User: jenish (posted by fizzyblogic) Date: 2007-11-11 14:25 Subject: Or, What You Will [1/7] Security: Public Tags: fandom:bands:aar, kim/brittany, nick/tyson, robyn/toad

Or, What You Will
{All-American Rejects + crew &c RPS // Nick/Tyson & Kim/Brittany & Robyn/Toad // NC-17 // 45,000 words // 100% untrue & disclaimed // AU // for Two Lines // research help from Mitch & Shelly, beta by Laura & James // crew &c primers can be found here}
[1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7]

There is a theory that states that the gods – or, if you prefer, God and some of His closest friends – like to play chess. This could naturally be a perfectly reasonable pastime for any deity, stimulate the mind and keep it active after all that creation is over, but for the fact that due to a shortage of building materials in the wake of said creation, they use people for the pieces. Subsequently, our lives are played out on some cosmic chess board, ruled by the whim of archangels trying not to win too much in case they incur God’s wrath and get sent to the various and sundry hellfire pits they were threatened with if they didn’t eat whatever the angel equivalent of their greens is.

There is, of course, another theory that states that the first theory is a load of old codswallop.

If the first set of theorists are right, somewhere an angel is spluttering, “But – but you can’t move that piece there, it -” while another angel merely smiles ineffably.

Of course, if the second set of theorists are right, what happened next had nothing whatsoever to do with chess.

* * *

Nick had endured some bad dates in his time. The majority of his college years had sometimes felt like one very long, very bad date, with brief bursts of half-decent boyfriends interspersed here and there.

Shaun had been one such boyfriend. So when Nick had almost literally bumped into him in a bar downtown, and Shaun had asked him if he’d like to meet up for a drink on Saturday night, Nick thought he’d maybe be in for a night of rekindling the old flame, possibly ending with reunion sex and maybe a dinner date. It had been a while, to put it mildly, since he had been out on any kind of a date or had sex that wasn’t with his own right hand, so he was a little eager for the re-igniting.

It was, as it turned out, a complete waste of a perfectly good Saturday night. The Shaun whom Nick had dated in college was a funny, engaging, smart kind of a guy. The Shaun he had met in the bar had seemed a little off, but Nick had figured it was just the strangeness of suddenly seeing each other again, or a perception created by the loud music and the close atmosphere, or perhaps a bit of both.

The Shaun who turned up on Saturday night was still smart, but the funny and engaging parts seemed to have fallen by the wayside. His hair was short, he talked seriously about politics and the real estate market, and then he mentioned that he had a wife and Nick decided to leave. They had hugged after he’d made his excuses, and it was weird. A little because Shaun was, in a way, hotter than ever, but Nick was less attracted to him personally.

The apartment was empty when he got home; Robyn was spending the night at Toad’s. Nick heated a pizza pocket in the microwave and changed channels until he found a horror movie marathon, trying to ignore the pervasive thought If I don’t get laid really fucking soon, I am going to punch something. He chalked this up to another near-miss in a long line of near-misses, though this opportunity had at least got to the drinks stage before belly flopping, and ripped the pizza apart with his teeth.

He ended up falling asleep on the couch at three in the morning, reluctant to go to bed because he’d only jerk off, and lately that was starting to depress him. At least, he thought sleepily, he hadn’t got to the picking random strangers up stage yet; though he could take Shaun as a warning sign, since he’d changed so much he may as well have been a stranger.

He woke up on Sunday morning, shivering and still on the couch. Then he remembered that the next day was Monday, and that it would hold a staff meeting he had an ominous feeling about. So he stumbled into his bed and buried himself under the covers as though, if he snuggled down far enough, he could shut out the world and either Monday wouldn’t come, or he would somehow magically not feel like yanking chunks out of the wall just for something to do that wasn’t entirely depressing.

* * *

Kim was running a bath when the phone rang. She wedged it between her shoulder and ear, adding another few clusters of salts to the water. “Hello?”

“Oh hi, good, you’re in. Listen, are you free tonight?” Robyn’s voice sounded harangued.

