Eloise Stamp (stampitout) wrote in immune_ic, @ 2012-01-12 01:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | # 2011 [12] december, # 2012 [01] january, ellie, evan |
WHO: Eloise and Evan.
WHAT: Things are said.
WHERE: Grand Central.
WHEN: January 12th.
RATING: Medium.
STATUS: In progress.
It snowed on the way to Grand Central.
Eloise rode there in the back of a truck that bounced and wheezed in metallic tones all through the dead city.
She'd spent most of the night trying to think of what to say. Of what would mean anything now, of what would be accurate -- but the pressing question seemed to be how it was even possible, could even be expected of her, that she could offer Evan a heart without pulling it out of her chest like an animal. That was where everything seemed to sit, heavy and warm and solid; that's what had made it so hard to breathe last night. She couldn't understand why it hadn't occurred to her until now. After all: it had been there, like a secret growth, for a good amount of time now.
As she'd told Lilah and the others: very silly.
Ellie had never been a person who would give grand speeches or declarations of love, or much of anything else. She knew that. She'd never know what to tell him exactly, and that would be all right -- that was how it was, and how it was going to be. She did know what she wanted, though, both to give and to take; what she felt had no easy name, but it was as straightforward as Ellie herself. She knew she'd never be his family. She'd never be like Olivia. Neither of those things were what she wanted; those pieces of him were special, far removed from her in the same way he would always be a stranger to the person she'd been. She didn't want to be Evan's girlfriend, or anyone's girlfriend really; she just wanted to be his Ell. That was a thing she could give. It would be easy.
Easy as walking through Grand Central to the place Eloise was sure he'd be. It was just as easy to approach him, because of all the things that seemed to pull her across the floor like a magnet in his direction. It turned out that the thing that wasn't easy -- but she'd expected this -- was what to say to him once she'd gotten there.
For a moment Ellie simply looked at him, her eyes dancing. Oh God. She was quivering inexplicably; when she opened her mouth, her voice shook. "E-E-Evan."