Omni (omni_sama) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-09-17 01:59:00 |
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Current mood: | tired |
Entry tags: | fic: nc17, fic: pg |
Fic: Maska Komodias (overall rating NC-17; part 1/?)
Title: Maska Komodias
Chapter: 1: Eye Holes
Author: Omni (aka: rip_von_christ)
Rating: Overall= NC-17; current chapter= PG
Pairing: Lupin/Snape
Warnings: None for this chapter
Dislcaimer: I claim no rights to the characters, just the situations in which I'm placing them.
Summary: After the events of OotP and before HBP. Lupin is about to head out on a mission for which he is ill equipped. Severus, it seems, is the only one who can assist him. The last thing Severus needs at the moment is one more task to weigh him down, when he's already trying to cope with all that Albus is asking of him.
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“Smile” is such a vague term. One does not merely smile. Smiles are not merely actions. There were many reasons to smile, many emotions that could be framed or masked by one. Severus Snape hated smiles. To him, smiles were synonymous with lies.
Dumbledore smiled to make people believe everything was alright, even if the world was crashing down around them. Lucius smiled to appear less like the condescending snake that he was. Black smiled so people would think he actually cared. And Lupin… Well, Severus wasn’t entirely certain why Lupin smiled. All he was certain of was that it was fake.
Severus hated Lupin’s smiles. More than he hated Dumbledore’s fake cheer or Lucius and Black’s false friendliness (though, Severus himself had always been on the receiving end of Black’s far more honest sneers). He hated the way Lupin’s lips tugged up, dimpling his cheeks and crinkling the corners of his eyes. He hated it because those eyes never matched the smile, outside of those crinkles. Even Dumbledore managed to make his eyes twinkle when he slipped into his cheerful charade. Lupin, it seemed, had not yet perfected his skills and could not help but let his true feelings haunt his eyes. To Severus, it truly did look as though Lupin were wearing a mask whenever he smiled—a mask that covered his entire face save for the cut-out eye holes. It was…disturbing.
The Order meeting had already ended, yet Severus lingered while the others filed out. There were things to discuss with Dumbledore, of course. There were always things to discuss—things to argue. The meeting had taken place at Hogwarts, since there were some ownership issues to iron out regarding Grimmauld Place. Towards the end of the meeting, Dumbledore had explained that he would be visiting Potter tonight to settle these issues, since start of term was just around the corner and the Order could not continue to have their meetings at the school.
Frowning, Severus watched as Dumbledore and Lupin chatted, the two of them offering friendly nods or smiles in response to the other members that passed, but neither of them pausing in speech as they spoke in soft tones. A mission, then, Severus concluded as he surreptitiously tried to read their lips. Dumbledore must be giving Lupin some orders or discussing future plans. While appearing to be wholly absorbed in a study of the bust of an ancient wizarding scholar, Severus watched Dumbledore smile reassuringly while doing his best to distract Lupin from focusing on a shriveled and blackened hand. Severus knew from experience that it was hard not to be distracted by it. Then again, perhaps it was worse for him, considering what the hand was a reminder of.
Severus frowned at the bust as he watched Lupin return Dumbledore’s smiles, that disturbing mask slipping so easily into place on the werewolf’s face. They were both lying to each other, Severus knew. They were both assuring the other that everything would be fine, that they were each fine, that the world was fine. It made Severus sick. Nothing was fine; everything was rotten. Rotten like the gnarled hand.
Dumbledore suddenly lifted his hand—his good hand—to catch Severus’ attention. Surprised, Severus abandoned the bust and made his way over to the only other two people who remained in the room. “I insist, Remus, truly. For tonight at the very least,” heard Severus, catching the tail end of Dumbledore and Lupin’s conversation.
“Only because you insist, Albus,” surrendered Lupin, self-depreciating smile sliding across his lips. “But only for tonight. I’ll somehow figure something out for tomorrow on.”
