InsaneJournal

FIC: Just Frankie: Going In Circles pt 2/3
Going In Circles
mature/adult

full header & part 1





Frank groaned and stretched. The box from Jamia that Brian had brought.

"Fuckin early" Matt grumbled and tightened his hold on Frank's waist tugging Frank closer. He'd grabbed Frank a few hours before when the tossing and turning had finally kept him awake long enough to gripe and hold Frank still.

Frank sighed. "Yeah."

Matt groaned. "What?"

"What what?"

"That's your thinking in circles sigh." Matt mumbled sleepily.

"My what?"

"Heard me, fucker."

"I fucking hate you. Fucking hate you worse than Jamia."

"Mmmhmmm," Matt agreed and pressed his face into the back of Frank's head. "Hate you too."

Frank snorted. "You still awake and realize who you're in bed with?"

"Yep. Know exactly who you are, Iero. You're the stupidass who was thinking so hard he kept me up half the night."

"Jamia ordered the prosthetic...Brian brought it.." Frank murmured and it was pretty much a given Brian had no freaking clue what he had delivered, other wise his "here Jamia sent you some shit," would have been said a half octave higher with a squeak, bigger eyes and some visible trying-not-to-freak.

Matt yawned and forced himself to wake up a bit more. "Yeah."

Frank elbowed Matt.

"Watch it." Matt grumbled. "Your idea or Jamia's?"

"Mine...well I was looking...Jamia caught me..."

"Yeah."

"You're not surprised."

"No, not really. She was asking what I thought of some of ‘em."

"You didn't say."

"Dude, that's not a conversation I want to admit to. She loves the hell out of you...she .."

"I know." Frank sighed. "And I..."

"Worst that's going to happen is your jeans fit different. It goes back in the box and stays there til if and when you want to think about it again, but you're going to drive yourself nuts if you don't look."

Frank grunted a wordless agreement. It wasn't like he hadn't looked...at least online. And had decided which. The money transferred to Jamia to keep anything that could be leaked out as associated with his credit card statement. Jamia had thought maybe having his mother actually pay for it because idiots were more likely to try to grab her statements or whatever than his mom's.

It should be easier right? It was stupid to wind himself up over...The thought of being her again...even just his grandmother's fussing at he'll outgrow the silliness of wanting to be in a band and all this confusion and want to be her again. His grandma, she wasn't mean about it, she just....didn't get it, and...

"Don't you dare try to hide behind the rest of us." Matt whispered softly. "Whether it's this or the hormones you mentioned-don't you dare. Got your back, Frank. You know that."

"And...and when someone notices..."

"Gonna be noticed you wear a bit tighter pants. Hell there'll probably be pictures of your crotch on the boards with squealing comments or whatever."

"Stupid"

"No you're not."

"I-"

Matt squeezed Frank tight. Frank wriggled and managed to turn in Matt's arms burrowed into the other man's chest.

"Don't know why I'm being stupid."

"Not being stupid." Matt murmured.

"I-fuck. It's not like-" Frank swallowed. "I mean-"

"Yeah I know." Matt agreed, he'd pointed out that whatever Frank had used to stuff well had slipped or wasn't looking right before. Quietly, to the horror of them both but..

"Just-" Frank broke off.

Matt rolled to his back and pulled Frank with him, which had the smaller rman mostly draped over his chest. He tightened his hold on Frank.

"I-" Frank took a shuddering breath. "So fuckin' tired of..."

Matt tightened his arms and swallowed back the demands of tired of what? Scared that the answer would be well beyond what he could handle, too scared to even think it. His hand moved back and forth just a little on Frank's shoulder.

"Then they-"

"They love you." Matt said firmly.

"Fuck-"

"They got stupid cause it was me. Cause they don't want you hurt-"

"You wouldn't-" Frank whispered. "Not...not."

"Dude, it's me. C'mon. They all know how often I'll hook up with some girl, they all know me. They-"

Frank couldn't argue with that. Matt was a good looking guy, fun and laid back and finding sex wasn't all that hard for him to manage at all.

"They just don't think I'm good enough for you-not like that."

