Vienna, 1912

Ich ♥ dich!

xoxo,
JG

Welcome to the Viennese Weekend Radio Program. Today, we bring to you a particularly delicious cooking program for the holidays! This pie, known as the Revolutionary Pie, will be a hit with your contemporaries especially if you're holding a communist party!


How to make Revolutionary Pie, in authentic Soviet Bukharin-style!

1 kg flour
2 cups of domestic capital investment saturation
10 cups imperialism
3 cups of proletarian exploitation
1 cup of the inevitable imperial war
5 grams of your lowest quality Tsarist lackeys
1 gram Raspurtin

And for seasoning, some parsley and:
1 tablespoon of the revolutionary vanguard
5 teaspoons of armaments

Step 1:
Mix the two cups of domestic capital investment saturation and imperialism together, stir them well.
Step 2:
Fry the proletarian exploitation in a pan. Shoot them a few times. Do not stir, it will simmer on its own. Use only top quality proletarian exploitation. They must be kept at minimum temperature and subsistence level.
Step 3:
Do something with the flour, like lock it up in a barn for the soldiers and make bread with it. When War Communism is over, we may then take it out and give it to the peasants.
Step 4:
Sprinkle 5 teaspoons of armaments with 1 tablespoon of revolutionary vanguard. This seasoning is crucial to the recipe!
Step 5:
Put the inevitable imperial war into the oven and set the oven settings to high. When the oven explodes, you may pour everything else into the pile. Be sure to add the seasonings! Remember to wear protective mittens, or you'll burn yourself.
Step 6:
???
Step 7:
PROFIT!!

- Serves the proletariat of the world!