Harry Potter Crack!

(Sorry about the delay in posting the masterlist -- it was one of those days...)

This is in posting order.

A Sea Cruise For All Peoples by lotus_lizzy
Leporiphobia by curia_regis
Throw Me Something Mister by nolagal
The Mysterious and Groovy Afterlife of Wizards and Witches Who Died by timeywimeyball
Best Dressed Wizard by love_stoned0_0
The Chosen One by mr_mercutio
Sticky Situation by lotus_lizzy
All's Fair in Love, War, and Crack by zibbycomix
Draco Malfoy's New Robes by thesamanthahope
Asphodel by rockerchica826
The Long Night of the Beard by timeywimeyball
Saved by the Hero by abusing_sarcasm

The fic posted earlier this afternoon was the last one in the queue. We had a total of 12 fics written by 10 people -- not too shabby for a fest put together on rather short notice. The masterlist will be posted tomorrow.

One idea the mods had discussed was, now that the fest is done, opening the community up to all-members-can-post until it's time for another round of organized fest. Any interest in that? (That is, it would function like any regular comm, post your own stuff whenever.)

Next round: Speaking only as elethian here and not for rockerchica826, I think it would be better if this fest took place earlier in the year, so that the claiming and writing wasn't during holiday brouhaha, and the posting at a time when a lot of people are still burnt out from holiday fests. I was thinking perhaps to aim for posting in September or October next time. Opinions from the studio audience?

Also, due to lack of participation on InsaneJournal, any next round will most likely be LiveJournal only.

Thanks to everyone who submitted prompts and wrote!

Title: Saved By the Hero
Author: abusing_sarcasm
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco, Ron/Hermione, possible hints of Ginny/Neville, and implications of Draco's hand/Everyone
Rating: R, just for the sheer abuse of the f-word.
Words: ~3,200
Warnings: Aforementioned liberal use of the f-word as well as other salty language, skewering of fandom clichés, drug/potion abuse, mention of suicide, the Humpty Hump, and oh yeah… CRACK. Wait, you were expecting that one?
Prompt: Saved By the Bell.
A/N: Huge thanks to my betas, missjadey, degrees, maevemist, and stereotypeloser, as well as huge thanks to the lovely mods for not killing me for being late. And in the interest of full disclosure, ya'll should know that I had a poster of Mark Paul Gosselaar over my bed until I moved out and my mom took it down. So if this seems like a fangirl homage, it is.

( Saved By the Hero )

Title: The Long Night Of The Beard
Author: timeywimeyball
Pairing/Characters: Neville Longbottom, Hannah Abbot, Harry, Draco; Neville/Hannah
Rating: PG
Words: 2076
Warnings: Gallons of alcohol, and swathes of manly hair growth.
Prompt: W7: Dominant/recessive, enzymes, photosynthesis (and/or anything else relating to plant biology). Character: Neville.
A/N: Because beards, alcohol, and snark go together perfectly.

( The Long Night of the Beard )

Title: Asphodel
Author: rockerchica826
Pairing/Characters: Neville Longbottom/Draco Malfoy
Rating: R
Words: 1,688
Warnings: Bluntness, Neville is a BAMF, 1st person POV (Neville)
Prompt: Harry decides to have an anything-but-clothes party for the Gryffindors. Soon the word spreads through Hogwarts and all the other houses want to join in -- as well as the professors, ghosts, house elves, and portraits!
A/N: This is my first ever attempt at crack, so don’t hate me if it blows. Thanks to my betas melissaisms and muffin144 for putting up with my whining and complaining about not being able to write this. Love you!

( Asphodel )

Title: Draco Malfoy's New Robes
Author: thesamanthahope
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco (pre-slash really)
Rating: a pretty weak PG
Words: ~2080
Warnings: Ron's POV, implied nakedness
Prompt: S7: Post-war, someone who hates the Malfoys' anti-Muggle sentiments curses Draco so he has to wear Muggle clothes. But Draco finds himself able to wear fewer and fewer types of clothing, until he'd even reduced to strategically placed potted plants during visits to the Aurors while his case is under investigation. Pairing: Harry/Draco.
A/N: Ok, so I took some major liberties with the prompt, but I hit the highlights – post-war, visits to the Aurors, naked!Draco and strategically placed potted plants. Hopefully it doesn't completely blow. :) Super humongous thanks to my bff and beta, mrdavismd for being absolutely twatastic.

( Draco Malfoy's New Robes )

Title: All’s Fair in Love, War, and Crack
Author: zibbycomix
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco
Rating: R
Words: 2,005
Warnings: Slash and crack, references to S & M
Prompt: “I’m an indestructible master of war.”
A/N: Thanks to lepusdomesticus for putting up with my craziness, and for letting me bounce ideas off of her.

