Bring me the nastiest colours known to humanity (blpaintchart) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2007-10-17 12:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic: pg13, resurrection fest |
Week Three: Wednesday Woot!
Wednesday already, eh?
So, I thought in order to celebrate what shall now be known as Week Three's Wednesday Woot! We would have a little break from AU, and instead try a drabble cluster where nobody goes to the cinema, studies anthropology, or needs an aeroplane in order to fly.
In other words, something *gasp* nearly canon-compliant!
But don't worry if it's not up your alley; normal AU service will be resumed tomorrow.
Title: Rub a Dub Dub, Three Wizards in a Pub
Author: blpaintchart
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't earn the cash.
Word count: 100 x 10
Summary: They cheated death, and now they need a drink. (And so does Lucius.)
“Hahahaha! You sneaky bugger!”
“It’s delightful to see you too, Lupin.”
“I knew it! I knew you weren’t dead!”
“Indeed. Congratulations on your truly brilliant powers of perception.”
“It’s your round, then.”
“Pardon?”
“We’re going to the Three Broomsticks, and it’s your round.”
“In case you didn’t notice wolf, I have just narrowly escaped with my life from the clutches of a psychopathic megalomaniac and his bloody big snake…”
“I know. Good show!”
“…after what must have been one of the worst academic years in the history of education...”
“Yes, poor you! Anyway, it’s over now, and mine’s a whisky.”
“Two whiskies please.”
“Cheers, Severus! What shall we drink to?”
“Let’s simply drink, shall we?”
“How about ‘to a better life after death’?”
“Well, if that’s your wish…”
“Yes?”
“…it would appear to be in no danger of being granted.”
“Pardon?”
“Malfoy at six’o’clock.”
“Ahahahaha! You’re alive, you sneaky bugger!”
“Indeed, Lucius. I decided it would be a pity to die, and have to miss out on this exciting repetition of people stating the bloody obvious.”
“Well, old friend, I must say how pleased I am to find that you made it.”
“Really?”
“Certainly. You can buy me a whisky.”
“So, let me get this straight. The Dark Lord is dead.”
“Yes.”
“The remaining Death Eaters have disbanded.”
“Yes. We intend to lead blameless lives from now on.”
“No more handicrafts then?”
“Well, Severus, I can’t promise that.”
“Is Hogwarts still standing?”
“Well, ish.”
“What do you mean, ‘ish’?”
“It’s reasonably fucked. But nothing that can’t be fixed.”
“And Potter is alive.”
“Yes.”
“So the news isn’t entirely good, then.”
“Come now Severus, don’t be like that. The main thing is that we’re alive! Have another whisky.”
“Thank you, Lupin.”
“Oh, don’t thank me. I put it on your account.”
“So, Severus, tell us how you escaped the mad old bastard then.”
“Dumbledore? I thought you already knew that story, wolf.”
Nah…not Dumbles, the snakey-face one, whassis name? Blimey this whisky is powerful stuff, eh?”
“The Dark Lord?”
“Thassim!”
“Well, as you know, he set his bloody big snake on me.”
“I can’t bear reptiles.”
“Indeed, Lucius. You were always rather squeamish for a Slytherin.”
“True. But I was best at crotchet.”
“Quite. Where were we?”
“Bloody big snake, Snape. That sounded funny. Hahahaha.”
“Oh yes,
“Nagini.”
“Stupid name, however it’s pronounced. It bit me.”
“So, how…..?”
“Bezoar. Obviously.”
“What were we drinking to?”
“I thought we were just drinking!”
“Whatever. Lucius, your cane is giving me a nasty look.”
“Hmmm. He does that sometimes. Another whisky should stop him.”
“Good idea! Wolf, do the honours would you?”
“Me? But I don’t erm…”
“Have any money? I suppose you wouldn’t. Really Severus, you ought to know better than choosing a drinking companion who’s bankrupt.”
“I didn’t really choose him, he chose me, isn’t that right? Ah, what does it matter? At least I’m alive”
“Yes you are, you sneaky bugger! Drink up! Then we’ll go back to the Manor.”
“I’m alive, too.”
“Yes, Lupin, we had noticed.”
“But I was dead.”
“Pardon?”
“No, I mean…what do I mean?”
“You’re so drunk, there’s no telling what you mean.”
“Telling! That’s it! I died in battle, but now I’m alive. And the reason I’m alive is because I had to tell you…”
“So you’re a sneaky bugger too? Good. Have another drink. Severus and I must be going…”
“I think I was given another chance.”
“Good for you. Are you coming, Severus?”
“I want him coming with me.”
“What did you say, Lupin?”
“Severus, you’re the reason. You’re my second chance.”
“Well well, if this isn’t where the wolf makes a declaration of undying love for the Potions Master!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lucius!”
“No Severus, your Aryan wet-dream is right.”
“Am I? Really? Well, that was a lucky guess then!”
“Lupin, you mean …?”
“Yes.”
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“You really do…”
“Completely.”
“Since when?”
“I can hardly remember.”
“Well, that’s not surprising, with all that whisky inside.”
“I meant forever.”
“Oh.”
“Ha! The Master and the Wolf!”
“Shouldn’t you be going, Malfoy?”
“There’s no hurry! I’m eager to see how this little scene concludes first.”
“Lupin, I don’t know what to say.”
“Ask him about his wife. Go on.”
“Good point. Why would you abandon your young family?”
“I didn’t. They were just a cover story.”
“Really?”
“Honestly. You don’t think I’d actually call a child of mine ‘Teddy’ do you? I’m not a sadist.”
“Pity.”
“Stay out of it, Malfoy.”
“Sorry. More whisky, anyone?”
“No. What do you think, Severus?”
“I think you’re right about Lucius.”
“Pardon?”
“Aryan wet-dream! Very droll.”
“Is that an ‘I love you, Remus’?”
“Certainly not!”
“Oh. Perhaps I’d better leave.”
“But it could be a ‘Please shag me senseless, Remus.’”
“Excuse me! I am still here!”
“Sorry, Lucius. Didn’t mean to offend your delicate sensibilities.”
“You’re forgiven. Go and sweep your wolf off his paws then.”
“Oh, I hardly think I’m the type to be swept away.”
“You will be when you see it!”
“See what? Hang on, I thought you two weren’t actually…”
“No Lupin, we’re not.”
“His new talent is very impressive.”
“New talent? What do you mean?”
“I can fly.”
“You can fly?”
“Yes.”
“You can fucking fly?”
“Well, I haven’t had the opportunity to test in that way yet, but we could always…”
“You sneaky bugger.”
“That’s sneaky flying bugger to you.”
“Happy?”
“Oh dear. I knew it was too good to be true.”
“Pardon?”
“You are obviously confusing me with somebody else.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I am Severus Bloody Snape. Happiness is not part of the package.”
“Content, then?”
“Except for the agonising wound, the impending monstrous hangover, and the unusual sensation of flying through the air being straddled by a werewolf, yes, I suppose I am.”
“That’s good. And what I can feel of the Severus Snape package makes me very happy indeed.”
“Are you always this filthy-minded?”
“Usually.”
“Excellent. A better life after death, indeed!”