"WHAT?"

"No they didn't say that. Just that I'd fuck around or fuck up, if it was like that and hurt you." Matt said honestly. Well, Mikey kinda had-with his fucking boot. But not in so many words flat out.

"You are the most loyal and honest fucking moron." Frank said fiercely. "If you ever made promises and the dumb bitch you made them to doubted you-that's her problem. I know you, Cortez. Know you too damn well."

Matt swallowed back the words he would make promises to Frank if Frank ever wanted them. There was enough strained and fucked up just now. Enough that was pulling Frank apart without him adding to it.

Frank swallowed. "This is so good now. I-the band the guys...getting to play and they're-"

"They don't think twice-not the wrong ways even if ya want to kill em sometimes," Oh fuck he had to wake up more or something. Matt wasn't sure that made any sense at all.

Frank nodded his agreement. He hated that he was the one who could destroy everything the worst, even if they didn't give it much thought. "What the fuck do I do?"

"Do about what?" Matt murmured. "The prosthetic you try, get used to it on the bus, if it's going to slide around or just not right that's annoying back to the drawing board for somethin' else." He really wasn't sure about that, but there were different styles and sizes and fuck all else on that website Jamia'd wanted his input for about what looked right. When he pointed out he didn't usually make a habit of studying dicks, she shot back he had to see plenty in his porn even if he wasn't paying attention and he had one. She had nothing to do at all with dick thank you so he was going to help her decided what looked okay. Frank had been at least looking and unsure...and Christ. "The hormones? Fuck...you...Frank. Do you want em?"

"Yeah, maybe, no..." Frank swallowed. "Kinda but.."

"So. Wait." Matt murmured. "Some of the shit is permanent even if you stop so...hell, Frank, I mean.." He didn't know what the hell he meant or was saying. "Gotta be sure that's what you want. Not going to change shit as far as who you are. Still going to be Frank. I- fuck it, Frank. You don't have to do shit to - you're Frank. What you want, what makes it right to you, fuck whatever the hell else."

"I- it's everything else."

"Jamia?" Matt guessed.

"Maybe," Frank murmured. Hormones might be-closing that door forever, not that it wasn't already really but... hormones...were...fucking scary. Meant getting closer to actually thinking about...about shit he just didn't if he could help it.


"You'll never lose her. Nothin'll change from how it is now."

Frank nodded against Matt's shoulder. He snorted softly against Matt's skin. "This should probably be weirder." It should. Burrowing into Matt like a goddamned neurotic idiot should be weird considering the night before last they'd gotten off together in Frank's bunk on the bus, and last night Mikey had fucking kicked Matt because of it, or because of the redhead from Merch? Catering? Whatever it was.

Matt snorted. "Get over it. You're as stuck with me as you are Jamia."

"Promise?"

"Fuck yeah, promise. I promise, Frankie," Matt agreed softly.

"Sorry," Frank mumbled and would have pulled away.

"I'm fine," Matt said arms tight around Frank. He wasn't going to let Frank get stupid. Easy enough to dismiss as just morning wood. Not the first time Frank's been poked at by Matt's dick evidencing the damn thing had a mind of it's own, especially when Matt woke up with Frank. The break between Taste of Chaos and Warped had been rough, and Matt had once again trailed along home with Frank, it'd happened more than once. Frank had fallen asleep shaking apart in Matt's arms and yeah, it'd happened before. Plenty fucking evident now though, Matt only wearing his shorts, Frank in his sweats and shirt.

Frank hated the thought, but he almost wished he could be her if he could actually be her...well, at least stand to pretend to be her...he might have Jamia or...it'd fucking kill him though.

"What?"

Frank shook his head.

"What?" Matt demanded.

"I really fucking hate you as much as Jamia. You both just-" Frank grumbled. Christ..."And I fucking hate hormones too."

"Frank." Matt growled.

"Fucking body, fucking hormones, fucking Mikey and his fucking boots fucking everything." Frank snapped. Pissed off was easier. He could function pissed off, otherwise he was going to be in the fucking corner bawling and losing his goddamned mind. "Fucking Jamia and fucking you too"

Frank stopped himself from snapping fucking silent and patient too. "Why the fuck do you put up with me?"

