Even if it had ended in disaster both times, Brandon still had more experience than Bea. She cut relationships off before they could ever get to the point where real feelings developed. Except this time the damn things had developed before a relationship even started. It wasn’t fucking fair to try and ignore them as legitimate feelings, even if she didn’t know exactly what category they should go into. “Fucking disaster,” she muttered. “Not optimistic odds.” Which probably fit, given that Bea wasn’t all that optimistic.
She was going to ignore the uncomfortable itch between her shoulder blades, a feeling that usually only showed up when she got the urge to escape a conversation. This was shit that needed to be talked about otherwise she was going to be driven crazy eventually. And hell, she’d fuck it up before it even started if she turned tail and ran. “I get your track record fucking sucks,” she told him. “But I’m a big girl, I can handle if you fuck things over and you can handle if I fuck things over.” And for once she’d realized she didn’t want to doom something from the start.
“Don’t they say shit like communication is key or whatever?” she asked out loud then laughed at herself. “Not that I’m saying we have to talk everything out, but if one of us fucks something up, we talk about it.” Easy in theory, and god she felt like a fucking pod person offering up the idea to talk about shit if something went wrong. “It could still fuck things over, but at least neither one of us would be running away form shit.” Bea didn’t run away from things. Well okay, she didn’t run away from most things.
“And I’m not Lexi,” she said more quietly, though she wasn’t sure why. Brandon knew she wasn’t Lexi; there really wasn’t even a comparison to be made between the two.
Now that he’d asked the question she could feel herself chickening out. What if her actions fucked things up from the go? “I’m not going to say yes to any of this until I know if you’re a decent kisser,” she answered, and felt a little stupid after she did. “That’s an important thing to know.” But given the vibe of confusion she’d gotten off of him, maybe she shouldn’t have said anything at all.
She was going to fucking suck at not fucking this up.