ellid (ellid) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2007-08-19 09:12:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic: pg13 |
Post-DH Fic: War Wounds, Part Two
Title: War Wounds, Part Two
Rating: PG-13 for pre-slash and concepts
Summary: two war casualties meet in St. Mungo's. Can they aid each other while the rest of the world goes on its way?
Note: this is DH-compatible.
Excerpt from letter by J. Staghorn, Healer, to Andromeda Tonks
…I have also enclosed a note waiving the usual age requirements for visitation in the case of your grandson Theodore. Mr. Lupin is not contagious and has repeatedly expressed the wish to see his son, and I believe it would be of great benefit to his recovery….
The letter is returned unopened with "Addressee Unknown" written in block letters on the front
Excerpt from dictated notes of J. Staghorn, St. Mungo's Critical Care Unit
…Mr. Lupin continues to progress physically, and I anticipate he will make a full and complete recovery from his injuries. Physiotherapist Gideon states that he has begun to cast simple spells using a practice wand, but that he currently lacks the fine motor control that would allow him to perform more complex magic. She plans to start occupational therapy and advanced wand work next week, and has consulted with F. Flitwick, Charms Professor at Hogwarts, for advice….
…Patient S is progressing very slowly. A full cognitive and psychological assessment was not possible due to his lack of cooperation with Alienist Plotkin (Note: advance replacment funds for destroyed intelligence chest, plus bottle of wine and gift certificate to Claridge's as apology), but all of his providers are convinced that his mind and magical abilities are intact. He has begun to use wandless magic without prompting, and Physiotherapist Gideon has had to use charm-suppressant spells to prevent him from using magic to compensate for his physical deficits during physio sessions.
Current problems: left arm still weak despite neutralization of venom; scarring on neck resisting all efforts at removal; balance issues due to venom damage to balance nerves on left side; extreme muscle weakness and nerve damage in legs due to combination of "Mimsy's" stasis spell, atrophy, and snake venom; involuntary spasms in the legs and occasionally the left arm. He also has lost approximately a stone during his hospitalization.
Treatment plan: enriched diet (see notes by F. Brenner, dietician); physiotherapy to regain leg strength and muscle tone; administration of nerve tonics to restore full function in damaged legs; balance therapy. I have owled Jean de Regnier, scar specialist of Toulouse, France, for a consult on the neck scarring….
</i>
" - and that's what happened." Harry swung one leg back and forth. He had perched himself on one of the weight sets in the Rehabilitation Room and watched as Remus went through the treatment regimen Miss Gideon had prescribed for his leg. His arm was almost back to normal, and now it was just a matter of getting his leg back before he could be discharged. "Voldemort's dead, and the Aurors are rounding up what's left of the Death Eaters."
"I'm glad. Kingsley will make a good Minister, at least for now." Remus wiped his face with a St. Mungo's towel and drained a bottle of dehyadratus Miss Gideon had left for him. Cards, letters, and a basket of imported fruit had arrived as word of his survival spread, but this was the first time Harry had been able to spare more than a few minutes. "It's going to be a different world, you know. I can't remember a time when Voldemort or his followers weren't around."
"You aren't the only one," said Harry. The scar was still there, but it no longer looked slightly inflamed. "There's a lot of work to be done, especially at Hogwarts. Fortunately the elves are joining in. It's their home, after all."
"I daresay." Remus carefully draped the towel about his neck. "I can't wait to be discharged so I can help. I'll have Teddy to think about it, but surely there's - "
Harry kicked at a stack of weights charmed to adjust to the user's strength. "Remus. There's something you need to know."
The cold ache was back, bigger than before. Remus stared at Harry. "Teddy. He transformed during the full moon, and it was too much for him. Wasn't it?"
"No, he's fine!" Harry stiffened, then moved to Remus' weight set and grasped him by the shoulders. "I saw him yesterday, and he's thriving - his eyes are starting to focus, and he's not a werewolf, at least not yet - "
Not a werewolf? Remus stepped clear of the apparatus and stood. He was still taller than Harry, even though it was a man looking back at him and not a child. "What do I need to know, Harry? I assumed no one had brought him to visit because of hospital regulations, but - "
Harry flushed. "It's Andromeda. She's gone a bit mental since Tonks - since she - "
"I know she died, Harry. I was there. What is going on?"
