Current mood:	sick
Current music:	Metallica - Of Wolf And Man
Entry tags:	30 seconds to mars, 30stm: jared leto, 30stm: jared/shannon, 30stm: loup garou, 30stm: shannon leto

FIC: Of Wolf and Man- 30stm Shan/Jared, mature
title Of Wolf And Man
author: lisa roquin
rating: 15+/mature
fandom: 30stm
pairing/characters: Shannon/Jared, Tomo, Tim
series: Loup Garou
disclaimer: lies, fiction, untrue. completely and totally made up. I know no one, know nothing of their personal lives. I make no claims of knowing much of anything.
summary: There was only one thing Shannon and the Beast agreed on, Jared had to be healthy, safe, whole and near.
warning: letocest. hints/implications of shapeshifterstyle bestiality. angst. m/m
author notes: thanks to gwionfawyr and jiltanith for read throughs.
written for spookathon 2009 and curtailed into as much of a standalone piece as I could make it with the whole spin they tried to throw at me.


Shannon awoke to the tremble in the bed and the sensation of someone staring. He didn't want to move just yet. Didn't want morning to intrude. He'd lost control and reasserted his claim over Jared--fucked Jared across Tim's lap. Even that thought rearing it's head was distant second to the fact Jared was naked and mostly under him. Skin, scent and taste filling Shannon's senses.

"Pack orgies the new black, Shan?" voice shaky and uneven. Tomo's scent was schocked, scared, reeling. "That's what it was right? Pack?"

Shannon turned his head and looked up. "You remember."

"Thought it was drunk and you fucking with me but..."

Jared was awake. Shannon didn't need to glance at Jared's face to know that.

Shannon gritted his teeth and willed the change, skin stinging as fur pierced through, bones aching as the stretched and shifted. First the monster, the creature from some fucking Hollywood B movie then the reverse ache of bones compacting, changing shape completely to the wolf.

"Both of you?"

"Yeah, Shannon can shift at will though, me I can control it but I can only change with the full moon." Jared answered quietly hands moving to touch, slide into fur and find the mucsles that always ached the worst.

"Cause why and how long and..." Tomo asked weakly sitting on the edge of the bed staring at Shannon, now in wolf form draped over Jared. "Can--"

"Yeah, he'll never admit it but he loves petted," Jared answered.

Shannon gave Jared a growl and snapped at his nose, missing by a full two inches. His. His. His pack. His mate. Beast was too close, too strong. Damn it.

Jared smiled and lifted his head, nuzzled at Shannon's face. The beast raged, wanting. Tomo's shaky hand on his back, touching, not quite petting actually helped. Jared sleepy and naked, still smelling of being fucked the night before, smelling of lust and want now. Jared knew. The way he nuzzled and petted said as much.

"How--I when?"

"Shannon was eighteen," Jared said. "He brought me over when I was twenty three."

Shannon pressed his muzzle into Jared's neck. Never would have brought Jared over, never. It didn't matter it had almost--almost--been accidental. The Wolf had wanted so damn badly. Jared had pushed and pushed and fucking pushed. His control slipped, shifted, and the Beast quite literally, bit Jared in the ass for all his teasing and harrassing and demanding. Considering how the nightmare had been visited on him, he hadn't realized that particular bit of bullshit was true. A single bite--though denim that barely, accidentally, broke skin in a single spot damned Jared right along with him.

Jared gave soft growl and a little tug at Shannon's fur. It was doubtful Tomo and Tim could have heard even without a decade or so of amp damage behind both of them. His mate--BROTHER! His brother. Damned Beast was too close, too agitated. His brother didn't make much of a beta. Another pack, Jared would be Alpha.

"You gonna--"

"No. Not you, Tomo. Loup are sterile, you and Vicky keep talking kids, no."

"Me?" Tim squeaked.

"No," Jared shook his head. Fingers worked into the tension between Shannon's shoulders.

