Taisce Moore is a knight with a shining M4. (taisce) wrote in immune_ic, @ 2012-09-02 16:36:00
WHO: Taisce and O'Brien WHAT: Home Sweet Home! WHEN: Backdated to 31 August 2019, after his release from the infirmary. WHERE: Teach na Uí Bhriain RATING: PG STATUS: Complete
Taisce and Luke had done everything they could to make O’Brien’s room as lack of sight friendly as they could. Moved potential hazards out of the walkways. They hadn’t moved the big things --the desk, the beds, stuff like that-- or anything. The last thing O’Brien needed was a completely rearranged room to try and learn the layout of. But things like Taisce’s bag, which had been precariously close to the middle of the walkway, was now beside the futon. Accessible, but not in the way. Shoes were against a wall or otherwise stowed. That sort of thing.
Transitioning O’Brien from the infirmary to his room wasn’t as hard as Taisce had initially anticipated. The stairs were the worst part, but that was expected. So they’d taken them at O’Brien’s speed, and stopped when he’d said to. She’d put his meds on his desk, so they were easy access and easy to find. She’d done everything she could think of to make his homecoming as painless as it could be.
She’d just helped him make his way to his bed and get seated, but hadn’t walked over to the futon just yet. That was her goal though. In a moment, when she was sure he didn’t need anything. It seemed like she’d not be moving into her own, separate, room in the building just yet. Not that she was complaining, she’d adjusted to living with O’Brien and Luke fairly easily. She’d take having other people around as opposed to being in a room at the end of a hall by her lonesome any time.
“Home sweet home,” she stated, a sigh of relief in her voice. What she didn’t tell O’Brien is that she finally braved wearing his blue NYPD shirt. It had ended up in her bag somehow at his birthday party, and he’d never noticed. It was probably the most comfortable shirt she’d ever worn, aside from her fatigues. It also smelled like him. She liked that. It was probably creepy, but whatever, she could be creepy. It wasn’t “Lily”creepy. Was it?
“Next step is getting you fully healed,” she said, tapping his nose gently with the tip of her finger. “I can’t wait for the damned bandages to come off.” She missed his eyes.
Yeah, she was creepy.
--
Plenty of floor-level rooms were up for grabs, as well as floor-level rooms that had been offered to him, but he didn't want to stay anywhere but his and Luke's place. His own room. With Luke. And Taisce. He knew it'd be tough, but he hadn't realized how tough until he and Taisce had started up the stairs.
As if he wasn't limping enough.
He practically clung to the railing in the stairwell the whole way up. When Taisce finally got him down the hall to their room, he slowly hobbled over to his bed- but not without Taisce's help. He sighed, once he was settled on the bed, and nodded to her a bit with a small smile that he had managed when she tapped at his nose. "Yep..."
He shook his head, reaching up to push his hair back away from his forehead, fingers brushing back through his hair before he dropped his hand back down to his lap. He didn't know what to do. He was trying to mentally remember what His and Luke's place looked like, detail for detail.
He set his hand gently over his leg, holding at his thigh, where he'd been stabbed, brows furrowing a little. "Hope I don't have to take that walk again anytime soon..."
--
"Well, your choices are the infirmary and here," she replied, sitting down on the bed next to him and reaching up to rub his back. "I mean, it's not like Luke, Ellie, Marty, and I aren't willing to bring you things. We've been doing it since...well...yeah." She patted his shoulder now. "Hey, it’s progress though. You made it up the stairs! I'd say that's an accomplishment."
It was. And Taisce wasn't against asking others for help. If they had to carry him down the stairs. Well, it was possible. She might not make people happy asking, but she wasn't too prideful or anything. But she also resorted to the fact that they'd have O'B up and walking like he was never injured as soon as possible. Sooner if she had her way.
After a pause, she moved to put her arms around him. Giving him a much needed hug. On both their parts. One could never have too many hugs. Especially after almost dying. Or killing a person to save someone from dying. Hugs didn't make it go away. But it helped make things easier to handle.
--
He shook his head, "I'm done with the infirmary." As much as he adored Dr. Spengler, and was grateful for everything that she'd done... yeah. He didn't want to spend any more time in the infirmary.
He scoffed, dropping his head down a bit and lacing his fingers together, "I don't want you guys to have to take care of me for the rest of my life. You've already done a lot. More than I could ever properly thank you enough for. And yeah.. I made it up the stairs, and now I'm stuck here. And my leg is killing me."
And he still couldn't see a damn thing.
Also? For the record? He wouldn't ever let anyone carry him anywhere. Nevermind that they had carried him when Taisce had found him with Lily.
Feeling Taisce's arms slip around him brought a smile to his lips. It never failed. Even if the smile was the tiniest hint of one. Leaning in to her, he moved to turn more toward her and bring his own arms up and around her to hug her close.
And he still hadn't said anything. He felt bad that Taisce was always trying to converse with him, but he hadn't said much since the incident. But apparently he didn't feel bad enough to change it. He missed their talks. He just didn't know what to say...
Not right now, anyway.
After a moment of just hugging, he turned to brush an appreciative kiss against her temple before moving to press his cheek against it and the top of her head as he sat quietly there with her. He still didn't exactly feel like himself.
Things weren't right. And he was still on meds, and he still couldn't see. Having Taisce, Luke, and the rest of his friends around were probably the only thing keeping him from being horribly depressed. He felt trapped, without a way to see anything... and a limit on his mobility.
--
"That's what family and close friends do, O'Brien. We take care of each other. If the tables were turned and I were blind, and I were injured, I know that you'd be right there with me. Even if I like to fancy myself the most independent badass around."