"Hermione thinks it's because she lost her whole family. She won't let anyone say your name, ever. Tonks' obituary didn't even mention you, and she says she's taking Teddy out of the country until things have settled down." Harry pulled a folded letter out of his pocket and thrust it into Remus' hands. "She gave me this for you and said she didn’t need a reply. I tried talking to her, but she threatened to keep Teddy away from me if I said your name again, so - "
Remus tore at the envelope. Why weren't his fingers working properly? Miss Gideon swore his fine motor control was coming back, it was just paper for God's sake, why was Harry saying his name and telling him to slow down, Teddy was his son -
The words on the page made no sense, even after he'd read them twice. Because if Andromeda meant it, then -
"Remus?" Harry sounded almost afraid. "Are you all right?"
Remus shoved the letter into the pocket of his joggers. "Never better. After all, I'm alive." He waited until his vision had cleared and clapped Harry on the shoulder. "Here. It's almost time for lunch. They're finally letting me eat real food so if you'd like to stay - "
Excerpt from letter by Andromeda Tonks to Remus Lupin
…Dora once told me that the only thing that got her through Dumbledore's funeral was knowing that she was having a baby, and then marrying the man she loved. Ted and I gave your marriage our blessing because she did love you, but your treatment of her during those early months made it difficult for me to hold my tongue…
…Losing Ted after all those years together was almost more than I could bear. He and Dora were the only family I had after most of my family cut me off. Losing Dora was far worse; parents are not supposed to bury their children, and especially not like that. She still hadn't recovered her strength, as you well know…
…Do not try to find me, or Teddy. My daughter died because she followed you. The very least you can do is let us alone….
Enclosed with the letter is a copy of a legal brief from Gillam & De Rochon, Solicitors, on behalf of Andromeda Black Tonks to the Wizengamot. The brief petitions for sole custody of the minor child, Theodore Remus Lupin, by Andromeda Tonks, nee Black, on the grounds that the child's biological father is a werewolf, unemployed, and lacks the resources to raise the said child. The petition lists as secondary grounds the biological father's "disinterest in fatherhood" and includes details of arguments between Remus and Tonks from early in their marriage.
Other friends visited: Minerva, who wept for the first time in all the years he'd known her; Hermione and Ron, who seemed to be completing each other's sentences these days; Kingsley, who forced his entourage to wait outside; Arthur and Molly, who alternated between delight that he had been spared and grief that Fred had not. It was unsettling, and wonderful, and when it was time for lights out he scarcely had time to close his eyes before he was fast asleep.
Fortunately sleeping draughts were part of the standard treatment regiment for Critical Care patients.
A few days of playing the social lion had put him behind on his physio, and after Miss Gideon clucked over his lack of stamina on the treadmill and mentioned that she really couldn't spare much more time for him when her other patient was needing more and more attention, he threw himself back into regaining what he'd lost.
He was in the Rehabilitation Room working on wand motions with a dowel rod when Miss Gideon brought her other patient in for his first physio session. Fortunately there was a mirror on one wall so Remus could finally get a good look at his wardmate.
He'd seen Healer Staghorn and what seemed to half the poison, wound, and magical damage specialists at St. Mungo's cluster around the curtained bed as Snape finally improved enough to inform the rest of the Order that their most valuable spy would live. Harry had shown up once, stayed for what sounded like a tense but cordial conversation, and left just before Draco and a weeping Narcissa Malfoy swept in. There had been muffled words as the Healers and Miss Gideon went to work, and the occasional cry of what sounded like pain, but beyond that Snape could have been on another planet.
"Come along, ducks. We'll start with the pool, you can exercise without putting any weight on your legs - now, now, no modesty, believe me I've seen worse, you don't even have any scars - "
Snape had always been thin to the point of scrawniness, but the wasted figure Miss Gideon picked up and carefully lowered into the therapeutic pool was almost unrecognizable. The limp black hair was shot with grey, and the hawk's nose was ridiculously large in the drawn face. The purple bite mark on his neck from Voldemort's pet looked fair to be permanent, and his arms and legs -
Sirius had mocked Snape for being greasy and ugly. But even Padfoot at his worst would have been shocked to see what war had done to his old enemy.
"My legs - " The silky voice was shredded by pain as Miss Gideon shucked off her robes to join Snape in the pool. She wore a surprisingly bright Muggle bathing suit, but Snape was in a old-fashioned one piece that hung on his skeletal torso. "What are you - "
Remus lowered his practice wand to his side and deliberately scrubbed at his face with a towel. Snape had always been self-conscious about his appearance, even after he'd been a respected professor and apothecary. Having another person, especially one he hated, watch him struggle to stay upright in chest-high water must have been hellish.