"You're my best friend, asshole." Matt managed. It was the truth. "You're easy to put up with."

Frank snorted. "Yeah, right." Matt caught all his attitude, caught all his unreasonable moodiness, and ended up the one that Frank fell apart blubbering drunk or irrationally furious all over.

"Frank," Matt repeated. He wasn't giving up. Poking at Frank was hazardous, because sometimes it was about impossible to tell when to leave well enough alone and when to push because it was going to be that much worse later even if it was messy now. Bulldozing after accidental foot in mouth at least didn't take any real thought, that was pretty much a given anymore. When Frank was spinning the wheels in his head and Matt wasn't quite sure what the hell was going on in there yet, that's when it got tricky.

"First time I've fucking kissed anyone for real in fuck...mercy fuck from Jamia before Europe, before Japan.. And...they..." Frank shook. "Goddamn."

"Frank, they're all for you getting laid and being happy. It was the fact it was me that sent em for the loop." Matt sighed.

"They fucking know I'm bi. That's kinda not any where near the fucking damage in the sexuality arena I could do to everyone with but jesus fucking christ. You're gorgeous, you're my best fucking friend, even more than Jamia, as much as I love her sometimes...I...goddamn. You-you know more than they do. You-I could because not even hours of my grandma and the fucking pictures of her you...you..see me. Safe not going to freak that-that what-I I, I'm not-not going to freak about my body and-not going to go to the tabloids, and I actually fucking trust you I can-and-...FUCK THEM."

Matt held Frank tight when he would have pulled away, a brief wrestling match ended with Matt laying on top of Frank, the smaller man's hands pinned above his head. "They wouldn't think I was good enough for Gerard or Mikey either. And murder might be committed if I looked at Bob."

"I-"

"What the fuck are you freaking about, Frank?" Matt demanded with a sigh, resting his forehead against Frank's, and really fucking trying to ignore the fact his hips were between Frank's legs, that what Frank could do to him was really obvious, pressed together as they were.

Frank laughed. Heat and exhaustion and it being the few days that everything got to him and...Matt hard as a rock between his legs pinning him to the bed and asking him what he was freaking about.

Fuck.

What wasn't he freaking about?

The prosthetic. Which it had to be better than fucking socks, but if he wore jeans that fit a bit better yeah-crotch shots all over the net and squealing and...what if, what if...what fucking if.. But he didn't have to wear jeans that fit where it was all that noticeable and Matt would be the first to point that out. But maybe-maybe-really late and no one fucking around and worm standing watch for fucking cameras and shit-he could hang out at a hotel pool with the guys, maybe even get in the water. That it would be enough on the odd chance someone got past Worm. That some idiot made a grab-which had happened but so far had been lucky and they'd gotten leg or stomach or ass and not-not where it was noticeable, obvious that what they were expecting to feel wasn't ...

Scared to death how much he wanted...just that extra bit of security, of confidence...and..

Matt felt way too good against him like this. Hadn't he already done this? Fuckin fallen for someone he'd never be able to have because of who he was. And..

"Frankie?" Matt whispered.

"Everything?" Frank swallowed.

"Okay." Matt sighed.

"Okay?" Frank stared.

"Yeah."

"You're fucking insane, Cortez," Frank whispered.

"You want me to ask Ray for his research and bookmarks. I know he's passed on links to some forums and articles to your mom and Jamia."

"You mean you don't have it already?" Frank stared. Ray's research had been neurotic avoidance of the disaster of Gerard detoxing, and giving Mikey something to think about otherwise. It probably had been about the worst idea Ray had ever had and worst for either of them at the time since Mikey was about three minutes from a nervous breakdown of his own.

"No," Matt shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Other than shit Ray's freaked about immediately, like your fucking ace wraps from back when-no."

"Why not?" Frank demanded voice cracking.

