20 Things Nobody Knows About Petunia & Vernon Dursley | PG Character(s): Vernon & Petunia Dursley, mentions Dudley, Harry, Lily, and James. Rating: PG Summary: They're not entirely repulsive, oddly. Disclaimer: Not mine. JKR's getting rich, and I'm getting a little pleasant ear-scritching on the internet. I like to think she wouldn't begrudge me that much. Author's Notes: This was written as part of LJ-er iulia_linnea's Harry Potter Random Facts Fest. Because Iuls is ♥.
1. Vernon Dursley was a dreamy boy, often mocked by his elder sister and ignored by his parents. He swore to himself he'd adore his own child, no matter what.
2. Petunia didn't really want children until she heard her sister talking to one of their chance-met childhood friends about what sort of father James might be. Immediately, she knew she had to have a child before Lily. Being the first to provide a grandchild would mean something to her parents.
3. When he was seventeen, Vernon suffered a psychotic break brought on by no sleep, exam anxiety, and his growing (and mistaken) conviction that if he could only decode all of his comic books, he'd gain superhuman (and possibly magical) abilities.
4. Until she was thirteen, Petunia was the star of the Evans household. She wasn't messy, loud, or willful like her sister, and she always got good grades.
5. At the age of twenty, Petunia met Vernon outside a tea shop and developed an instant crush on him. He was tall, beefy, nearly as insecure as she was, and nothing like her sister's disreputable Potter jackass.
6. Vernon proposed after six months of dating Petunia, in part because he'd been told by a boy he was in college with that a proposal was enough to unlock any girl's knees. Once he'd proposed and Petunia had accepted, he suddenly realized he wanted to wait until their wedding night. And he did.
7. Petunia was not a virgin on her wedding night, but Vernon was. She's never told him, because she knows he likes to think he's more worldly.
8. Petunia secretly despises all of her tea friends and neighbors. None of them would believe the horror she's had to live with in the form of her freakish nephew, and they have even less imagination than she does when it comes to anything out of the ordinary.
9. Vernon sometimes dreams of flying, and wearing a cape. He refuses to remember those dreams.
10. Petunia believes she's very literal-minded when she dreams. A cigar is always a cigar, even when Elton John is smoking it. Perhaps especially then.
11. When The Boy arrived, Vernon was enormously relieved. He could finally vent his Dudley-related frustrations, but he hated The Boy for being his scapegoat, because needing one meant he couldn't keep his promise to never dislike his own child.
12. Petunia loved David Bowie until she was nineteen and Lily told her the man was not only bisexual and unashamed, but a Squib. She could've lived with the sexual oddness, but the connection to magic was simply more than she could bear.
13. Vernon firmly believes that his career has stalled where it is because of The Boy, and any contradiction of this assertion sends him into a two-day snit.
14. Dudley's near-worship of Vernon makes both of his parents very nervous.
15. Petunia knows very well that Dudley is a little shit, but if she were to stop defending him after all this time, she believes that would make her a bad mother.
16. Vernon knew Petunia wasn't a virgin bride. He honestly didn't care.
17. For the first six months of her son's life, Petunia spent every morning after Vernon went to work crying in the lounge with the drapes shut and all of the lights turned off.
18. Vernon wants to retire to Canada, because he's decided there are no wizards there, though he has no evidence to support his conviction. Petunia suspects he's in for a rude shock, if they ever do go there.
19. Petunia has a mild phobia of orange tabby cats. Nobody knows why, not even Petunia.