“I was just about to take a bath, but yeah.” Kim waited.

Robyn sighed. “Can I come over? I mean, if you want time with Brit, that’s cool, it’s just –”

“It’s okay, she’s at work. Nick still being a total bitch?” She turned the tap off.

“Total bitch,” Robyn confirmed.

“Of course you can come over, sweetie.” Kim dropped her robe. “How about in an hour?”

“You are a lifesaver, thank you so much,” Robyn sighed.

“Please,” Kim waved her hand as if Robyn could see it. “Like I’d pass up hanging out. Bring some wine, I have ice cream.”

“Oh God, I love you so much. I’ll see you in an hour, okay?”

”See you then.” She put the phone back in its holder and petted the cat’s head as she passed. She firmly closed the door (that cat had a habit of getting it open and trying to take a bath with you, and Tyson may not mind it but she definitely did) and sank into the hot, bubbly water.

Her hair was almost dry when the doorbell rang and Robyn held aloft three bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon. “They’re Nick’s, but he offered. I think he felt bad about the fight today.”

“What was it about?” Kim led her into the kitchen, to put two of the bottles in the rack and find a corkscrew for the third.

“Well, it started about the staff meeting tomorrow, I think he’s worried what the principal might say about some of the new things the school’s implementing,” Robyn said, fast, her Oklahoma accent thicker than ever. She really must be upset, Kim thought, opening the wine. “But then I don’t even know what happened, but we ended up fighting about wet towels. I mean,” her eyes opened wide and bewildered, “you’d think having your gay boyfriend for a roomie would be fun.”

Kim rolled her eyes. “Yeah,” she said, “it’s not all the time.”

“I know, right? Nick’s normally fine, he just. He seriously fucking needs to get laid.” Robyn let out an exasperated sigh, gratefully taking the glass of wine Kim offered her. “I don’t care, goddammit, he needs some serious ass for his dick.”

“Jesus, it really is bad.” Robyn almost never talked about sex without euphemisms and vague hand gestures. She still blushed sometimes.

“Kim, he hasn’t had sex in two years. Two years. I should know, he keeps stealing the hot water bottle. I mean, he lets me have it back, y’know, when I need it. But it’s practically his teddy bear now.”

“Well, you did get a fuzzy bear cover for it,” Kim reminded her. She led her gently to the living room, armed with the wine bottle, a large tub of ice cream and two spoons.

“Yes, okay, but that’s not the point. He’s just – he’s so fucking picky, you know? And he doesn’t do casual sex, he has to have a boyfriend for it, and there’s no one we know who’s gay and interested.” She folded in on herself as she sank onto the couch.

Kim cracked open the ice cream and handed Robyn a spoon. “I have the opposite problem,” she sighed.

“Ty still in Arizona on that shoot?” Robyn asked around a mouthful of Ben & Jerry’s.

“Yeah. At least it’s quiet around here. But oh my God he just will not stop bringing all these boys home. I can hardly move in my own kitchen for barely-legal boythings, I swear. Is it too much to ask, for me to walk around naked in my own home when I’ve just got up? But oh no, Tyson’s latest conquest from the night before is in there, making coffee and doe eyes.”

Robyn giggled. “Boythings?”

“If you’d met them, you’d know what I mean. There really is no other word for them, Rob, I swear to you.” She swallowed a mouthful of wine, savouring the taste. “This is really good, wow.”

“Nick’s,” Robyn repeated. “I mean, this is the guy who’s saving up so he can go to France on a wine-tasting tour.”

“Ty’s got a shoot in France in a few months,” Kim said, scooping up a spoonful of ice cream. “He’s got this movie here first, though. And I don’t think it’ll be wines he’ll be doing a tasting tour of.”

“Kim!” Robyn giggled into her wine glass. Then she sobered and said, “He’s really doing well now, isn’t he?”

Kim looked around at the room, not entirely aware she was doing it. “Yeah,” she said, and she was smiling softly.