"Look at it with you if you want me to," Matt said quietly. "Felt like going behind your back if you weren't ready for that all yet. They're not. They're fucking not. I know it. But..." It'd piss him off. It'd drive him fucking nuts even just knowing in the back of his head that, with all the love and best intentions and seriously trying to help and just scared themselves and, especially with Linda and Jamia just trying to make peace themselves as strange as that might be to put it like that. It'd still piss him off that they were looking ahead at shit he hadn't been ready to go near if it'd been him. Logical no, but he'd decided instinct on how to deal with Frank was probably better than logic.

Frank closed his eyes. "Don't fucking deserve you, Cortez,"

"Nope," Matt tried to tease weakly. "You-"

"Yeah, ask Ray-no, don't fuck...with yeah fuck...after Mikey..."

"Fuck it. Not worrying about that. I'll corner Ray sometime this afternoon and ask him for it. Or text him. That might be easier because Ray won't wind the rest of them up. Even if I might get a lecture on shoes again." Matt rolled his eyes.

"Fucking shoes." Frank muttered relaxing a little.

"I'm gonna take a shower. Then you're going to open that fucking box and try it out. Then we're going to do laundry huh? One thing at a time."

~

"C'mon, Frank," Matt said patiently leaning against the wall outside the bathroom door.

"Fuck off," was called from the other side.

"Don't make me come in after you."

"You fucking would, wouldn't you?" Frank growled yanking open the bathroom door.

"Yeah," Matt said softly, keeping his eyes on Frank's.

"Feels weird," Frank mumbled. Almost, almost braced for some comment that sounded like the ones in his head, that he was being a fucking idiot. That this was so much better than some balled up socks that didn't stay like they should half the time and...

Matt just tilted his head. "Uncomfortable or just not used to it?"

Frank made a face. If Matt said one word about the heat Frank felt creeping up his cheeks he might kill him. Matt wouldn't though. Matt...Matt wasn't even looking down and Frank loved him a little for that right now. Jamia and Gerard were the only two people he could even begin to imagine -this- well, this with. Gerard would be eyeing critically by now and Jamia would probably be poking or groping or something. Gerard in his usual eagerly helpful, kinda ridiculously inept way, at least when it came to stuff like this. Jamia, well, they'd known each other since they were three, they knew every inch of each other-and Jamia, just wouldn't think twice because she was Jamia and he was Frank.

"Not used to it for now." If it was still -not annoyingly uncomfortable after a day or a show was going to take a day of walking around and a show at least to decide that.

"Feel okay beyond weird?" Matt asked with a swallow.

Frank shrugged.

"Well..." Matt prompted.

Frank made a little face. "Heavy. I mean it's..not..not like socks or whatever, and.."

Matt nodded.

Frank bit his lip, lip ring clicking against his teeth. Heavy. That..that was a brilliant. Heavy. He didn't have a different description. Not a better one. Not really. The shorts were meant for the prosthetic, with a pocket it slipped in. Hell, snug fitting underwear was kinda not exactly something he was used to, well, not quite like this. It..no the prosthetic wasn't heavy in the sense it weighed a lot, but it weighed something, way more than socks. Enough that he noticed it. A lot. And the jeans he had on definitely fit different, though he couldn't quite explain how, or swear it was fact not just in his head. Frank huffed out a nervous rush of breath. "Does it look okay?"

He thought of the website and their claim of trained fitters at the actual brick and mortar store in New York and...no. Fuck any thought of the band or the frenzy that would erupt. No, just no. This was hard enough with Matt. He was lucky enough to have a Matt. And even Gerard and Jamia. Hell, no matter what a nightmare it might be and how impossible it was to imagine there was Ray, Mikey, Brian and Bob too. Hell his mom even. Trained and helpful fitters was..probably really totally amazing for a lot but no, Frank couldn't imagine that one. Didn't want to contemplate that.

Frank caught his breath and waited as Matt stared-studied, but it felt like staring. Felt like he was going to flunk some fucking test and be kicked out of...hell he didn't know life or something. It didn't make sense. This was also like the worst fucking three or four days of the month to contemplate doing anything half rational-thinking with exhaustion and heat and nerves adding to..well, yeah.