The Beast fought, getting crazed between want for its mate and pain at the fear in its pack. Jared tilted his head to look at Tim, column of his throat stretched and exposed, probably more than a little unnecessarily. Shannon dipped his head to lick, calm both himself and the Beast.

"What--" Tomo frowned.

Jared stretched, tilting his head back a little more, a high soft whine likely out of Tomo and Tim's range of hearing, a shift of his body against Shannon's.

Shannon gave a warning growl, stretching enough to snap and catch Jared's hair with his teeth.

"You going to fuck again?" Tim asked warily.

"No. Get dressed...order some fucking coffee. Give us fifteen and we'll be out. I need a damn shower. So do you, Timmy. Can still smell that bitch."

"Do I even want to know what was with the cockblocking routine--"

"She was Loup. You're ours. Our pack. Sniffin' around way to fucking close," Jared said tightly.

Shannon growled.

"We don't cross paths with many like us, avoid those we do. There's some packs. We don't have trouble when we cross their territories usually. It's just us. Our pack is the five of us. Tomo, Vicky, you now...you three are human. Two of us...We leave them alone, they leave us alone. Goddamn bitch in heat was up to no good. Something not right about her and the moon tonight no fucking way. She knew what I was, could smell you were with Loup..."

"Huh?"

"Loup Garou," Jared sighed.

Shannon made a chuff of sound and shook his head. Shifting back to human he said, "Werewolf. Loup Garou.."

"Go. We'll be out in a bit," Jared demanded. "Shower, Tim."

They left. Whether it was pack obedience, or just wanting to get the fuck away from him and Jared or..what, Shannon didn't know. But they left. Scent didn't even help, his senses were haywire and fast becoming overwhelmed. The Beast so close thinking straight was difficult.

Jared. Naked. Jared's lean lithe body, warm skin against his own. Jared's hand stroking over his back, pushing, fucking pushing. Jared always fucking pushed and now was no exception as the hand slid dangerously low on Shannon's back, just low enough to say Jared would like to be groping Shannon's ass rather than stroking his back.

"You're too thin. Feel your ribs," Shannon rasped out. Beast growling Mate was wasting away, the brother in worried Jared's health not quite what he pretended it was. Chapter 27's damage undeniable.

"I'm fine."

*

The Beast snarled. Mate wasn't fine.

Mate tilted his head away baring his throat, arching a little, writhing a little. Mate smelled of want, lust, need. Under that Mate smelled of pain and sadness wasting him away, wearing him down and breaking him.

Beast lowered his head, teeth grazing Mate's throat. Mate sighed and arched a little more. Beast licked the skin, another nip that drew a shudder and whine from Mate. Beast gave a warning growl, demanding Mate be still wordlessly. Beast didn't know words, didn't have words, but Mate understood. Mate was wolf just the same as Beast. No, not the same, Mate was whole. Even whole Mate was always in such pain, so sad.

Each twist of Mate's neck hurt. Beautiful throat bared in offering, repeated askance to be claimed or put out of his misery. Mate hurt so. Always so sad and broken.

"I'm fine," Mate repeated, hands moving over Beast's back. Beast growled, dipping his head and sinking human teeth into Mate's shoulder. Lust rolled off Mate in waves. Desperation. Need. Mate was going to waste away from neglect if not given more attention, not reminded he was wanted.

Beast lifted his head and stared down at Mate, once Mate met his eyes he attacked Mate's mouth with his own. Overpowering, demanding.

*

Jared moaned into his mouth, his tongue slid along Shannon's. Bare skin, lean bordering on too-thin body, writhed up against him.

"Shan..." Jared whined, pressing kisses against the side of Shannon's mouth gasping for breath as he clung. Hard cock rocking against Shannon's own, against his stomach, wet smear of precome on his skin.

"No. No."

Jared made a broken sound too close to a sob. The Beast within roared. Shannon fought it.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Shannon," Jared murmured.

It wasn't. It was so far from fucking okay. Nothing had been okay in over twenty years. Nothing would be okay as long as they lived. Jared wasn't okay. Jared was hard as hell, broken just fucking defeated. He did that. The Beast within him did that. No it wasn't fucking okay at all.