“You don’t mind?” Robyn spoke as if stepping through verbal land mines. “I mean, I’m sure you’ll get more parts soon, it’s just a lull –”

“It’s okay, Rob. And no, I don’t mind. I’m proud of my boy,” Kim said. “He keeps saying he’ll put a word in for me, that every casting director he blows will know my name. And he does blow a lot of them, so there’s hope for me yet.”

“It really bothers you, doesn’t it?” Robyn was watching her with sympathetic eyes.

Kim sighed. “You know, guys look at him and they think here’s this model I can screw. He needs a guy who’ll look at him and say here’s Tyson, this man I like.”

Robyn tilted her head. “Did he say that?”

“No.” Kim dug her spoon into the ice cream again.

“But you think maybe he’s looking for someone?” Robyn pressed.

Kim laughed. “To be honest? No. I’m just sick of all his boythings. If he just had a fucking boyfriend, maybe he wouldn’t be so obnoxious.”

Robyn snorted. “I could say the same about Nick. I remember when he was with Mike, he was so happy and mellow. Now he’s wound all tight with the new school shit, and sexual frustration.” She enunciated every syllable of the last two words. Kim giggled, and then she stopped, and laughed. It sounded sudden, louder than she’d meant it. Robyn jumped.

“Sorry.” Kim tried to cover her mouth, but the giggles didn’t stop. “Sorry. I just thought – we should totally set Nick and Tyson up.”

Robyn laughed too, then. “Have they ever even met?”

Kim thought about it, trying to suppress the bubbles of laughter still emerging from her chest. “Um, no, I don’t think so. No – remember, Nick was too sick to come to my birthday party last year, and Ty was working the year before that – no, yeah, they haven’t met.”

“They would drive each other crazy,” Robyn pointed out. She looked around the room. “Nick’s a neat freak. Tyson’s – well, he’s Tyson.”

Kim laughed harder. “Oh God, they’d kill each other in a week. We can’t do it, it’s just too cruel.”

There was a pause for a few seconds, as they both tried to get their laughter under control, avoiding each other’s eyes. Then Kim looked over at Robyn, and Robyn looked back, and they burst out laughing again. “We have to,” Robyn gasped.

“They’d hate us!” Kim pointed out. “Tyson doesn’t date.”

“Nick’s really picky,” Robyn agreed. “They’d hate each other so much, oh God, it’s too bad. We can’t.”

They looked at each other and chorused, “But we must.”

When Kim could breathe again, she said, “Come on, Rob, they’ve given us so much shit, they’ve been so obnoxious, we have to pay them back.”

“Okay.” Robyn’s voice was muffled; she was holding her hands over her mouth, as if she could contain the laughter in them. They were starting to calm down now, laughs turning to half-swallowed giggles. “Okay, yes, let’s do it.”

“When is Nick free? Ty gets back tomorrow, and it had better be some time this week, really, I think the movie starts a week on Tuesday.”

“Hmm. How about this Thursday? I’m pretty sure Nick’s free then.”

“Yeah, Ty’s free then too,” Kim said, stretching out to see the wall chart in the hall where they kept their schedules and whose turn it was to feed the cat. This had become a necessity after two weeks, three fights and one rather annoyed kitten. “Thursday. It’s a date.”

“We should book it for them – where?” Robyn popped another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. She was curled up in the cushions, her hair falling over her eyes, and Kim was reminded of why she had somewhat of a crush on her.

“How about the Thai place that just opened? I went there with Brit last night, it’s really nice. Perfect first date place, just enough lighting and some good food.”

“Thai’s Nick’s favourite, that’s perfect,” Robyn beamed. “Do you have the number?”

Kim hunted around on the coffee table, under magazines and books and slips of paper and a few parking tickets. “Aha! Here it is.”

Just as she was trying to remember where the phone was, the front door opened and closed and Brittany called out, “I’m home!”

“Honey, do you remember where the phone is?” Kim called back.

“It’s … out here, babe,” Brittany answered. She appeared in the doorway, holding the phone, her coat half off and the black-and-white hostess uniform beneath perking at them brightly. “Oh hi, Rob.”