"You know I haven't a choice, Professor." Miss Gideon tapped her wand against a tile shaped like a river nymph. The water began to move in slow, gentle waves. "If you ever want to walk again, you'll have to trust me."
"I know." Snape gritted his teeth as she cast another spell that started flexing his muscles as if he were walking normally. He clung to the support bars to stay upright, face contorting as Miss Gideon gradually increased the force of the waves. "Not that I have anywhere to go once you and your friends have decided to cease torturing me."
Miss Gideon rolled her eyes. "You don't fool me, love. The way you complain about the food, I know you can't wait to be out of here. That's right - good, you're starting to move on your own - excellent, I knew you could do it - "
Remus dropped his towel, raised the practice wand, and began slowly working through the motion to cast an Immobulus. The power was there, thrumming just below the surface, and the more he practiced the easier it was.
His wand shattered as Dolohov screamed a spell that seemed to turn him inside out. The Russian laughed and spat in his face as he collapsed, wand starting to glow a sickly green as he drew his arm up and over his head.
"Avada - "
"Remus! No!"
"Oh, lookee lookee, little Mudblood - come to your aunty Bella - "
"Dora!"
" - kedavra!"
The world flared green, and the last thing he felt was Dora's body falling limp across his as Bellatrix shrieked with delight -
"Mr. Lupin?"
Remus came back to himself with a jerk. Miss Gideon had tapped him on the arm and was looking expectantly at him. "Sorry - daydreaming, I suppose. Is something wrong?"
"Oh, nothing like that. But one of my clients down in Spinal has gone into spasms and they want me right away." She gestured over her shoulder at Snape, who was still in the pool, still grimly letting the spell and the waves teach his wasted muscles to respond. "Could you watch the Professor for a few minutes? There's a monitoring spell on him so I'll know if he does himself a mischief, but he still has about ten minutes to go and I don't want him to stop."
"I don't know if that's - "
"You're much stronger than you think you are," said Miss Gideon in a brisk voice. "Here's your real wand in case you need to signal someone, not that anything's going to happen." She summoned her robe and pulled it on over her fluorescent lime one-piece. "Professor? I have to pop down to another ward for a few minutes, but Mr. Lupin will be here in case you need anything. I'll be right back - Mr. Lupin, don't let him slack off - ta!" She shoved her feet into what looked like plastic beach clogs and bustled out the door before either man could protest.
They stared at each other. What did one say?
"Lupin." Snape straightened a bit. The scars on his neck moved as he swallowed.
"You're supposed to be walking," said Remus. He drifted to the center of the room. "Other than that -
"To be completely accurate, I'm supposed to be dead." Snape gripped the support bars until his knuckles showed white. "Why Mimsy took it upon herself to 'save' me I will never understand."
"I think the only person who does understand house elves is Hermione Granger." Remus knelt beside him and tapped his wand against the nymph tile. The current started up again. "It's not as if I’m supposed to be alive, either. I keep waiting for the Ministry owl terminating my treatment on the grounds that dead men shouldn't be in hospital."
Snape grunted. "I've already gotten one. Then it was rescinded, seemingly due to the Malfoys doing me one last favor. I'm on indefinite leave from Hogwarts while they sort out whether I quit, was terminated, or should have been sacked last year." Sweat mingled with water on his chest and face as he trudged on.
"You should at least get your job back. You're a better teacher than Slughorn." Remus aimed his wand at his towel and murmured scourgify. It was good to see the fabric lighten and fluff itself instead of char the way it had the last time he'd tried a charm. "I read an advance copy of the interview with Harry. He'll help if the Governors balk at employing you."
"After I duelled Minerva? At most she'll let me back long enough to collect my possessions," said Snape. A chime sounded and he sagged in place. "Better to be a dead hero than a live embarrassment."
"You're not an embarrassment, Severus." Remus levitated a clean towel to him so he could dry his hair and face. "You'll find a place in the world."
Another grunt, this one accompanied by a raised eyebrow. "I suppose I should thank you. Staghorn believes that the wolf's saliva neutralized the last of the poison. It had settled in the Dark Mark and was resisting all attempts to treat it."
Remus stood and swung his right arm in a circle to loosen it. "You needn't thank me, Severus. It was the least I could do. You'll find a niche whether you believe it or not."
"That's easy for you to say," Snape said. He tensed, concentrated, and heaved himself onto the edge of the therapeutic pool. "You have a child, after all. That's a powerful incentive to - "
"To what, Severus?" The room was suddenly much darker - had the sun gone behind the clouds?
