Валерий is creeping on your memories (tipofthetongue) wrote in invol_rpg, @ 2012-11-12 16:44:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | ! log, ! narrative, ! plot: horror, sadie thompson, valya zhiglov, ~ horror: ivi |
WHO: Valery Zhiglov [Poland] and Sadie Thompson [USA]
WHAT: Feeling exhausted and desperate as they wait (hope) for siblings to wake up.
WHEN: Sunday night - early Monday morning
WHERE: IVI - with the sleeping students
WARNINGS: None.
STATUS: COMPLETE
“Enlighten his eyes, O Christ God, lest at any time he sleep unto death, lest at any time his enemy say: I have prevailed against him.” Valya’s words were a low rumble of Russian, a prayer mantra he had been repeating since staff at IVI had told him Alyosha was one of the students in a prolonged state of dreaming. His brother, the dreamer. That had always been true - Alyosha’s imagination painted a broad canvas. His pictures and stories had left Valya snorting dismissively before they’d discovered they were evolved, and after-- After, they had helped shape the promise of a more prosperous future. IVI had stalled their plans, of course, but Valya had never felt so overwhelmingly threatened until now. He lifted his bowed head, deep blue eyes studying his brother’s face. Alyosha was so still. Valya found no pleasure in Alyosha’s peace, not the way he used to, before waking his brother up in some inane fashion just to instigate irritation like older siblings were meant to. He was not meant to be praying over the sleeping body of his brother. Alyosha wasn’t able to say the prayers before sleep, so Valya said them for him, and hoped they were being heard, if not answered. “Into Thy hands, O Lord Jesus Christ my God, is my brother’s spirit. Do Thou bless him, do Thou have mercy on him, and grant him life eternal. Amen.” He stood up, making the sign of the cross from the head to the foot of the bed. When he reached the footboard, he made it again, going from side to side. He had just dropped an arm when he bumped into someone. Turning, he spotted Sadie and lifted his brows. “I’m sorry,” he said. Sadie’s brother was affected, too, and although he hadn’t really had a conversation with her about it, he did manage a grim twist of the mouth that nearly resembled a smile. It wasn’t exactly something you wanted to have in common with another person. “I didn’t see you.” “It’s okay,” Sadie said automatically, rubbing at her arm absently. In her sleep-deprived state she hadn’t really registered that she was standing in an inconvenient location, that she was right in Valya’s path and should probably move. Instead, she’d just stopped and watched, touched by the older boy’s devotion, guilty that she herself was not as vigilant in her prayers as she should be. Teresa had helped, but mostly Sadie sat and fretted and remembered, cycling through everything she felt towards Sam like a bad, exhausting record. “This sucks, huh?” she said, feeling somewhat stupid as soon as she said it. Then again, she always did tend to lose her tongue a bit around Alyosha. If she weren’t so preoccupied with daily living at IVI - and trying desperately to keep up with daily life back home in Maine - she might be able to admit she had a tiny smidgen of a crush on him. But no, outside of “surprise” dates set up by her roommate, romance was not on her mind. Especially not now. Still, that didn’t stop the lump in her throat forming when she looked over Valya’s brother, though how much of that was for Aleksei and how much was for her own brother, it was impossible to say. Valya nodded. “It’s shitty,” he agreed, utilizing the English word he found most applicable to unpleasant situations. “To have no clue about what is going on -- only the potential outcome, it’s...” He shook his head and exhaled on a sigh, clearly frustrated. He had tried to read Alyosha’s memories, of course, but any sort of clue pertaining to what Alyosha was experiencing was unreachable. To be further removed from his brother in that way had only increased Valya’s anxiety. It had been out of his hands since the beginning, and out of IVI’s clearly incompetent and negligent hands, but the realization that whatever the sleeping students were experiencing depended on George Cooper and fate concerned him deeply. It was why he had started praying. The lack of control drove him to appeal to the only source of help he had left. It was a small part for him to play, but an entirely necessary one. “We are family,” he said, finally. “It isn’t right that we can’t do more.” Sadie nodded, feeling even smaller in her oversized man’s army jacket than she already was. Her gaze drifted from Alyosha back to her own brother, further down the aisle of beds, before flickering back up to Valery. The Zhiglov brothers seemed really close - not like Sam and her. Well, not in the same way. Whatever the differences in their relationship, family was family, she reasoned, and let that line of thinking fall away. She didn’t want to get knotted up in comparisons in addition to all the anger and guilt and grief and fear coursing through her. So she let that go with a long, heavy sigh. “I wish...” she started, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, one at a time, “...well, it’s awful, but I keep hoping that maybe I’ll get pulled in, too. At least then I could do something, you know? Instead of just sitting and waiting.” He watched her as she spoke, wondering - not unkindly - how much she would really be able to do. Dwarfed in what he could only assume was her brother’s jacket, exhaustion ringing her eyes, Sadie seemed a shadow of her brother’s strength and reserve. But Valya knew how firmly those sorts of shadows stuck, and now, how bleak it was once you were alone. “It isn’t awful,” he told her. “That is, your brother would probably think it is awful, but wanting to do something? Is normal. Waiting for the inevitable is enough to drive a person mad.” He glanced sideways at Alyosha, then returned his gaze to Sadie and shook his head. “At this point, I would rather be a part of someone else’s thoughts than be left with my own.” Or left on his own, he thought, though he didn’t say that aloud. Sadie laughed, short and mirthless, at the truth in his statement. “Yeah, he would.” Sam would probably remind her to count her blessings, note how it was lucky that he got pulled in, not her. (At least she could be counted on not to delve into stupid heroics, though.) As for the rest, she could only nod again. “I know what you mean. Pretty sure I’m driving myself a little crazy,” she added, stretching her lips into a rueful smile. Sadie wasn’t an introverted person by nature, but her own secrets and the sheer foreign-ness of IVI had driven her into herself. It had taken a month or more before she started feeling like herself, and now that all felt undone. Her friends and teammates had helped when and where they could, but more than ever she felt like an island. It was nice, then, to finally connect with another sibling - to have at least one bridge connecting her to something other than herself. Small comforts. One end of Valya’s mouth curled up. He hadn’t meant to imply that Sam was imperious - although he did think that was true - only to give an older brother’s perspective. He was glad she didn’t fault him for it. