undunoops (undunoops) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2009-08-30 23:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | retro fest |
RETRO FEST FIC: Recovery Position, NC-17, 11/12
Title: “Recovery Position”
Author: undun
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Severus/Remus, Severus/other
Challenge: lupin_snape Retrofest
Summary: Retro Fest Prompt 44. OotP era- "Moony, you alright? I heard you groaning and--CHRIST! Shit, Moony, sorry, I didn't rea--wait...is that SNAPE?!"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit creative work and is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Harry Potter creator/s. This work constitutes transformative, non-profit use of copyrighted material.
Warnings: Drug use in Chapter 2, self-medicating drunkenness, and general thick-headedness throughout.
Notes: I owe a huge debt of gratitude to some awesome betas, who have helped me whip this story into something coherent. Starting with Resonant about 4 years ago, and in recent weeks _lore (of awe-inspiring awesomeness); she very gently bullied me into finishing this story in time to submit for Retro Fest. You will notice the story is not the neatest fit for the prompt, but the opportunity to participate was too seductive! Last minute hand holding and critical appraisal was provided by psyfic, who I want to be like when I grow up. Any further furfies you see are my own and no one elses. A huge thank you to our Fest organiser, scribbulus_ink for this event!
Word count: About twenty-six and a half thousand all up.
11. “Naked Faith”
It is the morning after my unplanned assignation with Potter. I need to see Lupin but I well know how depleted he will be after last night’s transformation. Still, I’m not terribly fussy – I don’t really have a pressing desire to speak to him, I just want to reassure myself with his presence. The revelation that Lupin loves me is new and untested and I want to make certain that I haven’t imagined it. I have spent the hours before dawn in a state of utmost tension, working at my guilt and fear like a troublesome splinter. They refuse to budge for all my efforts.
Does Lupin really love me, or is this the raving of an unbalanced intellect? Somehow I expect his mere presence to resolve this question. I don’t care to dwell on how frightfully unrealistic this expectation is, so I make my way to his quarters indecently early, wondering how the hell I will be able to rouse him from his exhausted slumber long enough to let me in.
I knock on his door after another bout of uncertainty with the whole situation. Black answers it in vest and pyjama pants. For a wild second I think that I have somehow arrived at the wrong door.
“He’s asleep, Snape,” he greets me with the surly pronouncement.
“What are you doing here?” Have I been right about these two all along? My stomach fills with a cold lump. Has Lupin turned to Black for solace? Has he given up on me, thinking that I would take up with Potter once more?
“I brought him some breakfast but I’ll have to come back later and wake him up to eat it. He’s dead to the world.” His tone is oddly unaggressive as he looks back over his shoulder to the room behind. I can’t see a damn thing past his bulk.
“There’s no need to return, Black. I’ll stay with him until he awakens.” He looks back at me in disbelief.
“You what?”
“”I said I’ll…”
“I heard you!”
I sigh in exasperation, “Then why did…”
“I just didn’t believe it!”
“What is so unbelievable about…” I begin.
“You never do favours for anyone, Snape!”
Am I ever to finish a sentence in the presence of this imbecile? This time I choose to remain silent, not moving from my position in front of the door. Black’s blue gaze rests on me for an uncomfortable length of time. He narrows his eyes, I raise my eyebrow. Some seconds tick by while we maintain this childish staring contest. I will not be cowed. I will not give in. Black suddenly breaks into an enormous yawn.
“Barmaid keep you busy last night?” I enquire thoughtfully.
“Shut-up and come in, Snape.” He steps back and I am finally permitted to enter. I’ve never been inside Lupin’s rooms. I’d always delivered Lupin’s Wolfsbane to him in his office, or tracked him to the staffroom. I look around slowly. It’s very… homey. Not as tatty as its occupant usually looks, some obviously old furniture, but substantial, and originally of quality.
It’s the little details that reflect Lupin… tartan cushions, by Merlin! And hand-crocheted rugs folded over the chairs. There is a tea service that seems to be in permanent residence on the low table in front of the settee. Royal Dalton, if I’m not mistaken, complete with chipped cups and a crack in the lid of the teapot.
