FIC for: curia_regis 1/3 Title: Black Innocence Recipient:curia_regis Author/Artist: silveredaccents (LJ) Rating: HARD R Warnings: inappropriate nearly incestuous thoughts, graphic descriptions of torture, blood-play Summary: Regulus recounts his own history of the Black family and his aspirations to be a Death Eater beginning when Sirius leaves. Notes: This story took on such a life of its own! I hope you enjoy it! My Blacks always have inappropriate relationships, but doing that with Regulus spending most of this fic underage was difficult. However, I hope I satisfied your desire for Blackcest given that I managed to avoid chan.
Three parts instead of two because I could not in good conscience break it only once given the story line.
Thanks to my wonderful betas for helping and Brit-picking it!
Looking out my window, my mind is reminded that I am, in fact, still in London. I'm not entirely sure, however, that this is my London. Rubbing black strands from my face, I sigh dramatically and look again over my shoulder at the shut door. Mum had insisted I remain up here while they searched for Sirius. Bloody fool had to go find yet another way to irritate Mum and Dad, and another way to make my life a living hell.
I turn back to continue my vigil over the street, watching the traffic and wondering not for the first time what it was that enchanted him about the filth below us. I decide it was because of the stupid red/gold brainwashing he received in school. I certainly didn't feel any pressure to even look at the Mudbloods who littered our halls. But Sirius had gone so far as to attempt to sign up for Muggle Studies at one point. Muggle Studies! A Black studying filth? Oh, and not for any proper reason. He actually enjoys them. I've seen his room often enough. He actually hung photos of them in his room! Not that the forms were foul, but Muggles. Really.
I shudder visibly and push myself back from my desk, pacing. Three hours and nothing. Mum said it shouldn't take long. Obviously, they hadn't found him. I didn't expect they would. Or rather, I expect they'd find him if they were looking in the right place. Like his blood traitor friends or the impure things with which he tended to associate.
"Fucking Sirius, not like I wasn't making up for enough with your having got yourself sorted Gryffindor of all things. So now what? I'm to take your place as heir?"
Of course, that was precisely what was going to happen. He knew it, and I knew it, but he didn't care. He still left. He didn't want it. He wanted them. They were always more important than I was.
Ok, not entirely true, but ever since he started Hogwarts, he was different. He was somewhat different before, but the last three years he's been pulling away more and more. It used to be just us. Family mattered. But we're not family anymore. First Andromeda left. Now, this morning, we wake up to find out he's gone. He's followed her. Not that I expect he's living with her, but that hardly matters now.
"Regulus."
Cursing beneath my breath, I turn to see which female has interrupted my imposed solitude. Bellatrix.
"Good morning, Bellatrix." I try to smile, but it ends up a half-hearted poor attempt. I'm simply in too foul a mood.
I wonder if she came over because she heard, or if she had her own private reasons for the visit. The idea that Mum and Dad have gone to telling family about what he did bothers me more than the act itself. Sirius really did it this time.
"Oh, don't look so glum," she crooned. I watch her move sinuously into the room, closing the door behind her. My breath hitches and I hope she doesn't notice. Bellatrix was always been the disciplinarian. She always seemed far too eager to step in when Mum or Dad couldn't. Given the looks I've seen Cissy and Andi give her, she likely did the same at home.
"You're the Black heir now."
So it's official. I want to race downstairs to look at the family tree. I want to see it. I'm not sure if it's fear or hope that drives me, or if those self-same emotions are the ones keeping me rooted to the spot. The heir. Sirius has been disowned.
"I rather thought things were heading that way," I offer, and she laughs. I stand straighter, frowning, but by the way her eyes light, I think it ends up more a pout than a proper frown. I know I'm the baby, but I am a wizard. I did get into Hogwarts. And by Salazar, at least I managed to get into the right house!
"Oh, Regulus, you were always far better suited to being the heir than he was." Her smile turns soft, and I remember jokes about how when she smiled, it was wisest to run. Instead, I feel my face flush. She approves.
