Entry tags:

fic: pg13, prompt: fantasy fest 08

Long Fic Prompt #8: Edinburgh Zoo
Title: Edinburgh Zoo
Author: Tayefeth
Word Count: ~3400
Rating: PG-13 for mention of animal sexuality
Warning: AU. Voldemort's horcruxes didn't work, and Sinistra is head of Slytherin.
Prompt: S & R courtship including a trip to the zoo. Bonus for one of the lads being rather knowledgeable about interesting/amusing animals. Bigger bonus for legilimens!shagging.
Author's note: All of the animal facts are out of Biological Exhuberance, which had not been published in 1986. Let's just pretend Severus got hold of the original research. Many thanks to my betas, tjwritter and myene01. Sorry the shagging didn't happen. There may be a sequel that covers more of the courtship and the shagging, at some point.


November 3, 1986

“Headmaster, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t see why you need me to chaperone this trip, much less why I need to be partnered with Severus, of all people. He hates me!” Remus Lupin paced in front of the Headmaster’s desk, trying to ignore the various Dark detectors beeping quietly as they tracked his progress.

It hadn’t yet been five years since the last of the Death Eater attacks. Remus didn’t think Severus had forgiven him for thinking Severus was as evil as Bellatrix Lestrange, much less all of the Marauders’ actions during school. Rumor had it that she was still insisting that Voldemort could not have been completely killed by the curse that rebounded from baby Harry’s forehead.

“Nonsense, my dear boy. I am absolutely certain that Severus does not hate you, and Professor Burbage has requested two chaperones in addition to herself and Professor McGonagall. Professor Sinistra cannot leave her Slytherins unattended while Professor McGonagall is also away from Hogwarts. You and Severus will do admirably.”

Remus had his doubts, but he also knew a dismissal when Headmaster Dumbledore twinkled one at him.

---

The morning of the field trip dawned gray and cold. Hardly surprising for Scotland in November, but not particularly favorable for a field trip to a zoo. Remus recast the warming charm on his anorak and smiled faintly at the fifth years he was herding towards the gate. Severus stalked through the group, handing out Portkeys with terse warnings of the dire consequences of losing either the charmed objects or their assigned group members. How the man managed to convey hovering menace without the benefit of robes, Remus could not fathom.

Remus glanced at the other herd of students. Professors Burbage and McGonagall both seemed to be handing out Portkeys and talking to the students. Remus wished for a moment that he was a teacher, that he knew the students by name rather than simply trying to make sure that each of the groups had five heads in it.

When Severus had suitably cowed and arranged the students, he handed Remus a slightly crumpled paper cup. “My Portkey will trigger first. I will set up a glamour for the Muggles, and then the student Portkeys will trigger. Those students who cannot manage to follow instructions and are left behind are to be sent back into the castle. Your Portkey will trigger last.”

Remus nodded, acknowledging the unspoken injunction against bringing along any unfortunates.

Across the lawn, Professor Burbage’s Portkey triggered, and then Severus’s triggered as well. The students, clustered together in groups of five, began winking out. Remus watched carefully, but none of the fifth years was left behind. Professor McGonagall sent two students back towards the school before her Portkey activated. Remus just had time to shake his head at the Gryffindor who looked at him before he felt the nauseating tug of Portkey travel.

Severus was already in full voice as Remus landed in what looked to be an old Reliance tour bus. “- with your group at all times. This includes you, Mr. Watkins. Yes, even Miss Percival. Your Portkeys will activate promptly at 4:30pm. Would anyone care to venture a guess as to the fate of any student who is not on this vehicle at that time? Yes, Miss Wolfram?”

“You’ll eviscerate them and use their intestines for potions ingredients, sir?”

Severus smirked. “Creative, Miss Wolfram, but I prefer to reserve that for any student who uses magic during this excursion. Mr. Pomfrey?”

“Students who miss their Portkey have to take Muggle transportation back to Hogwarts. And write a three foot essay on the various modes of Muggle transportation, sir.”

“Correct. Five points to Hufflepuff, Mr. Pomfrey. Now before I allow you to rampage loose among the Muggles, where and when will I see you next?”

Apparently all of the students knew this and, oddly, looked forward to the event, because they answered in chorus. “At the Penguin Parade, sir!”

“Excellent. Off you go.” Severus stepped aside and the students began streaming off the bus. Severus stopped one dark-haired young man before he could leave. “Mr. Lestrange, kindly remember that I am tracking your spare wand as well. I would not care to have to explain to Professor Sinistra why I am using your corpse as a test subject for my experimental potions.”

