Lovex3 - August 7th, 2007
a love triangle

Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:34
Subject: Moonlight
Security: Public

Odd, how skin can appear so silver in the moonlight. He shifts, the covers sliding down to drape over his abdomen, revealing a slender, bared form to my gaze. The urge to move to him, to run my fingers along the darker shadows of his neck, tracing the muscles down to dip beneath the sheet, is nearly unbearable. But it is an urge I'm well acquainted with, and I am unwilling to give into it. So I remain just inside the doorway, nearly holding my breath as I watch him.

It is an odd relationship we share, he and I, full of titles without meaning, and secrets unvoiced. I call him my brother, but it is not true - our parents are not the same, and we did not grow together. Instead, he came to us a year ago, an orphan already past the age of majority, whose delicate body had betrayed him. He couldn't go to a university, but my parents are rich enough to arrange for schooling for him. When he moved out, I moved with him, hiding my fascination behind my parents' worry. He didn't argue; he never has.

Our apartment is nice, large enough to make our few friends jealous, but he was given the best room as his. Often, he spends days in bed at a stretch, overtired or feverish, and the giant picture windows in front of him offer some relief from the confinement. I know this - I've never begrudged him the beauty. But now, as moonlight pours into his room and he tosses in his sleep, the sheet dips low on his hips, and I see what is almost always hidden from my gaze. He is not hard, nor large, but there is something lovely in the way the silver light plays over his column. My mouth opens, a moan that is barely more than breath given shape slipping out as I lean against the wall, one hand slipping into my pants. He is not hard, but I am, and my free hand goes to press against my lips as I free myself from the loose pajama pants I wear.

I cannot close my eyes as I stroke, my fingers as gentle and light as I imagine his might be. In my mind, I can hear his voice, light and sweet, offering more to me, and my chest aches at the thought that this can never be anything more than a guilty pleasure I indulge in far too often. My eyes flick to the window, and I realize that we're shown there, mingled and bared, and my head falls back, barely avoiding thudding against the wall as the tempo increases. No longer are the touches gentle. I tug on my cock, rub it needily as the fantasy wraps around me. What would his soft lips feel like, tasting me? Would that delicate body fit against mine as well as I believe? Does it really matter, when I know he cannot be mine?

I bite down on my wrist as I come, the marks deep enough to last for a few hours. And I sag there, spent and sated and staring at him. He won't wake for hours yet, giving me long enough to clean up the mess I've made and remove all traces of my secret from his room. Long enough, too, to bask in the picture on the window, where for a moment, I can imagine us entwined.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:41
Subject: Reflection
Security: Public

The farewells are quiet, careful not to disturb me. It must be me they're thinking of, because there's no one else in the apartment to bother. Soft words at the door, and then it shuts gently, and once more, it's just the two of us. These times are hardest for me, after his tutor leaves and before work begins. There's only an hour or two, really, but it seems like forever, as I listen to him moving around the apartment. Today, the footsteps are slow and measured, barely there at all. It's not surprising, really. He didn't sleep well last night, and woke hot. I sat by his bedside while he tossed and turned, listening to the way his breathing sped and wondering what was in those fevered dreams. He never talks about dreams, and I don't push. Really, we don't talk about much of anything.

Today's worse than usual. It's a free day for me, so I won't be going into work. Instead, I'll stay home and listen to his light footsteps, and eat with him. Eating with him is most dangerous. I keep our talk along a careful path, so that there's not a hint of impropriety, but it doesn't always work. He looks weak, and frail, but when he wants to know something, he's very good at getting what he wants. He thinks I humor him when I give in, but usually, I simply cannot say no. Maybe it's me who's really the weak one.

Normally, he cooks for us. He's good at it, and the kitchen is the one place where he really looks normal. Everywhere else, it's like he's already a ghost. But in the kitchen, he's king. On his bad days, though, I order in. I try to order things he's never tried. His face always lights up at the excitement of trying something different, even when he hates it. It's like he almost glows. The ones he really likes, he learns how to make. Tonight, I'm ordering in. As curious as he is to see what I get, he's a little angry at forcing me to order. He pouts like a little girl, and I simply smile and ruffle his hair.