I think Mum and Dad always knew that no matter sex or titles, Bellatrix would always rule our generation. She would ever be the battle maiden, leading the charge for Toujours Pur.
"Sirius is stupid," I offer, betraying the feelings I still have for him. The feelings I am currently burying faster as her smile widens and she nods. Yes, betraying Sirius is good.
"Yes," she agrees. "Sirius wasn't worthy of our name, our Blood, our privilege."
I realise we've been standing there for a few minutes, and I blunder a bit. "Uh, would you like to sit?" I motion to the chair I had just occupied. Instead, she sits on the bed, caressing the black and silver satin with blood red fingernails, tracing odd patterns that look almost like sigils I saw in one of Mum's books. I decide that I don't want to think about it. I sit on the chair facing her.
"Do you know where he might have gone?" she asks quietly, and even though I know she's playing me, I answer truthfully. "I suppose he could have gone to Potter's." The bitterness in my voice makes me cringe even as she laughs.
"Itty Bitty Potter, yes, how the great have fallen." I know she's referring to the fact that the Potters used to be a prominent pure-blood family. Oh, they had never managed the notoriety of the Blacks, but they were still quite well respected. "Well, I suppose that is what happens when one forgets how one got where one is."
I let her belittle Potter. It makes me feel better. It makes it hurt less that stupid Sirius wanted James Bloody Potter for a brother more than he wanted me. At least Bella wants me.
She must have noticed I wasn't paying complete attention because she's staring at me now.
"Sorry, Bella. I just wish Sirius hadn't wanted them more than us. It hurts."
Shit. Wrong thing to say. Her smile leaves, and I'm feeling very much like a mouse being dangled in front of a viper.
"Regulus Black, don't you dare demean yourself or the noble house of Black by feeling inferior to that filth." She doesn't raise her voice, but the crispness makes the point quite clearly. "You are far above them, Reg," her hand moves dismissively over the topic and her voice softens again. Just a slight reprimand then. Good.
"I won't. If he couldn't see, then he doesn't deserve our thoughts."
She's nodding again, but even as I say the words, I know that I'll never be able to forget my idiot brother. The rakish smile he would flash before he dragged me into something that was certain to get us both in heaps of trouble. I haven't seen that smile in years. Not since I was sorted.
Briefly I wonder if he thought I was the one betraying him by finding a home in Slytherin. If so, I think he was even more nutters.
"Right." She stands up and takes the short steps to stand in front of me. The slight pressure of her hand is all I need to know I'm supposed to stay where I'm at. Her other hand runs through my fringe, rolling it tenderly between her fingers. My eyes droop as she does so; the touch is so reminiscent of when I was younger. Sirius may have been Andi's favourite cousin, but I was always better. I was Bella's. She would let me lay my head in her lap and play with my hair while we watched the fire, telling each other horrible stories. Well, she told the stories. She was always far more creative than the rest of us combined.
"Reg," she says, caressing my hair just as softly as the diminutive she uses for me. "You were always meant to be the heir. And, now that you are, we'll get to share things. Special things."
My mind can't even begin to wonder what things she means, but I nod vaguely to her soft chuckles. Then I pout more, pulling away and look up at her.
"But not things you shared with Sirius, right? Cause I don't want him to have gotten the special secrets." I sound like I'm six again, pouting that Sirius was able to pick his ice cream out first and so not wanting my favourite flavour simply because he'd chosen it.
Bellatrix laughs, and this time it's a light fey laughter that instilled fear into the hearts of any who opposed her. "Oh, no, Reg. He never got these secrets." She leans down and her breath tickles my ear as she continues. "I always hoped he'd leave because I never wanted to let him have these secrets. These are just for you and I."
I smile then and nod. "Good."
"However," she pauses to kiss the top of my head, "I have to go help look for him. I'll be back though later and we can continue this conversation?"