“Hey Brit.” Robyn had curled up even further into the couch and smiled from her nest of cushions. Kim shot Brittany a look that said She’s so cute, Brit, and Brittany shot one back that said, She really is. She is also very straight and very dating Kevin. Kim’s eyes answered, I know, I know. “We’re being evil and sneaky.” Robyn sipped her wine again and giggled.

Brittany handed the phone to Kim and returned to taking her coat off. “Oh?” she asked, coming back into the room and accepting the glass Kim pressed into her hand. She sipped. “Oh wow, this is the good shit.”

“It’s Nick’s,” Kim and Robyn said in unison. Brittany laughed.

“So what are your evil and sneaky plans?” She settled on the couch, sitting half in Kim’s lap, looping one arm around her waist. “I’ve told you, no taking over the world after ten pm.”

Kim giggled. “We’re going to set Tyson up with Nick.”

Brittany’s eyebrows shot into her hairline. “What did they ever do to you?” she asked, a dramatic gasp. Kim and Robyn laughed.

“Brought endless boys home,” Kim said.

“Picked fights just because he’s a whiney undersexed bitch,” Robyn added.

“Stole all the hot water and my bubble bath,” Kim pointed out.

“Oh my God, Nick does that too,” Robyn exclaimed.

Brittany considered the arguments. “Yeah, you’re right. They totally deserve payback for that.”

“They’re going on a date on Thursday,” Kim told her. “That Thai place we went to last night. I was just about to book it.”

“You are cruel and unusual, but I like it,” Brittany murmured, leaning over to kiss the skin just behind Kim’s ear. “I’m going for a shower. I feel unclean after tonight.”

“Your boss still being a slimeball, huh?” Kim rubbed circles on her back, gentle touch. Brittany nodded.

“You really need to report him or complain or something,” Robyn said, offering her the ice cream tub. Brittany shook her head.

“Rob, I’m his personal assistant. I have no one to complain to. And I really need this job. Even if it does mean serving his vacuous guests their test tubes of champagne and genteel lines of coke. That’s what he said to me – make them genteel, my dear, genteel. So you’d want to lick them up with a spoon.” She rolled her eyes. “I cut them thin, he didn’t tell me to change it so I must have done okay. Ugh, Hollywood parties.” She shuddered. “Oh, and four of Tyson’s boythings were there. Unfortunately, they recognised me. Good in that the boss thinks I’m more well-known than I am, but all but one of them said they’d tried the numbers Tyson gave them and ended up with a pizza place, a laundromat and a phone box in Sacramento. I had to tell them I couldn’t remember his number just to get them off my back.”

“See, he totally deserves to be set up with a bitchy queen,” Kim said, still rubbing soothing gentle circles.

“Nick’s not a bitchy queen all the time,” Robyn pointed out. “Just, y’know, when he hasn’t been laid since the dawn of time.”

“Hell, I was a bitchy queen when I hadn’t been laid since the dawn of time,” Brittany admitted. “But who knows, maybe they’ll like each other, maybe they’ll have sex, and then Nick will have gotten laid and Tyson will have another notch in that bedpost of his.”

Kim laughed. “Remember when we gave him an actual bedpost and a penknife?”

“I don’t think he got the hint,” Brittany grinned. “Is there any of it left?”

“Bits,” Kim nodded. “He’s running out of room to carve.”

Robyn giggled. “You two,” she said, fond. Kim leaned further against Brittany, almost feeling herself glow. “I’d better get home, I guess,” Robyn sighed, draining her glass. “Keep the other bottles,” she added. “I’m sure Nick won’t mind.”

“If he does, tell him we’re wooing Tyson for him with them,” Brittany suggested.

Robyn unfolded herself from the couch. “Thanks for the ice cream, Kim.”

“Any time, you know that.” Kim leaned over and gave her a one-and-a-half-arm hug. “I’ll call and book the restaurant – shall we say nine o’clock?”

“Nine’s good. Okay. Time to go home and tell Nick about his date. This should be … interesting.”

After the door had closed behind Robyn, Kim turned to Brittany. “You want that shower now?” she murmured, kissing along Brittany’s shoulder.

