InsaneJournal

Trading Places Fic: And All Because The Snapey Loves...
This was written for neodandiesrule her artwork can be found... here

I apologise if it's not what you imagined, but the idea shot into my head and just wouldn't go away! I couldn't remember if Remus has Muggle roots or not, so I took a liberty and pretended that he has.I hope you like it.



Title: And All Because The Snapey Loves...
Author:Geek6
Rating: G
Pairing: Severus/Remus
Disclaimer: Not mine.. sadly.
Wordcount: 997 approx. I tried to make it longer, truly I did, alas it didn't work.
Summary: Severus and Remus discuss chocolate.




Remus groaned. Proving Severus wrong had oddly enough turned out to be rather fun, although any chance he’d had of Severus admitting to their relationship had flown right out of the window. Severus was going to throw a fine old tantrum. But if he hadn’t started that stupid discussion about the Milk Tray man, he wouldn’t have had to prove him wrong. Mind you, he wouldn’t be sitting here in the kitchen with Harry looking at him as though he was fit for St. Mungos either.

He’d decided to use a disguise. He could have used a glamour, or Polyjuice, but where was the fun in that? After rummaging around in the attic at Grimmauld Place (with Harry’s permission of course) he’d found a silk top hat and a fabulous swishy opera cape. With the addition of a mask and black leather gloves he’d thought he looked the picture of a gentleman burglar. There was always the additional thrill that Severus might wake up and be up for a little ‘helpless victim ravished by mysterious burglar’ role play, but there was no way on earth that he was telling Harry that!

*******

They’d been sat at the table in the Great Hall for breakfast when the Owl post had arrived with a small parcel for Remus.

“More chocolate, Lupin? Don’t you have enough already?” Snape had asked quietly, his eyes watching the house tables in search of students up to mischief.

Remus looked up from his freshly delivered box of Honeyduke's finest. “I like chocolate, Severus. I always have, even as a small child. There’s just something... oh, I don’t know... exciting... about getting a box of chocolates.”

At this, Snape turned to him. “Exciting? Chocolate? You really are just a sad, pathetic little man, aren’t you, Lupin?”

“Some of us enjoy the simple pleasures of life, Severus.” Remus gave him a barely concealed leer.

Snape's lip curled into an all too familiar sneer. “You had better not be referring to me, fur ball.”

“Oh no, Severus. The chocolate - that’s all I was referring to,” he grinned mischievously. “Wolf’s honour.”

“Hmm... do wolves actually have honour? You’d fight your own grandmother for the last chocolate in the box. I bet you used to dream that the Milk Tray man would visit you.”

Remus stared at him in confusion for a moment, then he grinned as he remembered the series of TV adverts he’d seen as a child. “Careful, Severus,” he laughed, “you’re showing your roots.”

Snape just glared at him.

*******

He’d started it the following day over lunch. He found himself thinking about those old adverts, his mind wandering from the Milk Tray man to Severus.

“Stop staring, Lupin. You’re about to drool, and I’m nowhere near as appetising as your bloody steak.”

Remus glanced down at his steak, which was indeed so rare as to be bloody. “Actually, Severus, I was thinking that you’re tall, dark and...,” looking up, he saw the glare on Snape’s face that dared him to finish that comment, ”distinguished. You’d make a good Milk Tray man.”

Snape actually snorted in disbelief. ”I beg your pardon?”

“Of course I’m not sure I can see you diving off cliffs or wrestling sharks, but you’re certainly heroic enough. You can leave me chocolates anytime,“ he said with a wink.

Snape threw down his napkin and stormed off, much to Remus’ amusement.

*******

And at dinnertime Snape had continued it.

“My grandmother had a passion for Milk Tray. Especially those dreadful flavoured ones. You know, that were shaped to look vaguely like a chocolate covered strawberry or an orange segment.” Snape shuddered. “She always used to give me the hard caramels. ’Here, our Sev’rus. You’ll like that, you will. Put hairs on yer chest’. It’s her I blame for the state of my teeth.”

Remus laughed. He always did when Severus returned to the accent of his childhood, even if only for a moment. “And did she ever wake to find a box sitting on her bedside table, delivered by a handsome, dark haired mystery man rather than her hairy-chested, manky-toothed grandson?”

“Anyone who’d throw himself off a cliff and wrestle sharks just to leave a box of chocolates for my grandmother deserves to be eaten by the damned shark. And I’ll thank you not to discuss the condition of my chest and teeth in front of the students.”

“I’m actually rather glad the toffees didn’t work. I like your chest just as it is.” Remus perused his dinner plate. “I don’t know about leaving chocolates for your grandmother, Severus, but I’d wrestle sharks for you. Possibly even leap off cliffs.”

Snape stared at him,before rolling his eyes. “You complete and utter Gryffindor. As if I’d want anyone leaving me chocolates. And what makes you think you’d ever be able to get past my wards?”

“I bet I could,” Remus grinned. “I’m pretty good at that sort of thing, if I do say so myself.”

“Just because you teach Defence against the Dark Arts, does not qualify you to be able to break through my wards,” Snape informed him haughtily.

“Are you certain?”

Snape scowled. “Positive.”

Remus looked thoughtful for a moment, before giving him a small smile. “Hmmm.”

*******

And now here he was, two weeks later, having successfully gotten past the wards into Severus’ bedroom. Remus had had to wait until they were both at Grimmauld Place, Severus ensconced in a room he normally avoided, his usual one having been inexplicably infested with Doxys. The fact that Severus’ new room had full length French doors leading to a small balcony meant that Remus’ lock picking lessons, learned long ago, had finally come in useful. He’d left a rose rather than chocolates, because he knew that such Gryffindor sappiness would annoy Severus even more, but he felt he’d made his point.

Now he just had to explain to Harry why he was dressed, as Harry seemed to think, like Jack the Ripper.




Here's the advert they were discussing..(edited because I can't get the blasted link to work and I've got to get to work!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rulJCIQZM2o