It’s like visiting a member of the gentry fallen on hard times. I’m left wondering how he managed to salvage all this from the castle… or maybe he didn’t. Maybe this is the last of the Lupin Estate. It’s a depressing thought.
“Make yourself at home then. I suppose I’ll go and get some more sleep.” I turn to look at Black after this expressionless announcement. “And, erm, sorry about hitting you before.”
Good Merlin! An apology from Black. It’s bizarre enough to stun me into speechlessness.
He holds my gaze for a second, then gives a brief nod as he opens the door and leaves. I’m not sure what to make of this seeming capitulation, but it is a relief not to have to spar with him while I am in this preoccupied state.
I move inevitably towards the bedroom. Opening the door, I see Lupin, not in the bed, but lying on the hearthrug in front of the dying embers of the fireplace. It looks as if Black has just thrown a blanket over his sleeping form and left him to it. I look around and see the tray of food on a small, round table in the corner. There is a wand next to it which I assume it is Lupin’s. On the nearby chair I can see his neatly piled, shabby clothes. He is naked. Of course he would be. A wizard in Lupin’s apparent state of poverty would not risk his robes being torn during transformation.
I can’t help but think that he will wake up cold and cramping if I leave him there, so I step closer to his sleeping form and bend to lift him. He’s heavier than his slight frame would have one believe, and a weight that is comfortable when draped over oneself on a bed is not particularly comfortable when one has to lift it from floor level. As I stagger to his bed I reflect that I am surely too old for such chivalrous behaviour. I drop him from an inconsiderate height in an effort to spare my back any further torture. He yelps himself awake and lunges upwards. I yelp in return when his fingers claw at my neck.
“Severus!”
“Indeed, it is I,” I confirm a little breathlessly.
“What are you doing here?” he rasps.
“Apparently no earthly good whatsoever.” I can’t help feeling a touch morose at the turn the morning is taking. His blanket has slipped down, though, so I treat myself to a considered study of his chest and stomach. As I watch, his skin goosepimples. I look up at his face to see his knowing smile, and a surprising little blush! “Lupin, you’re blushing!”
“Bollocks.”
“You must be cold? Everywhere but your face, that is,” I tease.
“Yes. But you look warm.”
We stare at each other for a beat, then, “May I get in with you?” comes out of my mouth at the same time as his, “Would you like to get in with me?” comes out of his. He laughs and adds, “Oh, that can’t be a good sign, Sev.” And yawns so widely that I can hear jawbone creaking.
I start stripping off my robes and shoes. “Get under the covers, you need to sleep.” I take off my trousers as well and join him in his bed. It smells of him, and for some reason this relaxes me. He turns on his side and regards me sleepily.
“I didn’t expect to see you for another two days,” he remarks.
“So sorry to disappoint you, Lupin.” He moves closer as I am speaking and begins kissing my neck.
“It’s not a disappointment, quite the opposite.” I have my eyes closed, but I know the moment that he stops. His whole body tenses beside me. I hear him take a deep lungful of air. I don’t want to open my eyes.
“Lupin, it’s not what you think,” I begin.
“You’ve been with Harry.” It is a bare whisper. I feel physical pain at the sound of it – an unbearable tearing and wrenching. Not now, not after all this!
“I saw him last night. I got him off… and that was enough to show me the error of my ways. I want to be with you. Please, Lupin – please believe me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I don’t want… I know… that I can’t make any more – not with you.” He has moved away from me, no longer touching me, as I have babbled. He frowns a little.
“You’re babbling,” he states bluntly.
“I know. I think I’m scared. Bloody terrified, actually.” I am shocked by this observation, and, weirdly, it takes the edge off my anxiety.
“What are you scared of, Severus?” Lupin asks. The answer is easy. He is still frowning slightly, but some of the stiffness has gone from his shoulders.
“I’m afraid of fucking it all up.” I confess with a rueful smile. I know full well how successful I am at intimate relationships – that is to say, not at all.
“What exactly are you afraid of fucking up?” His frown has muted to a look of amused curiosity.