"We need a shower," Shannon blurted.

"Share?"

Jared sounded like he was fighting desperation, breaking, beyond just headed for a case of blue balls.

"Yeah," Shannon whispered lowering his forehead to Jared's and closing his eyes. Beast wasn't willing to let Jared go yet. Shannon wasn't willing to let Jared go yet, and hated himself all the more for it.

Jared quivered and almost collapsed underneath him, clinging a minute.

"Jared?" Shannon rasped out.

"Only so much rejection the wolf can take, moon tonight..." Jared whispered sounding almost scared.

The wolf was strongest with the full moon. The Beast was raging, in pain itself that Mate was suffering. Shannon brushed a soft kiss against the corner of Jared's eye. Another against his temple. A third soft kiss against his cheekbone. "Sorry, fuck, Jay, sorry," Shannon whispered with another kiss against Jared's cheek. "Did I hurt you last night?"

"No, oh god no," Jared breathed. There was a spike of lust in his scent, and a spike of misery, at the mention of the beast getting loose from Shannon's control.

Shannon pressed a kiss against Jared's jaw. "Shower." Jared naked and wet and within reach wasn't going to settle anything but at least he'd get a good look at the damage the Beast might have done.



***

Tim and Tomo hadn't argued with the order to stay in the suite. They--they took the explanations better than Shannon probably would have in their shoes. Too many of the explanations were shrugs and that he and Jared didn't quite know, didn't have an answer. Things just were. Tim, with his usual blundering full speed where angels feared to tread, had asked why they didn't find out, didn't they want to know. He pushed the thoughts away. Tim and Tomo were in for the night. He headed into the bedroom Jared had already retreated to, Tomo and Tim left in the central room with pizza and an idiotic comedy on the TV.

The absolute devastation radiating off Jared as he looked out the window up at the moon sliced through him.

"I'm sorry," Shannon whispered.

"For what?"

"I'm killing you," it wasn't a question. It was to the point of undeniable. Jared was too thin, not unhealthy looking yet, but all of three pounds away from it, hovering on the cusp of it. The flare ups of gout, the bouts of insomnia, so pale so often, always so restless and haunted.

Bad enough Tomo and Vicky, and now Tim were sucked into his nightmare, bound to him by fuck only knew what or how. Pack. His pack. The Beast only slightly mollified by them. Shannon dreaded the day it thought Tomo and Vicky had enough time and...He prayed they took their sweet time and the Beast would be able to accept they were too old to make the transition to Loup Garou.

Jared though... Gout? Fucking gout. Not immortal, not invincible, but being what they were should have Jared in better health, should make him a bit stronger, recovering from illness and injury just a bit faster, instead the curse he'd inflicted on his brother was eating him away slowly like some kind of cancer.

"It would kill you otherwise," Jared sighed, not looking away from the window, eyes still fixated on the moon.

"You're my brother," Shannon whispered even as the Beast raged with in wanting its mate. It tore him apart, but nothing like the physical toll on Jared.

"I'm the wolf," Jared said softly. "There's no wolf and me, no seperation--just me. The wolf is me, I'm the wolf...there's just me, Shan."

Shannon shook his head.

"Sometimes the wolf's instincts can override the man's reason, seem more one way than the other, but there's only me. It became me, or I became it, doesn't matter. It's just me."

Shannon couldn't say if the pain was his own or the beast's. While Jared was a point they could never reconcile, at least Shannon didn't know how, Jared was also maybe the one thing they could agree on. Jared needed to be safe, healthy, happy, whole, anything less was beyond unacceptable. Anything less tore them both apart.

Iron.

An old nail, that's what had done it. What had killed the bitch that had done this to them. Oh the Beast had torn her to nothing but pieces of unrecognizable gore once she was dead, to damn well make sure she stayed that way, but it was a single frigging nail that had actually done it. She'd underestimated them both.

