Fic: Dr Seuss does Torchwood
Title: Dr Seuss does Torchwood Author: Kei Pairing: Jack/Ianto Rating: PG Notes: Set at the start of season two, but presuming no previous Jack/Ianto relationship. Dub-con?
Is Jack back? Is Jack back? Back is Jack
Oh Jack is back! Oh Jack is back! How good it is That Jack is back!
Will you have me in the sack?
Though I am glad you're back, sir Jack I will not have you in the sack.
Would you shag me here or there?
I would not shag you here or there. I would not shag you anywhere. I will not have you in the sack. I do not like you that way, Jack!
Would you shag me in the Hub? Would you shag me on a rug?
I would not shag you in the Hub. I would not shag you on a rug. I would not shag you here or there. I would not shag you anywhere. I will not have you in the sack. I do not like you that way, Jack!
Would you shag me in your suit? Would you shag me and salute?
Not in my suit. Not and salute. Not in the Hub. Not on a rug. I would not shag you here or there. I would not shag you anywhere. Though I am happy that you're back, I do not like you that way, Jack!
Would you? Could you? In the car? Shag me! Shag me! I'm a star!
I would not, could not, in the car.
You may like it. You will see. You may like it on the quay!
I would not, could not, on the quay. Not in a car! You let me be.
I will not shag you in my suit. I will not shag you and salute. I will not shag you in the Hub. I will not shag you on a rug. I will not shag you here or there. I will not shag you anywhere. I will not have you in the sack. I do not like you that way, Jack.
The cells, the cells! The cells, the cells! Could you, would you, in the cells?
Not in the cells! Not on the quay! Not in the car! Jack! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in my suit. I could not, would not, and salute. I will not shag you in the Hub. I will not shag you on a rug. I will not shag you here or there. I will not shag you anywhere. I will not have you in the sack. I do not like you that way, Jack!
Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark?
I would not, could not, in the dark.
Would you, could you, come with bells?
I would not, could not, come with bells. Not in the dark. Not in the cells. Not in the car. Not on the quay. I do not like men, Jack, you see. Not in the Hub. Not in my suit. Not on the rug. Not a salute. I will not shag you here or there. I will not shag you anywhere!
You do not want me in the sack?
Not even though you're back now, Jack.
Could you, would you on the lift?
I would not, could not, on the lift?
Would you, could you, with the Rift?
I could not, would not, with the Rift. I will not, will not, on the lift. I will not shag you in the cells. I will not even come with bells. Not in the dark! Not on the quay! Not in the car! You let me be! I will not shag you in my suit. I will not shag you and salute. I will not shag you in the Hub. I will not shag you on the rug. I will not shag you here or there. I will not shag you ANYWHERE!
I will not have you in the sack.
I do not like you that way Jack.
You do not like me. So you say. Try me! Try me! And you may. Try me and you may, I say.
Jack! If you will let me be, I will try it. You will see.
Say! I like to get into the sack! I do! I like you that way Jack! I would shag you on the lift. I would do it with the Rift.
I will shag you in the cells. And in the dark. And come with bells. And in the car. And on the quay. You are so good, so good, you see!
So I will shag you in my suit. And I will shag you and salute. I will shag you in the Hub. I will shag you on a rug. I will shag you here or there. Say! I will shag you ANYWHERE!
I do so like you in the sack! Thank you! Thank you, Jack is back!