found over HERE! ))

[ well, shit.

he's been here for nearly a full day now without saying anything. and you know what? he's tempted to keep it that way. but eventually, he's going to have to say something - gotta make his presence known. gotta enlighten the masses. gotta post within a week of being accepted. what? a third reason? there is no third reason. dave strider works entirely within the framework of double parallelisms. he's just that kind of guy.

and so, for entirely non-meta reasons, dave strider clicks on the audio feed, clears his throat, and begins his speech. ]

Well, shit. Looks like it finally happened. No real surprise here, right? The RIAA always needs new victims – they're corporate bloodsuckers, and they've got to find cattle somewhere. I mean, fuck, they're literally the man. The men? Shit, is the man really a collective noun here? That's fucked up, yo.

[ is he getting off track? maybe. will that stop him? NO SIRREE. ]

Anyway, so. We've got a bunch of suits sitting at a table Dr. Strangelove style, discussing who to sue next, right? And they're like, how about this rad dude, all pointing at an IP address on the holoscreen, since he's just too cool for us to handle any longer. And a few of the guys in the back, Connors and Jenkins - fuckin' Jenkins, man, just started here last week, doesn't really have his bearings yet - have the balls to ask well, what exactly makes him special? And see, here's the thing - he really is a fucking menace. Dude downloads like an LP a week. He got himself a free copy of Photoshop, without even paying for a student license. And you know what the worst part is? He keeps his seeder ratio above one point five.

[ he has the audacity to give a vaguely apathetic gasp. ]

What, one point five? You're fucking with me, right? Nope - dude's just a fucking paragon of shitty internet pirates.

[ ...he clears his throat. this got out of hand quickly. ]

...anyway, that's basically how I got thrown in fucking underwater prison for piracy and goddamn cyberbullying. Take notes here, kids. Don't make the same mistakes I did - drink your milk, don't do drugs, stay in school and all that shit.

[ ... ]

Oh, and try to avoid multiple counts of genocide if you can. I mean, that kind of takes a backseat to forging a digital signature on porn site splash pages, but its gotta count for something, right? Right. I'm out.

[ click! ]

[ The audio clicks on, but there's silence for several seconds before a voice can be heard. ]

Is this thing even on? Fuckin' confusing.

[ His voice is quiet and annoyed, basically a mutter. ]

Prison, huh? Can't say I'm surprised. It was only a matter of time before I got locked up for being too cool to logically exist.

[ This time there's a faint, desperate note to his voice, not obvious to any but the most astute listener, or those who know Dave well. It's well-masked with blasé tones. ]

Shit, my sweet red pajamas are gone, too. And I just got them an' everything. Now that's the real fuckin' crime, if you ask me.

[ A sigh. ]

Anyway, what's the deal with this place? I got the whole spiel from this weird-ass visor thing on my head, but I don't trust it. There's gotta be somebody out there who can give me a more honest picture of the undoubtedly egregious mess I've landed myself in.

Come at me, prison bros.