Disappointment floods me as it registers that she is leaving. She wasn't going to stay and talk to me. She was going to hold out on those secrets longer. I reach out for her, startling both of us as I grip her hand.
"Bella, don't stay away too long. I want to live up to our name. I want to be a good heir for Mum and Dad."
Her face changes from startled to pleased as I speak, and I imagine that the glint in her eye is pride. It may have been, but I don't ask her about it.
Bellatrix nods. "You already do. Now be good, and I promise I'll come back soon."
She saunters out of the room, her tinkling laughter lingering in the air long after she'd closed the door. I stare at the blank wood for a time allowing my mind to wander with thoughts of what Bella would do if she caught up with Sirius. In the end, I decide she would likely do far worse than I could imagine. Which meant only one thing.
I needed lessons from her if I was to become the Black Mum and Dad wanted me to be. I needed to learn everything I could. Bellatrix was the rising star, and it was her light I needed to use to navigate by.
The First Reminder
I didn't see Bellatrix for the rest of the summer, rather, I didn't see her alone. In public, she treated me as the Black heir, but it was very different than the gentle intimacy we'd shared the day Sirius ran. In fact, everyone had seemed to come to some agreement that I was to be treated differently. It didn't matter that I was ten years younger than Bella, or six years younger than Cissy. My family always had a separate table for those who hadn't reached majority yet. Now, though, they let me sit with the adults. I always got a bit smug when they invited me there; Sirius never got to sit there. He and I were the last to sit at the kids' table.
Tonight was the last night before I headed back to Hogwarts. I'd be seeing Sirius tomorrow, and the thought made me lose all appetite. Dinner had been bland despite the fact I knew it had been made special since I was leaving for a few months. I suppose Mum understood what was wrong. She kept giving me these strange looks when Dad wasn't looking. He, however, seemed not to notice.
It wasn't that Mum was ever overly affectionate. I think she was just trying to make sure she wasn't going to lose both of us. Not like I would ever turn my back on the family. I always loved them more than Sirius ever did.
I was almost done packing my trunk for the third time when I heard the door latch give. Looking up, I saw Bella at the door. I smiled despite myself.
"Not packed yet?" she laughs, sliding into the room.
"Just the final touches left. Nothing big." I'm not sure I want her knowing how seriously I take Hogwarts and learning, despite her own intentions. Something always makes me almost ashamed at how dedicated I am. I would have everything in perfect order so that at least one of the Black boys would bring honour to the name.
"Oh good. Then I suppose you have time for your favourite cousin?" she smiles at me.
"Always, Bella." I sit at the head of the bed, patting the comforter. I've been wanting this since she'd told me she was going to come back. Finally, I'd get to share things with her that Sirius never got.
No matter how much money we had, no matter how I never got anything second hand, I always felt like I was second place to Sirius. But not now. Now, I was the heir, and Sirius was a memory. Except that tomorrow on the Hogwarts Express, he wouldn't be a memory. He'd be there with his friends, and I wonder how many of my friends would be there to hex him when the train left the station.
I am brought back to the present by the bed shifting as Bellatrix sits down and reaches for my hand. The door is closed, so as she tugs, I allow her to lead me to lay my head once again in her lap. Sighing happily, I close my eyes.
I think I am the only one who ever trusted her completely. Of course, I'm the only one I never saw her hex, unless she was punishing me. Still, she seems more than happy to return to how we used to be.
"So you're off to Hogwarts in the morning."
I nod, "Yes. I'll be a fourth year this time," I add, the information unnecessary.
"Still going to play Seeker?"
"Yes."
Her hand is in my hair again, playing with the strands that are as dark as her own. As much as I want her to hurry up and tell me these secrets, I'm afraid if she does, she'll leave, and I'm too happy relaxing in her presence.
"I want you to beat Gryffindor into the ground for us, ok?" she asks lightly, and we both chuckle.