"To live." Snape frowned. "I understand it's a boy. How is he? Your wife was - "
The window cracked into a brilliant spider web as Remus' hand came up and a jet of golden light smashed directly into the glass. Snape yelled and fell back into the pool. Miss Gideon, wand out, all but flew in, her plastic clogs smacking on the floor.
"Mr. Lupin! What's going on?"
Remus stared at his wand. The varnish was hot to the touch. "I - " He swallowed a wave of nausea and dropped the wand before he could actually harm someone.
It was a harmless question. He doesn't know.
"I - I'll pay for the window." He had to force himself to speak in the direction of the pool as he gathered up his robe and started for the door. "If you want to know about the child, ask his grandmother."
The door banged against the wall as he ran for his bed.
Excerpt from interview with Harry Potter in The Quibbler, June issue
…as for Severus Snape -
A: He was loyal to Dumbledore to the end.
Q: The Ministry -
A: [expletive deleted] them. Everything he did was for the Light.
Q: That's not a popular opinion right now. Headmistress McGonagall -
A: I haven't had a chance to speak to her, but I will. Believe me. There's a lot she doesn't know.
Q: You realize that this is not the most popular opinion at the current time?
A: [laughs] Since when have I ever cared about popularity? Severus Snape is - was - the bravest man I've ever known -
Excerpt ends
"I'm sorry, Remus. I should have told you."
"You're bloody right you should have told me! You never loved me, all you wanted was a father for your - "
"I do love you! Oh God - he was there and you weren't, and I was so lonely - what was I supposed to do?"
"Tell the truth!"
"I couldn't!"
"My God, Dora! I died thinking he was mine, that's half the reason I fought in the first place - "
"I'm sorry!"
"So am I, Dora. So am I - "
"Lupin?"
Remus woke with a jerk. The ward was dark and quiet, and his head ached from the pale green potion they'd ordered after his outburst in Rehabilitation. "What? What?"
"You were thrashing about." Snape cleared his throat. "Do you need the Matron?"
"No." Remus pulled himself upright and kicked free of the twisted sheets. "I'm fine. Just fine, Severus. Go back to sleep."
There was silence except for Snape's breathing, then the faint click of a light being activated. "Fine? I think not. You sounded like you were being skinned alive. Or don't you remember your own nightmares?"
"I don't dream, Severus." The bed linens stank of sweat. Remus made a face and wished he trusted himself to cast a cleaning spell. "Thank you for your concern, but you need your sleep."
Snape made a disgusted noise that segued into a loose cough. "Of course. My sleep is more important that your trauma."
"I don't have any trauma." Remus set his jaw. He'd lost control once. That was enough. "Go back to bed, Severus."
"No trauma? That's rich." Snape actually laughed. "What, are you reliving your death? Your wife's? Potter's heroic sacrifice?"
"For the last time, nothing is going on. Nothing."
"You always were a coward, Lupin, and now you're a liar. Don't you dare expect me to believe your usual 'I'm fine, go away' nonsense."
Remus whipped about, teeth baring in a snarl. His head felt as if it were about to split. "Severus. You have no right to - "
"To what? Tell you the truth?" Snape did not flinch. "The Hat was mad to put you in Gryffindor. You've spent your whole life running and blaming others, including your own family!"
"You have no idea what you're - "
"Don't deny it, it was all over Wizarding Britain what you tried to do! What kind of man walks out on his pregnant wife and - "
"Shut it, Snape!" Remus smacked both hand down onto the bed hard enough to dent the mattress. "He isn't even mine! Why the bloody buggering hell I should care what happens to him or her or - "
The first sob was so violent it nearly bent him double. He pounded at the bed again, desperately trying to breath, then fell forward with a strangled cry. The dam finally, finally burst and he rocked back and forth, teeth bared, arms crossed over his face as the tears poured out, salt burning his face as he mourned for what he'd thought was the best thing in his life.
"He's not mine, damn you! He's not mine…she lied she lied she lied, it was all a lie…."
Something scraped its way over the dingy linoleum, and someone held a glass of cool water to his lips. Remus swallowed by reflex, then dashed what was left onto his burning eyes. He tried to breathe normally, then gave up and blew his nose into the nearest corner of the top sheet. An orderly could clean it, not that he cared about the mess or anything else right -
"Lupin."
Remus looked up at the sound of his name. Snape, legs dangling uselessly off the side of the bed, sat facing him across the narrow mattress. The walker gleamed whitely in the light from the Muggle street lamps outside.
"I didn't know." He raised a hand before Remus could speak. "Truly. I - I am sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you like that."