I like touching his hair. It's darker than mine, because he's always inside, and so very soft. It falls to frame his face, and the way it rests, it really emphasizes his eyes. I muss it as many times as I can get away with. He keeps it too neat, and I like it better when it's just a little flyaway, so that he's got a bit of casualness to him. Besides, when I ruffle his hair, he smiles at me, and that smile is worth anything.

I'm done ordering once I've settled on two dishes he's never tried before. It's getting harder, now that we've lived together for a couple of months, to find things he's never experienced. I can usually tell by the gleam in his eyes, but I'm going to have to work harder in order to keep seeing that gleam. Once the ordering is done, I settle into the couch, listening to him chatter. He almost always talks about his lessons, which makes me smile, or his tutor, which brings an unwelcome stab of jealousy. If I had my way, Sakae would never see him again. But that's not my decision to make, and so I smile politely and nod. In my dreams, it is my name on his lips. But those are only my dreams.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:42
Subject: Nightmare
Security: Public

When I was young, I lost my mother. We'd been taken to a special aquarium, and I was lost in the crowd. Eventually, I extracted myself from the crowd by finding a service corridor, and I followed it to the end. The stench there was horrid, and I covered my mouth and nose with one hand, breathing in my mother's perfume as I fought my way. Only, there was no exit. Instead, there were two crude men, taking fish I'd never seen before and crushing them in this odd sculpture.

I was never a very strong person, but my heart couldn't let the torture go on. I grabbed the end, trying to hold it away from the fish as the men laughed at me. It didn't take long for the one doing the crushing to push past my attempts, and bits of fish spattered my scrawny legs and knees. I sat there, near the sculpture with my hand held over my nose, for a long time, the smell of my mother's perfume mingling with the stench of dead and rotting fish. But when I finally heard my name called, it was not my mother who stood there. It was, instead, my father holding his arms out to me and looking very grim. I didn't run into his arms because, at the time, I thought that he must be angry to find me so filthy in such a place. It was not until later that I learned about my mother's murder.

Even now, I see the grim expression on his normally gentle face, and I reach out with one hand, my mother's scent leaving my nostrils as I try to comfort him only to jerk awake. A dream. The dream, really, as it follows me everywhere. When Father died, I dreamt it. When Kaneda's family took me in, I dreamt it. When I moved with Kaneda, I dreamt it. Her scent, abused by the stench of fish, and cold, aching eyes watching me.

"Did you dream again?" Soft words, and I shift in bed, peering out into the gloom from where I lay. The hall light has caught his features, making him golden in the cool silver of my room, but that expression is as cold as the ache in my heart. So I lift one hand, offering it to him as I shift again, settling back into the covers.

"Ah... yeah." Only those words. I don't like giving him any more of myself than I have to. He's so cold all the time, so distant, that it feels like he steals those pieces away, hoarding them somehow. But fingers that bear the warm of his coloring close around mine, and he sits on the edge of the bed, ruffling my hair. So cold, and so distant, and yet somehow dependable in all this. He really is a mystery to me.

"Sleep. I'll stay." There's never a need for him to, but he always stays after the dream, sitting on the edge of my bed with one hand stroking through my hair lightly. That sensation always lulls me to sleep, giving me the rest that memories have stolen away. Kaneda is a man of contradictions, distant and dependable... cold and warm... selfish and giving. Someday, I intend to figure him out.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:43
Subject: Smile
Security: Public

"Thank you for guiding me."

I smile gently at Sakae's formal words, lifting my hand in farewell as I stand in the doorway. It's hard to smile at the moment, when I can feel brown eyes staring at me coldly from the doorway to Kaneda's room, but I do my best to ignore that gaze. I'm two seconds from being out the door and on my way home, after all, and he won't exactly be following me. So whatever his issues are with me, in just a few minutes, I'll be free of them until tomorrow's session. I reach for the door, satchel gripped in my off hand, and slip through, but at the last minute, I can't resist glancing back at the soft smile of farewell Sakae is offering me. Once out the door, I fumble out my mp3 player, getting it set up before starting to head toward the bus stop.

I feel sorry for Sakae. I'm out of there, but delicate Sakae still has to face that guy over dinner before he finally goes off to his job. I can't help but wonder what's going on in his mind when he watches me with that hateful look of his. It could just be overprotectiveness, but that doesn't really feel right. However frail Sakae seems, I can't imagine their relationship is so close that Kaneda would feel that protective. Sakae told me that they only got to know each other in the last year or so, when Sakae was taken in by Kaneda's family. They may call each other 'brother', but they definitely aren't. They're far too opposite for that.

