Phoenix Wright - Juan/Matt - R - Recipe for Suffering Title: Recipe for Suffering Author: Emily lightningrapier Fandom: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All Pairing: Juan Corrida / Matt Engarde Rating: R Warnings: As always with Juan/Matt, I warn you of violence, anger, hate, foul language, self-mutilation, and a whole slew of other things. Basically anything bad you can think of? Yeah, it's going on in this relationship.
Also, spoilers for the fourth case in "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All". Major, major ones. Summary: 100 drabbles detailing the relationship between Matt and Juan. Disclaimer: Matt Engarde and Juan Corrida are property of Capcom and their creators. Notes: I really love Juan/Matt, and I really love 100 word drabbles, and I really love prompts. SO HERE'S LIKE A MASSIVE CULMINATION OF MY LOVE IN ONE BIG PROJECT.
Prompts taken from hyakudai on LJ.
Originally posted at LJ on April 23, 2007. Moved over because SixApart are lying douchbags.
I tried my hardest to make these as close to 100 words as I possibly could.
#001: recipe for suffering.
Take one charming borderline psychopath. Add one short-tempered, revenge-oriented Spaniard. Divide by one naive, emotional woman, add a noose, and subtract a foraged suicide letter.
Let the water boil over.
Add one bitter manager, multiplied by a scheme to end one budding career.
Add one growing sense of suspicion multiplied by spy cameras and videotapes. Add one honor-bound professional killer, subtract sexual tension, multiple by one bloody fight and add one scarf times one dinner knife minus one costume button.
Yield one terrible death, the end of two careers, a shocking alternate personality, and the story of blackmail-driven sexual hatred.
--
#002: in the moment, in the body
When he was with Corrida, a different personality emerged. This kind of thing wasn't new to Matt -- but surprising either way. He would sit at home, thinking back on the things they'd done, and feel completely disgusted -- one time he'd even thrown up.
But when they were together, it became an entirely different story. Matt couldn't figure out just what point he'd gone from hating Corrida's guts to wanting him at the same time. It was... dizzying.
Even so, the last thing Matt wanted to think about when he had Juan pinned to the floor was how much he would regret it later. It was all in the moment, and that was alright with him.
--
#003: refuge in breath
The two always threatened to kill each other.
"I'm gonna strangle you," Matt would say, off-handedly. "That way I can watch you die. It'll be perfect."
Juan usually went for the more dramatic approach.
"And then I'll carve my name in your chest," he would say, and Matt would laugh.
"You really are obsessed with me, dude. I'm flattered, but like, I'm just not that into you."
The idle chat meant nothing. And yet Matt would often fantasize about pulling the scarf closed around Juan's neck, smirking down at him, kissing him the moment before he was gone.
The only security Juan had was his life... and as long as he was breathing, Matt would always dream about ending it all.
--
#004: creating suffering
"And that," Juan ended aloud, "is why I killed myself."
He picked up the pen, looked down at the letter with satisfaction, and amended it with swoopy, cursive writing -- "Celeste Inpax".
Perfect.
Matt wouldn't know what hit him.
It took a special kind of person, Juan thought, to turn such tragedy into something so sensationally beneficial. Juan almost prided himself on the ability. Finding Celeste's body had been terrible, but it had taken less than ten minutes for the idea to blossom in his head. And when it had, it wouldn't let him go.
This would be his perfect revenge. This would be the thing that finally gave him the one-up on Matt Engarde.
This would be his end.
--
#005: observing obsession
Shelly de Killer had seen many strange things in his life -- but never anything quite this... astounding.
Videotapes lined the wall of Matt Engarde's den -- all homemade, all hand-labeled with dates, day after day after day.
And, to top it all off, they were all marked with two letters at the top of the white label, hastily scribbled in sharpie marker -- "JC".
It almost made his stomach turn, how Matt Engarde had so fully cataloged his obsession. There was something unnatural about how openly the tapes were displayed... something eerily unsettling.
Shelly didn't let it bother him. The last thing he needed was a distraction.
--
#006: ego up against the wall
It was common knowledge that Juan Corrida was egotistical. Matt Engarde knew that better than anyone. It was so infuriating to see Juan controlling him, looming up above him, smirking down at him.