She sighed. "I guess your only choice is to heal up fast. The rest will work itself out. Security is covered, Luke, Ellie, and I are good. All you need to worry about right now, is you."
She rubbed his back while they were still embracing each other. "You'll be back to your old self before you know it. I'm sure of it." Her voice didn't waver. She meant that with every ounce of her being. Power of positive thinking? Yeah. Well, she was going to give that a try. Be an optimist. Someone had to.
She wouldn't hold his silence against him. She'd probably not be one to converse either if she were in his position. She mostly talked to keep her mind from thinking about things too much. She'd think about all the wrong things and work herself into a lump of depression on the futon. And that didn't help anyone. She wasn't going to let herself breakdown. Not now. Mostly because rearranging the furniture against zombies wouldn't work this time.
She smiled when he kissed her, which he couldn't see, but it was there anyway. And she tightened her grip on him just a bit, before patting his back as she spoke again. “Marcus says to make sure you take your meds, and make sure to do your PT exercises.”
--
He smiled gently at what she had to say. What was Taisce? A close friend? Family? Both? He finally nodded, and dropped his head back down, resting his chin on her shoulder,"You are pretty badass... Wish I had seen you in action with that shiny M4 of yours." And of course, his smile was still very present, even if it was small.
Pursing his lips a bit, and thinking a moment, "If the tables were turned, I would've made sure you didn't get blinded or injured in the first place." And he didn't mean that as in it's what she should've done; He knew she would have never let anything like that happen to him if she could have helped it. He wasn't making a dig at her. He was just telling her how he felt. He would have made damn sure nothing happened to her. "That, or I'd give you my eyes. Whatever it took."
He gave a gentle shake of his head, "Can't do it." He brought his arms further around her, "I'll always worry about Luke. You, and Ellie. The others. It's what I do." What he did best, if you asked him. Worry the fuck over his family and friends.
He wasn't so sure about being back to his old self before he knew it... But he didn't exactly feel like arguing with her. As much as he didn't believe it, he wanted to. And he didn't want to dash her hopes.
Her hair smelled nice. For the record. He mentally took note. If he told her, that might be weird. So he kept the thought to himself. For now, at least. He hoped she didn't mind the kiss. She didn't seem to. That made him happy.
But the mention of Marcus and his nagging about the physical therapy exercises had him making a face; wrinkling his nose, he pulled back a little, "really? Why'd he tell you? tell Cabrito to fuck off. I proved I could walk without falling or popping my stitches, didn't I? Isn't he supposed to leave me alone now?"
--
"Well, I'm hoping to never have to use the damned thing on anything that's not undead ever again," she said as she rested her chin on his shoulder as well. She could hold this position for a while. It was comfortable. She liked feeling him in her arms. His arms around her. It made her forget all the horrible things, if only for a moment.
She let her mind wander. Which may or may not have been a good thing. She wasn't quite sure. It landed on the conversation she'd had with Rae a couple days back. The conversation had stuck with her. Clinging on for dear life at the back of her mind. ' If something were to happen tomorrow, the things you'd regret most are the things you never said.' The words bounced around in her head now, and she pulled him closer. She was glad that he wasn't a mind reader because she wasn't sure how to even go about saying what it was she wasn't saying.
"Well, we'll always worry about you too," but he already knew that. About all of them. Hell, even Marty worried about him. He was reluctant to leave O'Brien's bedside once they got him to the infirmary. But he realized that he still had a job to do, and a bit more with Taisce out of commission as well. So it hadn't taken much prodding on her part to get him to carry on with things.
She laughed a bit as he pulled back at the mention of Marcus. "Why did he tell me? Probably because I'm here all the time? And that I'll make sure you do? He's just doing his job, don't take it personally." She patted his shoulder again. Just to help emphasize that.
--
O'Brien nodded, keeping her in his embrace. Having her close and to hold onto was nice. Especially right now, when he couldn't see a damn thing, the physical contact was something that he didn't exactly want to break.Not yet anyway. "Wish we didn't have to use guns on anything but maybe some food ever again..." he paused, thinking a moment, "speaking of guns... Did you say you found mine? And the holster? I've felt fucking naked without it." Truth.
He felt Taisce pull him closer, but he didn't really mind. He just assumed she wanted a better hug? maybe? Bringing his arms further around her, he settled in to listen to her comment on everyone worrying about him too, etcetera. He smiled lightly, "guess that's what makes the world go 'round, huh?" People always worrying about the others. "Though, I'm not sure everyone worries.. OR that everyone worries the same. I think some people probably worry more than others, and some might worry less."
His nose was still wrinkled, and yeah, he was still making a face, "pretty sure it's personal, once another dude sees you in your fucking underwear. But Marcus? He's a good guy. Really. But did he seriously have to tell you to remind me? I'd rather not limp around for the rest of my life, thanks. So I'll be reminding myself."
He gently pulled away to turn his attention back toward the room, sitting quietly for a brief moment, "Hm.." He dropped his hand back down to carefully rub at his leg again, "so everything's like it was? In the room, I mean. I've been trying to go over the picture in my head... You know. Remember where things are." He reached back to rub at his neck and shoulder, thinking.
"Maybe once I can be sure I know where everything is, Luke won't have to worry, and you can go back to taking care of the storage room," he turned back to point toward her, "and you can quit worrying too. At least about me running into shit." He offered her a hopeful smile and then lowered his head again, quietly going back to thinking on it some more.