Ah yes, Severus mentally nodded, Lupin was homeless now. Severus recalled hearing something about how he had stayed a couple days at the Weasleys, as well as with Tonks for a day or two, and perhaps even Kingsley. Now it seemed he was to be squatting at the school until he could find a more permanent place to stay—for Severus knew better than to think Dumbledore would simply let Lupin leave without having a new residence confirmed.
“Good night, Severus,” Lupin offered, smiling that damn smile. But when Severus offered an echo of a response in the form of a deep-toned murmur, he was surprised to see those eyes match that smile for the briefest of seconds. Before he could ponder on it too long—was it a trick of the flickering light?—Lupin was heading out one door and Dumbledore was motioning for Severus to leave with him out another.
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Exhausted, his own yelling still ringing in his ears, Severus made his way slowly down the seemingly endless halls towards the main entrance. Fool. He was a fool. So much of his life sacrificed to protect her son, and evidently it would all be for naught. Part of him wondered if Dumbledore hadn’t told him this just to provoke enough anger and bitterness from Severus to make his vow easier to fulfill. You can’t cast an unforgivable without meaning it, after all.
As he exited onto the main steps, he was startled to find Lupin sitting right smack in the middle. Severus stood there at the top, wondering if he should turn back and find a different exit, or if it was even too late for that and Lupin had heard him. This was only a brief moment of weakness on Severus’ part, however, lasting only a matter of seconds. To turn and run away would be cowardice, and really there was nothing intimidating about Lupin that could provoke such a response from Severus. It isn’t cowardice to not have any desire to engage in pointless chit-chat with the man, a voice in Severus’ head piped up in defense. Yes, that was the only reason for his hesitation. Well, he was a brave man who has faced far worse than the likes of Lupin and his inane blather. Straightening his back, Severus proceeded down the steps.
“Your meeting with Albus took longer than I thought it would…” Having intended to ignore Lupin’s presence entirely, Severus found his feet betraying him as they came to a stop two steps below where the man sat. Biting back a sigh, he turned his body to look back up at Lupin with a questioning raise of his eyebrows. When he did so, he found the werewolf gazing at him with an honest face for once, every feature matching the sad intensity of those eyes.
“You were waiting for me?” Severus heard himself ask, then mentally cursed himself for being drawn into conversation.
He watched as a smile stretched Lupin’s lips thin and tight, but he was intrigued to see that the smile was not a mask this time. It was a smile that went with his eyes perfectly, all pain and uncertainty. “I wanted to talk with you about something.”
Not trivial small talk, then. Lupin would not have sat out here for this long waiting for Severus just so he could talk about the weather. For the life of him, though, Severus could not think of anything Lupin would have need to discuss with him. Curiosity, he told himself, was the only reason he stayed. “Concerning?”
Lupin’s eyes fell and he answered while staring vaguely in the direction of Severus’ feet. “I need your help.”
“With what, exactly?” Severus guessed it likely had something to do with the mission Albus had assigned Lupin earlier, but he could not see how he’d be any help. If Albus had wanted Severus to aid Lupin, he would have said so, adding it to the ever-growing list of responsibilities.
“Albus wants me to integrate myself amongst the werewolves and try to convince some to join our side or to at least stop them from joining Voldemort.”
At first Severus still could not see how this had anything to do with him, and then the realization came to him like a bubble rising slowly to the surface and popping with sudden clarity. “In other words, you are to become a spy.”
“Yes.”
“And you want my help? In what way?”
“Many.” Lupin raised his eyes and locked gazes with Severus once again. “Any tips or pointers would of course be greatly appreciated. But what I need help with most is Occlumency.”
“Beg pardon?” That certainly was an unexpected request. The tips Severus could understand, but training in Occlumency…?
“I never had training in that, really. Seems bad for a former DADA professor to know so little about defending his own mind, but… I mean, you can ask me about any dark creature, and I’ll know how to defend against it. Even most curses. Just not…” Lupin’s eyes darted away again, and the smile worn by his lips was one of his typical masks. He was nervous, though, Severus could read that clearly despite the smile.
