InsaneJournal

Current mood:	busy
Current music:	Papa Roach - Live This Down
Entry tags:	30 seconds to mars, 30stm: shannon leto, 30stm: shannon/tomo, 30stm: tomo milicevic, 30stm: try anything verse

FIC: First Time For Everything--30stm Adult Shan/Tomo, Try Anything Verse
title First Time for Everything
author: lisa roquin
fandom: 30stm
rating: adult
pairing/characters: Shannon/Tomo (background Tim/Jared)
series/sequel: Try Anything Verse concurrent with T/J Gonna Kill Me precedes Five Conversations and Post Its
disclaimer: lies, fiction, untrue. completely and totally made up. I know no one, know nothing of their personal lives. I make no claims of knowing much of anything.
summary: Shannon's finally got a chance to touch, he's making the most of it. If he doesn't have a heart attack or something first because this was the worst idea he'd ever had and he was going to love every second of it no matter how much it was going to kill him later.
warning: slash, schmoop, biting/marking though otherwise fairly vanilla (is TryAnything Verse semi-vanilla probably counts as warning) massive insecurities, first time awkward on several counts, reference to slut!Shannon.
author notes: written for Kynxpirations prompt Aug 10 09 Quote: "Because for me it`s always been you. Always. And I`ve tried to fight it, I`ve tried to deny it but I can`t. You're undeniable." happy bday kit.
word count: 7611







Tomo looked so nervy Shannon almost relented. Almost. It was likely his one and only chance. The three day break an abberation that he was just enough of a selfish bastard to not give up now that it was offered.

He'd wanted Tomo for years. Hell, since the skinny kid with hair in his eyes showed up to audition when Solon left. He probably would have made a pass for Tomo then if he hadn't been exactly what they were looking for and Matt and Jared likely strangled him for that. He had made Tomo's eyes bug when he demanded rather nastily if there was going to be any fucking problems with the fact Shannon was gay. Tomo had shook his head and insisted no.

Jared had kind of tilted his head at Shannon a second, knuckles brushed against the back of Shannon's hand and then turned a glare on Tomo. That was it, ever, from Jared. Not a question. Not a single word on the matter, even if that had been the first time Shannon had ever flat out said so aloud. His little brother was too smart and too suspiciously sharp eyed not to notice the ever dwindling number of women Shannon had fucked, non-existent number by that time other than rare drunken horny desperation and the only available option not to get jumped where they were at even if Jared had only very rarely seen him with a guy.

It was about two years later, drunk out of his mind that Tomo admitted he'd never had a problem, just mostly scared to death because the look on Jared's face had been so murderous, Matt absolutely furious and he never had figured out Shannon's expression but intense, twisted up and violent enough he'd kinda wanted to run.

Matt had been furious all right, wanting to know since when the fuck was Shannon gay after Tomo had left. That had been one fuck of a messy scene complete with Jared wanting to know if Matt was blind and stupid, had Matt ever really seen Shan chase women? Go through the motions if he couldn't get away from one that plastered onto him at a club, dance and cop the expected feel but really not more than that. It wasn't so much whether Shannon was or wasn't anything as the anvil flying out of nowhere Matt hadn't seen coming. Unfortunately for Matt, the older they got, the worse both Jared and Shannon were about not bothering to try to curtail that sort of thing, not giving a shit really who was in the way of whatever anvil they sent flying.

When they'd put the touring job offer to Tim along with the same demand. Tim had held up his hands in surrender looking straight at Tomo, not Jared. "Do I get to answer before I'm lynched?" he'd asked. "Doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me."

Tomo had gotten good at ducking and rolling with whatever anvil sent flying by Shannon or Jared quickly. Tim seemed like he had some kind of knack, born with a talent for rolling with them from the first and had gotten even better as time went on.

Shannon had spent years fantasizing about Tomo. Which was kind of worse when Tomo had become one of his best friends in that time. It was fucking idiotic, but he could handle a one shot deal of curiosity. He could. He had to. It was all he was likely to ever get and he'd dreamt of just that for so long, fuck the consequences there was no way he could turn it down. There wouldn't be any consequences. At least none that he'd let effect anyone else.

It wasn't like Jared could bitch much. Not the way his little brother was walking so carefully all day. Not with him being with Tim now. At least it seemed that way. They were discussing rules. For Jared that was serious shit not just convenient fucking. Okay the walking funny seemed more in a pulled muscle way than a fucked through the floor way. Shannon knew the difference in Jared's movements and had experienced both more than often enough himself. Still Jared's moving carefully had everything to do with Tim, one way or another. And the way Tim was watching Jared when Jared and Tomo weren't looking really really said it all.

"Damn, Tomo, don't look so spooked. This was your idea."

Well, it had been a drunken blurt the last hotel night. The conversation was a little blurry to Shannon in spots as well. Tomo had been fucking plowed though. Shannon didn't blame him for that. Not with the way things had gone on the phone with—if there was a bad guy in the situation it was just the road and touring and all the general bullshit. Didn't stop Tomo's heart from being fucking shattered. Or him from bitching about not getting women, mostly for something to bitch about and stay mad enough not to break.