“This… here,” I wave my hand in a vague gesture towards him. Lupin’s eyebrows lift in question. The bastard is going to make me say it! I glare at him in protest – it has no effect. “You and me.” I finally mutter.
“Ah.” Is that all the bastard is going to say? Have I been wrong (yet again) about everything? I find that I can’t bear to look into his eyes any longer and I study the wall behind him instead. “So. You’re over Harry, then?” The question startles me. Haven’t I just said as much? Perhaps I’m not the only insecure, fumbling idiot here this morning.
“Yes. We are still on speaking terms and I have promised him my friendship, but that’s all.” I look back to see his reaction. He looks thoughtful.
“And… you want a relationship with me?” Oh, this is getting ludicrous!
“Lupin, we already have a fucking relationship!” Why this should cause him to laugh breathlessly I can’t imagine. Until I clear my mind and reflect on my choice of words.
“Well, it certainly has been that, Sev!” he gasps out when his chortles allow speech. “Do you want more, then?” he asks, his eyes filled with sleepy mischief.
“I really think I do.” I answer. I have a sense of stepping out into a void; I can see nothing and I have no idea how to proceed. Honesty could perhaps be useful at this point, “Hold me, Remus?” He smiles gently and moves to push me onto my back. His warm body climbs atop me, and his lips make contact briefly with mine before he lays his head in the crook of my shoulder. I can feel the serenity slowly seeping in through the pores of my skin, and, as I have never felt such a thing myself, I can only assume that it comes directly from Lupin.
“I love you.” The admission is so taxing that I promptly fall asleep.
*** *** ***
Dumbledore comes to me in my sleep. I know that I am sleeping because when he offers me one of his damnable lemon drops I accept it. I hate the things, but for some reason this one tastes like Lupin’s lips. Rather satisfying.
“I see you’ve worked it all out, dear boy,” Albus comments.
“I bloody hope so, otherwise I’ve just brushed off an irresistible teenaged wizard for nothing!”
He chuckles appreciatively at this and continues talking in his customary paternal tone (death seems not to have inconvenienced him in the slightest), “You are making Remus happy, very happy, you know.” His eyes drift half shut, “I have been so worried about him over the years. He has been remarkably resilient though, carrying this burden, hidden from all… except me of course.” His eyes snap open to stare intently at me, as if he is waiting for my response. I have no idea what the old coot is on about but I murmur, “ of course”, not wanting to appear dim. His smile tells me I haven’t succeeded in hiding my lack of brilliance from his omnipotent gaze. Well, it’s not the first time, and the way he has singled me out in the after life, I daresay it won’t be the last. It’s a pity really. Of all our fallen he has most certainly earned his share of peace.
“Albus, you should move on now.” I’m aghast that I have dared to instruct the headmaster. I blame my sleeping state for my presumption. I really am concerned about him, and I can’t help but try to ease his pain – the thing that holds him here. “We will all get through this time. It has been difficult, but you have taught us all well, Albus – you have made us strong.” Such eloquence! I never would have dreamt up such inspiring words had I been awake. I probably won’t even remember any of it either. What a shame.
My apparition shakes his head slowly, a fond smile on his face. “Just a little longer, Severus, my boy… just a little longer. I wish to see Harry happy again before I go.”
Bloody hell. That could be a while. “Please, Albus – don’t leave it too long! You will miss your chance!”
“Don’t excite yourself, Severus. There is nothing to fear,” he whispers as he starts to fade from view. There bloody is something to fear! He may be trapped here for all time.
“Albus! Come back! Listen to me!”
*** *** ***
“Albus!”
“Whassit?” Remus’ tousled head rises groggily from my chest.
“I had… a dream?” I blink at the dimly lit room. Wisps of memory fade from my mind leaving me vaguely anxious.
“About Dumbledore?” he rasps.
“Yes. I think so. I don’t remember…” I sigh, giving up any hope of making sense of my vague fears. I drag my fingers through his hair. It looks like so much straw, but it feels so soft. He smiles tiredly.
“Are you okay?” He nuzzles at my neck as he phrases the query.
