Castiel | Supernatural (heyassbutt) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2020-11-24 01:16:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !log, castiel (heyassbutt), dean winchester (agentplant), ~2020 november |
Who: Dean Winchester and Castiel.
What: Castiel returns.
Where: Town.
When: Tuesday, November 24. Evening.
Warnings: Talk of death.
Status: Closed | Complete
Dean sat at the bar tiredly, staring at his reflection in the mirror while he tried to rid his mind of what he had last seen. Castiel was gone. When Dean landed back in Madison Valley he thought for sure that the angel would be there, but it seemed he had left around the same time as he did. The thought of him being gone was something he was struggling with and he hadn’t told anyone about what had happened, not even Balthazar.
The bartender finally cut him off and Dean stumbled off the stool with a growl, making his way out of the bar to find another. He nearly took a nosedive when he stepped outside of the bar but he managed to catch himself before it happened. He looked to the left and then to the right before deciding to head across the street instead.
Out of the corner of his eye he could have sworn he saw a flash of tan and he turned his head swiftly. The color drained from his face and he stood there, frozen like a statue. It was Cas, he was standing there at the corner of the street and Dean just glared at him angrily. “Why the fuck can’t you just leave me alone already?!!?” He cried out in frustration, having seen one too many hallucinations of Castiel since his return.
--
“Dean,” he said, softly. He hadn’t been aware of the fact that Dean had been sent home at the same time he had, but the reaction he’d gotten from the man gave him a slight indication that Dean had been sent home as well. “Why am I supposed to leave you alone?” he asked, just to verify. He couldn’t recall having done anything to the Winchester before his departure from Madison Valley. Nothing that would have caused this reaction, anyway.
He sighed softly, “It’s me, Dean…”
As though Dean didn’t already know it was Castiel. As far as Cas knew, Dean could… well, Cas didn’t know. The last thing he remembered was telling him he loved him, just before the Empty took him. Dean couldn’t be upset about that, could he?
No, it was most likely due to the fact he had died. Unless Dean was mad at him for leaving Madison Valley…
“Did you get sent home, too?”
--
“Yeah, I know who you are,” Dean replied with a tired sigh and pressed his palm briskly into his temples. He studied him closely, realizing that the other times he’d seen him Castiel had been silent. There was an easy way to solve his dilemma, reach out, and touch the other. If he wasn’t real, his hand would go through the air, but if he was there...
“Did I what?” Dean looked at him with knitted brows, his confusion more evident now. “You were sent home?” His voice rose in pitch, slightly incredulous over the thought. It wasn’t that he thought Castiel was lying to him, it wasn’t Cas, it was a figment of his imagination. Right? “You died,” his voice was a faint whisper, barely audible as he said the words and his eyes were glossy with tears. “You’re not really, here. You’re just...it’s Chuck, fucking with my head.” He continued to insist as he remained firmly in his spot.
“That fucking son of a bitch, I just- and Billie, it was her fault. Stupid, power-hungry, egomaniacal piece of shit. I don’t know why I ever offered to help her in the first place.”
___
Cas closed his eyes for a moment, upon hearing Dean’s words. So Dean had been sent home as well. Now things were starting to make more sense. “I did die, yes,” he admitted. “But I am here now, instead of the Empty. I’m here, not Chuck. Not Billie. Me.” His eyes opened once more, and he studied Dean, silently.
“I’m sorry, Dean. I had to… it was the only way.” He took a step toward Dean, but not daring to get too close. “I couldn’t let you die… and you would have if I hadn’t done what I did. We both would have.”
His head tilted slightly, as he tried to collect his thoughts. “I meant what I said. I wouldn’t have died unless I was truly happy. You make me happy.” More than Sam, more than Jack. Not that he would tell either Sam or Jack that. If Jack appeared in town, that is.
--
“The Empty took you away and when I got here, you weren’t-” his voice broke and he looked away momentarily, both hands coming up now to rub at his face. He was completely exhausted having gone through what felt like at least a few months away from the town. There had been some crazy lady named Mrs. Butters who had been a pleasure to have around until she went and tried to kill Jack. There was the fact that Jack had almost died, he had held a gun up to Sam, and he himself had been a bit of a selfish prick. All he wanted was to live a normal life, but normal was impossible. Everything he wanted was impossible, basically.
“Why weren’t you here first?” He questioned, his voice a little gruff now. “Don’t say that shit, Cas. I don’t make you happy, you have Balthazar for that.” The statement caused him to tense, unsure of why he had just sounded so bitter and jealous. “That’s...that’s not what I meant to say, sorry.” Dean apologized and finally moved, though he didn’t go towards Cas, and instead went to take a seat on a nearby bench. He did have a point, though. The angel was going to die either way, so it wasn’t much of a sacrifice, was it? He was the one who was supposed to die for everyone else, it wasn’t supposed to be the other way around.