“Mmm, want to scrub my back?” Brittany asked, catching Kim’s mouth with her own. They kissed as Kim hummed her acquiescence.

* * *

Nick had started to feel bad for snapping as Robyn was getting ready to go over to Kim’s, so he insisted she take three bottles of his favourite Sauvignon, as a peace offering. When she’d gone, he collapsed onto the couch cushions and couldn’t decide what DVD he was in the mood for, so he ended up just watching his TiVo’d episodes of American Idol and mentally counting up the ingredients he had left in the kitchen. He felt like baking; Robyn would hopefully be less pissed at him when she got back, and if he started on a batch of muffins soon, they’d be ready for breakfast the next morning so Rob would have to forgive him for picking stupid fights. He’d been doing that a lot lately, so he decided to play around with honey in the recipe for half the batch. He had a feeling it would make the muffins just the right kind of sticky-sweet, and he knew Robyn was a sucker for that sort of texture.

He was whisking vigorously when he heard the front door open. “Rob?” he called, watching the consistency of the batter.

“Yeah,” came her voice from the closet. Her head appeared around the kitchen door a few seconds later. “What – Nick, what are you doing?”

“Baking. If I get these in the oven soon we’ll have muffins tomorrow morning.” He gestured to the bowl in his hands.

“You’re in a better mood,” Robyn observed.

Nick shifted, eyes dropping back to the batter. He didn’t trust the electric whisk with this recipe, not since The Great Blueberry Disaster of ’06. “Yeah, uh. Sorry about before, I was just – I don’t know.”

“Nick,” she said, coming into the room and standing in front of him with her hands on her hips, “you’ve made six batches of cookies in two weeks, and now muffins, and you only bake when you feel guilty. You’re being a total bitch.”

Nick dropped the bowl on the counter. “Right, this is coming from the girl who left lipstick all over my wooden spoons.”

“You asked me to taste things. I was wearing lipstick. You know what, no, you are not going to turn this into another fight, goddammit. You need to get fucking laid, Nickolas Don Wheeler.”

Nick blinked. Fights, he was prepared for. Declarations of his deeply unlaid status, which he really didn’t need reminding of, he was not. “What the fuck?” he sputtered.

Robyn held a hand up. “No arguments, Nick. I know a guy, he’s free on Thursday night. You two could go for Thai, there’s this really nice new place. Have some fun. Have some fucking sex for once.”

Nick wrinkled his nose. “Are you seriously pimping me out?” he asked, incredulous. “A blind date? Sex with some guy I don’t even know? No thank you.”

Robyn took a deep breath. Nick was starting to get the feeling she was reaching the point at which he should just give up and back down. “Look. Nickolas. There’s this guy, a friend of a friend, I’ve met him. He’s really nice. What’s the harm in going on one date, just having dinner? You don’t have to sleep with him,” she added, as though it were an effort to say. “Just eat some Thai food and talk to this guy, okay? Please? For me?”

Nick sighed. “Who is he?” he asked, and quickly added, “That’s not a yes.”

Robyn rolled her eyes. “He’s Kim’s roommate.”

“What – the model?” Nick blinked. “You want to set me up with a model?”

“He’s not – he’s not some dumb Hollywood bimbo, I swear,” Robyn sighed, exasperated. “He’s really nice, and funny, and kind, and sweet, and kinda goofy.”

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re serious about this.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. Just give it a try, okay? Look – oh! Wait there a minute!” She bolted out of the kitchen and Nick heard her doing something in her room, maybe looking for something. There was a few moments’ pause, and then, “Aha!” She came back in, holding a magazine out. “There, see, that’s Tyson.”

Nick looked down at the pages in her hands. It was a double-page spread for an aftershave advertisement, and Robyn was pointing to a man with finely-cut cheekbones and crystal-clear blue eyes. Nick gaped. “You … seriously, you’re setting me up with him? But I’m – I’m a fucking high school teacher, Rob, he’s not going to – seriously, Rob, the fuck?”

Robyn made a dismissive hand gesture. “Don’t sell yourself short, Nick, you’re way hot. And I bet you’ll have a lot in common with him.”