That really hadn't worked all that long Shannon had grabbed Tomo and pulled him onto the bed before he fell down, the way he was weaving as he paced around. Tomo was a cuddly drunk, even more so when he was depressed and drunk, and had years since lost any inhibition about plastering himself up against or all over Jared or Shannon.

One thing had led to another and to maybe he--Tomo--should just try guys, guys made sense at least, in a drunken conversation that probably wouldn't completely make sense even if he could remember it all. Shannon had offered himself up as guinea pig for experimenting.

Tomo shook his head a little. Not denying it was his idea, just nervous and hesitant.

"What?" Shannon asked quietly. "If you changed your mind we can forget it." He wouldn't but that was his problem. Always had been his problem. Probably be better that way, actually.

"No," Tomo almost yelped, eyes wide, voice shaky.

"Then what?" Shannon usually wasn't much for kissing, and petting and all that shit. Quick get to the main event, get off, nice to meet ya, bye. Sex was just sex, and very rarely had there been anyone worth more than a quick fuck. This was Tomo though. And maybe this touring break the only chance he'd ever get to do anything he'd had barely let himself imagine. Wanting Tomo had shied away from any specific thoughts or fantasies as much as possible, when he caught himself and managed to veer his mind away. Tomo wasn't a quick fuck. Ever.

"Just..."

"What?" Shannon coaxed, dropping his bag on the floor. He took a step closer to Tomo and carefully reached for his arm. "Why are you so...not gonna....I.." words escaped him. Because damn. Tomo won the round of video games which Shannon had suggested just to settle Tomo down on who did what first.

Tomo groaned and shut his eyes. "I fucking sound like a girl in my own head and you'll laugh."

"Not gonna laugh."

"Yeah, well, I've seen enough of your hookups—"

Shannon shook his head. "Tome, fuck...no."

Tomo kind of rolled his eyes and looked up at nothing on the wall over Shannon's head, mostly embarrassed it seemed.

"Tome?"

Tomo's eyes flicked to meet his for a split second, then right back at the fascinating spot on the wall.

Shannon flinched and could feel the tips of his ears heating up. How the fuck could Tomo think Shannon would treat him like that? Hell half the guys he hooked up with he didn't even bother to get their names, and the most of the rest he didn't remember their names even if they'd given him it. Just a fuck. Who gave a shit? He just wanted a fuck from them, didn't give a damn beyond getting off, none of them had wanted anything more than that from him. Evidently he said that aloud, because Tomo kind of made a face.

"Christ you're a slut, Shan," Tomo shook his head somewhere between amused and horrified.

Shannon swallowed. Something nasty twisting in his stomach he wasn't putting name to, was trying to ignore as much as possible. "I'm clean. Jay is neurotic about me getting tested..."

That was kind of pointless to say. Tomo knew that. Tomo had been witness to the thought striking Jared as he was going through his calendar and going off on the subject that it was time for Shan to get tested again. Had gone at Tomo a couple times just because he was standing there, dragged Tomo along once or twice. Jared, to be fair, was just as diligent about himself. Shannon insisted on that. If Jared was making him go in for checkup and test, Jared was getting dragged right along with him.

"Yeah, I know," Tomo said.

"Take our time...no hurry," Shannon said awkwardly. Which, well, that might kill him. Taking his time was not really something he had ever done a lot of. Tomo he wanted to though. Yeah, he was fucked. But that was his problem. Hell, he was already out of his depth so far it wasn't even funny. Conversations about sex? Like he'd ever had one of those with a lover, not sure hookups lasting an hour or so could actually be called "lovers" either. Just Jared. Yeah, anything beyond bullshitting or not just "pants down now" or "move that way" during, was Jared. And half the time those were more fights over safety. Or Jared demanding Shannon drive him and pick him up from an appointment, which was almost worse than way back when they were broke kids and following along to clubs that catered to the scene and watching. At least watching he'd known Jared was okay, or close enough, and even if Jared had had a royal fucking fit the couple times he stepped in and put a stop to things back then, it was less hell on the nerves than worrying when Jared went to one of his appointments.

The look Tomo gave him was skeptical as hell.

Shannon couldn't blame him for that, but the twisted feeling in his stomach worsened anyway.

"You top tonight, your speed. You're totally in control," Shannon offered.

"I've seen you walking sometimes, Shan. Don't want to hurt you..."

Shannon really hated this talking shit. It made his stomach twist in knots and he kinda wanted the floor to swallow him up or just die. Tomo was making him regret things he'd never thought twice about before or hell, even thought once about at the time it was happening. "Just because I go for rough sometimes doesn't mean this is gonna be, has to be..." Well, most of the time, because annonymous and rough was quick and string-less. But this was Tomo. Yeah, this talking shit? For the fucking birds. He hated it and it fucking sucked.

Tomo kind of stared at the wall harder, swallowed and looked...

"You wanna do this?" Shannon asked quietly. "Not gonna get mad or any stupid shit like that--"

"Yes!"

"Then quit fucking thinking and c'mere," Shannon said afraid they'd spend the entire damn night standing here looking stupid and going in circles.