"You also deserve to sleep in a bed and not a broken futon Luke and I found in what probably used to be a crackhouse in Ossining." He bit at his lip; Was it wrong that he didn't want her to go? But this was his a Luke's place. Luke had already expressed that he didn't exactly enjoy having Taisce living with them in their man cave. He didn't want to upset his nephew, but he didn't want to completely push Taisce away. Not after all she'd done.
"Were you still thinking about moving your things to the room next door? Or, um, down the hall? Can't remember what you said. I know I mentioned I'd help you-- maybe," he shrugged, "maybe I can talk to Marty and Luke.. Maybe Marcus? Or the David kid? They could probably drag a bed up here for you. Maybe go into town and get you some things."
--
"Oh yeah," she replied, pulling back from the embrace a bit, but not completely out of it. "Your guns and holster are here, put them in your desk for now. Unless you want them put elsewhere?" She furrowed her eyebrows, and brushed her fingers through the hair at his temples. "But I don't think a gun is going to be much use at the moment, so it can stay there for now. I promise no one will mess with them."
She chuckled. "I'm sure he had good reason to tell me. I'm sure you're going to be diligent and I'm not going to have to worry about you not doing them." When he pulled out of the embrace, she turned to sit more squarely on the bed next to him.
"Uh, well, we moved things out of the walkways. Mostly my stuff because I'm horrible at leaving things in the way. The big contenders are still there. Bed, futon, desk, stuff like that, so be wary of corners. Did you want to walk around?" She wasn't sure how bad his leg hurt. Wasn't going to push him.
She chuckled again. "Oh, O'Brien, you don't know me very well at all. It's in my nature to worry. Especially when it comes to those I care about most. Comes with the package, and is non-refundable, non-returnable. You're stuck with it as long as you're friends with me."
She'd been kicking her foot slightly at the floor, not enough to move the bed. Just enough to constitute fidgety. "Eh, I don't mind the futon. It's more comfortable than the cots and things I was sleeping on before. Prisoner beds aren't very comfortable either, for the record." She reached over to pat his arm. "But yes, when you are a little more self sufficient, I'll probably move myself nearby. I was eyeing a room down the hall, but if you wanted me to be closer?" A brief pause. "We'll worry about that later though. I'm sure the guys won't mind helping me. I know Marty's always willing to run to get things."
--
"No," he shook his head, "that's fine," letting her pull back enough to brush her fingers back through the hair at his temples, he kept his arms around her. And if she only knew. Any other time, she might have noticed by the awkward way he could hardly keep his eyes open when she ran their fingers through his hair-- it was a particular weakness. One that got him every time. But as it was, she couldn't see his eyes... But maybe he was still just a liiiittle melty from it. "Mmmkay..."
Really. She could do that all day and he'd let her.
He smirked, chuckling a bit, "Mm-you mean you don't want me to shoot blindly? I could probably do it." Who was he kidding?
"Eh," Another shrug as he pulled back, "maybe. Maybe not." Getting him to do his physical therapy exercises was already difficult enough. They knew how stubborn he was. That was why Marcus had mentioned it. He'd already gotten enough hell from O'Brien because of it.
"uhh," he moved a bit, shifting on the bed, "I don't know." Did he want to walk around? Yes, to see if he could... and no, because his leg hurt. "Non-refundable, huh?" He moved to push himself to his feet, but not without an unpleasant little groan. Really. His leg was worse off than his eyes. At least his eyes didn't hurt so much as long as he was on painkillers. His leg still gave him a shit-ton of trouble even when he was on drugs.
"Gotta be returnable, though," he bit at his lip, brows furrowed from the pain and a bit from the concentration as he turned to reach down to find her legs, his fingertips briefly brushing over her knees until he figured out where she was so that he could step around her and carefully limp over toward his desk.
"If you can worry about me, I can absolutely return the sentiment. Or even if you don't worry about me, I'm still going to worry about you." Holding at his leg, he stepped over to reach down and feel for his desk with the other. He wasn't quuuuiiite close enough. So he kept his hand out as he took another step or two closer, until his hand found the wood surface.
He really hadn't gone all that far, and turned his head toward her when she reached out to pat his arm. He shook his head, "No. No, prison beds aren't wonderful. Luke and I got these mattresses in Ossining when we found the futon." He turned his attention back to the desk as he slid his hand down along the front of the desk to find the drawers. "And Marty'd better be willing to help you out. Otherwise he'll have me to answer to." Not that O'Brien was all that intimidating anymore, what with a bum leg and no eyesight... Kind of put him at a major disadvantage...
"I don't mind having you close by," finding the second drawer down, O'Brien tried opening it, and smirked when he verified that it was locked. Good deal. They'd put his gun in the correct drawer, and locked it. He hoped, at least. "Guns are in this drawer?" He turned back to Taisce, "and the key?" He assumed Taisce had it somewhere for safekeeping, and that was quite alright.
--
"No, no blind shooting," she replied sternly. She had a smirk on her face. It was hard to convey that with her voice though. But she tried.
She tsk tsked a bit. "No maybe nots. I can out stubborn you. I had a brother, I know how that works." That was why Marcus had told her. Because she was just as stubborn as O'Brien was. Though Marcus said it was only because O'Brien listened to hot chicks. Well, if that were true, maybe Taisce did have an advantage.
She started to reach for him as he groaned, but pulled herself back. He had to move on his own. It was the only way he was going to recover, and she knew it. "Oh the sentiment is very returnable. The fact that I'm a worry wart isn't." She continued watching as he reached for the desk. On guard and ready to jump to catch him if he looked like he was going to fall. He didn't, and when he connected with the desk, she felt herself relax a bit, reminded herself that he did just make it up a mess of fucking stairs.