"Can-"

Frank nodded not sure what the hell Matt thought he was going to do but Matt asked. And...Matt's hands settled carefully on his hips pushing denim back just a little so it was pulled a bit more against Frank's crotch. "Looks really good, Frank." Matt said finally.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I-I ended up going with the one Jamia-or you and Jamia?-thought looked best." Frank blurted and could have kicked himself.

"We're just forgetting all about that, Frank. The woman was on a mission to do something to make life easier, better and more right for you. We're...just forgetting all about that conversation, we're forgetting that happened. This one turns out to be not right and it's back to the drawing board and you want an opinion fine. That's cool. But we're forgetting about Jamia on a mission to do something for you okay?"

Frank groaned. He knew how single-minded Jamia could get. "God, I'm sorry,"

"What the hell are you sorry for?" Matt shook his head.

"Oh bullshit you so totally would have ran away and hid if you could have when she came at you," Frank snorted.

"Yeah, because it was Jamia on a mission about you. Not because of what the mission was.."

Frank laughed at the expression on Matt's face which was a good deal 'I don't fucking believe this conversation' and a bit 'are we done yet?' "She-"

"She loves you, she might occasionally be traumatizing about it, but she loves the hell outta you, Frank. You just count yourself lucky you got her."

"I do. Both of you, and the guys." Frank swallowed.



~


"JESUS!" Matt snapped as the curtain to his bunk was pulled back and Brian was staring at him all of a sudden. "Do you fucking mind?" Matt growled.

"Put the porn and your dick away and get your fucking ass in back. NOW."

Well, if that wasn't enough to really kill the mood. Damn. There was nothing going on for a bit, the guys were doing some signing or interview...shit.

Matt warily made his way back to the studio. Not liking the "FUCK OFF TORO" taped to the door of what had once been the back lounge. He knocked once and let himself in. "There a point to reenacting getting shipped to the principal's office or some fucking thing?"

Brian glared.

"WHAT"

Brian scrubbed his hand over his face and had that 'I'd rather be shot' look on his face that was never good. "The guys are worried."

Matt saw red. He clenched his fists at his side and gritted his teeth. "Why?" he demanded dangerously. "What the fuck is their problem?" Snarling at the big boss, the one who dealt with all the shit even if the guys were the bosses as far as everyone worked for them, wasn't really the best idea. But fuck that. This wasn't work. This was Frank.

"Ray was worried. Said you asked for his research shit. And..." Brian ran his hand through his hair. "Mikey's working himself up in a tizzy because Frank's been weird."

Matt frowned. "Weird?"

"Moody..."

"That's-" Matt shook his head. "Frank gets moody. That's normal. Mikey fucking kicking me hard enough to make me puke a couple nights back and the package you brought from Jamia and the guys being fucking idiots have him extra moody maybe, but the moody is fucking normal. He's just tired enough and fucked off enough at them to let ‘em catch some of it rather than saving it up for me to blow it off at."

"What the fuck do you mean Frank gets moody?" Brian frowned. "Frank for all he's a hyper fucking nutcase is not the moody one around here-"

Matt glared and waited for Brian to pull his head out of his fucking ass.

"Oh." Brian said in a small voice a moment later.

"Yeah." Matt glared.

"Thank God Gerard was born with a dick..." Brian muttered under his breath.

Matt choked. "Got a point." he managed. Then took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "What the fuck, Brian? Seriously, what the fuck? Frank can't get off with someone or can't be bitchy a couple days without a fucking intervention? What the fuck? Or is it just cause it was me and I'm not good enough for their precious Frank."

"Frank-they're fucking worried because Frank's been all wound up since they headed out on this."

"Fuck I wonder why," Matt snorted. "After the whole fucking mess with Gee and Bert with Bob around on top of that and then home wasn't any fucking kind of relaxing and able to fucking settle down this time. And shit on his mind that...then all this. Really I fucking wonder why."

"Frank's got a problem with Bob?" Brian asked warily.