If it weren't for Kaneda's cold looks, tutoring Sakae would be really calming. I like him. He's fun to talk to, and his smile is like sunlight after a heavy rain. That smile is why I try to make all the lessons as much fun as possible. Seeing it makes me want to return to Sakae all the time, but Sakae's smiles fade when Kaneda gets home, and the last hour or so of our tutoring always passes without any smiles at all. I think, tomorrow, I'm really going to try to make Sakae smile in the last hour. If I can do that, I'll be able to defeat the cloud Kaneda brings.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:44
Subject: Complications
Security: Public

I can't help glancing at the time over and over again. It's well past the time Kaneda usually comes home, but there's been no sign of him. I've grown so used to anticipating the sound of the door opening and shutting, and then having to spend the next hour or so readying myself to face that hateful look he wears, that the lack of sound is disturbing me. I murmur something, tapping the book we're looking at, and glance once more at the clock. Now I'm looking every five minutes or so, and I've still got a half-hour before I leave. At this rate, the time will drag interminably.

"...you listening?" I drag myself back to the present and realize that Sakae's asked a question. He's watching me expectantly, his cheek nestled on one hand and his eyes thoughtful as he watches me. It's enough to make me blush faintly, and I pray he doesn't notice the extra heat in my cheeks.

"I'm sorry. It's just... shouldn't your brother have already gotten home by now?" I ask, trying to sound casual about the question. I just need to relax. It shouldn't take much for me to ready myself to face him. It's just that those eyes of his can be scary when he focuses such a glare. It takes me a moment to realize that Sakae's answering again, his own eyes downcast now.

"He's on a business overnight." Sakae doesn't sound precisely upset by this. If anything, he sounds pensive, as though he were trying to decide something. "There was a note when I woke this morning."

"It bothers you." Not an unreasonable suspicion. Sakae's eyes have looked a bit more sunken of late, the shadows beneath them darker than normal. "Are you afraid something might happen while he's gone?"

"It's stupid." False bravado from him, and he squares his shoulders, closing the books. We still have half an hour before my job is officially over, but I make no move to protest. Really, I don't think I'll be up to covering the last little bit today anyway. "You'll laugh."

"I won't," I frown, closing my books as well, and starting to put them away. "You should know me better than that, Sakae." The suggestion hurts, honestly. I may laugh with him, but I never laugh at him. I watch his long-fingered hands toy with the corner of one paper, and add softly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's... the nightmare." There's a pregnant pause as he waits for me to remember, but it isn't difficult. It's the only dream he's ever told me about, and even if it weren't, somehow the thought of it lingers in my head, making me shiver. "It's come a lot recently. And... it's changing." That catches my attention, and I look up at him curiously. But before I can ask, he's rising to pad to the window, still talking. "I can't smell my mother's perfume anymore. It's beginning to feel like she just doesn't exist... like she never has. And...," he adds, then hesitates, one hand gripping the windowsill as he looks out on the city below. I'm so caught up in watching his face in the windowpane that it takes me a moment to realize his knuckles are white.

"...And?" I prompt softly.

"And... I'm afraid that if she fades like that... that my father will fade, too. And maybe I'll stop waking up eventually, and be stuck there forever." A shudder through those delicate shoulders, and I push myself up, unable to stop from going to him. My hand on his shoulder looks shockingly large, and I'm careful not to really squeeze. Maybe he's not as delicate as he seems, but I don't want to take the risk. He sighs, head falling forward until his forehead is resting against the window, and he's staring blankly at the glass instead of the scene beyond. "Will you stay tonight?"

I'm so caught up in the play of emotions over his face that it takes me a moment to make sense of the question. And when I finally do, I'm left blinking, like a cat that the canary has surprised. "Wh-what?"

"Stay overnight. Can you?" He's careful to keep his voice soft, but I can still hear the plea within the words. "You told me you live alone, so I thought... but maybe you have plans...?" Such hesitance on his part.

I swallow, reaching up to stroke my hand over the fine hair once before I agree, my voice as soft as his. "I'll stay. I... won't let you stay in that dream."