Nick goggled. He couldn’t help it. “Like what?”

“Um.” Robyn thought for a minute, and at last she said, “Well, you know Kim, right?”

“I … I guess so, yeah,” Nick shrugged.

“And Tyson knows me. So there, already, you’ve got us in common.”

Nick just stared at her. “There’ll be good Thai food?” he said, at last. Robyn nodded. Nick sighed, “Fine. I’ll go on the date. But it had better be good Thai food, okay? It had better be.”

“You have flour on your nose,” was all Robyn said, and she left the room before he opened his mouth to reply.

When Nick woke up the next morning, the sun was shining, the sky was a clear and arching blue over the smog, and it was another beautiful day in Southern California. Nick stretched out in the bed like a starfish and muttered to himself, “I don’t need a man, I have me. I have space in my bed, my best friend’s my roommate, I love my job. I don’t need a man, I have me.” The mantra was really starting to get stale by now, and Nick had the feeling that if he didn’t stop snapping at Robyn and picking fights, he wouldn’t have a best friend for much longer. His eyes wandered over to the magazine, which he’d tossed onto the bedside cabinet. Tyson’s clearclear blue eyes smouldered back at him. “You’d never want to have sex with me,” Nick told the pages. “You’re a fucking model. I teach kids to play guitar.” He closed his eyes. “Robyn’s delusional.”

Tyson just continued to smoulder quietly at him. Nick reached over and closed the magazine. A perky airbrushed blonde smiled at him from the cover, informing him that his hair could look twelve times better in only two weeks. (He’d already tried the article’s instructions, and while it was true his hair did look better, it had started going limp after a month and he’d switched back to his favourite conditioner because Antonio had given it to him and it worked wonders. Robyn had bought him a year’s supply for his last birthday, and since the birthday before she’d given him the appointment with Antonio and a facial, his fantastic hair was really down to her.)

He heard muffled sounds coming from the kitchen and figured she must be up, so he stuck his head round the door and said, “Hey, I’m going for a shower. You need the bathroom?”

Robyn shook her head. She was already dressed, and holding a half-eaten muffin wrapped in a napkin up to her mouth. “Oh God Nick,” she said, and it was half a moan. “What did you put in these muffins, they are so good.”

Nick concluded that it officially had been seriously way too long since he’d gotten laid, because her moaning was starting to stir something at the base of his spine. He shifted against the doorframe for a moment and then went over to put his arm around her shoulders. “My secret. And I’m sorry about how I’ve been lately, really I am. I guess I just need to, I don’t know.”

“Get laid? Not be such a whiney little bitch all the time?” Robyn suggested, watching him shrewdly.

He glared. “Relax some more,” he corrected, but Robyn grinned around her mouthful of muffin.

“That’s what I said,” she teased. Nick looked at her imploringly, and she relented. “You should come to yoga class tonight. It’s really relaxing, and I know, okay, I do remember that Mike left you for your yoga teacher, but you – I mean, you’re over that now, right?”

“Yeah,” Nick answered, and he was. “Yeah, okay. I kinda miss yoga, y’know?”

“Good. Brit’ll be there this week, for once she has a night off, so she can tell you about Tyson.” When Nick groaned in exasperation, she added, “You are still going on that date, right?”

“I guess,” Nick sighed. “Okay. Maybe. Yeah, alright.”

Robyn shook her head. “You’re going. Now go grab a shower or we’ll be late.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Nick saluted and headed to the bathroom.

They were, in fact, a few minutes early and when they got to the faculty room Nick handed the box of muffins to Robyn and said, “Go take some to Toad,” with a wink. She just grinned and headed over to where Toad was pouring himself some coffee.

Nick dropped into a chair beside John. “Rough weekend?” John asked. Nick shrugged and held out one hand, tipping it this way and that to indicate eh, so-so. “I took my nephew to the park,” John continued. “Remember how he was obsessed with his GI Joe and wouldn’t put it down?” Nick nodded. “Turns out he’s moved onto Sindy. He says he likes dressing her up. Richard said they should move out of LA before he starts saying he wants to be a casting agent or something.”