Her eyes wandered to the desk as he pulled on it, and she nodded. "Yeah. That's where Luke told me you usually keep them. So that's where they went. She shifted now, leaning back on the bed. "The key is in a safe place. You'll get it back when you can see to use your guns properly." There would be no blind shooting on Taisce's watch. "And don't tell me you're never going to get it back. I won't accept that."
--
"Yeah, yeah," no blind shooting. He got it. He made another face when she said 'no maybe nots', "Is that a fact?" He smirked, turning his attention to her, "out stubborn me, my ass. I always win in that category, hands down." He was teasing, and hopefully it showed in his amused, little smirk.
And it wasn't really true that he only listened to hot chicks; it was just that the majority of the people around here, and the people that had friended him, were hot chicks.
He nodded, facing the desk again, "good. Because I definitely worry over you." And true, he had just made it up several stairs, but that made his knee all the more weak. It had definitely put a strain on it, and he probably shouldn't have climbed so many so soon.
"You mean, that's where I usually keep them if i'm not wearing them? Which is once in a blue moon." Was she leaning back on the bed? Or just moving around on it? He'd picked up on the squeaky sound of the bed, when she'd moved.
"Hm," She had a point. And a good one, at that. He could have his key back, once he could see well enough to shoot again. "That could be months..." He'd never been without one of his guns for that long.. not ever. Not since he got them.
Straightening up, his hand dropped back down to hold at his leg as he turned to slowly limp back around her to his spot on the mattress. Turning to flop back down, he shook his head, and rubbed at his thigh, "I think that's enough walking around for now.." Because his leg was getting tired and even more sore the more he stood on it and moved around on it.
--
"You know, I'm more than willing to take you up on that challenge. If you're ready to be out stubborned by a girl and all," she teased back. She was happy to see his amused smirk. It beat the sad look he conveyed when he talked about his sight. Gave her hope. If he was able to joke around. To tease back? He was going to be alright.
"Well the moon is electric blue then. Because this will probably be the longest time in history that O'Brien doesn't wear his guns." She crossed her legs now, still leaning back on the bed.
'That could be months.' "Or it could be just a couple more days." She reached over to rub at his back again once he sat back down. "Why are you such a pessimist? You've survived some pretty unsurvivable stuff. The male reincarnation of Margaret Brown, if I do say so myself," Taisce grinned for a moment, and let out a bit of a giggle. She wasn't sure how he was going to take it, but she'd be sure to run with it anyway. Even if it ended up being an inside joke between the two of them.
"Alright, no more walking," she said, sitting back up and wrapping her arms around him again. "So we'll go back to hugging. O'Brien needs lots of hugs," she squeezed him a bit. "Not on doctor's orders, but on Taisce's.” She weaseled her way in under one of his arms, pulling herself in close, and leaning her head on his chest. She listened to the sound of his heartbeat for a few minutes. It was strong and steady, like the bass line in most of the music on her iPod. Sure it may have sped up, or even slowed down depending on what was going through his head, but she didn't really care.
After gently nuzzling him, she pulled back just a bit and opened her mouth to speak again. "I-hm," she sighed, smiling a bit at how silly she was being --in her mind. There she was second guessing herself again. Reluctance to dive headfirst into something and take a fucking chance. How many chances would she get to tell him how she felt? Was it bad to want to tell him that it lit up her day when he laughed? Or that she looked forward to the first text of the day from him? That she was sad that the texts she was receiving from his phone lately weren't being written by him, but usually Marty or Luke?
After a moment of pondering, she leaned back into the embrace. "I like being around you. It makes me happy." She decided to leave it at that. She just couldn't bring herself to admit her deeper feelings. Maybe it wasn't the right time? Sure. Okay. Taisce Moore, the fearless knight with the M4 who had rushed in to save him from almost certain death, couldn't find the bravery in herself to say what she truly felt. Dealer folds. She thought to herself --and maybe an imaginary Rae.
--
His smile hadn't faltered, "hmm.." he shrugged, "we'll see about that." Or maybe.. Maybe, he'd just met his match. "Can't say I'm ready, until I see proof that you're even worthy of a match," another tease. "Outstubborn me," he scoffed and shook his head, that amused smirk still tugging up at the corners of his lips. "You're funny."
'Well, the moon is electric blue then.' Fucking moon. and hey! She'd moved on him! She was suddenly on the other side of him, after he'd sat back down, and her arms were sort of snaking around him from behind. Sort of.
His smile softened, and he let her weasle her way under his arm, moving to bring both of his back around her at the mention of hugs."I feel naked without my guns..." He shook his head, "I'm not really a pessimist, I just don't like to get my hopes up. Every time I do, things go wrong." Shaking his head again, but this time with some amusement, "I'm not unsinkable, as much as I think we'd both like to believe... It's going to catch up with me. I've survived so much shit, I keep thinking that one of these days, I'm going to get a cold or something, and die from that. Fuck zombies and government raids, and psycho killers... I'll be killed by a cold. or something stupid."
Feeling her squeeze him into the hug, he pulled her closer, returning the sentiment; He did need lots of hugs. But so did she. Taisce had done a lot. Not just for everyone in Sing Sing with the supply room, but for him. Damn, had she done a lot for him. He owed her so much. The hugs were the least of it.
"If the moon was electric blue," yeah, he was back on that, "that's the kind of moon I'd want to lasso and give to someone. Sounds a lot prettier than just the regular one," he leaned more into her, resting his cheek against the top of her head as she snuggled in against his chest. After a beat, and another brief thought--that was once again, back to part of the previous conversation, "I hope it's only a few days. Never realized how much I'd miss seeing the simplest things. The color of the moon, for starters." And Taisce's smile...