Immediately, Sakae's whole face brightens, and he straightens, turning to smile at me. I'm lost now. Even if I wanted to find a way to get out of this promise, I couldn't. He's too happy. "Great! I'll order out for food, and we have some movies we can watch." He slips past me, his shoulder brushing mine as he heads to start making things ready, and I blink, turning to watch him go. I've never much bothered with dating, or sex. So why did I have the sudden urge to lean over and kiss him?

I mull on that as I go to pick up our books and papers. The thought of kissing another boy doesn't fill me with shock or horror. I always faintly suspected that I might have some leanings in that direction, really, because I've certainly never wanted to suddenly kiss a girl. And even though Sakae's delicate, and if he worked at it, he could probably pass for a girl, I don't think the thought of kissing him had anything to do with that. It felt more like... I wanted to somehow taste that smile.

I'm still thinking when we eat a couple hours later, though I'm able to pay close enough attention to the conversation to answer Sakae properly. And I'm no longer thinking of leaning over and just kissing him. But even though the urge has faded, the memory of it hasn't, and I'm noticing little things now, like how his fingers look as he readies the video we're to watch, or the way his slender body folds into the couch, nestling into one corner. He doesn't protest when I choose the opposite corner, and I can only think that I've somehow managed to keep him from noticing my preoccupation. I almost miss his assurance that this movie we're watching is a good one, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because I'm not seeing it. I may be staring at the screen, but I'm far more aware of the way the cushions move when he shifts to a comfortable position. Is it desire doing this to me? Is it just years of pent-up need finally wanting a way to escape? But... it doesn't feel like that, exactly. Instead, it feels more like I'm finally really noticing him.

When the movies are done, we head to his room, getting ready for bed. I would've liked to have stayed up longer, but school comes early enough the next day that I need sleep. And so he sets his alarm clock, and we arrange a pallet on the floor between his bed and the floor-to-ceiling windows. I can lay in bed and watch the city as I drift to sleep, and the thought sounds very good.

It's as we're brushing our teeth that the next awkward moment comes. Sakae's clothing is too small, and I don't dare ask for a pair of Kaneda's pajamas. "Sakae...?" He looks up, those blue eyes bright and smiling. "I... don't have anything to wear to bed." And now that I've spoken, we're both blushing, our eyes skirting away from each other.

"That's okay," he whispers, hesitating a moment before rinsing his brush and mouth. "I... don't like the feel of things on me when I sleep. Wearing anything... always makes the nightmare come." I swallow at that, and then choke, the minty toothpaste disgusting. It takes me a moment to get it out of my mouth, and to rinse my own brush, and during that time, I've summoned my own bravado. If that's the way it is... then we'll just make do.

"Ah... okay..." I know my words are stammered, but I can't help that. Still, when he looks hesitantly at me, I offer a bright smile back. No need for him to know my consternation. "Then it's not a concern. Besides... it's not like we're even going to be in the same bed."

"Right. Right," he agrees, visibly relaxing. A moment later, he adds, "We can get undressed with the lights off."

I nod. That sounds like the best I'll get, after all. We head back to the bedroom, and the lights go off, leaving the room bathed in moonlight and the faint glow from the city lights below us. It's enough light for me to see, if I'm looking, so I don't. Instead, I focus on shedding all clothing but my briefs, knowing that they just might preserve my sanity in this. Once that's done, and the clothes are folded beside my pallet so that they'll be suitable for tomorrow's classes, I slip under the sheets, turning to look at the window. The view really is breathtaking. We say our goodnights, and I listen to his breathing change slowly from waking to sleeping, my eyes drifting closed as I watch the beauty outside the window.

I'm jerked out of sleep later, still in the middle of the night, by the sound of harsher breathing. For a moment, I lay in that pallet, staring up at the ceiling and swallowing as the evening's memories come to me. Sakae... is that Sakae's nightmare that I'm hearing? Those faint, mostly-stifled grunts and the too-loud breaths seem odd in the silence, and I take a moment to glance at the window.

My eyes widen then. The light from the hallway is on, and Sakae's door is partially open, making the windows into a mirror instead. And although I'm able to see Sakae in the glass, my eyes are caught and held by the taller man near the door, his head thrown back as he rubs himself. Kaneda is home? Kaneda is... stroking off in Sakae's room? I wet dry lips, but I can't find a way to announce myself. I can only think that he hasn't seen me. My pallet must be hidden by the bed Sakae's sleeping in, because why on earth would Kaneda do this if I was here. Which leaves me thinking that he does this every other night, and I reel, staring at the lean body. One hand slips down without my realizing it, sliding into the briefs that have somehow become confining and I tug myself free, starting to stroke myself.