"No. Jesus. Someone new living on the bus and fucking knowing everything before he'd even had a chance to make up his mind he wanted them to know jack shit. Yeah, it wasn't too fucking easy. It wasn't fucking horrible or the end of the world or shit because Bob's cool and Frank probably would have told Bob or let one of us once he got settled down enough but kinda not the fucking point. And then there was the whole fucking Bert and Gee Saga going on which had everyone on the fucking tour at least watching our guys and the Used like it was the best fucking soap opera around if not trying to bitch at someone or other over shit.." Matt glared. "Then goes home to the shit he had there and Jamia on a fucking mission and what he's got goin in his head otherwise and ...no. They got a fucking break to unwind. He really didn't."

Brian frowned.

Matt shook his head and sat down on the edge of the folding chair pushed up by the table Ray had his shit set up on.

"What do you mean he didn't have a break?"

"I mean I spent two weeks getting Frances' pictures shoved at me and we both got treated to Frank's grandma going on how I needed to convince Frank to let his hair grow and stop being foolish. He was just confused and needed to quit the band and quit playing pretend and get married and have babies or some fucking thing. He told his grandparents when Gee was sobering up...well his mom's parents. He's thinking about telling his dad. Course that means talking to his dad and he kinda stopped doing that when he was seventeen over stupid shit, mostly just scared so Frank's the one that shoved his dad off not the other way around. But his mom's mom is...in denial, or not able to get it or what. She's the sweetest woman and she's not meaning to be cruel, Frank fucking adores her, just doesn't fucking get it and no it wasn't a whole lot of relaxing when we were off."

"Worm's worried-"

"WORM?" Matt stared how the fuck did Worm get into this? Yeah he knew. But the drama that he didn't need to herd around he didn't usually bother with, and Worm wanted no part of anyone's sex lives or hearing about it and generally got a bit annoyed when his job tracking someone down and getting them where they belonged ran into their sex lives. Lately that had been interrupting Mikey and Pete make out sessions if something came up that Mikey was needed before expected.

"Is it the moody thing? Worm noticed Frank wasn't climbing, wasn't moving so fast the last couple days. Then got to really watching and thinks Frank's not...not moving quite right at all but he's not sure how. Bob and Gee caught Worm staring, and Ray caught Gee. Then Ray mentioned you wanted the research shit to me after Gee and Bob and Worm got done with their Frank's not moving right and Mikey...is just..."

Matt groaned. "Oh jesus fucking christ." and put his face in his hands. "Fuck...Don't you let those fucking idiots say a fucking thing, he's -FUCK. He didn't fucking say shit because he didn't want them staring. Fuck."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Brian growled.

"The goddamn package you brought from Jamia was the prosthetic he finally got the nerve to go looking for and had Jamia order...getting used to that so not quite as nuts as usual. And if they weren't being fucking morons in the first place they wouldn't have noticed. Hell as far as that goes they probably noticed the fucking prosthetic but decided it was walking wrong not... that there was something there."

"Prosthetic-"

"The fucking brace does more than enough to-that's good. But do you know how fucking nuts he goes when he's down to jeans he has to stuff somehow because someone's going to fucking notice or how fucking paranoid he gets about being grabbed? The more spooked he is the more likely he's fucking climbing on Ray or Bob. Especially Bob because Bob glares everyone the fuck away. He's usually being a fucking monkey all over Bob for a day or two after someone's grabbed his ass."

"Frank? Okay Gee and Mikey yeah. But Frank gets paranoid?"

"Fuck, yeah he does. When it comes to someone grabbing, someone noticing...yeah." Matt whispered.

"Pros-jesus. Next time I'm delivering fucking dicks will someone let me know? Jesus airport security decided to get stupid or something..." Brian squawked.

"You drove." Matt snorted.

"Well if-"

"Jamia wouldn't have sent it if you hadn't driven."

Brian watched Matt slump a little more. Matt looked like he was hitting the end of his rope. And, hell, Matt was making a lot more sense than Mikey's rants or the guys fixation on Frank moving different. The pills he'd taken a little while ago, thinking he could crawl into Bob's bunk and crash a couple hours ago really not helping his focus or the fact he'd been too wired to sleep the last two days. Then he'd gotten cornered by Gerard. And honestly...Brian didn't dwell on Frank. Frank was Frank. And there was too much else, one thing after another, and not just these guys, he had a few other bands now.

