InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Watch as I soar!"

Charlie Weasley (stillromanian) wrote in magnum_bonum,
@ 2008-05-01 01:11:00

WHO: Nora Dunne & Charlie Weasley
WHEN: Around ten in the evening.
WHERE: At the Dunne(-Weasley) household
WHAT: First proper talk since the breakup.
RATING: TBA
STATUS: Incomplete.

Charlie sat on the sofa, staring at the journal on the coffee table before him. He had been carrying it with him ever since he got back; he had even kept an eye on what was going on in the journals, keeping the interaction on his part to a minimum. He didn't know what to say, so on most cases, he decided to say nothing. What was there to say? His mother was gone. Nothing could change that, nothing could make that horrible, desperate feeling go away. And there was Fleur in a coma which was as bad as Molly being dead, if not worse for the uncertainty of what was to happen next. He took some consolation in spending time with his daughters (and Nora, though their interaction was rather, for the lack of a better word, formal), while at the same time being with them was somewhat painful to him. It's never easy for a father to watch his children hurt, and not know what to do to make everything better.

It was getting late. Gwen was long asleep and Marly was sent to bed as well. Dorcas.. well, Dorcas had mostly kept her to herself since Molly's death. The usual optimistic, happy-go-lucky Dorcas had changed and it worried, or even scared to some extent, Charlie. She was taking this the worst, only speaking when spoken to and even then she kept her words to a minimum. Lotte and Gissy had retired to their room as well, leaving Charlie sit in the living room in silence.

Truth to be told, Charlie was tired. It wasn't because of lack of sleep, though Merlin knows his sleep was far from good these days. He was exhausted for the past month had been a pain with one thing after another crashing down on him. There had been a lot of false moves, quite a few were on his behalf, which made everything even worse. Charlie gave a deep sigh as one of the cats jumped on his lap to settle down for a nice nap.

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unconventional
2008-05-01 01:30 am UTC (link)

Merlin knew the past month hadn't exactly been a joy for Nora, either. She had to deal with her breakup with Charlie, and take care of a nine-year-old and an infant with only help from her brother who was (and she means this in the most loving way possible)slightly incompitent when it came to taking care of kids 24-7. Obviously all those troubles were eclipsed by the death of Molly and Fleur's current state. As always, Nora hated being out of control, but she realised this time that she had no control of the events that were taking place. But along with that came the guilt of knowing that she didn't know how to make her girls feel better, especially Dorcas, whom was really starting to make her nervous. She was starting to wonder if professional help was needed or if this was just something she would hve to get over on her own, in her own way. Beside that, she couldn't stand seeing Charlie in such a state and knowing that there was was nothing she could do about it and that it was partially her fault. Maybe if she had went back to Romania when Tiny died or if she had never left in the first place, it wouldn't be so tough for him, knowing that she was there for him to talk to.

So thinking about these things, Nora came upon Charlie on the couch with Kidney (or at least she thought it was Kidney. She was starting to lose track of all these animals.) in his lap. Just loking at him made a knot form in her throat. She could see his pain, it was written all over the face that she had come to read so easily. She probably s\didn't look herself either. Her hair was a mess as she hadn't found the time to wash it for a few days, her eyes were rimmed with dark circles (On top of Gwen not quite being able to sleep through a whole night, she would barely be able to sleep anyway), and her posture that of general defeat.

She dropped harshly into the chair across from Charlie, and for a few minnutes she just stared at the expanse of wall over his shoulder. Still busy thinking, the words formed and came from her mouth before she was able to stop them. "I... I wish I knew how to make you feel better m- Charlie." She nearly said "my" Charlie but that wasn't exactly true anymore, was it? "I don't know how, though," Her voice was monotone as she continued to stare at the wall. "I don't have a clue what to do in this whole, big mess. I don't know how to help you, or Dorcas, or any of the girls. And it's killing me, Charlie, it really is." She was so used to being honest with Charlie, it was almost a relief not to have to be polite and formal when she talked to him. She didn't even care if she got a response, if he stood up and walked away. She needed to get that out to him, the maan that she had trusted most for such a long time. Even now that said trust had been ruined, it was such a habit still to just come out and say how she felt to him.

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stillromanian
2008-05-01 09:25 am UTC (link)

Charlie couldn't help but stare at the woman across from him. This was not something he had expected, mostly because up until that point their conversation had mostly been, well, in as impersonal manner as possible. He watched her as she avoided making eye contact with him. She looked tired and defeated, and Charlie suddenly felt a pang of guilt for leaving her to deal with the girls alone. He should never have let her leave, he should've followed her. How could he let the best thing in his life go, just like that, without putting up a real fight?

