westernredcedar (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} westernredcedar) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} lupin_snape,@ 2008-01-27 09:33:00 |
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| Entry tags: | fic: pg, trading places challenge |
"Five Arguments" for aleoninc's Comic Panel
Title: Five Arguments
Author: westernredcedar
Rated: PG
Length: 712
A/N: For the amazing aleoninc’s adorable Untitled Comic Panel. I thought and thought about what the boys might be bickering about in the panel, and couldn’t decide, so instead I have written a series of drabble-ish arguments they might be having. ☺ Thank goodness for blpaintchart who made sure they sounded Brit and came up with a few of the very best lines.
Warnings: These all assume domestic, older, post-war, established relationship Snupin, and are therefore AU.
1. First Kiss
“It was in the spring. You bloody threw yourself at me.”
“That is not what happened.”
“Are you doubting my memory?”
“Not doubting, Severus. I’m confident that you’re mistaken.”
“That is unlikely, Lupin. Remembering details is how I stayed alive through both wars.”
“Yet sadly, you’ve forgetten this.”
“Very well, clever clogs, enlighten me.”
“We were studying potions. I sat back in my chair for a break. You pretended to drop something so that you could lean over, and you kissed me.”
“When was this?”
“Sixth year. Autumn. October, I believe.”
“Were we in the library?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Remember now?”
“Don’t you have work to do?”
2. Meeting Eileen
“Take it off. I refuse to be seen with you in that thing.”
“Severus, I wear this cardigan almost every day. Now you tell me it is repulsive to you in every way? That is just fucking peachy. Thanks a lot.”
“Today is different. Don’t be dense.”
“All right. I’ll wear something new if you’ll wash your hair and let me trim it a bit.”
“…what will you wear instead?”
“Did you have something in mind?”
“Perhaps. I did buy you that blue velvet robe, you know.”
“Ah.”
“You could wear that.”
“And your hair looks best washed, trimmed and possibly…styled. With hair products.”
“…”
“Agreed?”
“Mother will not recognize me.”
“No, but tonight isn’t about her seeing you. It’s all about me, isn’t it?”
“Go and change before I am forced to hex you into a pile of dust, wolf. Mother is interested in meeting you for some reason, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint her by killing you.”
3. Scheduling Issues
“Tonight, Severus. I insist.”
“Don’t attempt to use your obstinate face on me, Lupin. It won’t work.”
“Oh, it will.”
“You cannot win. I am more stubborn than you, in the end.”
“Not about this.”
“Try me.”
“Here is our plan for this evening. Home by five. Supper at six. You, spread-eagled on the bed by seven. It will happen.”
“Lupin, I have eighty reports due on Friday, five time-sensitive potions brewing for Poppy, and a raging headache.”
“Oh please. Priorities, Severus.”
“Exactly. Priorities.”
“I’m offering to ravish you, you idiot.”
“I…oh.”
“What?”
“Well, when you put it like that, this does seem like a stupid argument.”
“I’ve got the right horn. Don’t be late.”
4. Convenience Has a Downside
“Damn you, Lupin!”
“What, Severus? My, you are worked up, eh?”
“I cannot believe that you would disrespect me in this way.”
“What are you talking about? Why are you holding my trousers?”
“Your trousers? Your trousers?”
“Calm down, Severus.”
“These are not your trousers. They are mine.”
“We wear the same size. I didn’t think you would mind. It is very convenient. You may wear mine whenever you would like.”
“Have you lost your mind? How bloody ridiculous would I look in a pair of shabby brown courduroys? It is beyond unlikely, and off into the realms of nightmarish!”
“Hmm, but how do you really feel about it?”
“Look at this, Lupin.”
“What?”
“This spot. On my trousers. What is it?”
“Well…it appears to be…melted Cadbury.”
“And this one?”
“Hmm…perhaps a spot of grindlylow dechlorinator?”
“And this?”
“I see your point, Severus. I’m a mess. However, this crusty blob here is, I’m afraid, your doing. We got a bit carried away last night, if you recall.”
“Ew.”
“Well, I remember it as more ‘yum’ than ‘ew’!”
“You may have the trousers.”
“Or we could share, you know.”
“Don’t push your luck, wolf.”
5. Naming
“Absolutely not.”
“I think it is a beautiful name!”
“Your judgment has proved questionable more than once in the past, wolf.”
“At least consider Severus as a middle name?”
“No.”
“You’d have him called William or Charles or Henry if you had your way.”
“Indeed. No hidden meanings, no fate, no ‘Remus’ or ‘Severus’ or bloody ‘Albus.’ No honorary titles or expectations from the past. Just a boy, with his own name, and his own life. Something neither of us ever had.”
“…Oh. That’s beautiful, Severus.”
“Don’t go maudlin on me now, Lupin.”
“Sorry.”
“What do they call him at the agency?”
“Paul.”
“Paul?”
“Yes. Just Paul.”
“Hmm. Shall we go and meet Paul, then?”
“I believe we should, Severus.”