“I was going to let Jack kill himself…”
___
“I don’t know, Dean,” he said, his voice still soft. “All I know is that it seems we were both sent home at the same time, and it was deemed appropriate that you come back here first.” He shrugged a bit at this, and followed Dean to the bench. He settled down beside the man, and arched an eyebrow at his next words.
“You’re right. I have Balthazar here. He makes me happy, too. I do love him. But…” He sighed once more, leaning back against the bench as he considered his next words. “I love you, too, Dean. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. That doesn’t mean I’m going to leave Balthazar for you or anything, so don’t even think it.”
He eyed Dean for a moment. "I died for you. Isn’t that proof enough that what I’m saying is the truth?” He was silenced at the comment about Jack, though. “But you didn’t let him kill himself, did you?”
--
“Why would you-” he choked on his words and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, followed by his head on his hands. I love him, but, I love you too. No, it was definitely not something he wanted to hear, Cas was right about that. What was even the point now? Why the fuck did it matter anyway? He wasn’t into dudes, he didn’t play for the same team and he had no fucking idea why the thoughts were even in his head. His fingers slid through his hair slowly and he began to tug at the strands in frustration, trying desperately to stop thinking about all of it.
“No, of course, I didn’t, you were there.” It was likely a rhetorical question, but he couldn’t help the attitude that came out with it. Dean moved to sit up straight and then turned to look at Castiel. He stared at the angel for what seemed like hours but was likely only seconds. “Cas, I-” without really thinking about it, Dean leaned in towards the angel and reached out to grab him firmly by the back of the neck. His mouth hovered over the other man’s and he soon pressed his lips to his for a firm and passionate kiss.
____
Now that was something Castiel had not been expecting. Questions, perhaps. But definitely not a kiss. He had pegged Dean as someone who was interested solely in women. And Castiel with his Jimmy Novak vessel was not a woman. That didn’t stop him from returning the kiss for a moment, though. Because he definitely did.
After a moment or two of allowing the kiss to continue, Castiel almost reluctantly pulled away. Yes, he loved Dean. But…. “You’re drunk, Dean.” He had been able to tell that from the beginning, but the taste of alcohol on Dean’s lips was definitely a giveaway.
“And I am not completely certain Balthazar would approve....”
--
“Oh, please, Balthazar can fucking go to hell, that guy’s such an asshole,” Dean growled in protest, completely forgetting everything else but what was happening at the moment. Cas wasn’t really dead, or at least, he wasn’t dead in Madison Valley. That was certainly a cause for celebration, wasn’t it? It was more than that, though. The things that Castiel had said, his goodbye speech, Dean was having trouble getting it out of his head. While everyone else saw anger, hatred, and vengeance, Castiel had seen kindness, love, and caring. And, for the first time in his life, Dean had started to believe it might actually be true.
Emotionally, Castiel seemed to stir feelings that made him a little uncomfortable. But, that was the extent of his feelings. He didn’t have much of a physical desire to be with him, even though the vessel choice probably shouldn’t have made a difference. Why couldn’t he have looked like Duma? She was fucking hot, but kind of a bitch. What were they even talking about again? His tongue traced over his lips and he looked back at Cas, a little dazed and confused. “You’re still real, right? This isn’t a dream?”
___
Castiel rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’m not sure you want to,” he explained. He shook his head at Dean’s assessment of Balthazar. “He’s not an asshole. ...okay, yes, he can be. But he isn’t to me. And he loves me in return. It isn’t one-sided.” Not that he blamed Dean for not having feelings for him. He understood. Dean wasn’t attracted to men.
“I’m real, I promise. And everything I told you, back home? I truly meant everything. You mean a great deal to me. I don’t tell just anyone I love them.”
He rose from his spot on the bench, and reached a hand toward the man. “Come on, let’s go home. You need some sleep, and I have some people to answer to.” Like Balthazar.
---
“Uh, yeah, the dude’s a major fucking galactically giant asshole. That’s huge, Cas, like, fucking...massive.” His eyes widened and he stretched his arms out for emphasis, nodding his head in agreement. “Oh, and who the fuck said I didn’t love you in return? Jeeze.” Dean rolled his eyes and accepted the offered hand with a tired sigh, rising from the bench. “I don’t really wanna go home, though. The night is still young, isn’t it?” He moved to lean in against Cas and placed his arm around his waist, holding him tight. Maybe he was being a little selfish, but he wanted to keep the angel to himself. At least for a little while longer. “Let me buy you a drink. Yanno, since you died for me, but not really died. It’s the least I can do for you.”