Frank was Frank. In and of himself, Frank wasn't a problem. Dwelling on bullshit and driving himself insane beyond having a basic idea of what might be best to spin the bullshit if there was ever the need for that was...just gonna give himself an ulcer doing that. Frank wasn't a problem. Frank didn't need fixed. Frank wasn't strung out or out of control or getting in shit for fucking underaged girls or hell any of the shit bands he'd worked with in the past and had to deal with on a daily basis. He tour managed the Used. He didn't have to use his imagination of the shit that could come up with a band. He'd seen about everything and dealt with it with them. Frank, well, Frank was just Frank. There was fuck all he could do about the world at large made up of morons. Brian was also under the impression Frank had been Frank so long that the world at large being stupid was the only real concern and not one that was worth dwelling on since Frank was careful and smart.

And the guys fucking closed ranks so tight when it came to Frank's shit that even he was left on the outside. Hell, if Frank hadn't have needed the doctor in-was it fucking Germany?-Brian might still be in the dark even if, yeah, the assholes had technically told him a year or so before that. Brian had pretty much dismissed everything and forgotten it, shit that was a problem and needed attention took precedence. Frank was... just Frank.

"I'm on the totally wrong fucking page here?" Brian scrubbed his hand over his face.

"Probably. What page are you on?"

"Frank's been Frank since fucking forever, since he was what fucking fourteen. That all the angst and drama and identity crises is fucking over and the only big problem is that the world is made up of fucking morons."

"Fuck, Schechter, you ain't even in the right goddamn book. Think the guys might be a few chapters ahead half the time but that's mostly them watching out for Frank."

"Are you okay?" Brian frowned.

"Yeah I'm fucking great. I'm just fucking great. Just fucking great, Brian." Matt glared. "Most of my friends think I'm such a scumbag asshole that I'd fucking hurt the best friend I have in the fucking world. Yeah. Fucking wonderful."

"So...can I ask what the fuck is going on with you two? I'm worried about ya know the band and losing the best tech we got.."

Matt glared.

Brian waited wondering if he'd pushed it too far but a moment later.

"There's fucking nothing. He needed fucking unknotted from that fall he took. Just kinda happened. Been fuckin forever since he even got off just making out with someone-and I'm safe. I'm not going to get surprised or freak on him. I'm not going to get stupid or let shit get awkward. I'm not one of the guys. They're too fucking important as they are and none of them are-Maybe Mikey. Mikey could leave it at what it was then we'd have a war with Gee and Mikes. Gee couldn't. Not Frank, not like that and let it go. Ray's straight. And Bob-" Matt shrugged. "Bob's not wired for that kinda casual with someone who matters."

"Frank's having a fucking identity crisis?" Brian's mind stuttered back to that.

"Not exactly." Matt shook his head.

Brian glared. "I need fucking something to wake up."

Matt snorted.

Brian flipped him off. "Seriously, I-just what the fuck am I looking at these guys are fucking everything. I-"

"Frank's fine." Matt shook his head. "If he wasn't I'd have Gee on the phone having a fucking fit at you to get your ass here, get us the fuck off the road, find someone to fill in for Frank if I ended up leaving with him or if it was just Jamia coming and getting him."

Brian's eyes narrowed. "What the fuck? Seirously..."

"Frank's just trying to figure out what he wants to do." Matt shrugged. "And he's a long fucking way from even talking about it with any of them so drop it. Hell, he's still a fucking ways away from talking to Jamia about it."

"Or you?"

Matt shrugged.

"He-thinking of hormones and shit?"

"Is. Has been. But that involves doctors and shrinks and serious shit that could fuck with his health and he hasn't even gotten any where near talking."

Brian nodded. "He fucking knows that there's not a problem-that the guys, me, never have a problem. Fuck the record company, fuck everything and every one. We'll make it work."

"He knows."

"Remind him."

"I do."


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