No way was Matt gonna let that last.
The next time Juan pushed him up against the wall, Matt fought back harder than ever before. He could feel Juan's surprise and excitement, and he smirked, shoving the man backwards. The vase on the table behind them fell and smashed on the ground.
"I'll make you mine, Corrida," Matt growled.
He didn't care what Juan wanted. Matt would turn the tables, absolutely.
--
#007: self
"I'm convinced you have no personality, Engarde."
Matt lingered on those words, staring out the skylight on his ceiling, having given up on sleep long ago. How obnoxious, that Corrida's words could haunt him like this.
Did he? Did 'personality' really even matter?
All that mattered in the business was being able to sell himself. Maybe Matt didn't have a 'self' to sell -- but what did he care? He was an actor for a reason -- and he could fake a personality wonderfully.
Even Juan Corrida had to be fooled -- because really, how could he want to fuck someone with no personality at all?
--
#008: heavy mist
The stage's fog machine was running to warm it up.
Matt stepped out onto the stage, in costume minus the mask. Juan had said to meet him here.
It was only a few hours before the Grand Prix -- which meant only a few hours before Juan's death. Matt's every nerve stood on end, excited, thrilled with the prospect of finally ending their ridiculous charade.
Juan's hand was on Matt's shoulder, turning him around, and Matt turned into his arms, and they had the best sex Matt had ever had there on the stage among the wisps of man-made fog. It was, he thought, the perfect ending to his evening, and Juan's life.
--
#009: the problem with hope
Juan had his whole life planned down to the last detail. He would marry Celeste, retire back to Spain, live a wonderful life with her, and never hear Matt Engarde's name again.
And then he had to ruin everything.
"You never told me?!" Juan cried in shock, surprise, anger... pain. "How could you?! You know how I feel about him! You must know! Why didn't you tell me?!"
"Juan..." Celeste said, weakly, trying to calm him down, but Juan ignored her, storming out.
The next time he saw her, she was hanging from a noose. In that moment, the last of Juan Corrida's hope drained away.
--
#010: beyond comfort
When Matt passed Juan's dressing room, he heard crying.
"Oh, no way," he said, his eyes lighting up like a child at Christmas. He stopped at the door, pushed his ear against it, and listened. It was definitely crying. Jackpot.
He slowly cracked the door open, peeking inside.
"Hey, whoa, dude," Matt said, sliding into the room and closing the door behind him. "Are you o--"
Before he could finish, he was shoved against the mirror, pain in his jaw pounding. Fuck.
"Whoa, dude! Chill!" he cried, tasting blood. Juan was above him, seething, tears on his cheeks. "All I wanted was to--"
"You killed her, Engarde!" he cried, and Matt stared up at him, completely confused.
"...what?"
"Celeste! You-- you killed her!"
--
#011: exit from shared illusion
Sometimes, when they were fucking, Matt completely forgot who Juan Corrida was. He forgot how much he hated the man, forgot he was using a fucking suicide letter to control him, forgot he wasn't screwing Corrida because he wanted to.
But then Juan would open his mouth and say Matt's name.
Matt could tell that Juan had forgotten too... and it pissed Matt of more than anything.
"Corrida," he would growl in response, with all the malice in his voice he could manage, bringing Juan crashing back to reality. They would glare at each other, and that would be the end.
--
#012: peace of mind on a sinking ship
It looked, from an outside point of view, that Matt Engarde was going down. Juan had Matt right where he wanted him, and with the plans to finally release the "suicide note" to the public, it was only sensible that Juan regard Matt as hardly a challenge anymore. Let him win the Grand Prix. It would be the last moment of glory in his career.
Matt knew better, though. Juan could think whatever he wanted about Matt's career -- but as far as Matt was concerned, it was Juan who was going down. Juan who would be mysteriously dead.
They smiled at each other, comfortably, having no idea what the other was thinking.
--
#013: catching a glimpse of awareness
Juan had struggled for as long as he could -- but soon all the fight had left his body. His vision was fading, his eyes were closing. He was dying.