Nick laughed. “Does he still want to be a fireman?”

“Yeah, you should see the way his eyes light up when the trucks go past.”

“Dude, that’s impressive. It’s been fireman since he was two, right?” John nodded, and Nick continued, “Three consecutive years, for a kid as young as Alden? That’s awesome.”

“He’s got his mom’s focus,” John grinned, but before either of them could say anything else Jeff sat down on Nick’s other side and the principal came in and clapped his hands in the officious way that meant Settle down and hear me speak. Nick smiled at Jeff in greeting and sat back, sipping the enormous cup of coffee he and Robyn had stopped at Starbucks for. (The school coffee left a lot to be desired.)

“Good morning, I hope you all had good weekends,” Principal Linton began. “Don’t forget the meeting this afternoon after last period, I want you all to be there. Now, everybody have a good Monday.”

* * *

When Kim finally got home from work that night, the world was still slightly tilted wrongly. Brittany was at yoga and Tyson’s suitcases were strewn over his bedroom floor so she figured it must be him in the bathroom. She knocked on the door and called, “How long are you going to be in there?”

“Another ten minutes,” Tyson’s voice echoed, the sound of water sloshing as an undertone. “And hi, I missed you too.”

Kim rolled her eyes. “You know I love you, dumbass,” she called, and added, “I’m gonna go feed the cat.”

“Okay.” Tyson sloshed around in the bath again, and Mr Whiskers (she had tried to call him Napoleon, but Tyson had called him Mr Whiskers all the time when he was a kitten and it had somehow stuck) rubbed against her ankles, so she led him into the kitchen.

When Tyson emerged, drying his hair with a towel that looked new, he reached over for a hug. “How’s my girl been?” he asked, kissing her forehead affectionately. Kim managed to smile at him.

“Oh, you know,” she evaded. “How was the shoot?”

“It was … Arizona.” Tyson shrugged, carelessly. “Kim, promise me you won’t ever have sex on a dune in the desert. I’m still washing the sand out.”

Kim rolled her eyes. “Didn’t you at least put a blanket down?”

“Yes, but sand has magical properties and can find its way through the thickest of blankets,” Tyson informed her, grandly. “Besides,” he admitted, “Marco was really vigorous.”

“Marco? The camera guy you told me was cute?”

Tyson nodded and leaned closer to stage whisper, “The boy is excellent at head,” with a wink. Kim just laughed.

“By the way, Ty, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” Tyson grabbed a Pop Tart out of the box on the counter and started eating it cold.

The longer she evaded his eyes the better, so she watched Mr Whiskers attacking his food. “Yeah, see – I know this guy, and I think you two would hit it off, and well. He’s single, you’re single, I thought, why don’t you go on a date with him?”

Tyson almost choked on his mouthful. Once he’d managed to swallow without hazard, he started laughing. And laughing. And laughing.

“I’m serious,” Kim told him, resolutely not letting the corners of her mouth twitch up. She folded her arms. “I’ve booked a table at that Thai place I told you about, for Thursday night.”

“But,” Tyson said, laughter stopping abruptly as he saw the look on her face, “but Kim, I don’t date. I get laid.”

“You’re going on this date,” Kim said, her voice firm. She felt obstinate and she didn’t care.

“Fuck off, I don’t date.” Tyson shook his head and took another bite of his Pop Tart. Crumbs sprayed a little as he said, “With dating comes all that relationship shit, and I don’t do that. You know I don’t do that.”

“For fuck’s sake, Ty, it’s one date. Just have fucking dinner with this guy, that’s all I ask. Just see if you might like him.”

Tyson put his Pop Tart down and placed both hands on Kim’s shoulders. He looked at her hard, and said, “Is this just because you don’t like me screwing around?”

Kim looked back at him for a minute. “Yes. Okay? I just, come on, Ty! It’s not even that I don’t like you screwing around, I just don’t like tripping over the boys in the morning when I am trying to wake up. You know? It’s like a home invasion every day of the week.” She leaned against the counter, avoiding his eyes again. “What’s the harm in it, Ty, just going for dinner? Have some good food, talk to Nick, see if you hit it off.”