The boy blanched and scowled. “Yes, sir.”

Seeming satisfied, Severus let him go, the last to join his group and head towards the entrance.

“Don’t they need tickets?” Remus tried to remember the last time he had been to a Muggle attraction.

“Professor Burbage has a group ticket for all of us. Will you be joining us, or do you intend to spend the day in here?”

“Right.” Remus hurried after Severus, unsure why his presence had been so urgently required for this excursion, but not willing to spend the day alone in a Reliance. “So, what is this Penguin Parade?”

Severus smirked and didn’t answer as he led Remus across the car park.

---

The giraffes were in a large barn, courtesy of the weather. While this made them easier to watch, it also made them restless. There seemed to be four adults and one juvenile, since one of the animals was a little more than two-thirds the size of the next smallest, all of whom paced back and forth across the large, straw-covered floor.

The humans, on the other hand, were crowded into small corridor along one of the walls. Remus leaned against the railing keeping people away from the bars. It amazed him that creatures with such long legs managed to walk at all, much less with something not entirely unlike grace. Severus stood slightly behind Remus, allowing a primary school group to get closer to the rail at his end.

“Did you know that a giraffe’s neck is an erogenous zone?” Remus nearly yelped at Severus’s whispered words. He glanced at Severus, but the darker man’s face was as bland as if he’d remarked on the animals’ feeding habits.

Remus turned his attention back to the giraffes. One of the adults was standing perfectly still near the far wall. Another of the oddly graceful creatures walked over and stood next to it, facing in the opposite direction.

“Of course, necking is almost exclusively a homosexual male activity among giraffes.”

Remus shivered as the quiet words ghosted across the nape of his neck. Turning his head, he stared at Severus. “You’re having me on.”

Severus gave his blandest smirk. “Why would I do such a thing?”

Remus shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ve ever understood why you do anything, Severus.” Turning back to the giraffes, he noticed that the two by the far wall had moved apart.

The primary school group was replaced by a noisy group of Muggle seventh formers who wormed their way to the rail without regard for those already present. Severus tucked one hand into his anorak pocket, glaring at the students. Remus was afraid Severus would hex them, and tempted not to prevent him, but Severus only snarled, “Is this what passes for manners in South Gyle?”

The Muggle boys looked a bit abashed, as one of their own yelled, “Oy, who’s causing trouble with these gents, then?” Severus nodded and Remus smiled faintly at the prefect as they left the giraffes.

Severus pulled the map of the zoo out of his pocket, nodding towards one of the paths. “The wolves are along that path.”

Remus stopped, wary again. “Wolves, Severus? Why?”

“I find wolves fascinating creatures, myself. Then again, I’ve never run with them in the wild.” Severus raised one eyebrow. Remus had never been able to get the trick of that.

“If this is about me, and that incident in the Shack…”

Severus smirked. “No, Lupin. Not everything is about, what did your friends call it? Your ‘furry little problem’? I would simply like to watch the wolves for a bit.”

Remus bit his lip and tried to focus on the Galleons Albus had promised him for chaperoning. “I’ve never run with them anywhere. True wolves have about as much interest in lycanthropes as wizards do,” he muttered as he followed Severus down the wooden-railed path.

“But werewolves do run in packs, if I’m not mistaken.” Severus’s voice carried the usual assurance. If Remus had ever witnessed Severus admitting to a mistake, he could not recall it. Then again, leaning against a wooden railing, trying to make out the gray shapes of the zoo’s wolves among the trees was hardly conducive to remembering much of anything.

“Some,” Remus admitted. “I don’t.”

“No? Potter, Black, and Pettigrew weren’t your pack?”

“They’re dead, Severus.” Remus tried to keep the tears out of his voice and eyes. “It’s been five years. Let them be.” Sirius wasn’t actually dead, but having murdered Peter and given James and Lily (and Harry) to Voldemort, he was dead to Remus.

Remus stared at the trees in silence.

“My apologies.” Severus’s voice was softer than Remus had ever heard it. He looked over at Severus, but the darker man was staring intently into the brush. “I think… There.” Severus pointed towards a patch of scrubby pine trees. Remus craned his neck, but couldn’t see what Severus was pointing at until Severus grabbed his sleeve, tugging him over to get the proper angle through the undergrowth. A grey wolf stared out at them.

