WHO: James T. Kirk and Leonard H. McCoy. WHERE: Their apartment. WHEN: After Jim sees this. RATING/WARNINGS: PG-13 for swearing and some violence. STATUS: In progress.
McCoy was staring at his computer screen in shock, unable to really process what was going on. Joanna was here. His Joanna, who had died before she'd even turned five. Andorian shingles. A real bitch of a disease if there ever was one, and especially when the patient was a child. Joanna had been a terminal case, there hadn't been a thing he could do for her. He was a doctor, damn it, and there had been nothing he could do for his own daughter. When she died, Jocelyn never forgave him. She never said as much but he could tell. She fell into other lovers, and he fell into the bottom of a bottle he couldn't bring himself to crawl back out of, until finally their life just fractured and he had to get the hell away from the smell of Georgia peaches and the echo of a little girl's laugh ringing through the halls. The divorce probably should have hurt more, even with the fog of alcohol to numb the pain, but he took it as a blessing. Pike had found him, much like he'd found Jim, and had given him a way to escape from his daughter's memory and the shambles his life had become. A way to help people and make up for his colossal failure. And he had done his best to forget about her. Threw himself into the academy and just tried to forget. It wasn't right or healthy, but it was all he could do.
He heard the door to his room open, more of a slam really, and he instinctively knew it was Jim. Jim, who he had told everything but who could never bring himself to tell about this. It was too much, it gave Jim too much of himself, and his best friend already had enough of a hold on him. He knew without a doubt he would follow Jim to the end of the universe, would back him in anything. Hell, he'd probably die for him if he had to. They were closer than brothers. But this...it was too much. There had to be something for himself. Joanna was his.
"Guess I should have told you," he said, keeping his voice carefully even and his back to his captain. He didn't want Jim to see him pale with shock, his hands shaking and his eyes damp with tears he'd be damned if he was going to shed. That was another thing he couldn't give Jim.