Shannon was the one that moved despite his words. Tomo looked so damn nervous that there was no way he was going to budge unless Shannon did something. He stopped inches from Tomo and awkwardly reached hands sliding up Tomo's arms and settling around his neck.

Tomo made a little strangled sound, cheeks heating as his arms moved around Shannon's waist and pulled him closer. "Feel like a fucking idiot, don't know where to start," Tomo mumbled leaning his head down, forehead against Shannon's. Harder than hell, hard as Shannon where their bodies were pressed together.

"Kissing's good," Shannon offered. Hopefully he didn't screw that up. Theoretically kissing was good, right? Not really something that he'd done a helluva lot of since, well, since he'd given up trying to actually date girls around about the time he got out of high school. Never really ventured too far from the "suck or fuck now, been nice knowing ya" type, progressively fewer women to exclusively men over the years since, which translated to very little kissing. Groping, fumbling, shoving pants out of the way get down to it. Maybe some biting but kissing? No. Not for a helluva long time.

"Since when do you kiss?" Tomo blurted.

Yeah. Tomo had known him too well, too long. Seen enough of his hookups, maybe even more than Jared who increasingly stayed in when it was just out for fun, accidentally probably way more than he wanted to a few times that... "I—" Shannon managed not to actually wince or make a face. "Yeah, kinda haven't for a long time...You're not... you're..." It was Tomo, not a random fuck that lasted just long enough to get off in the nearest convenient place.

Tomo stared.

"Fuck it, just kiss me," Shannon snapped.

Tomo choked, almost sounded like he was fighting a laugh.

"Tomo..."

"Sorry. You're such a fuckin' romantic, you know that?"

Shannon rolled his eyes. "And your point?"

"Nothin'," Tomo shook his head a little.

"So?"

"Pushy," Tomo muttered but moved his head. Shannon tilted his head up just a bit, feeling a little ridiculous and almost half drunk with nerves which just added to the ridiculous. Tomo's lips brushed lightly over his, shy, uncertain. "No rushing."

"Won't."

"Mmm hmmm," Tomo's lips brushed over his again.

"Try not to."

Shannon was nearly trembling with the effort to hold back by the time Tomo's tongue traced at the seam of his lips. Tomo's hand worked up under the back of his shirt, resting on the skin of the small of his back.

He groaned into the kiss and melted against Tomo, fingers threading through the hair over Tomo's collar. The slide of Tomo's tongue against his making his knees weak. He'd had sex that hadn't made his knees weak. This was totally the worst idea he'd ever had. Ever even vaguely contemplated going along with. Even if he'd gotten half hard every time the thought of tonight had crossed his mind for a split second. His knees were weak from just a damn kiss. He was screwed.

"Bed—just on the bed, not naked?" Tomo murmured breathlessly when he broke the kiss.

Yeah. Horizontal, even with clothes on, was really really a good idea just now.

"Yeah," Shannon agreed nuzzling at Tomo's neck. "Shoes off though. They'll get in the way later."

"Mmm good idea," Tomo agreed and kissed him again. Shannon whined just a little and clung to Tomo to stay standing up. A hand slid downward, cupping his ass. His brain was going to be melted and leaking out of his ears before they were done.

Tomo almost dance-shuffled them to the bed. Slowly. Kiss after kiss. Shannon stamped down the shaky unease, fear. Tomo was probably going to destroy him. Shannon toed off his tennis shoes when his legs ran into the foot of the nearest bed. He nearly fell back taking them both down getting his socks off. Tomo nipped at his lips. "Bed?" Almost a question of what they were doing than a suggestion.

"Yeah. Shoes first," Shannon reminded and sat down, then scooted up the bed eyes not leaving Tomo at all. Tomo stared at him for a moment. Long enough for Shannon to wonder what he was thinking and be scared to find out. This was absolutely the stupidest thing he'd done in his life. He was going to savor every second of it, hope he managed to get it burned into his brain permanently.

Brown eyes were darkened, cheeks flushed, lips a little redder than usual, maybe a little swollen. Tomo looked better than any fantasy or wet dream, even if he almost went face first into Shannon's knee getting his shoes off. Shannon grinned at him.

"Shut up."

"Didn't say nothin'!" Shannon protested.

"Yeah right," Tomo crawled up the bed over Shannon.

Shannon's breath caught as Tomo stared down at him, turned on and still spooked and Shannon didn't know what.

"Okay?" he managed to get out. He couldn't remember wanting so bad in his life, needing. Yeah, he was going to just die if Tomo changed his mind. A few kisses and a hand on his ass through his jeans and he was hard as a rock, almost trembling and desperate.

"Yeah," Tomo whispered. He didn't quite sound sure about that, more horny enough to not exactly care at the moment. "You?"

"Yeah," Shannon agreed. Okay wasn't the word. It really wasn't. Drowning seemed more like it. Need and nerves and fucking terrified of how bad this was going to hurt when it was over, of somehow losing his friend. Sex was a helluva lot easier when it was just a fuck that didn't mean shit.

"Shit," The cap dug into his thigh with as he moved.

"What?" Tomo was immediately worried.

Shannon wriggled and dug the lube out of the front pocket of his jeans sitting it on the nightstand clumsily. "For later."