Her words only confirmed his belief that Nora was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Even though she admitted not knowing what to do, Charlie appreciated the thought. She still cared and that did make him feel slightly better. He leaned forward, careful not to stir the cat, and gave Nora a faint smile. "You being here is enough," he said huskily. There wasn't much she could do, was there? She couldn't bring Molly back, she couldn't make Fleur wake up, she couldn't bring Tiny back. But she was there and that was more than Charlie could hope for. He was certain that without her, things would've been much worse, even when there were issues concerning them. He took comfort in her presence despite the fact things between them were far from being all right.

"I'm sorry I left you to deal with the girls alone," he then said, after a moment of silence. He leaned back, stroking Kidney in his lap. "I know this hasn't been easy for you either."

He remembered the last conversation between him and his mother where she had told him just that. She had told him to forget everything else and come back to fix things between him and Nora, but he hadn't listened. He didn't know why exactly even. It was most likely a mixture of that good old Weasley stubbornness and his own insecurities and fears of getting rejected again. The chat between Charlie and Molly had quickly grown into an argument with Charlie telling her to stay out of his life. At the moment, Charlie would've given anything to have his mother there to tell him what to do. He couldn't believe that the last thing he said to his mother was to stop meddling in his business. He felt his insides clutching. He bit his lip, turning his gaze to the cat.

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unconventional
2008-05-06 03:29 pm UTC (link)

Nora couldn't help but smile after seeing the ghost of one over his lips. "Still," she said. "I can't help but feel like there's more I should be doing. For everyone, but mostly for you." She leaned forward as well, lifting her arm, about to rush a stray lock of hair from his forehead. At the last second she realised what she was doing, and pulled her hand backinto her lap. She turned her head away again, to hide the dark blush coloring her face. She usually loved how comfortable she could get with him, how se could just lose herself. But now, it was just making things more difficult.

She turned back to him when he spoke again, however. She frowned. "Charlie, you didn't leave me. I am the one that borught the girls back here. Stop blaming yourself." She wouldn't lie and say that a part of her hadn't wished that he would come back for them. In fact, it hurt more and more everyday that she hadn't even heard from him. But she didn't need to tell him that. He was feeling bad enough already and the last thing she wanted was to make things worse. Not when it was her choice to leave him.

Noa watched him as he looked down at the cat. She saw the change in his face and she hated it. "Charlie, please. Tell me what I can do to make it better." she said quietly, leaning towards him.

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stillromanian
2008-05-09 06:11 am UTC (link)

Charlie didn't catch her unconscious attempt to lean in and brush away the stray lock as he was staring into the void, stuck in his thoughts. He could hear her speak from the distance, he wasn't too sure what he should say to her in response. He knew what it was like, the nagging feeling that he should be doing more. But at the same time, he had no idea what that 'more' was. When he returned from his thoughts, he noticed the blush on her face, making him frown as he didn't realise what it was about. He shrugged it off, though.

Stop blaming yourself. That was easier said than done. Nothing had stopped him from coming back, quite frankly. The work was an excuse, a way of blaming something else for his anger and lack of confidence. He could've walked away, the Ministry would've understood and so would've his colleagues in Romania. He could've made it work if he had tried harder. But no, he was simply too damn stubborn and scared. If he had went after Nora and she had told him to bugger off, it would've destroyed him. So, he stayed away. He loved her, more than anything, but there was a little part of him, a part so small he would never admit it but at the same time so big it would make a difference, that wasn't sure if getting back together with Nora - if that was ever to happen - was a good idea. He was tired of arguing, the on and off thing they had going on for the past twenty or so years (even though the last on period had lasted about nine years with a couple of almost calling it off situations). That was a huge part of why he hadn't gone after Nora. He just didn't have the strength.

Charlie remained quiet throughout her talking. Only after Nora asked him to tell her what she could do, he spoke up. "Nothing," he said quietly. "I don't think there's anything." He knew he was probably hurting her by saying that, but that was the truth. He couldn't see how anyone could make it better, at least not right now. He knew at some point it would get better, he was aware of that. The pain and the guilt will subside, he'll start feeling better again. But right now, all he needed was time.

