the rpg.

13 SEPTEMBER 2008. THE GUARDIAN. Birds of a feather? Why not. Yesterday's taping of The Morning Show was rudely interrupted when a small flock of pigeons burst out of the green room.

Executives and security from the show have no explanation for this shocking event: according to a representative of BBC1, there was no act for yesterday's filming that involved pigeons, "nor would (they) have allowed one of those mangy birds in the studio."

Kent Worthington, chief of security at The Morning Show studio, believes the birds may have been nesting in a vent for a long period, and have been forced out by the recent activation of the heating systems.

"With the weather changing, we've had to turn on the heating," he said. "I reckon whatever birds have been nesting up in those vents, they've had to come out. Hopefully they were the only ones up there."

After emerging from the green room and flying past a shocked intern as she opened the door, the birds proceeded to zigzag down the halls and onto the soundstage, where they then inexplicably began flying into the walls.

"Most of them broke their necks on impact," said policeman Ed Harris, who was near the scene when the call was made. "We can't figure it. None of them even flew for the doors or even the two-way windows. Just right into the walls. We can't figure it out."

Today's broadcast of the show was a repeat of June 21, 2008, prompting calls from a surprised public. The BBC has made no comment on the situation, and is still looking into the origin of the birds and their nest. As of yet, no nesting or evidence of nesting has been found in the green room vents, but security is still combing the system.

7 AUGUST 2008. THE GUARDIAN. A number of unexplained incidents have been reported across central London this week involving the violent and sudden seizures of otherwise healthy individuals.

No previous incidents of epilepsy or seizures have ever been reported by the victims or their families. Says Martha Kensington of Warren Street, "[my brother] was the picture of health. I don't know why or how this happened. I don't even know what happened."

Authorities are slow to respond to questions about the nature of the seizures, and it is unclear at this time whether they are due to a fluke genetic issue or an illness. No victims have presented with anything more serious than slight colds, and there is as of yet no link between them. Detectives investigating the deaths are advising the general public in the surrounding areas to remain calm: no communicable cause or contagion has been identified.

Sky News had earlier reported the first of these incidents, last week, at the Seven Sands grocery, owned by Javad Singh. Victim Keelie Watson reportedly froze near the back of the shop and began shaking violently, speaking in what has been dubiously assessed as Latin and foaming at the mouth. Singh and Keelie's roommate, Nora Harrison, present at the scene, were able to subdue the girl and call for an ambulance, but Watson died en route to the hospital.

Says Harrison, "Keelie is almost never sick. She eats three square meals, never misses lectures, she even attends church every Sunday like clockwork. We just don't understand what could have happened." An autopsy was performed, but results were inconclusive ... [CONT'D PAGE B5: ATTACKS]