Jurassic City - Network

When I was undercover in HYDRA, I had choices that I had to make. I had to keep myself in, make them believe that I was one of them. So, I gave them safe houses. I let them believe that I was turning over agents for the cause. I purposely gave up the ones that I knew probably wouldn't have any agents in them. The ones that I knew had agents in them, I didn't give up. I told them that those were one duds, they were better off checking the ones that I secretly knew for a fact would be empty.

Except one of them wasn't empty. One of them had one agent in it. I didn't know. I gave up that safe house, because the other one that I could've given up had over a dozen SHIELD agents in it. Agents that if I had given up that safe house, all of their blood would've been on my hands. The lives of over a dozen agents outweighed the chance of a safe house that was probably empty. Except it wasn't empty. It had someone in it. That someone did get taken in by HYDRA, her mind was mutilated and broken. That was on my hands.

I was wrong for not owning up to it. I felt guilty that had had happened to Kara. But at the same time, I didn't feel guilty. I still don't feel guilty. I wouldn't change the choice I made. I made a choice, and I chose to save the house where I knew that there would be agents who had a chance to get out, over the house that might or might not have someone in it.

I don't care if it makes an awful person. I know I've made a lot of choices that other people look down on me for. I did what I thought was right. I'll always do what I think is right, even if other people might look down on me. In my line of work, that's a risk I have to take.

You know what? I'm done. I'm just done. I am sick of all this crap.

So here's the hat I found today:



It is way more important than any stupid drama my life has, because when you squeeze the little puff balls the arms flail.

This hat is currently on Buckyjames's head. I'd take a picture but he's laughing too hard.

You can all go screw yourselves.

I have never felt more useless in my entire life. I thought I felt useless after Whitehall died but this is worse. So much worse because I don't know how to help the man I love. I know everyone hates us and while I'm okay with that he isn't.

It kills me to see him withdraw into himself every single time one of you yells at him for simply trying to talk to you. He's suffered enough, he isn't asking for forgiveness or acceptance he just a chance to prove to you he's changed but you're all so focused on trying to make him suffer for what he's done that you can't see what you're doing is nothing compared to what he's doing to himself every single time he tries to reach out.

I don't want him to talk to any of you but he can't stop caring, even if you all hate him he's never going to stop. Because of everything you people have said to him he has decided he's better off trying to isolate himself from everyone, including me. I swear if anything happens to him because of this I will never forgive any of you.

We never meant for things to go as far as they did back home but no one can change the past. Everyone makes mistakes, its human nature but punishing us for the rest of our lives is just stupid and exhausting. I can't keep doing this, I'm exhausted and I don't have the energy to fight anyone anymore. I just want to live my life in peace with the man who helped me find myself again. Is that really too much to ask?

This isn't where I wanted to be or what I wanted to become. But I don't know how to be anything different.

We can't lie? I can't decide whether to hire more buncers or close down until its over. Hiding sounds best.

So, either I didn't make it to heaven or the bible left somethings out. Don't really remember there being much talk of dinosaurs in church.

I hope Skye is alright. And jesus, Mom. Coulson is going to have to tell her I wish I could go back.

Anyone need a job?

I need a bouncer, a bartender or two, maybe a waitress at Pour Judgement. I've broken up so many fights on my own, I've stopped enjoying it.

In honor of my ex wife and  the bastard who tried to kill both of us arriving here, drinks are 10 % off at Pour Judgement.

Welcome to town all you new arrivals.

Dinosaurs. I'm in another reality, and stuck in a city I can't leave because the outside is surrounded bu freaking dinosaurs?

Just when I thought my day couldn't get any better, it just got fantastic.