Shannon just past eighteen. Fully grown but still young, young enough to break, young enough to be insecure and ignorant and moldable, or at least she thought, assuming him as weakwilled and easily manipulated as the bastard that sold him to her before he was even born to save his own ass.

The Wolf had been young too. Not yet two probably. Fully mature and impressive physically, or had been when the bitch caught him no doubt of that. He'd had the potential to be a truly magnificent Alpha eventually, but not quite yet. Still a bit of a cub, still a bit too playful and reckless. Starved, abused, mad with pain and hunger, open wounds and coat matted in spots with blood. The beast had been pushed to the kind of feral mental destruction that a wild creature just didn't recover from. Beyond Wolf to simply Beast before the bitch had collected Shannon. Everything was prey to it, mistrusted, to be avoided or killed, save for his mate and his pack.

Their mother had thought he'd taken off on some fucked up backpacking finding himself trip. At least that's what Jared had said. Jared had believed it to. The witch, whatever she had been exactly, had made them believe that. Their mother hadn't been happy, but there was little she could do, other than fight Jared to keep him from blindly trying to follow and find Shannon. He'd made Jared hide him. Six weeks the witch had had him. Their mother to this day believed Shannon had gone on a six-month long walkabout for no particular reason beyond he wanted to.

He never figured out that one, never thought about it much really. Especially not then when it worked to their advantage. Six weeks the witch had him, another two to make his way back home. Four months beyond that to heal, Jared hiding him in their room. Jared panicking when he'd disappeared, hiding during the full moon.

Tomo accepted it just had happened over time, accidentally. Tim accepted that too. But questioned how had he been "claimed" or whatever so instantly and completely? Tim was theirs. And...

Fuck his head hurt trying to figure out any of it. Tomo had been with them too long, had the drunken attempts at explanations in the back of his head for how long. Shannon didn't doubt there'd be questions later, shit he probably didn't have the answer for, but mostly Tomo had been all "well, that actually explains a lot of the weird shit."

Tomo who would argue with them til he was blue in the face over a single freaking note in an arrangement if Jared got on his last nerve, didn't question. Tim, who Shannon wanted to throttle sometimes for his shrug-whatever-you-want go along with anything, actually had questions. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to laugh as well, finally something that made Tim go "huh, what, wait a fuckin' minute"--all it took was werewolves fucking on his lap. Maybe he did have a bit more self preservation than a lemming. Tomo had to know that if there was some kind of magic control shit, they didn't use it, Shannon didn't use it. He wasn't sure there was.

None of it mattered. Tim and Tomo were safe, less freaked out than they probably should be, and in the next room laughing loudly and slightly drunkenly at, Shannon was pretty sure it was The Dewey Cox Story or something like that. Vicky was safe and sound in LA, perfectly fine and happy other than pissed as hell at a co-worker she'd spent half an hour bitching about to Tomo. The pack was fine.

Jared was standing there just staring up at the moon.

"I'm not," Shannon whispered. They were two, him and the Beast. He'd been young, but physically grown and too possessed of himself even if he'd still been mostly a kid. The Beast had been grown, on his own, searching for a pack to challenge the Alpha or searching for a lone female or two to start his own pack and carve out his own territory. Both of them with more of a will to survive and exact revenge than had been counted on by the arrogant cunt.

"I know," Jared said softly. "Don't get how you can be, but I know."

"We--" Shannon swallowed. Beast raged within. Mate was in pain.

"You what?" Jared finally looked from the window. Too tired or maybe just too much wolf now with the moon to keep the masks in place, the defeat and exhaustion that he'd put there that morning, pulling back, reinstating the way things should be, but weren't, hadn't been for so long.

"She forced us into one. Killed his body, I think his. Hell could have been mine. Or both of ours and remade us? She wanted a pet to kill for her. An old nail--iron killed her. The Beast tore her apart. Her blood didn't taste...like blood. Beast didn't think so, I didn't either. The taste clung for weeks..."

"Why you wouldn't eat?"