And then a soft sigh is heard in the room, and Sakae shifts until he's facing the window, and now I understand why Kaneda would dare to leave the door open. The sheet has dropped low on his body, and he's displayed in the window, like some painter's erotic arrangement. In sleep, he looks so much younger and softer, begging to be touched, and now I have both of them to look at and I can't help it. In one of my fleeting moments of coherence, I stuff the corner of the pillow into my mouth and fight to control my breathing, but I'm watching them both and stroking hard and fast now, nearly able to keep time with Kaneda as he fucks one hand, the other lifting to toy with his nipple. And I'm recalling the intensity of the way he watches me around Sakae, and I realize that he must hate me for my close relationship with his younger 'brother', but it also makes me wonder... how delicious would it be to have such an intensity focused on me?

It's a miracle that I manage to come before he does, my climax white-hot and blinding me as I fall back to let myself go. I stop a mess by rubbing my head as I come, more out of instinct that intelligence, and from there, I just lay listening to his harsh grunts come faster and faster, until the breathing stops entirely for several seconds. It's a few minutes before the quiet sounds of cleanup come, and I lay there, listening and smiling faintly. Things are suddenly infinitely more complicated... but at the moment, I feel too good to care.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:46
Subject: Rain Dancing
Security: Public

It's the third day that Kazuki's called to cancel on me. I'm not too worried, honestly. From what I can tell, I'm getting faster schooling this way than if I were able to go to class. But all the same, it's disappointing. I've gotten used to the distraction he offers me during the day, while Kaneda's out doing whatever it is he does all day. Today, I'm feeling really good, and I tap the glass of the balcony door. If only it weren't raining, I'd feel good enough to do something outside, maybe even hit the park and get some sun. It's a gloomy feeling, to be stuck inside on a day when I'm itching to do something, and I glance over at the radio. If I can't do anything outside, perhaps I can at least do something inside.

Wanting the fresh air, I go ahead and open the balcony door. It's unlikely the rain will get so far in. And then I head back, flicking the radio on and playing with it until a good beat fills the room. That's better! It's some sort of pop song, the girl's voice light and airy as she sings, and the song itself is full of all those teenage dreams of independence. I laugh, even as I start twirling around to the beat. Activity feels so good right now. My arms lift, wrists crossing as I continue to dance, not so much interested in any particular moves as in the feeling of my body exerting itself, muscles welcoming the exercise. As I dance, I can feel my worries lift away, until the thick sweater I always wear seems heavier. And even in my slender body, which feels even the slightest draft as biting cold, that sweater is becoming too heavy. I shove it off, ignoring where it falls to the floor as my eyes fall on the open balcony door again.

It will be cold out there with the crisp spring wind and the rain. But before I can really chastise myself for thinking of it, I've turned the radio up louder, and her voice carries out into the gentle patter of raindrops. Once more, I'm spinning. But this time, there are little bits of wet on me, chilling my skin and keeping it from overheating. I lose track of the sensations after a bit, too caught up in where my feet are and how the music feels as it washes through me. So when it stops abruptly, cut off halfway through a song, I freeze too. My eyes immediately shoot to the indoors, expecting to see some sort of power outage. What I do not expect to see is Kaneda standing there, his brown eyes glowering at me.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demands, waving me inside. "You'll catch your death out there!"

I blink at the way his words sound strained, and a fat waterdrop falls from my bangs directly onto the tip of my nose. It's... funny, really, and before I know it, he's catching my hand and guiding me inside while I'm doubled over with laughter. The laughter continues while he heads to the linen closet to get a towel, and when he returns, I've mostly calmed. I take the towel, rubbing at my dripping hair, and then look up at him, and the laughter in me stills. He has this incredibly gentle smile on his face, and his eyes are suddenly like rich chocolate, wrapping me in warmth. I reach a wondering hand toward his cheek, and almost immediately, his look shutters, red suffusing his cheeks as he turns away. "Where's Kazuki?"

"He's not coming today," I manage, trying to keep the hurt out of my voice. I wrap the towel around my shoulders - the chill is really hitting me, and suddenly a warm soak sounds like a really good reason to get away from him. "I'm gonna go soak for a while. Are you working tonight?"