"I'll kill you, someday," Matt had growled. The words rang through his mind in memory. "I'll kill you."
Juan shuddered, his eyes closing, muscles spasming slightly. This wasn't Matt Engarde. It wasn't. But...
"Juan, I wish you would stop." It was Celeste's voice, this time. "He'll be the death of you--!"
Juan's heart pounded in his chest, his body panicking, twitching, before everything just shut down.
--
#014: the paradox of the heart
It was Valentine's Day. Juan came back to his dressing room from practice, pulling off his costume before suddenly stopping.
There was a vase with a dozen roses on his vanity. Staring at it for a moment, Juan set down his bright red guitar, moving towards it, cautiously.
He reached for the tag, picking it up.
"To my favorite cuddly bear," it read.
Signed, "Celeste Inpax".
An assistant, standing outside the door to deliver another package, was about to knock when she heard the screaming and loud smashing noise from inside. Her eyes went wide and she set the package down, rushing off.
--
#015: what will sustain us
Matt had been in Japan for almost two weeks before Juan saw him again. They were outside -- in public -- so the "refreshing" image was in place.
Even so, the air felt tense, the small restaurant falling silent as Matt approached his table.
"Hey, dude," he greeted. "Missed you in Japan, man. It was like, totally sweet. You should see it sometime."
"That's nice," Juan muttered. Seeing Matt again after so long made him want to grab the man and shove him against the wall. Matt had to know, had to be doing this on purpose. As he turned away and walked off with a wave, Juan couldn't help but watch his ass.
--
#016: freeing the heart
Juan liked to convince himself that he could be just as good as Matt Engarde when it came to having absolutely no emotions at all. Sometimes Matt could talk about Celeste's death with such a deadpan voice and expression, and it practically shocked Juan.
Why couldn't he do that?
There had to be a way to forget about Celeste. To make the pain stop.
The answer to that question turned out to be the source of the question itself. When Juan was with Matt, Celeste's death stopped hurting. It stopped meaning anything.
It was almost therapeutic.
How could someone he hated so much be so good for him?
--
#017: pleasure of joy
Matt was so unbelievably drunk. Juan watched him from the corner of the room, watched Matt practically screaming into the karaoke machine's microphone in his attempt at song.
He looked so damn happy. Almost... normal. Almost like he could be a normal, functioning person.
It made Juan... smile.
Later that night, when Juan was carting a completely trashed Engarde back to Juan's car, Matt leaned against him, smiling some.
"Hey, thanks, you asshole," Matt said, leaning up, kissing him. It was... surreal.
...And for just one night, it was kind of nice.
--
#018: form and emptiness
Matt would zone out sometimes when they were having sex. He thought Juan would never notice, but one time, when the man was pulling on his clothes and leaving, he stopped in the doorway, glancing back to the other actor.
"...You're... like some kind of shell, Matt," he said, quietly.
Matt only glared. What the hell did Juan Corrida know about him!?
There was just something about Juan's touch that made him zone out. He couldn't even control it.
He felt empty, and nothing mattered -- and Juan hated it when he looked in Matt's eyes and there was nothing there. Maybe that was why Matt did it at all -- a subconscious reason to stick it to Juan, anywhere it could hurt.
--
#019: silent together
When Matt came into his dressing room, Juan was quick to close his eyes and feign sleep. It was dark and Juan could only thank God that he'd been resting. If Matt had just barged in like that any other time, it would have been a huge deal -- one Juan didn't have the strength to deal with at the moment.
It was quiet for a long time before Matt slid down next to him on the small "bed". Juan tensed, and Matt knew he was awake, but they said nothing. Matt threw his arm around Juan's waist, roughly pull him closer, and closed his eyes, falling asleep.
--
#020: the diamond that cuts through illusion
Juan Corrida and Celeste Inpax had been a very happy couple. They spent every moment together, and it seemed like they had a very bright future. To Juan, Celeste was the one stable thing in his life that nobody could touch. When he'd asked her to marry him, it had been the very best day of his life.
And then he saw Matt Engarde.