"Maybe, some," Shannon murmured. He really didn't remember the first, hell, maybe month after he made it back. Flashes. Pain and demands Jared not tell he was home.

Over twenty years later and he still couldn't force his mind to think of the witch much, the weeks of hell or the blur once he was home to Jared.

Jared had been the threat that made him fight to stay alive in the first place, that if he didn't work there was always the other one who had the right blood line and almost old enough as to not make much difference.

Jared looked back out the window. "How sick would you think I am if I said it only bothered me that it didn't?"

"Huh?"

"Even before you bit me, hell, even before you told me. When you were gone that month--I was so mad. You left me for a trip you didn't tell me anything about. Back and forth between something was wrong, and just hating you for leaving me. Always been the two of us..." Jared winced and shook his head. "Wasn't like anything I would have ever thought of...but didn't seem that strange or wrong either after..."

"I get what you mean," Shannon murmured, staring at his brother's profile. Jared had been the one he'd wanted, only one he trusted even when he didn't want to let Jared close once he was healed, enough to be dangerous--and a danger to Jared. His little brother, habit of trying to watch out for Jared carried over even long after they were both grown and Jared more than capable of watching out for himself. Best friend and worst enemy all thorugh their nomadic childhood. Jared had always been the one person he knew without question he could count on, even when he was so pissed he'd just as soon throttle his brother as speak to him.

The Beast saw strength and beauty and...mate.

He gritted his teeth and struggled with the Beast as Jared shucked off the sweats and tshirt he was wearing and stood at the window in nothing but skin for a long moment. Jared shifted.

The Beast raged. Shannon barely stifled his own horror. The gray wolf was too thin, its coat dull and rough looking. At least the Beast forgot about fucking Jared for once...oh god.

The gray wolf had always been gorgeous, some piece of fantasy art come to life. More flat out beautiful than a natural wolf could be. That the gray looked so unhealthy twisted in his gut until the taste of bile rose into his throat, constricted in his chest, sliced through the very souls of both man and beast until tears stung and threatened in his eyes.

"Fuck, Jay, baby, why didn't you..." Shannon whispered brokenly. There was no point in finishing the question. Jared hadn't told him, partly because Jared would die before he hurt Shannon and mostly because Shannon hadn't given him a chance. Wouldn't. Couldn't.

He fought the Beast for control and sanity too much. He avoided all hint of the subject of what they were if at all possible. What the fuck had he done?

He slowly crossed to the gray, to Jared. Gold and inhuman still Jared looking at him from those eyes. A little wilder, wolfish, but still Jared.

He dropped to his knees and his hand shakily reached out to touch. Jared's fur dry, unhealthy only this side of brittle. "Jay..."

Jared rubbed his furry head against Shannon's cheek with a little sound--comfort, reassurance.

"Liar. You're not okay," Shannon growled wrapping his arms around Jared, burying his face in the fur on Jared's neck.

Jared. The scent was pure Jared, not human, but Jared. The Beast howled and raged, terrified. Mate had held its sanity for too long to contemplate losing him. Fuck, Jared had held his sanity too long.

"Love you," Shannon grated out into Jared's fur. Sappy declarations were never his thing, but Jared had to know. That Jared could ever doubt he was as necessary as breathing to both Shannon and the Beast to even exist...He willed Jared to know everything both he and the Beast felt for him, how beyond wanted he was...how just fucking necessary he was.

Jared's breath caught, a wolfish huff of shock.

"Idiot," Shannon murmured pressing his face a little more into Jared's fur.

The want, exhaustion, doubt and pain that rolled off Jared tore through him.

He willed Jared to know how he felt, how the Beast craved him...

Jared gasped and trembled, fucking whimpered, his breathing ragged and...and there was really no doubt he was capable of some sort of influence at the very least was there?

He cut the thoughts off before they fully formed. Jared might be forced to follow an order, but he'd do it cussing loudly all the way and flipping Shannon the bird as he did what he was told.

"Bed? Let me hold you tonight?" Shannon whispered shakily, rattled to the core by the realization that he undeniably could...

