icondilemma

I've had a busy week. The party last week at Anthony's friend's house went okay. I had three Mike's hard lemonades and was pretty drunk. I'm such a lightweight. Anthony kept his word and didn't drink too much. It was going alright up until everyone wanted to walk to a bar. I sobered up pretty quick because of how uncomfortable I was. I had more to drink than I usually do because I wasn't at a bar. Not to mention the bar was crowded and loud and I was very aware of many creepy men looking at me. I just hated every second of it and made me lose my good feeling for the rest of the night. I thought of having another but thought better of it. When it came time for sleeping, it never happened. More people showed up than expected and everyone fell asleep scattered around the house... including the couch Anthony and I were going to use. So we had to sleep in Anthony's car. He folded down his back seats and layed the blanket he bought underneath us and used mine on top of us. Since he was still kind of drunk when we went to bed, he fell asleep immediately. I was in so much pain I couldn't sleep at all. Every position I tried hurt way too much. So that sucked. We ended up leaving earlier than expected since we didn't want to wait for everyone to wake up. Anthony's sister-in-law had her second baby. A boy named Tucker. My cousin and his girlfriend had their first baby. A boy named Mason. So cute. My last entry was my initial (secret) response to my friend Sylvia getting engaged. So happy for her. She also asked me to be her maid of honor! I didn't see it coming at all so naturally I almost started bawling in the middle of the restaurant. She's looking for next year end of summer or early fall so I have plenty of time to help plan things with her mom and her fiancé's mom. Thank god for Pinterest! I've been planning my future wedding for over a year now, haha. My friend Dillon is in New Hampshire until Wednesday. He stopped by on Monday and hungout for a couple of hours. Me, him, and Craig went out to Portsmouth to go out to eat last night. Anthony was working, unfortunately. He really wanted to go. I'm supposed to be cleaning my room right now... I got distracted. Anthony and I are having a date night tonight. We're going out to dinner and then the movies to see The Great Gatsby. I already saw it last week and loooved it. Leo better win an Oscar or I'm writing to the academy.

( Thoughts about Kimmy )

As of two weeks ago, my screen was going black suddenly, forcing me to turn off my computer and turn it back on, getting up to 3/4 times a day (had happened occasionally since then). I had a hardware and software reset done (getting helped over the phone), but it happened about once a week since then, including yesterday. While on the phone, I saw a batter warning.

So yesterday I went to Apple, and I got my computer looked at. Yes it had a bad battery. But also a bad graphics card, and it turned out my hard drive had problems too! So I went home and backed up basically all my documents, media, so forth, and brought it in to get fixed. This morning, after a couple of hours, I also got my applications and preferences and the likes brought back over. I also have transferred back my things. Unfortunately, my icons (not for PBs, but like... to use here/on LJ) didn't copy and some of my music, decent-ish amount of my music actually. I'm looking into getting a SATA --> USB adaptor, but I'm not sure if I need to get an enclosure for my hard drive for that to work or not.

Anyway, the point is I need to name my new hard drive. My computer is female, and I usually like to name my electronics after authors/poets. So... any suggestions? My old hard drive is Nikki Giovanni. And I had Virginia Woolf before this. =D

I'm thinking of doing a sort of fast-forward-y Buffy rewatch, with a focus on Willow. I've rewatched Season 7, but it's not exactly prime time Willow for the most part, and I do so love taking notes on a character and their voice. So I'm going to go through reading the one line episode summaries, to put stuff together (both for like 'important' overall eps but the ones in between mostly being Willow-y like 'I, Robot... You, Jane' and a few just faves of mine).

So which ones would be you're never miss? Which ones did I miss here? It's been a while since I rewatched it all, so I'm sure I'm not missing some things from those one-liners not jogging my memory.

( List will be getting formed here-ish )

On second thought, maybe some help cutting episodes?

I need to get my shit together and move the fuck out so I can eventually move in with Anthony and we can get a move on with our relationship. As happy as I am for my friends, it hurts seeing people who have been together for less of the amount of time are getting engaged before me. End selfish rant.