“Wait, wait, Nick? Robyn’s Nick?” Tyson blinked. “You want to set me up with someone you know?”

Kim stared at him with one raised eyebrow. “And which part of ‘I know a guy’ tipped you off to that, hmm?”

“Yeah, but – I mean, this is – I like Robyn. I don’t want to sleep with her roommate, Kim, come on. That makes it – no way, dude. I have boundaries.”

“Your boundaries are fucked up.” Kim felt as if she were hearing someone else, though it was her voice. “Tyson, you’re twenty-three now. How long are you going to keep screwing every kid in Hollywood? How much longer, seriously, are you going to keep on thinking of sex as not with another person? That’s why you don’t want to go on this date, isn’t it? If it’s a friend of Robyn’s, that makes him a person, and you like to forget that so you can toss them aside with no thought to the consequences.” She was breathing hard by this point, surprised when she realised her hands had balled into fists and Tyson had taken a step back.

“Woah. Woah. Is that really what you think? What the fuck, are you okay?” Tyson was watching her as though she were a tiger held to the wall by a thin chain that was threatening to break. The thought made her want to punch something. So she turned, balled up her fist, and slammed it into the fridge door. The magnets on it rattled.

There was silence for a minute, as she got her breathing back under control. “Sorry. Sorry, I just – sorry.” She sagged, and sank to the floor. Tyson looked far too tall from that vantage point, until he came over and sat next to her, pulling her onto his shoulder. She buried her face there and realised it was wet. She squeezed her eyes shut and whispered, “I got fired today.” The words felt like relief, whooshing out of her mouth.

“Fuck, honey, I’m so sorry. What happened?” Tyson smoothed her hair down off her forehead and Kim curled into his side.

“One of the other girls,” she sniffed, “stole four hundred dollars from the cash register. She blamed me. So I got fired.”

“What the fuck?” Tyson exploded. “That is fucking insane, no way – come on, we’re going back there, there is no way you’d steal that money, they have to believe us –”

Kim put a hand up to silence him. “They do believe me,” she sighed, “even though she planted the money in my locker. They know me there, Frank said he knew I’d never steal it. But it’s a serious accusation and they had to let me go. They fired the girl who stole it too. Frank said he’d give me a good reference.”

Tyson was still quivering with anger. “But – but they can’t do that –”

“They can. It’s okay, I’ll find another job.” She didn’t add, Even though it took me for-fucking-ever to find this one, and every wannabe starlet in the city will be needing the same job as me. We're all waitresses in this town.

“Hey, and this gives you more time for auditions, right? Get your career back on the upswing,” Tyson jostled, making the switch from indignation to cajoling, though Kim could tell he was still angry.

A laugh escaped her throat, and it was surprisingly bitter. “I don’t even know if I want that career any more.”

Tyson looked startled. “Really?”

“I don’t,” Kim started. “I don’t know,” she whispered, her voice tight. She could feel more tears prickling at the backs of her eyelids. “I don’t think I know what I want. I don’t – Ty, I don’t know what’s got into me tonight. I’m sorry, I – I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t think you don’t see your boythings as people, I didn’t mean it –”

“Hey, hey, shh, it’s okay.” Tyson rested his cheek on her head and stroked his fingers through her hair. “And for the record, you know I do. I like every one of them. I’m sorry if it bothers you that there’s so many, I just –”

“I know. You’re having fun.” Kim gave him a weak smile.

Tyson shrugged. “They get bored of me. I get bored of them, too, they’re only really interested in the sex. But so am I, so it works out okay.” He smiled at her, toothily, and she let go an explosive giggle that might have been a sob, were it not for the way he was hugging her.

“Will you go on the date?” she asked, sniffing.

“Will you talk to me about what’s wrong?” he countered.

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll go on the date, then. But it won’t work out, you know it won’t.”

Kim laughed again, half-heartedly. “Yeah, I know.”



[cont.]

Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link