____
“He lets me see a side of him people don’t usually see,” he explained. “Shouldn’t it count for something that he isn’t an asshole to me?” He sighed softly once Dean wrapped his arm around his waist. He wrapped his arm around the man in return, pulling him close. He considered Dean’s proposal of buying him a drink. He did want to go home to Balthazar, but he also wanted to spend more time with his friend. ...Balthazar could wait for a bit, he decided.
“Okay. Only if we can find a bar that will serve an already drunk man more alcohol.” He offered Dean a small smile. “And you know, you don’t have to tell me you love me just because you know how I feel. Now come on, let’s get some alcohol.”
--
"Can't you just like, tap my head and make me not drunk so that's not a problem?" He suggested with a smile, his movements a little sloppy as they walked down the street together. "Cas…" his hand dropped a little against the other man's waist and his fingers tightened around the trench coat. All he could think about was kissing him again and it was making his head dizzy.
"Maybe we should go home and I can take a cold shower." Then go back to his empty bed so he could wallow in self pity. "Or, you could take me to get some- nope, I'm buying, so, take me somewhere I can buy us a slice of pie."
___
“You want some pie now, do you?” he asked, with a grin. “I would definitely be up for some pie.” His arm remained around Dean’s waist, telling himself it was due to the fact that Dean was drunk and needed to be supported while walking. Definitely not because he enjoyed being this close to the man. Of course not.
“Let’s go to the diner. We can get all the pie we want.” Because he figured the diner was open at this hour of the night. He didn’t believe that Horst’s would be open. So the diner it was.
So he headed toward the diner, keeping his arm around Dean still. He was rather enjoying the closeness.
---
"Hmm, pie, yes, I love me some pie." Even with Lisa, Dean had always been a little distant, but with Cas, it felt different. He didn't have to pretend as much, he was more comfortable with being himself around the other man. "The diner sounds good, I can get a burger too." He added with a nod, falling quiet on the walk there.
They were seated at a table and Dean sat across from the angel, one elbow on the table so he could lean his head on his hand, while his other hand flipped idly through the menu. "Cas, I- you know, I don't think I thanked you for everything with Lisa." Change of subject, that was always good. "You didn't have to do that, but I'm glad you did, so, thank you."
___
“Hey. I told you I’d do it. I wouldn’t want to go back on my word to you.” He grinned across the table at Dean before starting to flip through the menu at the diner. “You should have a bacon cheeseburger or something. Lots and lots on fries to share with me.” Because he wasn’t exactly sure he wanted food of his own.
“And pie. Apple pie.” He nodded at this, and looked over at Dean momentarily. “Unless there’s other pie you’d rather have?” Because he wasn’t too terribly picky. “We can have more than one piece, even.”
---
Castiel rarely smiled and for the second time in less than a week, he was doing it again, and it reminded him of the moments just before The Empty swallowed him whole. He looked back at Cas with a weak smile and immediately dropped his gaze to the menu. "Yeah, bacon cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate milkshake, with apple pie and possibly others for dessert. What's a few extra pounds anyway?"
He reached down to pat his stomach dramatically, not really caring one way or the other. "Cas, did you-" before he could finish his question, the waitress came up for their order and Dean ordered for them what he had just said, with two extra sides of fries, plus a milkshake for Cas as well. He handed over the menu and reached for his glass of water as the waitress left.
"You really just came right here? There was nothing in between?"
___
“Yes, because you need to worry about gaining a few pounds, Dean,” Cas said with a smirk. “I was going to say something, but I wasn’t sure how until you mentioned it.” He snickered softly, shaking his head slightly. “A chocolate milkshake sounds wonderful.” And he smiled momentarily when Dean ordered him a milkshake. It was almost as though Dean knew him or something.
“I really just came right here. No Empty, nothing.” He shrugged as he spoke. “I am not quite sure why you arrived back in Madison Valley before I did. But I swear, I came directly here after I left you.”
Madison Valley was weird like that. Their life back home was weird, too. Sometimes it didn’t need any explanation. Mainly because it didn’t have any explanation.
---
No Empty, good, that was a good thing. As he had been sobbing on the floor of the bunker, he had already started to think about a way of getting into the Empty, but it seemed impossible. The only way he could get there was if he died as a demon, or an angel, and there was just no possible way he could think of. Then again, he had only been there for about thirty minutes before he found himself returned to Madison Valley. He hadn’t known what to feel at first, and his first thought had been Castiel. His hopes had been quickly dashed after he found out the angel had left, and he wanted nothing to do with anyone.