They watched in silence, Severus’s hand still on Remus’s sleeve, until the wolf turned and trotted across the clearing, disappearing into another copse. “Fascinating animals,” Severus breathed in Remus’s ear. “Did you know that the Muggles think they’re ravenous beasts? This in spite of the fact that they have a pack structure almost as complex as the Wizengamot, right down to who mounts whom.”

Remus shivered. If it were anyone else whispering in his ear about animals necking and mounting, he would have thought he was being flirted with, but Severus hated him and thought he was straight. He knew he ought to pull away from Severus to preserve that illusion, but couldn’t force himself to do it.

Severus let go of his sleeve. Smirking slightly, Severus continued, “I’ve heard that wolves cannot truly be content outside of a pack, and that some will do almost anything to preserve it, even if it means bearing the brunt of the pack’s anger and abuse. Sometimes, I think I understand that. How about you, Lupin?”

Remus hunched deeper into his anorak and muttered something noncommittal.

---

Since the students had been assigned the task of obtaining lunch by Muggle means, the chaperones were obliged to brave the food stands as well. Remus followed Severus towards one advertising fish and chips.

“What will you have, Lupin?” Severus surveyed the brightly lit menu above the counter.

“Ah, the… the regular meal is fine.” Severus nodded and ordered both of their meals in the same brisk manner the Muggles used. He even produced the correct number of the coloured pieces of paper the Muggles used as money when their food arrived. It occurred to Remus that Severus was a great deal more comfortable with the Muggle world than Remus ever would have suspected.

“Find us a table while I get utensils?”

Remus nodded, already beginning to thread his way though the occupied tables towards a corner. A few moments later, Severus arrived with their meals, setting the tray down with a faint sigh. Rather than reaching for his fish sandwich immediately, Remus waited until Severus handed it to him.

“I can pay you back when we return to the school.”

“Nonsense. I used the cash Albus gave me. Although, I’m pretty sure that old woman by the register thought something a great deal less innocent.”

Remus flushed faintly. “What in Merlin’s name could she have been thinking?”

Severus smirked. “Why, that we are out on a date, I presume. Although I can’t say that the Zoo in this weather is my idea of a date.”

“A date? Severus, are you quite well?” Remus was horrified to hear his voice crack.

Severus smirked. “In perfect health. Don’t tell me no one has ever assumed you were a homosexual before, Lupin. I can’t recall you ever dating any of the attractive young ladies during your school days.”

Remus just stared at Severus. Sirius’s voice echoed in his head, from one of the times he had tried to get James and Sirius to pick on someone other than Severus. “What’s the matter, Remus? You a shirt-lifter like Snivellus? Is that why you’re always trying to get us to lay off him?” Embarrassment and confusion had prevented Remus from saying anything at the time, and he hadn’t exactly done anything about his sexuality in the five years since he’d realized Sirius wasn’t the hero of Remus’s adolescent fantasies. He was hardly prepared to hear Severus Snape, of all people, talk about dating.

Severus chuckled, shaking his head. “Try not to injure yourself thinking and eat your sandwich, Lupin. We have to go soon if we’re to find a decent spot for the Penguin Parade.”

---

The Penguin Parade turned out to be one of the oddest sights Remus had ever seen. From his spot at the edge of the path, he watched as a keeper simply opened the gate to the penguin exhibit. After a moment or two, half a dozen penguins straggled out of the enclosure. With their beaks in the air, they waddled contentedly away from their home. When no more penguins approached the gate, the keeper closed it and brought up the rear. Remus suspected that there were other keepers about and he was certain Severus was looking for the students, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the penguins.

“They look like they think we’re the ones on display.”

“They probably do,” Severus said and Remus could hear the smirk in his voice. “They’re quire remarkable birds. The Parade is one of the Zoo’s big attractions, but they’re never forced to come out for it.”

Remus dared a glance at Severus. The darker man was dividing his attention between the penguins and the crowd. “Well, that’s good, I suppose. I’m sure I wouldn’t like being paraded around against my wishes.”

Severus finished his inspection of the crowd, probably having located all of his students, and shifted closer to Remus. “King Penguins, unlike wolves, are quite promiscuous. Only about one third of couples reunite from one breeding season to the next.”

Remus was sure he blushed and could only hope that no one noticed, as the penguins headed back into their enclosure and the crowd began to break up. In spite of himself, he was curious about what else Severus knew about the penguins. He felt Severus behind him as he moved to the railing of the enclosure.

“Can you tell the males from the females?” Severus’s breath tickled Remus’s ear and Remus fought a shiver.

“No. Can you?”