"You—sure..."

"Fuck, yes," Shannon whispered desperately. His arms reached up, around Tomo's chest, pulling him down. He couldn't stop the sigh that escaped or the tremor that ran through him. Tomo's weight on him, stretched out over him. Not unfamiliar, god knew they'd wrestled around for years. Tomo had tackled him more than once, full body pin to the floor screwing around, passed out on him more times than Shannon should probably be able to count over the years. If he stopped and thought about it, he probably could count all those times though waking up with the taste of something dead in his mouth and head pounding, Tomo's breath on his neck, hand on his stomach or chest, leg thrown over Shannon's either pinning him in place or using him for a teddy bear. Tomo really was a ridiculously cuddly, snuggly drunk, and maybe it was just his own wishful imagination but more cuddly and snuggly with Shannon than anyone else when he was drunk.

No matter how familiar Tomo's weight was, how familiar Tomo was, this was different. Contact burning through him, making him ache, taking his breath not so much new as different. Hangovers with Tomo plastered to him always made him ache and want, wishful thinking burn in his gut and caused him to hold his breath not wanting to wake Tomo any sooner than necessary. Sober, deliberate, Tomo's perpetually sleepy looking dark eyes wide and as intense as any touch, locked right on him.

Not hiding what Tomo did to him sure as hell was new. Being able to touch, slide his hands, lightly, a little disbelievingly over Tomo's back, heat of Tomo's body felt through the tshirt he wore. He was too old for this shit. His chest tight and fluttery with a twisted nervous ache that had everything to do with how fucking bad of an idea this was and how much he wanted this, wanted Tomo. Worst. Fucking. Idea. Ever. He had never wanted anything more and was going to enjoy every last second of it, even if it killed him later, which it probably would.

"Tome?" Shannon asked hesitantly a long moment later. Tomo just so still and staring at him.

Tomo made a shaky, unsteady sound that cut through him. He shook his head just a little.

Shannon wasn't brave enough to make him answer. He slid his hand up Tomo's back to his shoulder. "You gonna kiss me some more?" Christ that sounded needy and uncertain to his own ears.

Tomo's drew in a sharp breath, something in his eyes that just burned down Shannon's spine. "You—hell, you sure, Shan? You never kiss anyone."

"You're not anyone," Shannon managed, cold/nervous/queasy flipped in his stomach as he realized what he said. His brain reared back from what it meant.

Tomo looked at him a moment more, tremor going through Tomo's body that made Shannon ache. He rubbed Tomo's back lightly. Wanted, wanted...god. Everything. Anything.

He sighed as Tomo kissed him, tongue sliding over his lip, deepening the kiss slowly, driving him right out of his damned mind. His hands moved cautiously over Tomo's back, fighting the desperation that just might spook Tomo into ending this. He promised at Tomo's speed, not going to rush, maybe for the first time in his life didn't want to rush because he didn't want this to end, ever.

His hand worked up under the back of Tomo's shirt, gasping for breath as the kiss ended. When the hell had such an innocent touch of skin been so fucking good?

"All scratchy," Tomo breathed lips moving over Shannon's cheek, kisses along his jaw.

Shannon made a nervous little sound not quite a laugh, "So are you."

"Mmm," Tomo hummed, teeth scraping lightly along Shannon's neck.

He quivered and tilted his head, arching his neck a little to give Tomo better access, hips canting up with a groan. He was unravelling at the damned seams and just from kisses, fully dressed kisses. Tomo was going to destroy him. Tomo's hand trembled against his side slowly moving down, up under his tshirt to rest against the skin on Shannon's side just above his waist. Teeth scraped over his neck again. Shannon whined.

"Don' wanna leave a mark," Tomo mumbled into Shannon's skin, soft brushes of lips and warm breath sending sparks down Shannon's spine.

Shannon whined wordlessly and slowly rocked his hips up against Tomo.

"Shan?"

"Who'd notice or say anything? I'm the band slut, 'member?" Shannon managed to get out. If he had a mark of any kind it went without comment, even Jared was unlikely to do more than roll his eyes and then only when no one but Shannon saw.

Tomo growled.

The sound was like whiskey poured on open flame, flash-burn scorching right through him straight to his dick. Tomo's mouth back on his, hungry, demanding, devouring, almost furious, stealing Shannon's breath and leaving him capable of nothing more than clinging and making desperate incoherent sounds. T-shirts worked up just a little, a couple inches of skin against his belly.

Shannon whined, hands fumbling at pushing Tomo's shirt up farther.

"Yeah," Tomo rasped against Shannon's chin before sitting back, straddling Shannon's hips. Shannon shook with the effort to keep still, not to freak Tomo by grinding up against him in the position he was in. He contented himself with sliding his hands over the denim covering Tomo's thighs eyes watching every movement, every bit of familiar skin revealed as Tomo clumsily fought his tshirt off. Skin he'd fought not to stare at for years, sneaking as long of looks as he dared on the bus or hotel rooms, dressing rooms, swimming in the pool in the yard. He could look now, touch even if his hands weren't quite brave enough to yet. Tomo's rules, Tomo's pace he reminded himself. He was not going to rush and spook Tomo and end this too soon.