Feeling her pull away, he moved to drop his head down to face her, but he kept his arms around her. His brows pushed together when Taisce started to say something, but cut herself short. He didn't interrupt, though. After the few brief moments, and she was leaning back in again, he gave her another squeezing of a hug.
Her comment about being around him had him smiling. No one had told him that in a really long time. In fact, he really couldn't remember anyone saying it. Even before the apocalypse. But back then, he wasn't a very approachable guy. He had been pretty unpleasant, if you asked him, actually.
"You make me happy. And having you here makes me happy." He pulled back, but didn't let her go, or take his attention from her, "thank you. For helping me. Even when I act like I don't care or want you to, thank you. I’m grateful for having you around.”
Did he go in for another hug? Did he sit there and ‘stare’ at her through his bandages? Did he awkwardly not do a thing? He wanted to thank her. And as powerful as a hug was, and could be, that just wasn’t what he was feeling. In fact, he really didn’t know what he was feeling... but there was something at the back of his mind that was telling him to ‘go for it’; go for his gut instinct. So he did. Awkwardly.. But he did.
Hesitating a moment, he started to lean in-- this wasn’t going to work. His head tilted one way, but then he decided that he’d better move to cant his head the other way-- and yeah. This was just awkward and embarrassing. He pulled back a little, moving to point up toward her, “I’m going to wind up kissing your-- your eye or something,” that’s not what he was going in for. “I should..Hm,”
Sliding his hands up her back and moving to bring them around and up between himself and Taisce, they eventually found her cheeks. Probably not without accidentally brushing or bumping into other parts of her along the way, but he finally smiled when he figured out where she was, for the most part.
Slipping his fingers further back along her cheeks, he was thankful that she hadn’t pulled away and bolted for the door, yet, and he let the pad of his thumb find and move over her lips. There they were. Before Taisce had time to freak out, if she was going to, he leaned back in to brush a gentle kiss against her lips. Nothing much, but not nothing either. And after a beat, he pulled away again, only regretting that he couldn’t see her reaction. That made him anxious. Nervous. And to calm his feelings, he always turned to attempting to say something funny or that might at least make her smile, even if he couldn’t see it.
“Think I owed you one of those..”
Not just because of everything that she’d done, but for that stolen kiss in the guard tower too. The one he hadn’t been ready to return. And because he cared about her. A lot. He just wasn’t ready to let his heart out of it’s cage, yet. Even if it was getting really loud and annoying with it’s badgering every time Taisce was around.
--
"I might surprise you," she smirked.
She understood when he mentioned feeling naked without his guns. While she usually didn't wear her machete anymore, and kept her M4 close by but far enough away, she'd still feel awkward if they weren't easy to grab. Because they didn't know what would happen in the next day. Or hour even.
"Expect the worst and hope for the best? That's what I do." Or at least what she tried to do. She let out a sigh of content as he returned her hug. She meant it when she said she liked being around him. The closer, the better. Something about him made her feel safe. The world outside couldn't touch her as long as his arms were around her. No other man in her life had ever made her feel that way. Well, except her father, but O'Brien was different.
Her nose wrinkled when he talked about not being "unsinkable". "I prefer picturing you living a full life. Growing old with someone that loves you. Dying of natural causes. Not from an illness." It was the way she wanted to go. The way she expected most people wanted to leave this life. But death wasn't what she wanted to talk about. Think about. No. And, as if on cue, O'Brien talked about the moon. She smiled again at the thought of him lassoing the moon for someone. It was a really sweet thought.
"No need to apologize to me. I understand." Or, well, she thought she did. Maybe she was wrong. Whatever. "You are a lot like me in different regards. Mostly the tough exterior we both put on. 'I'm going to be tough for everyone around me, even if on the inside I'm falling apart.' I know that it's not that you don't care. It's just how we are?" She was going to ramble if she kept going, so she stopped. He'd pulled back by now, so she'd let herself focus on him. Trying her hardest to imagine his eyes behind the bandages.
And then he was leaning in. And she didn't move. She just stayed there. And he was moving his head. Had he not had bandages on, he would have seen her slightly confused look. She was just about to ask when he spoke again. She'd started to giggle, but stopped short when his hands moved. Her focus went completely to them. Up her back. On her face. She closed her eyes, mostly out of reaction. Just in case fingers wandered a little further than he'd intended. She'd rather not get poked in the eye.
No, she didn't pull away. And no, she didn't bolt for the door. Her breath caught for a moment when his thumb brushed her lips. Her eyes were still closed. And then he kissed her. A gentle one, but enough of one for it to register that he was, in fact, kissing her. She wouldn't have been lying if she said she wasn't expecting it. Because she wasn't.
And then he pulled away, and was talking again. He'd have to forgive her for not really listening then. And he'd have to forgive her for leaning back in. And kissing him back. Gently, but definitely a return kiss. Hey. He started it. And kisses were definitely better than hugs. At least if you asked her.
"That," she let out a nervous giggle as she pulled back again, and paused for a moment. "Yeah, I don't know where that came from. But don't feel like you owe me. You don't."
She was worried that he'd run away now. Not like he'd get very far. Maybe he'd ask her to move away now, go over to the futon. She'd oblige, really. Even if she'd hesitate. But she decided that she wasn't going to be awkward. Both of them being awkward didn't accomplish much, so she wrapped her arms around him again, and resumed hugging. At least until he requested otherwise.