"I'm sure Crabbe would be more than willing to send a few bludgers at a certain Chaser." Another understatement. Even without this summer's events, Crabbe would try to take out Potter. With them added in, I don't think even Professor Slughorn himself could convince our team to not go after them. Insulting the House of Black was tantamount to insulting the entire House of Slytherin. Which, I suppose, is what Sirius did by getting sorted elsewhere.
"Good. I'm glad."
I open my eyes and see her looking at my face with an expression I've never seen before. I squint my eyes in concentration. The movement seems to distract her from her thoughts enough to bring her back to the present as well. She smiles a bit.
"I missed you. I thought you were coming to see me before this."
There's something like a mix of sadness and elation mixed in her eyes as she shakes her head, the black waves of her hair shifting with the motion. "I'm sorry, Reg." I can tell she isn't really sorry though. "I've been very busy this summer. Busier than I thought I would be." She resumes playing with my hair.
I nod lazily. "That's ok. I understand."
I must have sounded more petulant and dejected than I realised because she stops what she is doing and tilts my head so that I am looking at her more directly. "Reg, it isn't like that. Not at all." What that was, I'm not sure, but her tone is far more than I'd hoped for.
I don't say anything, and she is silent, as if trying to figure out how to approach things. Though I never did find out what exactly was going through her head, because she then smiled brightly as if a brand new thought came upon her.
"Do you trust me?"
Ah, the dreaded question. Sirius had always lied to her. I never quite believed Cissy or Andi when they answered either. I don't think she did either. But my answer was always the same, and always truth.
"Of course, Bella."
She nodds. "I don't have time tonight to tell you all the secrets I want to share, but I have an idea. Something to make you feel closer to me."
I had always felt close to Bella. She was always there when I needed her, until this summer. Jealousy wove its way into my heart at whatever had kept her from me this past month. I tried to push it away, tried to remember that she was here with me now.
"All right."
I try to sit up, but she pushes me back down and shakes her head. Puzzled, I lay back down, enjoying the feel of my head in her lap. I narrow my eyes somewhat, conveying my confusion as my cousin pulls out her wand.
"Open your shirt."
I unbutton my shirt without argument. When Bella spoke in that tone, it was best to just obey. Besides, I did trust her. Sirius always told me I was crazy for trusting her, but it was easy to trust when you're the favoured cousin, the baby, the one she'd always protect.
"We are blood, Reg," she cooes, caressing my chest with her palm. "And blood is more important than any other association, than any other tie." Something in her voice made me question, but I don't voice it.
"We are Blacks. Toujours Pur."
She nods, drawing her wand. I watched that carefully, and concern or nerves must have shown on my face. She laughs, "Don't you trust me, Regulus?"
I look up at her face then, staring into gray eyes that mirror my own. I know she is moving the wand, planning something, but I don't let my eyes stray.
"Yes." I take a deep breath. "I trust you."
She nods and smiles. "Take a breath." I begin to comply, then gasp as pain lances through my chest. She laughs and rubs her hand across the cut. I tilt my head to look down, but she grabs my hair, forcing me to look her in the eyes.
"We are Blood Regulus. You and I."
Blood. I try to focus on the thought, on her while each caress brings renewed fire to the cut on my chest. She releases my hair, caressing it again with the tenderness I've never seen her show anyone else.
She shows me her hand then, and I see that there is blood on it, smeared around a thin line that shone bright red. She had cut herself as well, and had offered me her blood as well.
Blood magic.
I felt it warm me, fancied that I felt her blood running through my veins. My beloved cousin shared with me her lifeblood, and the realisation made me heady.
We stay like that for a while, though once the room darkened some, she leans down and kisses my forehead. "I have to go, Reg, but remember me, and when you come home for the winter holidays, I'll make sure we can spend some quality time together."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Birthdays and Betrayals
"Oi, Slytherin, what are you doing out of bed?"
I recognise the voice instantly. James Potter, Head Boy and Professional Arse. Turning slowly, I try to force casualness into my movements. Squinting slightly at the lumos he cast I'm sure just to fuck with my sight, I try to stare him down.