“You’re always asking me if I’m alright! I’m not the one that has to suffer metabolic changes through each full moon.” I take a handful of hair and drag him up to look him in the eye. “I have never felt better in my entire life.” I state slowly and deliberately. He’s getting that dewy eyed look again, but this time it doesn’t confuse me. I roll over and pin his naked little self underneath me.
“What’s the time?” he asks with a wicked grin.
“It’s time for me to fuck you clear through to the floor, Remus,” I reply. I undo my shirt buttons and wriggle out of my underwear as he gazes up at me in amusement.
“Now hold still, this won’t take too long,” I grin maniacally down at him.
“Never were truer words spoken.”
Cheeky bugger! “Would you like a gag?”
“No thanks, Sev.”
“Then shut up and spread them!”
*** *** ***
It’s when I am deep inside Remus that snippets of the conversation from my dream rise inappropriately from my subconscious. Something about Lupin carrying a secret for years? Something other than being a Werewolf? Remus contracts around me and I, happily, lose my train of thought. I slide slowly back along his passage, slowly… back in… I am sweating with the effort required to control my speed and movement. I’ve never been inclined to take my time with him before now, selfishly using him for the most part, not that he ever complained – quite enjoyed it on occasion, I think. This time is different.
I have him on his side with one leg bent towards his chest, leaving him conveniently easy for me to penetrate. This position leaves him relaxed, but also able to angle his head enough for me to kiss him, to watch him as he watches me. He knows it’s different – his eyes show things that he has never let me see before. He shudders often, his whole body shaking, and when I place my hand around his erection he whimpers, “No!” I move my hand to his chest, stroking through his fur. He turns his face and finds my mouth with his, tracing over my lips with his tongue. “I want to last as long as possible,” he explains in a rough tone – almost subvocal, almost animalistic, as though it were a growl impersonating a voice.
“Hmmmm, yesssss,” I agree. I’m incredibly aroused, filling and filled to bursting, but I know that I can last. I’ve reached a plateau and I am perched precariously on its edge, watching and feeling for Remus’ flight. I’m giving him the fuck of his life. If that doesn’t guarantee me a relationship then I am hanging myself tomorrow.
He shivers all over once more. I run my eyes over his body and now I think that could have been a mistake, because I have observed his cock weeping – a strand of pre-ejaculate falling to the bed, still connected like the webbing from a spider. I can feel my penis throbbing inside his tight, tight channel. “Oh, fuck,” I whisper against his ear. I’m losing it – a hot tingle begins to swell through my abdomen.
“Oh, fuck!” he screams in reply, and thrashes around the bed, pushing his arse back further onto me, as I instinctively push further into him, but I can’t get any further into him without surgery. I want to push myself in there, I want a longer cock, I want to be inside his skin, to be Lupin…
His left hand claws at my left buttock, his right hand tears the sheet from the edge of the mattress and his whole body stiffens. I force my eyes to stay open and watch as his prick pulses and bursts forth–Merlin! He feels wonderful, but it is the sight of his climax that sends me over into orgasm. It is the emotion rather than the physical sensation that fills me with ecstasy, and suddenly I understand why Lupin has been able to put up with my previous sexual selfishness.
I thrust weakly, haphazardly, trembling as I come down. When I am fully sensible of myself I am shocked to find that I have been munching – not very gently – on Remus’ neck. “Um, you might need a high collar today,” I remark. He chuckles weakly and slides off my softening prick with a sigh. It feels wrong not to be inside him.
“Severus,” he begins, then stops. I watch in concern as he turns to face me.
“What? What is it?” I can’t bear the suspense, or the distance. I pull his face closer and stroke his hair with my fingers.
“Severus… I didn’t know you could be like this.”
Is that all? I smile back at him when I have kissed him enough to be going on with. “To be honest, neither did I.” I curl my lip a little, just for old times sake, as I add, “You’ve inspired me.”
He snorts and pushes me onto my back, “Move over, there’s a wet spot here!” And he lays over the top of my sweaty, replete self.
Nothing could be sweeter.
I hope, with mute desperation, that Harry Potter also finds what he is looking for.
*** *** ***
TBC