( Application )

wow i am in like the worst mood even making $19 an hour is not making working saturdays worth it



also mom started to ask me if i've been on christian mingle lately ughhhh. maybe telling her that i don't want to date before i move will get her to drop it

I'm sick. Bleh. Haven't managed more than journal tags (and drunk-Marek journal tags, at that) since sometime yesterday, and feeling completely exhausted even just looking at my inbox right now. And I have a long day at work so I guess we'll see how I'm feeling later.

On the plus side, not wanting to do things on the computer is giving me more time to re-read The Subtle Knife for the purposes of apping Will Parry at thedoorwaymods. Super excited to be playing a character from a book series again (as opposed to television) and from one of my favorite book series of all time. I didn't have any plans to do it, and then out of nowhere (like, literally nowhere-- I hadn't been anywhere near the HDM books, hadn't even seen Lyra around DW at all, hadn't been thinking about anything remotely related to it) a random Will Parry muse hit me the other day and hasn't let go.

So. Eight-fingered fierce badass with a knife that can cut through everything coming your way, DW peeps.

Lastly, I knew I was going to fail at that 15 day meme and can't even bring myself to care atm. Whatever. Meh.

I'm torn between two usernames for Xavin: shouldbexavin and boygirlalien.

shouldbexavin

XAVIN: "Hiding in plain sight" has another meaning in the skrull language... "Begging to get caught." We should not even be running! We should not have to hide!
VICTOR: Here it comes.
NICO: Ugh.
XAVIN: This is where we should be! Is this city not home to Earth's superhumans? And yet we are fugitives. We are treated like criminals when we should be the rulers of this world!

and

XAVIN: Nico? My love, it's me.
KAROLINA: Xavin?! What are you doing? Is... is this supposed to be some kind of sick test?
XAVIN: I wasn't trying to deceive you, my betrothed. You're usually able to recognize my scent, no matter what form I take.
KAROLINA: Then why?
XAVIN: Because Molly told me I made you uncomfortable. I thought you would feel more at ease with a shape you already liked.
KAROLINA: Xavin, I like you. I just want you to be yourself.
XAVIN: But I have no idea who I am.

The point of it being a combination of who she feels they should be/have the right to be from the outside world and also that idea she should be herself in her form (I could also toss in the exchange about being female when stressed).

boygirlalien

MOLLY: Can I ask you a question, Xav?
XAVIN: If you must.
MOLLY: How come you're not a girl all the time?
XAVIN: Why don't you wear the same ridiculous hat all the time?
MOLLY: Because my hair gets so tangly that my mom told me birds would start to live in it? But that's different. I mean, Karolina is a... she likes girls, right?
XAVIN: And you have a problem with that?
MOLLY: No! Duh! I have a picture of Northstar on my wall and everything! It's just, I think everybody would be more comfortable if you could maybe just look like a girl forever.
XAVIN: And I'm sure some people would be more comfortable if Karolina liked males. Or if you were not a genetic mutation. But I am not like everyone else, and that means you have to learn to accept something new and different, as my betrothed already has.
MOLLY: If you say so, I guess.

Xavin first appears as a boy. Then as an alien. Then Xavin becomes a girl for Karolina. We see Xavin often in female form but she still uses her male form on a regular basis. During battle, Xavin often goes to a skrull form. Yes Karolina considers a girl her true form, but for Xavin she has all of them. Xavin is a boy, a girl, an alien, and the construct of gender is understood in a very alien way.

Which username do you think is the better choice (for meaning, how it looks, reads, etc): shouldbexavin or boygirlalien?

( Read more... )

Beautiful, beautiful screencaps provided by -- & icons thus made for -- starbuck. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST LOVELY/FUN TO MAKE SETS I'VE EVER MADE. Her hair is fucking hypnotic.