"Hey, dude!" Matt slapped Juan on the back in greeting. "Heard about you and Celeste -- congratulations, dude! She's totally happy, I bet. I mean, she talked about getting married like, all the time when I dated her."
And then it was like everything had fallen down around him.
--
#021: murder will out
Juan always told him that there was only one way to keep him quiet about the letter -- by doing everything he said.
The longer Matt tried, however, the more he realized that there was a much better option available to him. After all, as the saying went, "dead men tell no tales".
That was, clearly, the only thing he could do to make Juan shut up. He had to kill him. Absolutely had to.
Somehow, Matt thought with a smirk, he was almost positive this was not the outcome Juan Corrida had in mind.
--
#022: now comes the mystery
The inner workings of Matt Engarde's brain was a total mystery to Juan. For a long time, he'd lived well enough only thinking that nothing went on in that head of his -- but Juan knew better. He knew well enough to know that Matt wasn't the dumb little airhead persona he led everyone to think he was. It was so infuriating, that Matt could get away with hiding his true self from Juan.
One day, after rehearsal, Juan had grabbed Matt's arm just as the man had been going to leave. Matt turned, glancing back at him, and Juan just glared him down.
"I know who you really are," he said, a total, complete bluff. And yet the look of shock and the expression of panic that followed on Matt's face was the most satisfying reaction that Juan could have ever imagined.
--
#023: dance of death
"How did Celeste look," Matt asked suddenly, one night, when the two were laying in bed, in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, "when she was dancing?"
Juan laid there in silence for a long time, trying to understand what the hell Matt was talking about.
"When she was dancing?" he repeated. Images of Celeste filled his mind -- of her happy, smiling face, of the way she would hold him, of--
"Yeah. You know? Dancing?" Matt reached up, making a vague gesture towards the ceiling. "How did she look when she was dancing? Dancing on air?"
Something seized Juan at the words. He wasn't used to the ins and outs of the English language in its entirety, but the meaning wasn't lost on him. He pulled back, a hand going to Matt's throat, and Matt thought he heard the growled words of "why don't I show you firsthand what it looks like to die" before Juan's fist connected with his jaw.
--
#024: sees without eyes
Matt had been watching mindless TV when he got the idea. Character A spying on Character B by clever use of security cameras. The idea was ridiculous at first -- baseless daydreaming and speculation -- but it wouldn't leave him alone.
How was he going to get those cameras in place? It wasn't like Matt had any way of getting in to Worldwide Studios, and the last thing he needed was to get caught sneaking in. Not very refreshing. It wasn't like he could use anyone else to get them in, either... they would talk.
...or would they?
"Fucking Corrida and his goddamn fucking teddy bears," Matt growled one day, during some ridiculous celebrity gossip program, and then it suddenly hit him.
The package with the bear inside arrived on Juan's doorstep the next day -- and then Matt had much more interesting things to watch on TV.
--
#025: secret language
(skip)
--
#026: go and die
Adrian Andrews had about had it. Sure, Matt was dangerous, and sure, she should know better than to retaliate against him, but goddamnit he had upset her for the last time and he was going to pay for what he did to her and he was going to pay for what he did to Celeste and--
She stopped short just outside his dressing room door, about to barge in and give him a piece of her mind when she suddenly heard voices.
Falling silent, Adrian stood there, anxiously, listening through the small crack between the door and the wall.
"You're mine, Engarde. You know that, don't you?"
That was a familiar voice... Juan Corrida...? Adrian felt her stomach turn.
"Why don't you go kill yourself, Corrida?" came the reply. That voice was definitely Matt's. "I hear it's such a popular way to go."
Adrian covered her mouth with a hand, tears filling her eyes. She turned, suddenly, storming away.
He was going to pay.
--
#027: the man you love to hate
Some sick, hidden part of Matt Engarde wondered if he would miss Juan after he was dead. Matt couldn't help it -- he recognized the obsession for what it was. Even so, it couldn't go on forever.
"All good things must come to an end," he told himself. "Eventually."
Sometimes he wondered just how fine the line between obsession and love was. Did Matt love Juan? Absolutely not -- he hated him.
But maybe both could be true -- maybe Matt could settle on loving to hate him, and that would be fine.