Jared pulled back and fixated a glare on Shannon. 'Are you fucking stupid?' the look in the golden eyes said.

"Always got to be a smart ass, huh?"

A little snort that could only be 'duh' from Jared.

It struck Shannon how rarely Jared shifted. Months, maybe more than a year since he'd seen Jared as a wolf. Half of his own losses of control were the Beast simply needed to be. He couldn't believe the wolf part of Jared didn't need the same.

"Get your furry ass in bed, Jay," Shannon said softly.

Jared looked at him, so fucking uncertain. Yeah, the reason Jared so rarely shifted once he'd gotten control over the change was obvious. The avoidance of upsetting Shannon.

"Yeah, your furry ass in bed," Shannon whispered.

Jared nosed his cheek, followed by a hesitant lick at the corner of his mouth.

Shannon stroked Jared's fur. Jared turned his head enough, a tooth catching on Shannon's tshirt sleeve. "Yeah, I'll get rid of the shirt."

Jared lowered his head and nipped at the waist of the jeans Shannon had on.

"I'm not sleeping in my jeans idiot," Shannon snorted.

A fang caught on the tiniest bit of elastic of his briefs waistband, threat catching on tooth and unravelling as Jared tugged back.

"Yeah, okay, bed. C'mon. We've got a long flight tomorrow night."

The flight was home. Tour done. Time off...Time to...heal Jared? Hopefully. Way past time to seriously go finding some answers.

Jared padded over to the bed, an almost hesitance in his step that had Shannon wondering about the goddamned gout flaring up.

Golden eyes watched him, needy, desperate, and something Shannon couldn't quite name almost unnerving as he stripped down to skin and crawled into bed.

The Beast howled. Mate was acting like cornered prey, smelled like prey resigned to death.

Shannon gulped. Jared's attempts that morning more reactionary than his usual provoking pushing theatrics...which had been absent for months...maybe longer, at least between them. Jared had given up. Hadn't taken off on one of his retreats for...a year? More than. He wouldn't eat meat, unless he hunted it down himself as a wolf. Compromise of the wolf's needs and man's principles.

Jared was flat out goddamned afraid as he moved, settling against Shannon. Fur strange against his skin, Jared. Mate...

Shannon rolled into Jared, the shift as Jared leaned, pressed against him.

"We need you, Jay. We can't make it without you. Neither of us, me or the Beast..." Shannon whispered into Jared's fur. A shudder ran through Jared. "I need you. It needs you. Don't you dare fucking give up on us, die on us."

Jared melted against him, boneless and defeated. Fucking resigned to live, Shannon thought. So be it. Enough for now. Jared wouldn't just will himself to die. Shannon knewit. Maybe couldn't since Shannon had ordered him not to.

Too many of Tim's questions didn't have answers. Hell, too many of Shannon's questions didn't have answers. He rarely dared wonder even just within the safety of his own head with no one but the Beast to hear him. Ignored the Beast's not-exactly-thoughts which came in sensations, impressions and scents.

He stroked Jared's fur even as he burrowed closer. He was terrified of disturbing the truce, the barely there balance he and the Beast had managed and clung to for Jared's sake by digging at half-blacked out memories and trying to find the answers...to fucking everything.

Real answers beyond instinct and stupid movies. Jared had hunted through the most readily available books, which the stupid movies seemed to have drawn their information. Common myths and lore collections nothing obscure, nothing that wasn't on the shelf of a Barnes and Noble or Borders when they wandered through the store.

Mate was suffering. Pack threatened by that. Needed Mate's strength, needed Mate.

Jared's breathing evened, slow and deep with sleep. Shannon nuzzled a little closer, willing Jared to know he was safe, loved, needed no matter how badly Shannon fucked up.

Time for answers. They needed them. Couldn't get by without them any longer. The bitch that came close, Jared's withering away.

"We love you." Shannon whispered. Answers might destroy them all, but leaving it as it was would destroy Jared. Neither Shannon nor Beast were going to allow that.