Tomo's shirt was flung off...somewhere. They'd find it in the morning. Shannon only noticed the shirt was gone. He was too busy looking his fill without worry of getting caught with his eyes lingering a little too long. God he wanted to touch. Winter-pale skin bordering on almost sallow wiht his complexion, the sparse triangle of hair on Tomo's chest thinning into a line straight downward, disappearing to stray hairs on his belly and resuming in a dark line under his belly button, disappearing into his jeans. Nipples puckered into hard points from arousal and the cool air in the room made Shannon's mouth water.

"What?" Tomo demanded, cheeks pinkening.

Shannon shook his head a little. "Fuck, Tome...fuckin' hot."

Tomo shook his head with a strangled sound. "Saw the guy you hooked up with couple weeks back."

Shannon vaguely remembered a blow job on the edge of a little too much teeth not too long ago, though when he couldn't say exactly. If Tomo said a couple weeks, yeah, that was probably about right. He had no fucking clue what the guy had looked like. Yeah, sure, something had to have caught Shannon's attention for a fleeting moment, but he had been forgotten the minute Shannon walked away. Back to the bus, to Jared and Tim...to Tomo.

"You're Tomo." The words blurted out before he could stop them, before he could think let alone think better of it. It was the truth though.

Tomo was looking at him like he was insane or...

"Him, I forgot. You, uh uh." Shannon managed. The look that crossed Tomo's face was...Shannon didn't know what it was but he was scared to death his stupid mouth had ruined this somehow, that he'd screwed up and he didn't have a goddamned clue how. "You're unforgettable."

"You're so full of shit, Shannon," Tomo's voice shaky and disbelieving and maybe a little hurt.

Shannon shook his head, heart aching. He'd fucked this up. God, he'd fucked this up and he really wasn't sure how. "Unforgettable. You're my best friend, dumbass."

Tomo stared at him a while longer before shaky hands reached to tug at the hem of Shannon's shirt. Shannon lifted up enough to let him tug it off. Shannon reached for Tomo, gently tugging him back down. An exhale of relief as Tomo settled back over him. Relief burned away fast enough by skin, Tomo's bare chest against his own. Better than moments of joking around and trying to dunk each other in the pool on lazy summer afternoons. He could touch, could let himself feel rather than worry about reacting or cammoflauging that reaction.

Shannon raised his head enough to brush his lips against Tomo's. Wordlessly asking for more, pretty damned obvious he should just keep his damn mouth shut. His hand slid over Tomo's back. "Tome?"

Tomo looked kind of helpless and embarrassed. "What do you like?" Tomo winced as he blurted out the words.

Shannon managed to not blurt out You. The question was really ridiculously harder than it should be at his age. Other than rough and quick fucks he...

"Anything. Just--do what you like, it'll feel good..." Shannon whispered.

Tomo stared doubtfully.

"I mean it," Shannon said. Fuck Tomo touching him? How could he not like it? His brain was going to end up fried, but he was going to love every second of it. He nudged, hand pressing just a little at Tomo's shoulders he lifted his head and brushed another kiss across Tomo's lips. "Anything..."

"Sure?" Tomo whispered uncertainly.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Shannon brushed another kiss across Tomo's lips. "Anything. Fuck, you could beat me, break me and make me beg and I'd want more." He wanted to bite his fucking tongue off when he realized exactly what fell out of his mouth.

Tomo trembled on top of him, eyes wide, heated and shocked.

Shannon's breath caught as Tomo shifted, resettling over him, legs stretched out, one wedged between Shannon's. His weight pinning Shannon to the bed and bare chest against his.

"Shan?" Tomo whispered worried, nervous, almost sounding scared.

Shannon pressed his hips up, almost a slow motion writhe against Tomo who was still as hard as he was. "Anything, Tome. Want you."

"Not gonna be another fucking notch—"

"Never. Not you. Couldn't be, babe, ever," Shannon shook his head a little. "Kiss me?" Shannon's voice thready and almost pleading.

"You never kiss," Tomo looked...turned on as hell, confused and almost hurt.

"Want to kiss you, want you—please, Tome," Shannon whispered desperately. God please before he said something so stupid he fucked this up completely, fucked Tomo up.

Something seemed to kind of settle as Tomo stared at him and he looked determined for a heartbeat.

"Please."

Tomo's head lowered, lips brushing feather light over Shannon's. Chaste, innocent little barely there kisses that nearly flayed Shannon alive. Every defense, every reflex shattered and destroyed. Shannon's hands trembled as they slid over Tomo's back, touching as much as he could. His breath unsteady little hitches, need threatening to consume him and terror coloring what few thoughts he was capable of, afraid Tomo would stop. That he'd do or say something so stupid he'd hurt Tomo, make Tomo hate him.

"Please," Shannon whispered shakily when Tomo lifted his head for a second dark eyes staring down at him so intensely Shannon thought Tomo was trying to see his every thought, his soul.

