I don't have to answer the voices in my head

Notes: Oh dear. Yeah, I wrote Snarry, but the twist is that this is house elf crack meta. I know, I know. Bad Loki. Stale cookies. ;)


( Dobby screamed in mortal terror... )

Title: Guilt
Author: soberloki
Rating: PG
Also Posted: here
Author Notes: Found this in an old file, and with minor editing, made it work.


     Please, thinks Severus Snape. Please, let him-

     He never asks for things. He knows better than to hope for salvation, or joy, or anything really. He doesn't deserve it.

     There's so much ground to cover, here to there, and he's never felt so slow, so incapable, so bloody lost. The green glow will come soon and he’s close, soclose, and then it's done.

     Done.

     Done.

     It's like a bell rung in the hollows of his body, his stomach, his throat, behind his eyes.

     Harry deserves to win, but it's Severus who asked, so. No hope, then.

     What have I done?

I jumped on the bandwagon again. A shock, I know. Inspired by celandineb, and my own uncontrollable urge to promote pretty much any pairing involving a happy Snape. 327 words, G-rated, single-voice crack.

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5 Reasons Snape Puts Up With Harry, or, Love Isn't One of Them
An interview with Rita Skeeter

You people ask the most intrusive questions. Why must you persist? Does it really matter, why I don't send him to live with Weasleys, or on his own?

Oh very well, Albus. Why I agreed to hang your bloody portrait in my home, I'll never know. Meddling old bugger, I'm sure it was actually Potter's idea.

I do not send Harry Potter away because he keeps the place in order. I know all of the standard housekeeping charms, but Tergeo and Scourgify are not the same thing as on-your-knees effort, are they?

I have yet to evict The Walking Bird's Nest for the simple reason that I am not used to a great deal of discussion. While he keeps house here, he also usually manages to deter fools who feel it necessary to track me down and pester me with questions, the answers to which are most assuredly none of their bloody business. Do not drip that vile pink excuse for ink on my furnishings, Skeeter.

I permit the annoying twit to inhabit my home because he's a reasonably good cook. His holiday meals are quite satisfactory, despite the company he insists on including. Weasleys. It's always Weasleys. And Granger. And that positively insufferable French bint who married one of the Weasleys. And their children...

I keep the Boy-Who-Lived about the place as a reminder that we are not who we believed ourselves to be when we were young. I am not a glory-seeking Dark Master. Potter is not a golden idol to be followed by the masses. Neither of us is the child who first set foot in the Great Hall of Hogwarts... and it is entirely possible that we never were.

Besides all that, I love the little green-eyed idiot, don't I? Dearest Merlin, I knew you'd drop your quill. Spell that ink out of my rug immediately, or I shall not be held responsible for what happens to you.

And Albus... do shut up.

Just found these sitting around on my hard drive, and figured I should probably, y'know, actually POST them. I have no idea how long ago I wrote these.

TITLE: Twice Damned
WORD COUNT: 100
A/N: Feedback hugely welcome.
CHALLENGE: Snape makes another bad choice.

( He watches you )

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TITLE: Summer
WORD COUNT: 100
CHALLENGE: Ink
A/N: Feedback hugely welcome.

( It was Harry's fault )

Title: Vegas Vacation
Words: 100
Warnings: Implied animal sex.
Notes: Very random inspiration, I was watching CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the episode with the furries' convention. Started giggling about the idea of Severus Snape being there.



Severus surveyed the conventioneers disdainfully. "Likenesses of humanised animals?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "We don't have to participate, and –"

Severus shoved a blue anthropomorphised fox in a sequined pink bikini away from himself, and snapped, "Neither of us yiff, thank you very much!"

The blue fox tottered away on huge glittery red high-heeled shoes, and Harry was sure those feet couldn't belong to a woman.

"We can get another hotel." Harry frowned. "Wait, what's yiff?"

"Nothing."

Harry seized Severus' sleeve. "Tell me."

Scowling, Severus whispered in Harry's ear.

Harry blushed, then grinned. "So, just like us, but not Animagi."

Challenge: #153 - Severus Snape and the Random Book Title.
Rated: R
Word count: 100, of course
Also Posted: Snape100
A/N: The generated title made me giggle, and then this came to me.


( On first entering his office... )

Word Count: 350
Pairing/Characters: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Notes/Warnings: Directly inspired by LJ-er irisgirl12000's triplet of drabbles. Utter nonsense and mush.


( At four in the morning, Harry crept in at the kitchen door. )

Also Posted: Perposterice Entry
Characters/Pairings: Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Word Count: 690
Rating: PG Crack, I'm hoping.
Summary: Severus Snape shouldn't speak to strangers.
Notes: Heeee. perposterice Spam Sender Challenge prompt #29.


( The girl seemed too... polished, in Severus' opinion. )

Word Count: 431
Rating: PG-13
Notes: I blame the song Still Waters, by Reverend Jim White. Seriously. That is one gorgeously weird song.


( Voldemort dies, and half of the Wizarding world disappears. )

Also Posted: Perposterice Entry

WARNING: Dark. Refers obliquely to torture; destruction of a mind.
( #45 – Malice of forethought – 150 words – Trio Gen, PG-13 )

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WARNING: Bodily functions, non-explicit.
( #36 – It doesn't pass mustard – 225 words – Draco/Luna, PG )

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WARNING: Fluff.
( #31 – To have an idea down packed – 300 words – Harry/Severus, PG )

( Stubborn Git )


( Sway )


( Dave's Not Here, Man )


( Bloody Hell )