“No. Even their keepers can’t distinguish the sexes until they handle them directly. Or until a pair mates and fails to produce an egg. Both male and female homosexual pairs occur among King Penguins.”

Remus had no answer to that, especially when Severus leaned against the railing next to him so that their shoulders touched.

After a moment’s quiet, Severus continued in a lower voice that did nothing for Remus’s composure. “Homosexual courting is identical to heterosexual courting. The birds bring each other gifts, they show off for the one they’re courting, they preen each other, they touch their beaks together. They mount each other. They build a nest, and, if given the option, hatch an egg and raise the chick together.”

Remus straightened. “Ah, where shall we go next?” If he had to listen to Severus Snape’s velvet voice talk about courting and mounting for much longer, he would find himself contemplating ‘building a nest’ with the darker man, and that would wrench his entire world out of alignment. Again.

“I thought we might visit the chimpanzees, if for no other reason than to enjoy a bit of warmth before we have to shepherd the brats back to school again.”

Remus nodded, not entirely sure he wanted to hear what Severus had to say about the apes.

---

Severus spent the entire time they watched the chimpanzees talking about the animals engaging in sexual acts from frottage to fellatio to anal finger-fucking. Remus struggled to control himself, crossing his arms on the railing and hoping Severus couldn’t see the bulge his erection made in his jeans. “Severus, why are you telling me these things?” He watched Severus out of the corner of his eye.

Severus smiled. “Because I find ‘these things’ interesting. Would you prefer if I recited facts about the animals’ dietary habits instead? Or would you prefer if I inquired about the mating habits of werewolves? I find that a fascinating topic, as well.”

Remus sputtered, straightening. “No! Severus! No, I… I don’t understand how you can be so… frank, that’s all.”

Severus shrugged. “I have had a number of years to come to terms with what I am, and I confess to taking a certain joy in being able to refute those who claim my preferences are unnatural.” Severus looked up towards the thin and fading sunlight coming through a window. Remus watched him, trying not to notice that his hair didn’t seem as greasy nor his nose as ugly as memory painted them. “We’d better head back to the car park. The students should be there soon.”

Remus nodded, gesturing for Severus to precede him. Remus made sure to walk behind Severus all the way back to the bus.

---

After the students had been corralled and their Portkeys had taken the entire group back to Hogwarts, Remus made his way back to the Headmaster’s office. Severus, fortunately, had had to stay behind to dismantle the fake bus in such a way that no Muggles required Obliviation.

“Ah, good evening, my boy! How was your excursion?”

Remus settled into one of the chairs in front of Headmaster Dumbledore’s desk, accepting the tea and lemon drops the old man offered and fighting a blush. “It was… enlightening. I believe you were correct about Severus’s opinion of me having changed.”

Albus Dumbledore beamed, his eyes twinkling. “He has changed a great deal since the end of the war, Remus. You might be pleasantly surprised if you spent some more time with him.”

“I can’t imagine that he would find that pleasant, Headmaster, even if he no longer hates me.” Especially since Remus wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his hands to himself if Severus started whispering in his ears again.

“Ah, well. Perhaps you’re right. In any case, since this worked out so well, and since we really ought to have an additional chaperone for the Yule Ball, would you consider joining us? I would compensate you in the same manner as for this job.”

Remus thought briefly about refusing. All wizards looked good in formal robes, so there was no chance he wouldn’t find Severus attractive, but surely looking would do no harm. And the money never went amiss, since werewolves were hardly in demand for legal employment. “Of course, Headmaster. Just let me know when.”

---

Severus entered Albus’s office after Remus was safely off school grounds. He accepted a cup of tea, refused the offered lemon drops, and got directly to the point. “Did he agree to come for the Ball?”

“Yes, Severus. I take it from what he said that everything went well?”

Severus nodded, his shoulders relaxing fractionally now that he knew he would have another chance. “As well as I could have expected. He wasn’t repulsed, at any rate. Do you think you will be able to convince him to offer for me?”

Albus Dumbledore twinkled at his Potions Master. “Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to Court him, Severus? I’m sure we could smooth it over with the others.”

Severus shook his head, staring into his teacup. “He would never accept my suit. He has to be the one to offer. Besides, I’m not sure even you could convince Miss Chittock that my beginning a suit of my own not three months after she offered for me was anything other than an insult directed at her. My reputation is bad enough without her efforts on the wireless if she thinks I’ve insulted her.”

“You may be correct, Severus. As for offering for you, I believe that seeing your other guests at the Yule Ball will be sufficient incentive for our Remus.”

“I hope you’re right, Albus.”