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unconventional
2008-05-09 03:43 pm UTC (link)

Nora stared at the space behind Charlie once more, uncomfortable in the silence between them. It was bothering her a bit that he wasn't answerng her. It worried her more than anything becase she was afraid Charlie would end up more or less like Dorcas: only speaking when soeken to and barely at all them. Having her daughter like that was bad enough she didn't need Charlie to be the same way, even if they were technically over now.

Charlie's thinking was right. What he'd said had hurt and it made her wonder if he was even there for her at all. She hadn't expected some kind of miraculous reunion as soon as he came back, but she was hoping that maybe things could get a little better. A part of her that maybe he hadn't missed her at all, he'd been too busy snogging Stevie. Why was she stupid enough to believe that he'd come home for anything more than his family and his daughters when he hadn't even bothered to follow her back to London? But that small part of her wasn't bigger than the huge part of her that was desperate to make things right between them. She didn't know how long she could take being without him. Her biggest fear was that he was just fine without her.

Those feelings lead her to stand up and sitnext to Charlie, startling the cat out of his lap. It landed on the floor and gave her one of those glares that only a cat can give. She ignored it and looked at Charlie. "Look, I need to know where we stand." she said, hoping things ould urn out ok

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stillromanian
2008-05-10 08:13 am UTC (link)

Charlie was just as worried about Dorcas as Nora was. It wasn't like her to shut down like that, though for some reason, he could not see that he was going in that direction as well. Maybe it was because with him, it happened gradually. The more time passed, the less Charlie felt like being around people. And the worst part was that he didn't really realise it himself. All he knew was that he wanted a bit of time to reflect on his own while in reality he was unintentionally pushing people away and not just for a bit.

The less Charlie spoke, the more time he had to think about, well, everything, which was not necessarily a good thing in his case. It had been a lifelong problem of his, this tendency of overthink things and cause more problems than needed. It was a true contradiction since Charlie was a simple bloke who liked his life nice and.. simple. Naturally, it had always been anything but simple. If he had known her biggest fear, he probably would've broken down right then and there. He was not fine without her, far from it. One might ask, though, then why put them through such trouble if they both wanted to be with each other. Well, Charlie's biggest fear was hurting Nora and the girls. He should be the one to protect them from everything bad, though for the past few months, he had done nothing but hurt them. Hence his conclusion that he himself was bad for them, therefore he should stay away. This was another part why he hadn't followed her. Of course, by doing so he was probably hurting them even more, but that tiny detail was for some reason left unseen in his mind. All of this made sense in his head, even though it might not have in any other universe. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, thinking was rarely a good thing when it was done by Charlie Weasley for an extended period of time.

He was quite surprised to watch Nora come to sit next to him. He was even more surprised when she spoke. Where did they stand? Charlie ran his fingers through his hair like he always did when he was confused. "I-" he started, not sure how to respond. "I'm not sure." Well, he wasn't. "I love you, but I'm not sure." He knew he should've said more. He should've told her everything that was going on in his head so she could dismiss all of his silly fears, but he didn't. He wanted everything to be fine between them, he wanted to believe that they'll work everything out, that there still was a chance, but he wasn't sure if he had the energy for that right now. He knew he'd be ready to make it work at some point, but would she still be there? He could never ask her to do that, to wait, it wouldn't be fair to her.

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unconventional
2008-05-10 03:01 pm UTC (link)

Nora's face stayed blank when Charlie spoke, though on the inside she was far from uncaring. Charlie was hurting her with his lack of response, whether he was meaning to or not. It may have seemed like he didn't care but she knew Charlie well enough to know that he was going through a lot at the moment. But he was still scaring her with the way he was acing. She'd rathjer have him angry or sobbing all over the place than numb. She might have to send fo help from his siblings, but they had enough on their minds already, didn't they? She was beginning to feel hopeless.

The one thing she couldn't keep off of her mind was how to fix this. The fact that he kissed Stevie, and possibly did more, still stood and Nora still knew that if they did get back together that she would have a hard time trusting him. And maybe that was her problem entirely. It hit her then that maybe all of this was her problem, not Charlie's. The only thing she'd done was create problems for them, with all her insecurities and doubt in his faithfullness. But even in this revelation, she couldn't bring herself to believe that all Charlie had done was kiss Stevie, after they'd split.

"Charlie," she started quietly, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to say. "Please, just be completely honest. Did you... did you kiss or sleep with Stevie when we were together." she said, fearing the answer. If they were going to try to move forward, she needed to know the absolute truth. "Please don't lie to me, I need to know, Charlie."