Tomo leaned his head down, mouth claiming Shannon's almost violently. Hunger, demand, tongue plunging into Shannon's mouth, tasting, devouring. Shannon moaned and simply clung. Tomo's familiarity, years since learning, knowing, memorizing how Tomo felt next to him, on him, however innocently in the name of horseplay or passed out drunk about the only thing that kept him from flying apart or calling a halt out, giving into the terror and doubt dancing around the edges of what thought he was capable of, making little racing passes through the desire threatening to consume him. Tomo might never have done more with a guy than a joking around kiss or grab made at Shannon or Jared, even at Matt a couple times, a slobbery raspberry blown on Tim's cheek, but Shannon had never so much as fucking held hands with anyone who meant anything.

Shannon was panting when Tomo finally broke the kiss, lifting his head enough to look down at Shannon without making them both crosseyed. The look on Tomo's face should have made him want to run, shove Tomo away and call it off as a bad idea. The look was so fucking possessive Shannon nearly whimpered. He was so hard he hurt, wet spot starting to form on his jeans. His breath ragged and he was fucking trembling and desperate all from a few kisses. Tomo could destroy him, and no matter how much it was going to hurt when Tomo and Vicky patched up this latest blow up or Tomo found some other girl, Shannon was pretty sure Tomo wouldn't purposely hurt him. It was going to hurt like a bitch, but that was just because Shannon was stupid. Stupid to think that just this once would be enough, would be a relief to get Tomo out of his system or at least a memory to have when he couldn't help but thinking of Tomo.

"Shan?"

"Please, fuck, anything, please." He was begging and he really didn't give a damn. Tomo would never mock him for it. No matter how completely this was going to destroy him later, how fucking bad it was going to hurt, it was his own doing. Tomo wouldn't purposely hurt him.

"Wanna mark you."

Those words set off a goddamned inferno that blazed through his gut straight to his dick then up his spine and out to every already straining, hyper aware nerve ending. He whimpered and shifted, writhing up against Tomo. "Please, fuck yeah, please, Tome." his head tilted a little to the side

"Not your neck. Not fucking listening to mutters about you fucking everything in sight," Tomo growled almost angrily.

Shame boiled up, causing a sickening flip in his stomach and his chest to tighten, ache. His breath caught as he blinked and tried to swallow back the lump suddenly lodged in his throat. "Tomo?"

"Can I? Mark you?"

"Yeah, anywhere," Shannon managed to get out past the lump in his throat. "Anything..." Tomo could fucking brand him and Shannon would still want more. The occasional hickey or bite mark mostly just a damn nuisance even if they felt good at the time, not really wanted, just happened now and then and he really didn't give a flying fuck enough to bother to hide them. Tomo asking...Tomo marking him, god yes he wanted...wanted..."Please, yeah, please, want it, want you, anything, Tome, anywhere," he babbled, begged.

He moaned as Tomo nearly attacked his mouth again. A kiss that demanded complete surrender, Shannon whimpered when it ended, lips moving along his jaw, teeth sliding lightly along his neck, licks and kisses. Shannon could have sobbed because Tomo said not his neck, and Tomo's mouth teasing, finding the spots that made him just fucking tremble had him on the verge of begging again.

Teeth sunk into the skin over his collar bone, hard and sharp, pain flaring through the desire trying to consume him. Just low enough there was no doubt Shannon's tshirts would cover the mark, that the only ones likely to see it were weirdly the only ones that really mattered--Jared and Tim. They were the only ones who were pretty much unavoidable getting a look at Shannon's bare chest when he was changing. Stinging suction added to the sharp pressure of teeth, drawing blood up under the skin, forming a bruise that would linger days. Shannon whimpered and writhed against Tomo. Tomo's weight pressed a little more down against him.

"Okay?" Tomo rasped out against Shannon's skin. His tongue licked and prodded at the teeth indents, at the forming bruise, soothing and teasing the lingering tenderness by turn making Shannon just shake.

"Good, so fucking good, Tome, please..." He didn't know what the hell he was asking for other than Tomo not to stop.

Teeth dug into his chest, the sting of another bruise being sucked into his skin. Tomo's hand slid up and down his side, Tomo's weight pinning him to the bed leaving him barely able to move. Pain licked and kissed away, making him tremble before it flared sharp and harsh in another spot.

The fingers of one hand tangled into Tomo's hair as he arched what he could into every bite, every kiss and lick against his skin. His other hand moved helplessly over Tomo's shoulder and back. He swallowed back a strangled scream as teeth tugged almost brutally at his nipple. Sharp sparks tore through him, too intense to be pleasure or pain, just need. Desperate, pleading sounds struggling to stay quiet filled his ears and he didn't care he was the one making them.

Teeth sunk into flesh low on his stomach, just above the waist of his jeans. Flare of pain from the bite and the bruise being sucked into his skin sharper, nerve endings seemingly closer to the surface, more sensitive, Tomo's mouth nearly to his groin. Too much. Way too much. The sound torn from his throat was nearly a sob as his hips bucked up and he came in his jeans, shuddering, shaking and gasping from the overload of everything.

"Shit," Tomo breathed, shaken. He stared at Shannon and the bites all over his chest and stomach almost dazed.

