[Except, if she knew more, she'd know this is the exact opposite of what she wants, because as soon as Aramis reaches out for that orb, he'll be hit with a very specific memory of feelings -- a moment, years ago, in which she and Hawke slept together--
There's the tail-end of pleasure, of course, teasing and light and easy, nothing serious, nothing to be afraid of
and then it's frightening, (the feeling of being pinned down, of being trapped, of being cornered, ready to fight, ready to flee, ready to get away) and more teasing, more joking, more dismissal because it's not serious, nothing serious, nothing nothing nothing
and then it's over, and it's done, and it was nothing serious, nothing serious. There's relief, so much relief, and then disappointment, as well. Fear. Fear and uncertainty, being afraid to make that jump, being afraid to leap out, to cross from that comfort zone.
The feeling of resignation finishes it out, in the end -- no, this is better, much better (you would never be worth it, anyway, you could never be worth it for anyone).]