"Fair enough." Maybe that hadn't been the best ice breaker, and Toby realized that now, watching as Silas anxiously fussed around with his chair. He knew, right off the bat, that this wasn't Silas' first choice of a place to be. "Just thought you might appreciate something to relax you a little bit more, but I guess you probably won't be relaxed here, huh?" he asked with a chuckle. Therapy wasn't relaxing. Not to people like him.
Scratching a hand through his hair, Toby nodded his head. "Maybe you did make it worse. I'm not exempting you from blame, Silas. I understand that you had to have a hand in it. I do." No, he didn't think the blame was as much on him as Silas himself did, but that was another matter entirely. "But the fact of the matter is—and maybe this is what they're seeing—you recognized it. You tried to fix it before it was too late. And you did." Maybe not completely yet, if his defeated posture and resentment for those who loved him was any indication, but it was a process. And a long one.
How did he explain this? "Sometimes," he started, "people need to give themselves certain life-images to be able to deal with things. They found out that Samson was sabotaging you, which he was," he reminded Silas, to further state that he didn't believe the man was fully to blame, "and latched onto that. They didn't want you to be at fault." So they'd done what they could to ensure that he wasn't, in their minds.
With a nod, he frowned. "And I'm sorry that they can't. But the only way they can fully understand is to be there themselves. I don't think you want that." As a matter of fact, he knew that Silas didn't want that.
He continued. "But the bottom line is, the ones who love you are going to love you the way they love you. You can embrace it, or you can resent it. But if you want to be happy, you might want to consider at least understanding it. You want them to understand you? Try to understand them, too. It's a two way street." There was no bite in his words, just matter-of-factness.
Toby was quiet for a few more moments, then he said, "it's both easy and difficult to understand." He took another drink to brace himself for an angry response, just in case it came. "A lot of people have been where you are. A lot of people have gone through what you have. And, especially now, without the proper tools to get them back on the right track, have succumb completely. But you didn't. You looked it in the face, stared it down, and decided that you wanted to get better. Get back to a you that you like. That takes bravery, whether you believe it or not."
Victim? No. "Not a victim. You would have only been a victim if you allowed it to continue." He listened and nodded. "Okay, so you don't fully shake it. You know that and acknowledge it. But that gave you the tools you need to at least get yourself on the right track again. That's what your loved ones see. That's what makes them believe in you so," he explained. "And that's why I believe that you have what it takes to keep pushing forward, instead of falling back." A supportive word. Supportive, but realistic. He hoped Silas appreciated it.