Shannon made a wordless, pleading sound tugging lightly at Tomo's hair. Tomo seemed to understand and shifted up completely covering Shannon again. Shannon whined and tugged Tomo's head down. Tomo's kiss languid soothing almost as Shannon held onto him to keep from splintering apart, heart pounding and nerves misfiring.

"God, Shan," Tomo breathed even as he let more of his weight rest on Shan, pinning him and keeping him from shaking apart, breathless kisses pressed against Shannon's cheek and jaw. "You okay?"

"Dunno," Shannon mumbled.

"Shan?" Tomo's worry sharp and biting.

"Haven't come in my pants like that since—ever..." Shannon managed. "Fuck." He nuzzled at Tomo's shoulder, a fleeting thought wondering if he was holding on to Tomo too tight slipped away as soon as it formed. He turned his head, lips chasing Tomo's for another kiss as soon as he had breath enough to manage it.

"Jesus, Shan," Tomo whispered pressing a kiss against Shannon's forehead, rocking down against Shannon's hip with a soft breathy groan. "Don't—"

"If you think you're stopping now, I'm kicking your ass soon as I can move," Shannon mumbled. "You're fucking me."

"But—" Tomo almost sounded confused.

Shannon fought to make sense of the look on Tomo's face.

"You—"

"Want you," Shannon murmured against Tomo's lips.

"Shit—once and I'm done for the night..."

"You're not done, you're going to fuck me."

"But—"

"Want you," Shannon repeated. God no. They weren't done, him not likely to come again beside the point. Tomo hadn't come, and no way in hell was he passing up Tomo fucking him even if it maybe killed him from overload. "Want you."

"But—" Tomo shook his head, too confused looking to actually be denying. "Couldn't stand--I..."

"Shh, I want you. Want this," Shannon whispered weakly lifting his head enough to brush his lips across Tomo's. "Doesn't matter if I come again or not. Want you, been thinking about you fucking me all damn day. Want it. Want you..."

"Sure?"

"Fuck yes, want you," Shannon breathed.

"I—"

"Please, Tomo."

Tomo groaned and kissed him hard. "In a bit, too close myself," Tomo murmured.

"Want m'pants off 'fore they're glued to me," Shannon mumbled against Tomo's jaw.

"Yeah." Tomo moved back. Shannon regretted saying anything at the loss of contact. Shannon groaned softly at the light touch Tomo trying to undo his jeans.

Shannon wriggled, managing to gather enough energy to lift his hips and let Tomo pull down his jeans and underwear. "Get rid of yours," he said as he struggled to kick the jeans the rest of the way off with rubbery legs.

Tomo did, cheeks pink and looking too fucking adorable for Shannon's peace of mind. Christ, he'd thought the word adorable. His breath caught, eyes traveling over Tomo. "Fuck you're perfect, Tome, c'mere," he husked.

Tomo gave him a doubtful almost irritated look laying down at Shannon's side. "You got me here already. Don't have to bullshit."

"Not." Shannon shook his head. "Not bullshit." He reached and pulled Tomo toward him. Full contact of skin just goddamned incredible.

"You're crazy," Tomo said with a shake of his head and brushed a kiss over Shannon's lips. "You sure?"

"Yeah, don't make me beat you."

Tomo smiled a little. The shaky and nervous were back again. Tomo was thinking too much. Shannon pressed closer and kissed him. Tomo thinking was probably about as bad as Shannon talking.

Kissing Tomo could be problematic. He liked it too damn much. He'd worry about the problem that could, would, be later. Naked, hard Tomo in his arms, pressed up against him, kissing him. Worrying was for much later.

Desperate anticipation and need wound through him, tangling into rubbery limbed sated breathless exhaustion leaving him trembling, every nerve misfiring stuck in a strung out desperate place that threatened to overwhelm him, the intensity of just everything not backed off a bit, if anything kept increasing. Tomo rolled them a bit, pushing Shannon on his back, Tomo's weight on his chest keeping him from flying apart and making it that much harder to breathe.

Tomo stretched toward the nightstand.

"Fuck yeah, please," Shannon gasped nipping lightly at Tomo's shoulder.

"How—easiest?" Tomo asked uncertainly.

"Pillow—"

A pillow ended up wadded up, lumpy and uncomfortable under his hips and lower back, one foot braced on the bed with his knee bent, hand caught behind his other knee shakily holding it up toward his chest.

"Sure..."

"Fuck yes, please, god please, Tome. Need you, fucking beg if you want, please," Shannon managed to get out in a breathless uneven tumble.

"God—" Tomo breathed hands shaking as he fumbled with getting the lube cap off.

The feather light touch to his hole made him whine.

"Tomo, please," God, if he thought Tomo was deliberately taunting he'd probably kill him. Tomo's finger moved back and forth, making him tremble, his nerve endings stain. Desire and strung out desperation drowning him.

"Fuck yes," he whined as Tomo finally finally pushed his finger into Shannon's body. The careful gentleness was goddamned excruciating, overwhelming. Prep was, normally, bare minimum and as rough and quick as the fucking itself. Tomo's caution and concentrated effort of extreme gentleness was killing him.

