20 Random Facts About Dudley Dursley DISCLAIMER: Not mine! Never was or will be. NOTES: It can't just be the magical folks, right? There's a lot to know about the Muggles in this universe. Used as part of the Random Facts Fest begun by iulia_linnea!
1. At the age of sixteen, he asks out a shop girl who laughs in his face and calls him a nasty fat pig.
2. Dudley thinks Potter is much better-looking than he is, and wonders if he'd be considered handsome if he wasn't always being outshone.
3. Falling into the snake's habitat didn't frighten him as much as he let on.
4. Dudley's favorite color is purple, but he pretends to like dark blue, because his Dad once told him only poofs like 'girl colors'.
5. He wishes, at the end of Potter's fourth year at 'that place', that he could have magic himself, and be protected by dangerous and romantic people.
6. Dudley masturbates to instant-camera pictures he had Piers take of the girls' rugby team at Smeltings' sister school.
7. He only ever learns by example. Potter is his best object lesson.
8. Dudley never feels powerful, except when his gang looks to him for ideas.
9. He likes to read Shakespeare, especially Macbeth.
10. Dudley doesn't know it, but his gang plans to beat him stupid on the day he finishes at Smeltings. They're only waiting because their Mums all know each other.
11. He doesn't dream very much, but when he does, his dreams are always violently sexual.
12. He loves his Dad unconditionally.
13. Dudley still wets his bed sometimes, and has always forced Potter, when he's about, to clean it up for him. His parents don't know.
14. When he was nine, Dudley devised an elaborate plan to have Potter run over by a motorcycle gang and killed. The plan fell through when he realized he didn't know anybody in a motorcycle gang.
15. He once heard a movie villain promise to set the world on fire, and he thinks he might want to try it himself.
16. It's Dudley's favorite thing, getting Potter in trouble. Well, that and sponge cake.
17. He once asked his Mum why she hated Potter, and Petunia told him the other boy had a disease. He still believes he might 'catch' something from his cousin.
18. Dudley knew when he was three that something was very different about his cousin. He's always feared Potter because of that, and hated him because of the fear.
19. He truly believes that if his parents stopped buying him gifts, it would mean they didn't love him any more.
20. He mostly just wishes his mother would shut up and leave him alone.
Not feeling so proud of this one, but here you go. Go on, tell me how wrong I am to doubt myself. I dare you.