"What do you want, Blood Traitor?"
He pokes me with his wand then, the not quite dull point of it pressing briefly into where my right shoulder meets my chest. His face flashes with surprise, then something that looked far too much like triumph as I draw my own wand.
"Causing trouble like those no good friends of yours?" I try to keep my composure. "Too bad Sirius was the only one of you with any sense."
Sirius.
Of all the bloody hare-brained insults he could have come up with, he comes up with my brother. The indelible stain on the Black family. Andi at least could change her name. I knew Sirius never would. He'd forever stay Sirius Black, and the existence would haunt the rest of us forever.
"You stole him." I begin speaking before my brain fully caught up with my tongue, the jealousy rising faster than even anger. "You filled his mind with lies and deceit, and you stole him from us."
My anger finally overtakes pain as he laughs. "I didn't steal him. I showed him not all Pure-blood families are as stupid as yours insists on being."
"The Black family is a proud and noble one!" I barked back, tears threatening even as my wand hand shook. I know that in the light his wand cast, he can see my composure failing, but I don't know what else to do. I can't let him win this, but hexing the Head Boy without backup is just a bad idea.
"Reg?"
My meager grip on my composure slips further as I turn slightly to look beyond Potter. There he stood, looking relaxed and amused, but I knew there was pain there. It was almost hidden behind his eyes, then it glowed more, taking over his face. I stand still.
Sirius steps up to us, then nods to Potter who steps to the side slightly. I can't take my eyes off my brother. No. He wasn't my brother anymore. He had left us. He left me.
"What are you doing in the dungeons?" I manage, wanting to ask him so much more, wanting to take him away from prying ears and influences.
"James was doing rounds. I joined him." He had the audacity to shrug as if the idea were perfectly natural.
James. Of course. He was always with James. Though likely a hidden ally while doing Slytherin territory was wise, but I didn't want to think too long on whether Potter had intelligence.
"You don't belong here. You left us."
Shit. I let him know how much I hurt. I saw it in his eyes; his face softened. I step back from his outstretching hand, shaking my head.
"Regulus, I never left you."
I feel like I am five again, throwing a tantrum at Sirius telling me he didn't pick chocolate simply because it was my favourite flavour when we both knew he had. My hands clench at my sides.
"You did. You left me! You don't care about the destruction you leave in your wake!"
Tears prickle behind my eyes. I can't let them out. I can not let Potter see how much my brother's abandonment of me hurt.
"You don't care what happens to me. You don't care about any of us!"
Sirius sighed, though I barely registered it. What I do note, in clear sharp relief is his hands on my shoulders, gripping me tightly.
"Regulus, I never left you. If you want, I'll take you with me. Come with me, Reggie."
I pouted when he called me that. It was something he used to call me when we were little, before Hogwarts, before Potter, before I knew my brother was becoming a Blood Traitor.
I shake my head roughly, trying to shake away the wetness. "Come home," I insist. I knew he wanted me to consider his offer of Potter's hospitality, oh yes, we knew that was where he was now, a great generosity. The only thing I could see was that he wasn't coming back.
"I don't belong there. If you want to be with me, come with me, but I'm not going back." I looked up at him, something in his voice calling to me on a level I couldn't deny. I wanted him. I missed him. "You don't have to stay, Reg."
I close my eyes, resigning myself to the understanding that he isn't coming home. He wasn't coming back to me.
"Yes, I do. They're my family. They're yours too."
The hands on my shoulders eased and dropped entirely. My eyes slam open as I think I hear a footfall. Sirius had stepped back. He was shaking his head.
"No, they're not. You will always be, but I can't go back." He glanced at Potter, then nodded. "Reg, get back to bed."
Another grand gesture on his part, not reporting me. Had I changed that much that I was already feeling sarcasm and cynicism toward him?
I take one last look at Sirius, before Potter steps up to stand next to his soul brother. The soul brother who outranked the blood brother.
