cornerofmadness (cornerofmadness) wrote in journeywest, @ 2008-06-09 21:43:00 |
|
|||
Current mood: | hot |
Current music: | Family Guy |
Fic - To Fade Away
To Fade Away
Author – cornerofmadness
Disclaimer – not mine. All rights belong to Kazuya Minekura et al, no profit made, just a little fun
Rating – R (see warning), totally work safe
Warning – child abuse
Pairing – none, Gojyo centric fic
Timeline – set well before the main storyline.
Author’s note – written for saiyuki_time’s senses challenge: sight. This was written in just about the deadline time but I can’t be sure. I was interrupted a record five times while trying to write this and lost track of time. Thanks to evil_little_dog and everyone at saiyuki_time for the once over.
XXX
He wished they couldn’t see him. Gojyo longed for invisibility but his reality was just the opposite. Even with Jien flattening the worst of the bullies on his behalf, the six year old still had to contend with the jeers and snide comments; not just from bullies, but from everyone. With his long red hair fluttering behind him like a flag in full view, Gojyo endured even sweet-faced grannies gossiping loudly about the embarrassment he brought on his family.
He really didn’t understand why everyone disliked him. All the boy knew was he was born ‘wrong.’ His eyes were wrong, his hair, everything about him. Gojyo could do nothing right no matter how hard he tried. The kids beat on him in the playground so Jien taught him to fight back and Gojyo proudly thought he was getting pretty good at it. The teachers expected him to be dumb so he lived down to their low expectations but still he tried a little, just for himself. Gojyo wanted to read, was curious about science even if he wasn’t good at it and knew knowing his numbers would help him when he was older. Jien tried to tutor him but Mother hated that, made demands on his time so Gojyo was left to fend for himself.
Gojyo knew he may never understand why his mother hated him so much or why she did those strange, naked things with Jien that scared him but he knew if he tried hard enough, was a good boy, Mother would eventually smile at him. Maybe one day she would even hug him, hold him like a mother was supposed to.
Having saved all the allowance Jien gave him for helping around the house, Gojyo stopped at the bakery and got his mother a nice honey-coated, cream-filled treat. This would make her smile. He raced home to give it to her. He found his mother in the kitchen, staring empty-eyed at a cup of coffee.
“Mommy, for you!” He lisped through his two missing front teeth. The buds of the new ones poking through his gums were sharp and sometimes he nicked his tongue on them.
Her eyes flicked to the sweet offering and her face twisted. “You think I want food touched by your filthy hands?” His mother stood, the chair nearly tipping over in her haste. She flung the pastry against the wall. Her hand swung round before the boy could dodge, catching him open-handed across his cheek and eye so hard it knocked him down. “Now clean that up.”
Thankfully, his mother stalked out of the room but Gojyo could barely see her, his vision swimming from the blow and the tears that flooded his eyes. Crawling over to the pastry which had exploded, leaving creamy ‘blood’ everywhere, the boy silently wept. All his saving, his hopes had been for nothing. Tear-blind, he managed to get it cleaned then Gojyo ran to the bathroom, scissors in hand.
Wiping his eyes, he glared at the mirror. How he hated his ruby eyes and hair. Raising the scissors, Goyjo was going to do something about it. Metal jaws gnashing, the boy sent gobs of red hair fluttering to the floor like dying butterflies. More than once he nicked his scalp.
”Gojyo!” Jien roared, coming into the room. “What are you doing?”
Startled, Gojyo dropped his scissors. “Everyone hates me.” He grabbed a handful of his remaining hair. “If it’s gone, maybe they’ll like me.”
Jien’s long face reflected sadness. The older Sha brother reached out and stroked Gojyo’s bruised face. “You’ve made a mess. Here, let me help.”
Gojyo stood still while his older brother gently tried to even out the mess he made. By the end, his head was covered with nothing more than garnet stubble. Jien put alcohol on the nicks then started cleaning up all the hair.
“Do you think they’ll see me so much now? Maybe no one will notice me.”
“You don’t want to be invisible, Gojyo,” Jien said, holding out his arms. Gojyo let his older brother capture him and carry him downstairs to help with dinner. Face buried in the crook of Jien’s neck, Gojyo knew his brother was wrong. That was what he wanted: to disappear from sight.