--
"Expect the worst and hope for the best," he repeated with a bit of a nod. He liked that. But he wasn’t going to admit it, "Eh," he shrugged, "I'll try." Smiling gently at her when she said that she prefered to picture him dying of natural causes, after living a full life, he thought briefly a moment, "I used to think I'd have a family, you know? I used to tell my dad I was going to marry a school teacher just like he did, and I'd eventually be a Police Commissioner just like he was."
He canted his head to the side, still going over his memories and thoughts in his head, "So I always had this idea, I guess, when I was younger, that I'd work my way up to Police Commissioner, maybe move back to Kansas, see my kids graduate, have a farm like my parents did. Do old people things, you know? Have the same country breakfast every morning, that sort of thing. And when I'd go, I'd go happily, and peacefully in my sleep. But I had no idea I wouldn't have a family, and then live out the rest of my life in an apocalyptic world full of zombies, and nothing even remotely close to a country breakfast. Not to mention there being no such thing as a Police Commissioner anymore. So there went that dream."
But yeah, on to a happier conversation. The moon. Lassoing it just like George Bailey. He would. For someone he loved, he definitely would. Maybe that was Taisce. Maybe she was his Mary. It was still too soon, though. Too soon to go jumping in with both feet. He’d promised himself he’d take things slower this time, and just let things sort of happen. He’d been too head-over-heels the last time, and he’d wound up ruining everything.
But wait. What? She knew him practically better than he knew himself. And she definitely knew him better than he ever thought she did. Brows furrowed. He did try his best to act tough for everyone else. Even when he was falling apart on the inside. Or sad on the inside.. or worried on the inside. How did she know? And he wasn’t ready to admit that she was right; Not about that. He didn’t want to admit that anyone was right, when they had him all figured out when it came to how he handled his emotions and feelings. He wasn’t good with it. In fact, he didn’t like to handle them at all. But Taisce had seemed to figure that out-- and he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved by it, or scared that she had that knowledge at her disposal.
Before he could think too much on it, he decided he'd better kiss her, or he probably wouldn't ever gather up enough courage to do it again. So that's when he just went for it. No turning back.
After he'd moved back from the kiss again, to wait for her response, and she didn't say anything, he felt like he should say something humorous to make himself feel less awkward. That's why he was talking. Sometimes? He talked entirely too much. But she had probably already noticed that too...
And forgive her? For what? Kissing him back? That definitely wasn't necessary. He eventually managed a somewhat sheepish smile when he heard Taisce's giggle; He gave a short chuckle, "Ha.. No.. I think.. I think we're even, now.." At least until he kissed her again. Which he kind of wanted to do.
He certainly wasn't going to ask her to go away, now. Not when he'd started it.
When Taisce pulled him back in for another hug, he knew she wasn't upset with him for the kiss. Realizing that made his smile brighten, and he brought his arms back down around her middle to hug her tight, "probably should've done that sooner,” he muttered as he snuggled back in and rested his chin back on her shoulder.
As much as he made Taisce feel safe when she was in his arms, she made him feel loved and cared about when he was in hers. And it was no secret that O’Brien liked attention; Taisce was just really good at appeasing and stroking his ego. Even when it was kind of hopeless, for the time being, thanks to the incident with Lily.
Taisce made him feel good. Wasn’t that what mattered?
--
"I was following my father's footsteps too. He joined the Army straight out of high school. As did I. For the same reasons," she shrugged. "Taking care of family. That's always been our biggest priority."
She looked up at him as he talked about his former dreams, nodding on occasion as he spoke. "I never really thought about having a family. Not right away at least. Wasn't in the cards for me at the time, at least that I could see." Taisce hadn't really been pursuing a romantic relationship with anyone when she was in the military. And she had her reasons. "I didn't want to try and bring a family into the mix while I was enlisted because I never wanted my spouse and children to ever get the knock on the door we got when my dad was killed." It was the worst memory Taisce had. Her mother opening the door. The chaplain and another non-commissioned officer standing there with solemn, sympathetic looks on their faces. She'd heard about it from other kids her age. It was one of the things she'd dreaded the most when her dad went away on deployment.
"I always told myself I'd wait until after I was discharged to start a family of my own. Because then I could be there. And my children could go to the same school. Not be moved around all the time. Have some sense of familiarity that I didn't get. Sure, I got to see places I never would have otherwise, but I never really got the chance to make and keep many friends. And I was a horrible pen pal." She shrugged.
She remained quiet for a bit, basking in the comfort of the hug. He hadn't asked her to back off. He'd hugged her back. She closed her eyes again. "Things happen when they are supposed to," she muttered back.
--
"I was wondering why you'd joined the army," he smiled, shrugging some. "Always blows my mind. The armed forces always have incredibly hot women."
He canted his head some, thinking, "You'd never really thought about having a family?" But that's why she joined the army? To take care of family? "Oh..." He moved to lower his chin, dropping his 'gaze', "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I--" He lifted his attention back up to her, brows furrowed as he heard her out.
He eventually nodded, tightening his arms around her in the hug, "So... you were in--what? Iraq?" What awful things had Taisce seen? He shook his head, "I wanted a family," he decided he'd go back to that, just in case she didn't want to talk about her stint in the army. "My ex-wife's career took off, and she decided she didn't want any," he shrugged again. "That might not have been so bad... you know.. if she hadn't've cheated on me too." He scoffed, once again turning to humor-- or something that he hoped would lighten the mood, "I know how to pick 'em apparently."
Hesitating a moment, O’Brien moved to pull back, dropping a hand down to rub a bit at his leg, “It’s funny, you know. I can’t see a damn thing, but my leg’s pissing me off the most. Where’d you say you put the painkillers Dr.Spengler sent?”