"I hate you," I mostly whisper as I turn and try to keep from running. I only manage to avoid it until I turn the corner and know they wouldn't see.
James Potter had officially stolen my brother from me. Somehow, I would make him pay.
Pur Oblige
Christmas dinner was another first since Sirius left. Given the ease of movement everyone else present seemed to lay claim to, I wondered if I was the only one who still admitted there had once been two Black brothers.
Of course, Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus had seemed to seamlessly close ranks when Andi left, so it wasn't as if Mum and Dad didn't have a ready precedent already set for them.
And so, for the first time during the holidays, I spent the evening being treated as one of the adults. Playing absently with the armagnac I'd been given, the armagnac being Lucius' gift this year after he'd announced his intentions to marry Cissy, I sit in one of the velvet armchairs in the Drawing Room as my uncle and father begin discussing the Dark Lord.
I turn from the swirling red-amber liquid to look over at them. They were sitting across from me, but had turned the chairs to face each other slightly more.
"It's a disgrace," my father comments, and I furrow my brow slightly trying to figure out why he'd be talking about a disgrace in regards to the Dark Lord. While not a warrior himself, he thought very highly of those who fought in the Dark Lord's service.
"Yes, well," my uncle begins, "the Wizengamot won't even consider the petition. Honestly, it's not like those Muggles deserve to learn our magic. The right to learn magic should be preserved among those who truly deserve it."
I realise how much of the conversation I've missed with shame that I somehow manage to not let flush my cheeks. My uncle had tried to present a petition to keep Mudbloods from attending Hogwarts. He considered it a personal quest now that he'd lost a daughter to them. Filthy ingrates. We let them into our world, and they can't even respect it enough to adhere to the traditions.
"So long as that fool Dumbledore is Headmaster, the Wizengamot won't touch Hogwarts." Rodolphus shakes his head, black locks cascading briefly over his eyes before settling down. He was leaning against the mantle, surveying the room.
I glance over at the final occupant of the room, the fair haired, fair-skinned wizard who would soon marry into the family. Lucius remained quiet, sipping the armagnac and observing. He notices me and I could swear the corner of his lip turns upward slightly.
"No," he counters calmly, entering into the conversation as he did a room, as if he owned everything in sight. "Dumbledore may scare off the Wizengamot, but he will listen to the governors."
I turn to look at my father and uncle. They both nod, though my uncle's eyebrow goes up slightly. I knew Lucius had to be clever to win his approval before even asking for Cissy, but I think, in this moment, my uncle's respect for Lucius rose a little more.
"I can see your tactic clear as day, Lucius," Rodolphus chides. "Are you so certain you can balance your obligations to the Dark Lord and your personal ambitions?"
"I am sure Lucius knows what he's doing," Uncle Cygnus defends, much to the obvious irritation of Rodolphus.
"We all wish to protect the rightful order of things, and not all of us do so in the same way."
It is a very strange thing to see my father acting the mediator. I'd never seen him as exceptionally moderate. Still, it seemed his authority on the matter was unquestioned. Both parties quiet down, though I have no illusion that they had truly achieved peace.
"I head that there was a raid on a Blood Traitor and his family recently." Uncle Cygnus takes a sip of his drink and looks around the room, allowing his gaze to end on Rodolphus who nods, raises his glass and takes a sip from it.
In a rush, I realise what none of them had mentioned formally. Rodolphus, and likely Lucius as well, are Death Eaters. I don't know what kept me from realizing it before this moment, but it seems so obvious to me now.
I hide the flush on my cheeks by bringing my glass to my lips, inhaling the scent of the armagnac, hoping the alcohol would clear my head or at least give me a passable excuse.
The Death Eaters had been on the front page of the Daily Prophet fairly regularly for months now. Though until now, I'd never taken more than a passing interest in the elite of the Dark Lord's forces. I am merely fourteen, and they had been fascinating and distant. Only they aren't. Two of them are in this room with me. One was going to be family.