“You mean to say you’ve no idea how to—”
“Oh, no! I know how to. Sort of. Well… Let’s just say that I can resist an Imperius, but I probably couldn’t hold up against a powerful Legilimens.”
Severus clearly saw the problem now. If Lupin was to be a spy, he needed to be skilled at Occlumency. There were plenty of Death Eaters skilled at Legilimency. If one of them encountered Lupin and did even the slightest bit of mental probing, his cover would be well and truly blown. Turning away from the werewolf, Severus gazed out at the dark grounds of the school while doing some mental calculations. “How long are you staying here?” he finally asked after allowing minutes to tick by in silence.
“I had only planned to stay the one ni—”
“Let us cut the act, yes? We both know very well that there is no way Albus will let you leave until you have a set place to stay.” Severus paused for a second as another realization came to him. “Or until you are ready to take on your mission.” He looked back at Lupin, but the other’s eyes were still turned away. “I’ll return tomorrow, though I’m not certain what time. We’ll asses your current Occlumency skills then, and determine how much work needs to be done. Hopefully you’ll be a better study than Potter.”
A smirk tugged at a corner of Lupin’s lips, but it seemed he was unable to fully summon one of his smiles. Slowly amber eyes rose and stared directly into Severus’ own. A dangerous habit when one is in the presence of a high level Legilimens and possesses substandard Occlumency skills. If he wanted to, Severus could invade Lupin’s mind, plumb its depths and draw out every fear and painful memory. Later, whispered the dark promise within Severus’ mind. For now he merely stared deeply into those eyes, reading only the expression and not the thoughts. Gratitude. Severus saw gratitude along with the usual pain and sadness.
“I promise to be a diligent student and a quick study.”
“You always were,” Severus conceded before he could catch the words and hold them back. He watched those amber eyes open a fraction wider and a smile—a true smile—overtake the smirk and brighten the eyes.
“Didn’t think you’d noticed. What with you hating my guts back then and all.”
“I didn’t hate you.” Severus nearly bit his tongue, confused as to why such words kept pouring from his mouth. Perhaps Albus had slipped some Veritaserum into his tea…
Lupin perked up, eyes glowing brighter. “You didn’t?”
Frowning, Severus looked away again. “No. I hated Potter and Black. You and Pettigrew were too insignificant to hate. Pettigrew I saw as an annoyance—a pest or fly—always buzzing around but not really doing much of anything except encouraging the torture. You I merely saw as a loathsome coward. There was a time when I felt badly for you, having to put up with such prats as housemates. When I saw that you’d do anything to maintain their friendship, no matter how horrible they acted, the pity ceased and was replaced by disgust.”
A silence followed his words, but he did not look back to observe Lupin’s reactions. Instead he watched as the clouds rolled lazily across the sliver of moon hanging low in the sky. Eventually there was a very soft “oh,” which faded quickly into the night.
Severus turned fully away and resumed his descent down the steps. “If there is nothing else, I bid you good-night. Don’t wander too far from the school tomorrow, since I’ve no desire to search for you when I arrive.”
“I’m staying in the DADA professor’s quarters,” Lupin called after him. This caused Severus to once again pause and look over his shoulder in question. “I suppose the house elves—or Albus, quite possibly—thought that I’d feel most comfortable staying there, since it’s where I used to live. Er, but I’ve heard that those are going to be your rooms now, right? You’ll be DADA professor this coming term. Congratulations on that, by the way. I know you’ve wanted the position since you started.”
Severus frowned up at Lupin, but then turned and continued walking away. He could think of nothing to say in response to the rambling. Really, what could he say? I’ve only been given the position because this is most assuredly my last term here? He couldn’t say that. No one was to know that, aside from he and Albus. Let them think he’s pleased about being given the position. It makes things far easier.
Without another glance back, Severus walked out into the darkness and past the wards. He wanted to go home, perhaps read a chapter or two from one of his favorite novels, and then attempt to get some rest. Severus resolved to dwell no more on Lupin for the evening. No thoughts of Lupin or vows or boys with scars.
…As if it really were possible to ignore any of it.
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To be continued…
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4