"Yes, but I'll deal with dinner before I go," he promises, and I nod, not willing to bother questioning it. I don't look at him again before I make my way to the bathroom, filling the tub with hot water and climbing inside. Once the warmth surrounds me, I lean my head back, staring up at the ceiling. Is it really such a strange thing, to touch another man? There was nothing sexual about it, nothing he should have any reason to worry about. I just... wanted to ensure the expression I saw was real.

I don't get out until the water starts to feel cool to me, and once out, I pause to stand in front of the mirror, staring at myself. I should really find a girlfriend, I suppose. I'm not exactly ugly, though a lot of girls don't really like the delicate features I sport. My hand lifts, fingers feathering over my cheekbones before I lift them to my hair, pulling it away from where it frames my face. But my face needs that frame - it softens the almost too-sharp features. I wonder, for a brief moment, if I could pass for a girl, given the right outfit, and then shake my head. The idea is... distasteful to me. I wouldn't dress as a girl any more than I'd date one, and I'm fully aware of both problems.

Finally, I turn away, heading back to retrieve my sweater. Kaneda's already gone, but there's a note about takeout in the refrigerator, and an admonishment to stay warm. He really mothers me too much.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:48
Subject: Coming to Terms
Security: Public

What the hell am I doing? I stare at the phone in my hands, and I can't stop thinking that everything's changed, and really, the only thing that's changed is me. It's been almost a week since I've seen Sakae or Kaneda, and in that time, I've barely thought of anything else. Thoughts of Sakae are bad enough, but I can't help recalling the way his skin glowed silver in the moonlight, bare and beautiful. It made me ache to touch it, though I never expected to have such an urge for another man. But at least I can almost accept these feelings for Sakae. I would never touch him without his permission, and the thought of seeing him again makes me shiver and ache all at once.

But the one keeping me away is Kaneda. What are they to each other, that he'd visit Sakae's room in the middle of the night just to jack off? Was that the real reason Sakae wanted me in the room? Because he thought I could somehow protect him from Kaneda's sight? Or was Kaneda the liar, talking about that business overnight? Was it just a ruse to catch Sakae off-guard? All these thoughts whirl inside my brain, but the one that keeps coming back up, no matter how hard I try to banish it, is how incredible Kaneda looked, framed in the window as his gold mingled with Sakae's silver. They're such opposites all the time, from personalities to bodies, and my mind's eye can't help but dwell on how they'd look entwined, limbs tangled as they give into whatever this is between them. It's just...

One thing troubles me through all these thoughts, through the fantasies that I play over and over again as I linger in the bathtub, or lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. If they give into this... if they pursue it... where does that leave me? I shift in bed, turning onto my side and resting my hand against the rest of the pillow, empty as always, and all I can feel about this is lost. I have a decision to make. I have to figure out whether I want to continue to go back there, knowing what I know now, or if I want to break things off cleanly, before my friendship with Sakae becomes even more complicated. The thought of not seeing him again is a pain in my gut, but with it comes the knowledge that I wouldn't ever have to face that icy look of Kaneda's.

And that's something else, I realize as I lay there. I understand that look finally. I know what prompted it. I know what Kaneda's thinking when he looks at me so coldly. Whenever I was with Sakae, we laughed so freely. It wasn't that he hated me specifically. It must be jealousy - he must want what it is I have with Sakae.

It's no good. I can't sleep again, and thinking about the two has tightened my body until I know it will take some relief before I can relax again enough to sleep. I sit up, resting my hand on my cheek as I sit in the dark thinking. My free hand trails along the sheets as my eyes close again. I like to think that I'm being moral when I try to hold off the desire, but I never really succeed. Instead, it's just a matter of my hand creeping closer and closer, until I can touch myself as the images float up once again. I focus on them, fighting with the pure pleasure in order to attempt objective thought. If I walked away now... what would it really accomplish? But it isn't objective thought that brings me to my final decision. It's a single memory... Sakae's smile.

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:49
Subject: Sweaters
Security: Public

"Sakae, can I ask you something?"

I glance up from my books, watching Kazuki curiously. It's rare he interrupts me when I'm studying, unless it's to point out what I've missed. But that's never done in this tone, and the way he's staring at me now, my throat goes oddly dry. It takes me a moment to answer, because I'm watching him and trying to make sense of what's going on, but I finally do. "Of course."