“Yeah, I don’t know why either, but, I’m glad you’re here.” Dean looked back at him with a hesitant smile and fell silent for a bit. He had kissed Castiel, and there was a part of him that very much wanted to do it again. He wanted to wrap his arms around the angel and fall asleep with him, but that would be beyond weird. “I would ask if you’re looking forward to Thanksgiving, but it probably doesn’t matter very much to you.”
___
“I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, actually,” he admitted. What he didn’t admit was why he was looking forward to Thanksgiving. Not to Dean, anyway. He couldn’t admit it to Dean. To Sam, Adam, anyone else who asked, he would. The last Thanksgiving he had spent in Madison Valley, just last year, that was when he admitted he had feelings for Balthazar. That was when he and Balthazar had started sleeping together. Because of course they had started sleeping together before entering a proper relationship.
He wouldn’t admit that to Dean, not after admitting to the man that he loved him. That would just be… strange, and inappropriate. He at least was able to tell when some things were inappropriate.
“Perhaps we can have Thanksgiving at the house,” he suggested. “Invite Sam and Shosanna, and Adam and Katie.”
--
“Thanksgiving at the house?” He could invite Lisa and Ben, but, was that really something he wanted to deal with? Having everyone over, like some weird fucked up family? He and Lisa were only friends, but maybe he would be able to get through it with her at his side. “Yeah, sure, we can do that.” Dean nodded in agreement and turned his head to give the waitress a smile when she set down their shakes. He took a long drink and began playing with his straw. “I’ll have Lisa and Ben come over, too. It will be nice and cozy for everyone.” His comment was partially sarcastic, but he didn’t know if Cas would pick up on that.
“Mercy said everyone usually opens up their home to anyone and you can just eat all day. I’m kind of looking forward to it. I might cook, not sure what.”
___
Castiel eyed Dean for a moment. “You can invite Lisa and Ben if you want,” he decided. “We can’t let everything get awkward.” Or, more awkward than Castiel would likely already make it. Because everyone knew that Castiel had the ability to make everything awkward. It was one of his best skills, really.
“Mercy of the brownies?” he asked. “You should go to Mercy’s if you want. Don’t let me hold you back.”
He didn’t want to make Dean do something he didn’t want to do.
---
“I didn’t realize I needed your permission.” Dean muttered under his breath and began to stir his straw around in the shake. “Why would it be awkward?” He questioned with a raised brow and pulled the straw from the shake to suck it clean. “I think it will be a great time.” He slipped the straw back into his shake and moved his gaze to watch the front door.
“If you mean Mercy as in, the woman who apparently makes brownies that are to die for, then yes, Mercy of the brownies.” Don’t let him hold him back? “Cas, you’ve known me for how long now? Over ten years, right? When, in the history of knowing me, have I ever done something I didn’t actually want to do? Never, Cas, the answer is never. If I want to invite Lisa and Ben, I will. If I want to eat at Mercy’s, then I will. If I want to eat alone, then I will. Whatever I want to do, I’m going to do it.”
___
"Maybe I should go," Castiel said, softly. "You know. Go home to someone who actually appreciates the fact that I love him and would die for him…" Yes, Cas would leave Dean here, no matter how drunk Dean happened to be. He knew the man would make it home in one piece.
He rose from his spot at the table, "Do what you want on Thanksgiving. I just think having a normal holiday for once would be good for you."
He rested his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I don't want to lose you, Dean."
---
There it was, the proverbial slap in the face. “Yeah, go home to someone you killed when you were on a power trip. You do that, Cas, and you tell him I said hi.” Dean spat angrily, ready to fling the shake in his face. “I already fucking told you that whatever I want to do, I’ll do it, and I don’t give a fuck what you think.” He jerked his shoulder away roughly and slid a little further into the booth. “I’ll just give Lisa a call, she never leaves.” Dean growled and dropped his gaze to his hands on the table. “Fucking asshole.”
___
“I’m not leaving you, Dean,” he said, softly. “I just think you would be happier with someone like Lisa. Because I am not leaving Balthazar, Dean. He has loved me since before I can remember. And not solely because I loved him. He loved me before he knew how I felt.” He sighed softly, his eyes closing for a moment. “I will never stop loving you, but… I will never stop loving Balthazar, either.”
He took a step from Dean, eyeing the man for a moment.
“I am sorry,Dean.”
---
“Good, good for you, Cas. I’m so happy for you.” He growled, refusing to look at the angel while he sipped his chocolate shake. It had been a cheap dig to throw in Lisa, but he was the one who had started with Balthazar. “You’re leaving now, and that’s fine, go do you. Get your man back. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you.”
The waitress came by and dropped the plates on the table before walking away, not wanting to get in the middle of whatever they had going on.
“I’ll see you soon, Cas. I’ve been staying with Lisa so I won’t be home, and I’m not sure when. So, have a good one.”
___