--
Taisce laughed. "Oh, O'Brien, you've lucked out then. Not all women in the armed forces are good looking. There are some outright doggish women, believe me." If he could see, he would have been graced with a very amused grin. He could probably hear her amusement in her voice though. Maybe that would suffice.
She rubbed his back when he apologized. "It's alright. Really. I think it bothers me more to think about losing my mom than my dad. Dad," she paused. "well, that we kind of expected. That sort of thing happened, and we had grief counseling and things."
He tightened the hug. She wouldn't hold it against him for asking anything. She knew she wasn't obligated to answer. "Nope, never made it to Iraq. Kuwait and Afghanistan." Where she mostly seen a desk, except during movement and things like that. She counted that a blessing. Had she been infantry, she might not have lasted as long as she did in the Middle East.
"Never said I didn't want a family. I do. It just seems like the universe laughs and something crops up." She shrugged, and frowned a bit as he talked about his ex-wife. "You know, I can't understand how she could have done something like that." She stood as he asked about the painkillers, but didn't say anything. He'd know what she was up to soon enough. "I mean, yeah okay, I've had my own share of flings. But they were never when I was with someone. That's just rude. And hurtful." She made her way to the desk, and picked up the pill bottle. The pills inside rattled against their plastic prison as she opened the cap and dumped a single dosage in her hand. She grabbed one of the bottles of water Luke had left on the desk and made her way back over to O'Brien. She sat down again after putting the bottle of water in one hand, and the pills in the other.
"Well, you're eyes weren't stabbed. I'd imagine your leg hurts more," she said as she sat back down beside him.
--
He smiled and shook his head; he could definitely hear the amusement in her voice. He liked it. He missed seeing her smile. It was one of his favorite things about a person. Any person, really. But especially Taisce, "Glad I lucked out." His own smile slid into a bit of a smirk and he shrugged, "haven't seen a whole lot of military women anyway. Off the top of my head? You're the only one I can think of." He paused a moment in thought, "think there might have been a few back in the city, you know, that I made out with during fleet week or something, but it was so dark in the bar, they may have been pretty scary looking," he grinned with a shrug, "and chances are, I was drunk. So... I probably didn't realize I was making out with a dog," He was teasing-- but actually, that may have happened.
His smile faded some when Taisce started talking about her parents again. Worrying his lip with his teeth, he dropped his 'gaze' again, "what happened? To your mom, I mean.. If you don't mind me asking?" He hoped she didn't. If she did, he'd leave it at that. He wasn't going to pry.
O'Brien nodded, "I'd imagine it was better that way. If you'd've been in Iraq, I don't think I'd be sitting here, right now." All of their lives would have played out differently. Lily probably would have killed him, for one. "And I probably would have never met you," for two.
"I think maybe someday I'd still like a family," he began, moving to slide further back onto the bed, once she got up, and he realized she was probably only going to get him those painkillers he'd just mentioned. "But not while we're in an apocalypse. I'm grateful now, you know, that things worked out the way they did. That I didn't have kids. They'd only be what? fourteen? Fifteen?" Damn, he was old. He chuckled at the thought, "on second thought, maybe I'm a little old to still be hopeful for a family. Especially when I don't think the zombies are going anywhere anytime soon."
He shook his head again, "My wife... I don't know. I never saw it coming. Never expected it from her. She didn't seem like the type, you know? We had our disagreements, sure. But... I thought we were alright. We were both busy, but we were both doing what we loved, and then--" He shrugged, "I don't know. It was very hurtful."
He turned toward her, once she sat back down beside him, "Pretty sure my eyes were next, if you hadn't saved me." when she handed over the pills and the bottle of water, he took a moment to swallow them down, and then shifted a bit to try and get his leg propped up a bit onto the bed.
"Thank you." Once he got settled a little better, he took another sip of the bottled water, “she said she liked my eyes... Which is why I don’t get it.” His brows furrowed, “Eloise said she’d mentioned it before.. and then.. I don’t know,” he ‘looked’ back down toward the bottle of water as he absentmindedly messed with the label on it, “Lily, you know. Why would she--?” He shrugged, shaking his head again, “why would she do what she did, if she liked them? And Claimed to like me?” The very thought of it gave him an uncomfortable chill and he shivered some with another shake of his head before downing another drink of water.
--
Taisce drew in a breath, and let it out slowly. She hated dwelling on the memory of her mother's death. "She committed suicide. Nine years ago. I was in Kuwait." And she left it at that. She didn't feel like talking about it, so she turned her attention to O'Brien as he talked.
"Must have sucked to have been blindsided by something like that. I'd probably have gone into a blind rage over it. But that's because I can be a little bit on the jealous side," she shrugged. "But if you were still with your ex-wife, you'd probably never have made it to Sing Sing in the first place. And yeah, we'd never have met."
She moved out of the way a bit as O'Brien shifted. Didn't want to be in the way. She moved back to where she was once he got situated, shaking her head a bit and humming a 'no' sound as she did so. "I don't know. I'm not a shrink. But maybe she had some sort of sick fascination with you? I mean, if she claimed to like you, and your eyes. Something unattainable?" She looked at her fingers as she fidgeted with them a bit. "'I can't have this, so no one can' mentality? I mean, you are Head of Security. You have a lot of friends. Sure you have a few enemies, but you've got a good number of people that care about you. Maybe she fixated on that?"
--
O'Brien's jaw probably could have hit the floor if he had been leaning forward at all, when Taisce admitted that her mother had committed suicide. That made him feel bad for asking.. and bad for Taisce. He felt like he should hug her. But she was already moving on to the next subject. Maybe that's all she wanted to say. Maybe she didn't want to dwell on it. He wouldn't pry.