"Why sweaters?" His hand reaches out, plucking at the thick sweater I wear, and I shiver slightly, feeling the material graze over one of my nipples. Had he intended to do that? I can't tell, because he's getting up now to get a drink, and his back is to me. "It's already pretty warm in here," he continues, as though his touch hadn't been bothersome in the slightest. "Aren't you just torturing yourself?"

"Ah... no," I manage, but only after clearing my throat. He sort of looks back at me, but it's an odd way: not really looking at me as much as simply hinting that he's paying attention by turning slightly in my direction. I'm not sure what to make of that, so I shake my head, trying to clear it. Ever since he spent a week away, I've been second-guessing him. At the time, he'd said he needed to study for upcoming finals, but since then, everything's felt slightly off... slightly odd, like the feel of his thumb plucking at my nipple through the thick sweater. "I'm so thin, I get cold really easily. It's not fair to Kaneda if I keep it warm enough for me to be comfortable. Besides, I can always wear a little more."

"The sweaters you wear are so big, though. It always looks kinda like you're a kid hoping to grow that extra little bit soon," Kazuki laughs, and I flush darkly, looking down at my hands. He's right, when I think about it. Even now, the sleeves of the sweater come halfway down my palms, and I can feel the wide turtleneck snuggled against my jaw.

"I like them that way. Besides... I was told they look cute on me," I say, trying to be flippant and teasing. I'd smile, too, but he hasn't yet turned around.

"Who said that?" he asks, and somehow, the question sounds important, slightly emphasized. I stare at his back, trying to make sense of the conversation. Why does all this seem noteworthy? What does it matter whether I wear sweaters or tshirts? And most of all, why does the name still in my throat for a moment before coming out far softer than I ever intended.

"Kaneda."

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Trio Maxwell-Chang posting in Lovex3
User: [info]lovex3 (posted by [info]trio)
Date: 2007-08-07 23:50
Subject: Kitten
Security: Public

"What is that?" I ask, stepping inside and removing my jacket. My tie follows a moment later, loosened until it was simply draped over my shoulders. But my eyes are fixed firmly on the tiny ball of fluff currently hunched over a bowl on the ground. Sakae is sitting right next to it, pale fingers stroking over the silver fur. He looks up at me, his eyes a mix of fear and hope that hold me firm.

"She's a kitten," he says after a moment, and when he beckons me toward them, I find myself moving forward, pausing only long enough to toe off my shoes. It's a moment before I sit down opposite Sakae, examining the kitten curiously. "I found her at the park. She's too thin."

I look up, prepared to tell him that he should've called Animal Control, and find my voice stilled. He looks so... happy, sitting there stroking the kitten lightly. "Sakae," I start, and the sight of his face closing off, the hand slowly slipping away from the soft fur, is enough to undo me. I sigh, revising my thoughts. "...What do you intend to call her?" His face lights up, until the smile he turns on me is blinding. I really am doomed when it comes to him.

"I'll call her Moonlight," he tells me, and I raise an eyebrow. His explanation leaves me dry-mouthed. "When the moonlight comes into my room, it's silver, like she is. What do you think?" He lifts her, holding her out so that I can hold her, and I find myself taking her. She feels dwarfed in my hands, and looks up at me with a tiny mewl before making herself at home. This is dangerous, I can't help thinking.

"Is Kazuki coming tomorrow?" I ask, and Sakae nods. For a moment, it's tempting to tell him to get Kazuki's help in ensuring Moonlight has everything she needs. But a jealous desire to be the one who makes Sakae smile like this stops me, and instead I rise, handing Moonlight back to Sakae. "Get your shoes on," I direct, eyeing the apartment before deciding that it would be better to have the animal with us. "And bring a towel to wrap... her in." Sakae looks at me oddly, and I sigh. "We're going to get supplies. I won't have her eating our food or... soiling our floor because we don't have what we need." I see the laughter in Sakae's eyes at my too-prim words, but he does as directed, wrapping her gently in a towel and tucking her against his chest before moving to slip on his shoes. As I pass to get my shoes back on, he catches my hand, his fingers warm against mine. I stop, staring down at our linked hands for a long, surprised minute.

"Thanks, Kaneda," he says, squeezing lightly before letting go to slip out the door.

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