"Sorry? What, no jokes about a cuckoo in the nest?" Remus choked again. "I swear, wounded or not, if you so much as think about sneering I'll - "
Snape shook his head quickly enough that a stray lock of hair fell across his eyes. He swiped it back with a hand that only shook a tiny bit. "I wasn't fond of Nymphadora, but even I have my limits." He murmured a spell, and Remus's glass refilled itself. "You're certain? She was besotted with you, or so it seemed."
"Not besotted enough," said Remus. His throat ached even after he drained the second glass and set it on the bedside table. "According to her mother, she was already pregnant the night Albus died. We hadn't seen each other in months, let alone slept together. Teddy - her son - can't possibly be mine."
"Which is why Andromeda took her grandchild and left the country without so much as a murmur from you - oh yes, I heard you deflecting Potter's questions last week. At first I thought it was yet more evidence of spinelessness that you wouldn't even fight for your own son, but now - " Something unreadable flickered in the dark eyes. "I believe I understand."
Memories washed over him: Tonks on their wedding night, howling his name and clinging to him as they made love, then crying afterwards and telling him that this was the happiest day of her life; lifting her t-shirt and guiding his hands to her bump so he could feel the first tentative flutters of what he'd thought was his child; their first (and only) Christmas together when they'd talked about names and whether it was a boy or a girl; her radiant smile as she handed him a squalling newborn and said "I love you" -
"I knew something was off," he said at last. "That's why I tried to have it annulled. It was a mistake and I knew it, but after Harry told me I was being a bastard, what choice did I have?
"You see, for once in my life I wasn't going to be a coward. I did the right thing. I stayed with her. I was there when he was born - cut the cord and gave him his first bath before I rushed off and told everyone. I took on Dolohov alone thinking that at least this way my son would have a chance at a better life than I'd have."
He stared out the window. A street light blinked green, then yellow, then red. "The right thing. And look what it got me. Dora is dead. Teddy isn't mine, and even if he were, Andromeda's determined to raise him without me. What am I going to do for the rest of my life? Be the pathetic old war hero they trot out on Remembrance Day?"
Snape made a disgusted sound. "No, that's my job. After all, I'm 'the bravest man Potter has ever known,' or so he told Rita Skeeter. Expect the adulatory unauthorized biography later this summer."
What could he do but laugh at the thought of Snape given the Skeeter treatment? "I'll be sure to buy a copy. Will you autograph it?"
"If I can sign my name by then, of course." Snape aimed his wand at the bed and slowly, carefully, cast abstersi. The bedclothes cleaned themselves and smoothed back into place over Remus' legs. "Who knows about the child?"
"Me. Andromeda likely hasn't put the pieces together. I don't know if Dora told anyone besides her mother precisely when she got pregnant." Remus did not protest when Snape conjured yet more water and handed him a cool compress. "Molly Weasley might have known about the baby before I did, but knowing her, she probably thinks I slipped away from the wolf packs whenever I could.
"Beyond that, no one. Who would believe me? Harry nearly stopped speaking to me when I tried to run. Short of a Muggle paternity test, he'd think this was yet more evidence of me trying to chuck my responsibilities."
"Stopping the Dark Lord doesn't make Potter any less of an idiot." Snape thinned his lips. "He's his father's son."
"He's seventeen. Someday he'll understand." Wheels squeaked in the corridor outside as the night nurse made her dosing rounds. "Why are you doing this, Severus? You've loathed me for years."
Snape looked directly at him for the first time. "Seeing another man's face on what should have been your child is not easy. No one deserves that."
"There's that." Remus paused, then handed the compress back to Snape. What could he say, except I'm sorry I didn't stop James? And what good would that do now? "Thank you. For - "
"Saving you from another dosing with that horrid cack that passes for sleeping draughts hereabouts?" Snape grasped the hand grips on his walker and heaved himself upright. "I would have failed a NEWTS student who turned in anything that bad, but of course most of the lab workers here are Slughorn's little pets."
"I was about to say something else." Remus wrapped an arm about his shoulders and helped him totter back to his own bed. "Here, let's get you settled before she figures out that you're not asleep."
Snape stiffened at Remus' touch, then relaxed enough to let himself be lifted back into bed. "Really? I wasn't expecting that." He doused the light as the squeaking paused outside their door. "Good night, Lupin."
"Good night." Remus was not sure how much the night nurse had seen or heard, but the squeaking started up again after a moment and moved down the hallway. He was asleep almost before the noise died away.
This time he didn't dream.