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stillromanian
2008-05-11 02:10 pm UTC (link)

To be quite honest, Charlie himself was rather surprised at his reaction to everything. He was the type to get angry for a bit, let it all out of his system and move on. But right now, he was keeping it all inside. He wasn't sure why, after all he was fully aware it would be a lot easier for everyone if he would just punch a wall or yell a little. But he couldn't. He wasn't angry, he was sad, more so than ever before. Even if Nora had sent for his siblings, it probably wouldn't have done much good. He didn't care much about anything at the moment, he just needed some time to be alone.

When Nora started by saying his name, Charlie had a hunch of what was coming next. Though he knew this needed to be addressed at some point, he wasn't too sure if this was the right moment. But she had asked and he could not not answer her. He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands for a moment before turning his head a bit to look at her with a tired expression. "I swear to you, no." He simply looked at her for a few moments before speaking again, choking on his words at first: "For more than twelve years, it has been no one but you, Nora. Other than that one stupid, stupid kiss that meant shite, it has been no one but you." He hid his face with his hands one more time before getting up and walking to the fireplace. He took a long look at the pictures of their family that were on the chimneypiece. "I don't know if you believe me or not," he said, looking at one of the pictures that was taken a couple of years ago and that had all of them (except for Gwen, naturally) on it, "but that's the truth."

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unconventional
2008-05-11 07:48 pm UTC (link)

Nora would much rather have Charlie bunching walls than keeping everything bottled up. A hole in the plaster and a bruised fist was much better holding everything inside like he was. Honestly, she'd rather have him taking out on her, yelling or whatever, than being so defeated. It broke her already bruised heart to see him, and everyone for that matter, so broken up like this. Of course it wasn't as if she was fairing to well herself. Usually she was the type to believe that she couldn't help anyone else if she was a mess, but in this situation, she barely had anytime to focus on her own feelings. Still, she was doing quite a bit better than Charlie and Dorcas. She was throwing herself into everything else around her. It wasn't until night, when nightmares of her children and nieces and nephews and family being attacked occured, that she faced what was truly going on.

So it might not have been the best time, but Nora had the tendency to say what was on her mind, when it was on their mind. She listened to him speak, watched him go through motions that made her desperate to hold him, to comfort him. From her seat on the couch, she could make out the picture he was holding. The day had been perfect, with the exception of Marly being antsy while the picture was being taken. She longed for things to be that way again. Ther words stung a little with the realisation that she had probably (yes probably was still there. Nora can't help her stubbornness) been faithful all along. After a long silence of Nora tilting her head back and rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hands, she spoke. "Fine, I believe you." she said, quietly. And she did... almost. She couldn't just turn off the mistrust like a faucet, but more or less she believed him. "I just... Maybe I- we have some things to work out." she said, looking at him. "Then maybe things can get back to normal." With an tiny anxious smile, it was more of a question than a statement. There was no getting back together if Charlie wasn't even interested in her anymore. She was both dreading and anticipating his reply. If he agreed to try to work things out maybe the shadow that had fallen over their home would lighten just a bit. If he said no, it would take everything in her to keep from breaking down, falling to her knees, and begging for him to take her back.

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stillromanian
2008-05-12 02:35 am UTC (link)

Charlie didn't turn to Nora while she spoke. He kept looking at the picture, watching Marlene struggling to keep still on his lap and the rest of them amused by her. It had been a brilliant day, one of many actually. Despite the fact that Nora and Charlie almost constantly had their differences, they did have a wonderful life together. When everything worked out, it worked out great. Yes, they had fought quite a lot, but wasn't it a good thing, to let everything out in the open and just work through the issues? Maybe this was their problem in this situation, after all many things were left unsaid, weren't they?

He listened to her speak, though. He could hear her tone, forming the sentences into questions. He knew she was expecting his response, he could feel her gaze on him. But that small part that questioned their relationship wondered if things could get back to normal. The mistrust couldn't just be discarded, could it? Could he still hang out with his female friends without making Nora wonder if he was doing something he shouldn't? He needed her to trust him, especially when there was no reason to doubt him.

"Yeah, we do," he said finally. He turned around to look her in the eye, giving a quiet sigh. Yes, there were plenty of things for them to work out. He turned his gaze at the picture in his hands and then back at Nora, the woman he loved. They had stuff to figure out, but it was worth the try. Their family was worth the try. "But I need a bit time," Charlie said, putting the picture back where it belonged. He felt a little bit better now, knowing that she was willing to give them another shot, but still he was tired. He needed time to sort himself out before he could start working on their relationship. He needed to get back on track and for that he need a little bit more time.

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