OLIVIA THIRLBY


( 237 BELOW THE CUT. )

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I wish that talking about all of the things that have been bothering me actually helped. I guess yesterday while I was in the shower Anthony brought up that graduation party that's he's going to this weekend to my mom and that he was thinking about bringing [his friend] Joe with him for the ride. My mom asked if I was going (knowing I wasn't invited) and I guess he got really uncomfortable and said that I didn't know them. My mom said, "we'll you're not going to give her the chance to decide that?" She thought he wasn't inviting me on purpose at first but she said it seemed like he genuinely didn't think to. She told me this much later, after he left. It made sense that she said this since he asked me "do you want me to ask if you can go to Miranda's party?" in the weirdest tone. I said yeah, I like being invited to places that aren't bars since I never am. He said he planned on getting hammered. Which changed my answer to a maybe since I won't know many people and I don't want to be the only one not completely useless. That's an uncomfortable situation. He still needs to ask though since Miranda had said no to Joe's girlfriend but that may have been only because she's nineteen and he said he wasn't sure how many people she wanted there. I just don't know why he has to be completely falling down drunk whenever there's the opportunity! Wouldn't a sensible boyfriend not drink as much as he usually does to make his girlfriend comfortable? I'm so torn because I want to go and hangout with him and his friends because I never do! I don't want to sound selfish but it's hard to tell when I have a constant fucking tear in my chest that hasn't gone away since this weekend. It's not even like he tried to suggest drinking less when my face visibly dropped. He knows how much this hurts, there's no way he doesn't. He saw me break down and cry after how upset I was being left out of a family dinner. I told him that it bothered me a month or so ago when his friends all hung out at Anthony's house instead of at the bar and kept saying he wished I was there - but never invited me. I'd be way more comfortable at his house than at a bar. Especially when they leave me at the table to play darts or I have to be pressured to drink so they can sit at the bar. Ugh. I don't know. I have a feeling he's not going to ask Miranda though. I have a feeling he isn't going to even bring it up to me again until he's on his way there on Saturday. If Miranda says I can come then I want to ask him if he can bear to not get completely shitfaced for my sake. Though it's doubtful. He either will say he will and won't when the time comes or give me shit about it and just be irritated with me all night. If he can't even do that, then he must not want me around that bad. It feels so nice to be second place to alcohol. So fucking great. I wish he acted like he liked hanging out with me. I wouldn't feel this way if this was the case. I wish I liked alcohol as much as he wants me to then maybe I'd be good enough to be around. Maybe he needs someone more like him. Ugh this fucking hurts. I miss when he didn't feel the need to drink so excessively. I miss not crying myself to sleep too. Or crying myself to sleep about him. May I also say that I find it fucking irritating that he's been hanging out with Miranda and a huge group of people lately and have I said anything to do about jealousy or lack of trust? NO! Because I know they're just friends and have been for a while. I don't know why I'm still getting shit about hanging out with Craig. He claims he trusts me but not Craig.... Does he really think I'd hang out with someone who would take advantage of me? Un-fucking-believable. I want to run away so bad.

Okay, I know, I love making these tables. They're just so pretty. This one has Amber Stevens as Xavin, female comic icons, male comic icons, then Gaius Charles, John Boyega, and Michael Obiora.

( omg teh prettiez, yes we know, sil )

I feel Xavin's male form is more inconsistent, so like... some of the time Xavin looks more like Gaius/John and other times more like Michael. Of course, being all skrull-like I could use one of each if I wanted >.>

John > Gaius I think. And maybe John/Michael in different situations. There'd be a lot fewer icons of them anyway.

Yes, I'm still thinking of potential queer ladies I'd like to bring in (with Xavin and Willow topping that potential list), plus, I mean, I've never entirely shaken the idea of bringing in Hulk from EMH, where you know... Hulk exists most of the time, not Bruce. Though that would cause SO MANY complications. Because Hulk doesn't like boxes or people who try to put him there (he's looking at you Nick Fury/SHIELD).

Back on point, Xavin would have a few PBs no matter what (male, female, some skrull icons/green-ified icons), and I have some potential female human PBs under here: Keke Palmer, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Amber Stevens, Chanel Iman, and Ashley Madekwe.

( 6x6 table of icons )

Highest leanings toward Ashley and Amber.
-Keke, though having a good face, doesn't have as many icons I can see Xavin in (it was a challenge choosing 6)
-Gugu, while a face I absolutely adore and need to use sometime, doesn't feel as good of a fit
-Chanel is a model, and it shows in a LOT of her icons. Xavin isn't so model-y.

Thoughts? You guys made Chekov's choice seem so obvious.