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. “In that case, you are in good company. But we shouldn’t have to shoulder all the responsibility of driving ourselves crazy. This is an appropriate situation for blame-shifting, no? Our brothers are responsible, IVI is responsible, Cooper is responsible. If it weren’t for them, you and I could be content. I would be reading a book somewhere quiet, and you would be...” He pushed up his brows a fraction of an inch. He really didn’t know much about Sadie at all. “Well,” he finished, gesturing with a hand. “Not here.” “Oh, I’ve totally already yelled at him for that,” Sadie joked, or tried to. It came off a little stilted, and wasn’t helped by her quick addition, “Uh, silently. Silently yelled.” Because that didn’t sound ridiculous. She made a face, scrunched and self-effacing, “Maybe going more than a little crazy.” With that, her attempt at levity deflated as she began to wonder. What would she be doing if it wasn’t for George Cooper? She certainly wouldn’t be content; she never was, so far away from home, so far away from Robbie. And if she lost Sam, her only family here? The now-familiar sense of impending loss washed over her yet again, and everything about her drooped as if she already couldn’t hold herself up. “It’s okay,” he assured her, having snorted in quiet amusement at her expression. “I have tried to shake Alyosha awake using more force than necessary. I thought I would tell the staff here that I was trying to prevent, ah, how you say, bed sores. They never asked, though.” That had been in the beginning. Later, he’d been reduced to muttering in Polish and Russian, alternating between cursing his brother for allowing himself to be manipulated and praying for his safety. He doubted God appreciated the dichotomy, but he had prayed for his own sins, too. It had taken a little while to catch up; there had been more than a few and part of him was worried it wouldn’t make a difference. “And I think we’re allowed to be crazy,” he added. “In-between the anger and sadness. And the guilt.” He sobered a little, deciding he didn’t want to reveal much more about his own feelings than that. A crease had formed between his brows, and it deepened as Sadie sagged in front of him. Whatever humor she’d possessed had suddenly washed away. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. He was not a comforting person by nature, lacking the natural ease his brother had with people. But even as accustomed as he was to faking the motions, he didn’t want to just pat her on the back and make soothing noises. It wasn’t what he wanted for himself, either. His muscles twitched with hesitation before he reached out to her, sliding a hand across the back of her shoulders. He pulled her in for a hug - a tentative, slow-building squeeze - and lowered his voice. “It’s unfair to carry a burden and not be able to share it with your brother, or anyone else. Maybe we can’t divide the pain between us,” he didn’t think they knew each other well enough for that, “but I accept your crazy. We’re a matched set.” He knew Alyosha would think so if he knew Valya had been praying and making the sign of the cross over him while he was sleeping, anyway. Sadie sunk into Valya’s embrace, grateful for the physical contact and grateful for the support. It was a gesture she’d been offered several times over the past few days, and one she appreciated. This was different, though - somehow, this meant more coming from someone who was basically a stranger. “That helps,” she said, quiet and frank. And it did: knowing that she wasn’t entirely alone in this nightmare, knowing that someone else felt the pain as deeply as she did, at least in one aspect. Maybe the comfort wasn’t so small after all; Sadie was used to carrying burdens alone, unable to share even with Sam - or especially with Sam - but all that meant was that she had no more room for this burden. Though she couldn’t divide the pain with Valya, just this moment alone helped to alleviate the load. “Good,” Valya replied. Before he began to release Sadie, several images streamed into his consciousness, pulling him further away from the grim actuality of the sick bay for a moment. The image of a coffin came to him first, draped in an American flag, flanked by men in uniform. It was serious and somber, and he recognized the features on several faces, and then Sam, specifically, before it faded out with the sound of a bugle. His recognition of Sam - or maybe it was Sadie’s own thoughts - brought forward another image. In this one he could hear Sadie, only she wasn’t the defeated, disheartened girl in his arms. She sounded angry, and Sam was there, looking equally furious. “I can't believe you put Johnny in the hospital! you can't just DO that!” she shouted. Valery had no idea who Johnny was, nor was he able to distinguish what, exactly, Sam had done. Curiosity prickled - the separation from his own brother and the conversation with Sadie coaxing him to hang on for the glimpse of another memory. He was rewarded by a brief glimpse of Sam, awkwardly cradling a baby in his arms. It was a tiny thing - a bundle of blankets, really, and Sam had a funny little smile on his face as he held it to his chest. Blinking, Valya pulled back. His gaze looked vaguely distant as he tried to sort the memories out, but he managed a faint smile before glancing down at Sadie. He had questions, but it wasn’t the appropriate time to ask, and really, he didn’t know her well enough to ask. Still, he had the feeling he’d stumbled on a secret that the Thompsons were keeping, and it intrigued him, as many personal memories did. He cleared his throat, eying her military-issued jacket once more. “Are you here for a while?” he asked, indicating Sam - brother, father? - with a tilt of his head. “I will sit with you.” “Yeah,” Sadie replied, shifting away from Valya and shoving her hands in the pockets of her jacket. “I’ll be here all night.” She meant to say it jauntily, like a comedian after telling a groaner of a joke, but didn’t quite succeed. Nevertheless, she pulled off a quick, appreciative smile. “That’d be nice.” |