He shook his head, biting at his lip and thinking. About Taisce-- and her mom. But on her comment about being blindsided by his ex too. Brows furrowed, "I felt sick more than anything. Like I didn't know what to do. Or what could I do? What had I done wrong, those sorts of things. I walked in on it. Came home for lunch, she was supposed to be rehearsing... Things just went down hill from there. So-- blind rage, not so much. But it did sort of throw me off. Started showing in my work. The Chief insisted I see the department psychologist," he shrugged, "So I did. I guess it helped. I managed not to kill anyone, and keep my job."
He nodded to Taisce, "I'm not glad I was cheated on... but I think things worked out for the best. Not having to worry about her when the apocalypse hit was a big help. Not having to worry about her now is good too. And meeting you has been one of the best things to happen to me since Luke arrived in New York City alive." Truth. "So i'm glad they worked out the way that they did."
He smiled, "you do seem like the jealous type, though," he teased, taking another sip of water, "but don't worry. You're in good company," that could get pretty jealous, himself.
He didn't mean to be moving around so much, or pushing her off the bed or anything, but he just needed a place to prop up his stupid leg. It was bugging him, as usual. He tilted his head with consideration upon hearing Taisce's theory, "eh. I guess so.. It would make sense." He shook his head again, "the whole situation was weird. I don't like it. Didn't like it.. I'm just glad it's over, you know? And that we didn't lose too many people..."
He sighed, moving a little bit more to lean back against the pillows-- just where he'd left them before his stay in the infirmary. Good. He rested the bottle of water atop his chest, "I kind of owe you my life, Ireland. Or at the very least," he shrugged, "a few more kisses. It's only fair."
--
She would have told him not to feel bad. Curiosity. Especially when it came to pertinent information regarding someone you were getting more seriously involved with. Even if it was a slow to develop involvement. She wouldn't hold it against him in the slightest. Maybe him having the knowledge would help if she randomly burst into tears thinking about it?
She hugged him tighter when he said meeting her was one of the best things to happen to him. That meant a lot. "Everything has a reason. Even if we can't see that reason right away?"
Taisce didn't mind his moving, and turned to face him from her end of the bed after he settled in again. She shook her head, making audible no sounds again. "You don't owe me anything, really. I was doing what I'd have done for any of my comrades in arms. You're a 'comrade in arms'." She moved to more of a mumble now. "Even if I do care about you in a different way."
--
Yes, it might help him to know about it, later on down the road. Right now? He just felt bad about it. At least she didn’t seem too upset by it. And she was still hugging him too. That was a good sign that she knew he didn’t mean to ask her about something that was a touchy subject. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt or upset Taisce.
He smiled softly, “I’m a firm believer in that too. Even if I have to remind myself of it every so often.” He was. Everything happened for a reason.
Thinking quietly a moment, he pursed his lips with thought and consideration, and dropped one of his hands down to hold at his leg again, “Comrade in arms, huh?” He barely nodded from his laying down position, “Something like that. --although, personally, I think that I’d put you even higher up than that. You’re like family. My family’s the most important. Always.” And he was very serious about it. “My comrades... partners, they’re all incredibly important too; but none of them beat family. For me, at least.”
He moved to nudge her just a bit with his good leg-- the bed was only a twin, after all. They were already pretty close. “And you’re right. Family wouldn’t owe anything. But I’d still like you to know how grateful I am. For everything since the day I met you,” he offered a hopeful smile. “The conversation, the tipsy company, saving my life,” he shrugged, and playfully added, “the handful that neither of us bothered to comment on,” and of course, he was referring to when she fell into his lap. Taisce had a nice ass, he wouldn’t lie. “Saving my life, looking out for Luke, and being here for me.” He hesitated before continuing, “Ellie’s my best friend, and even she didn’t drop everything and stay by my side day and night. They told me, you know... How much you were there. I didn’t know--or, well, realize. I just knew you were always there. I kind of took it for granted.” His smile softened as he reminisced on it.
“I wouldn’t expect Ellie to put her life on hold for me for any reason. I didn’t expect it from you, or Luke, or anyone. And even if I was out of it a lot of the time, you don’t know what it meant to have you there. I’m glad it was you holding my hand, when I woke up.” a figure of speech. He had sort of freaked out when he actually woke up. Taisce was there, though. And yes, she eventually held his hand, even if she fell asleep.
“So you’re more than a ‘comrade in arms’.” You know. Just so she knew. “So the different way makes sense too.”
--
She smiled now as he told her she was like family. Wishing that he wasn't blind so he could see the subtle nods of her head as he spoke. Or the fact that her gaze hardly left him. Well it did when he nudged her with his leg. "My comrades in arms are my family, O'Brien. My family is gone. So my comrades are all I have left," she replied.
Sure there were different categories, so to speak, in her mind. O'Brien and indirectly Luke would be one category, because of her feelings for O'Brien. Security comrades took another category. They were her "bros" so to speak, and while O'Brien fit in that category, she wouldn't place him there. The other category was for people like Rae and Ellie. Close friends that meant a lot to her. Her brother, well, he was definitely the family category, if he were still alive.
"You would have done the same for me. And besides, what was I going to do with myself? Come back here and play rearrange the furniture and freak out some more?" She sighed. "I sat by your bedside for more than just you. Mostly you, but it was also for me. Seeing you breathing. Alive. Made it easier to close my eyes and try to sleep. If I'd come back here, I'd have cold, unfeeling walls to keep me company. So I'd definitely take out-of-it you over that."
She stretched her neck, and pulled out her phone to check the time. "You want something from the kitchen? I was thinking of heading down and grabbing something."