The sound torn from him at the most likely accidental touch to his prostate was dangerously close to a sob. He rocked hard against Tomo's finger, nudging his prostate again. "Yeah, good, oh fuck," he managed to reassure Tomo. Pleasure almost too intense, too much, his body not able to respond yet and overloaded further. The shaky strung out desperation drug him further under, slowly drowning him as Tomo gained a little more confidence with his reaction, slowly, gently fucking him into orbit with a single finger.

"More, Tome, please...please," he was begging and didn't care. "Please...babe, 'nother finger. ready god please..."

He shook with the effort not to move, not to fuck himself on Tomo's fingers and rush things. He promised, Tomo's pace. Tomo's pace was going to kill him. Fingers hitting just right often enough to keep him on the verge of too much, desperate for more or less he didn't have a fucking clue. Slow, so slow, so careful. A nip to his shoulder, sloppy kisses through gasps, pleas for more and bumped noses as fingers twisted in his ass and pressed just right over and over as Tomo finger fucked him mindless, too much, everything too much, careful touches almost painful the want and pleasure so intense as he drowned in them.

The faint burn of a third finger working slightly uncertainly into his body made him groan, not half hard but his dick was slowly making the effort to get back with the program. He couldn't help but be a little impressed by that, both with himself and with Tomo who was fucking killing him.

Slow, careful, fucking torture. His throat was dry and raspy and his voice starting to crack and give out as Tomo kept up. Fingers working in and out of his ass, drawing strangled sounds and causing nerve endings to spark with an intensity too far from his experience to classify as pleasure or pain with each touch of his prostate. Gentle and slow overwhelming in the stark unfamiliarity, that much more so, that much more everything because it was Tomo.

"Please, please, fuck me, gonna kill me, fuck me need Tome please..."

A near-sob slipped from him as fingers eased from his body, leaving him empty, aching for more. Desperation that much more as Tomo moved shifting away a moment, loss of contact leaving him in a freefall of irrational terror that Tomo would back out or mock or...

Tomo settled between his legs. "Shan?"

"Please," Shannon gasped raggedly.

Tomo looked so unsteady and nervous, almost scared again. Shannon could have sobbed.

"God please, Tome, want this, fuck me please, baby, want you."

"Okay, okay," Tomo whispered. "Stop me if it hurts..."

"Will, it won't, ready, want you too fucking bad, need..." broken words gasped out, effort for anything coherent excruciating.

"Fuck, condom—"

"Clean, swear. Never risk you. Trust you, fuck me..."

"Sure—"

"Never gone without in my life, yeah sure...please, please, Tome."

Tomo suddenly leaned down and kissed him hard, fast, leaving him whimpering for more, barely reacting before Tomo pulled back up, and oh god. The head of his cock at Shannon's entrance. Slowly pushing in. The careful hesitance worse than the faint burn as Tomo was finally finally completely in him.

"Fuck," Tomo breathed.

Shannon whined, shaking with the effort not to rock up against Tomo, not to rush him.

"Okay?"

"yeahgoodplease," Shannon sobbed pressing his hips up a little needing...Christ he was almost fully hard again.

Tomo leaned his head down. Shannon whined into the kiss, grinding his hips up against Tomo, needing and losing any ability to stop the movement. Tomo pulled his hips back slow careful, shaking with the effort to keep his own control.

Slow thrusts the angle just right his prostate hit more than not. He begged hands sliding over every bit of skin he could touch, gasping into quick messy kisses. Tomo's thrusts became a little jerky as his control slipped.

"Baby please, please"

He gasped out a ragged sob at the first hard thrust "Fuck yes," he managed to gasp the flicker of panic in Tomo's eyes burning through the haze of need. His hand slid between them, reaching for his cock and roughly stroking it, as Tomo's thrusts sped up, hard and jerky. SHannon fought to keep his eyes open, watching Tomo, A final slam of Tomo's hips into him and his whole body tensed and shuddered. Jesus Shannon could feel the heat of Tomo coming inside him. The rough barely coordinated strokes of his cock became rougher, chasing the edge of

"FUCK!" He gasped, nearly dry orgasm cutting through him, his body clenching around Tomo still inside him.

Shannon barely registered Tomo's movements, rearranging them until Tomo was on his back and had Shannon tight to his side half on him, trembling nearly as bad as Shannon was.

Shannon kissed the skin easiest in reach—Tomo's collar bone. "Okay, Tome?"

"Holy shit," Tomo breathed.

"Tome?"

"God yeah, I'm—you I—I didn't hurt you?"

"No baby no," Shannon whispered desperately, some little part of his mind bothered by the way Tomo was almost stuck on that. "Fucking amazing."

He wanted to ask why Tomo was so fucking stuck. Wanted another kiss, wanted to...hell he didn't know. He was too wrung out and exhausted to think. He could feel a trickle of come slip down over his ass cheek and along the crease of his thigh and ass. The strange sensation made him squirm, his too-sensitive dick rubbed against Tomo's hip nearly making him whine again. "Fucking amazing, killed me. So good." He pressed another kiss against Tomo's collarbone. "So good, good," he mumbled with a yawn.

Tomo's arms tightened around him. Shannon burrowed a little closer. "'mazin'" he mumbled with another yawn as sleep claimed him.