( All's Fair in Love, War, and Crack )

Title: Sticky Situation
Author: lotus_lizzy
Pairing/Characters: Draco/Harry/Charlie/Neville
Rating: NC-17
Words: 1500
Warnings: sex, ejaculation jokes, mentions of possible plant sex
Prompt: sticky situation
A/N: Thank you thesamanthahope for helping me with this insanity. You are the best!!!

( Sticky Situation )

Title: The Chosen One
Author: mr_mercutio
Characters: Voldemort
Rating: PG at worst
Words: ~1900
Warnings: crack (obviously), "original" characters, a few groan-worthy jokes
Prompt: "He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!" -- Monty Python's Life of Brian
Author's Notes: Okay, so, if you haven't seen Life of Brian, this might be less funny to you. Hopefully it's still amusing either way. As well, if you have seen LoB, you'll know to imagine the voice of the woman in a traditional Monty Python pepperpot/ratbag kind of voice. Enjoy!

( The Chosen One )

Title: Best Dressed Wizard
Author: love_stoned0_0
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco, hints at Hermione/Ron
Rating: R
Words: ~2100
Warnings: Lots of nakedness, but no sex for you.
Prompt: S7: Post-war, someone who hates the Malfoys' anti-Muggle sentiments curses Draco so he has to wear Muggle clothes. But Draco finds himself able to wear fewer and fewer types of clothing, until he'd even reduced to strategically placed potted plants during visits to the Aurors while his case is under investigation. Pairing: Harry/Draco
A/N: I took a lot of liberties with the prompt. It didn’t seem to want to be written and this is what I came up with instead. I hope it’s just as much fun. Thanks to abusing_sarcasm for the beta :D:D:D

( Best Dressed Wizard )

Title: The Mysterious and Groovy Afterlife Of Wizards And Witches Who Died
Author: timeywimeyball
Pairing/Characters: Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Lily Potter, Nymphadora Lupin
Rating: PG
Words: 1758
Warnings: Bell bottomed trousers, computer jokes, and a constant stream of snarky dialogue. And biscuits.
Prompt: In My Tell All Book, You Shall be Known As- The Idiot I Live With
A/N: Because hell is other people, but purgatory is someone else's favourite TV show.

( The Mysterious and Groovy Afterlife of Wizards and Witches Who Died )

Title: Throw Me Something Mister
Author:nolagal
Pairing/Characters: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~2000
Warnings: cross-dressing
Prompt: Snowball, Bacardi Mojito, Zulu men with G-strings.
A/N: Harry and Draco are sent to Mardi Gras! Many thanks to my betas, betelin_notecor and abusing_sarcasm! You are both amazing!

( Throw Me Something Mister )

Title: Leporiphobia
Author: curia_regis
Pairing/Characters: Filch and er, a lot of rabbits? *g*
Rating: PG
Words: 1188
Warnings: None really. *g* Except a lot of silliness.
Prompt: Bunnies. Lots of Bunnies. The castle is overrun with bunnies and Filch has to deal with the infestation, but the bunnies are wily.
A/N: This fic is set sometime before book 6.

( Leporiphobia )

Title: A Sea Cruise For All Peoples
Author: lotus_lizzy
Pairing/Characters: Draco/Neville
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~1380
Warnings: crack, randomness, voyeurism, sex with a sleeping person
Prompt: Narcolepsy, sea cruise, last wish, astrological sign
A/N: I apologize to all that read this, you can all kill me later. Big thanks to thesamanthahope for her help with this fic :) Only she would put up with my shenanigans.

( A Sea Cruise For All Peoples )

The claims post is now closed; all fic is due today!

There are still six fics outstanding. Please, if you've decided you can't finish yours, send us an email (hpcrackfest@gmail.com) and say so, rather than dropping out silently. Obviously pinch-hitting isn't a concern, but it helps plan posting.

Since we didn't put a "Beta:" slot in the fic header, if you had your fic beta-read and would like to credit them, you can put that information in the author's note slot in the header. Go ahead and use full usernames (as opposed to initials or anything) since the fest isn't anonymous and it's not necessary to keep beta identities secret.

Hi everyone,

Just a reminder that there's a little less than two weeks left until the due date (January 11). We've had two submissions out of fourteen so far!

One person asked in email about the length limits and whether they were negotiable. We really want to keep stories to 5000 words maximum. There have been so many fests lately full of long, heavy fare that we didn't want to do the same thing. If your story is 5100 words, we can talk, but no 6-10k+ stuff, sorry. If you need a reminder about how to submit your story or any of the other rules, you can find that in the rules post.

If you think you're not going to be able to make it by the due date, please get in contact with the mods to drop your claim (hpcrackfest@gmail.com). This is a simple kind of fest; there won't be extensions or pinch-hitting or any of that. You don't need to explain yourself, just let us know.

On the other hand, don't forget that claiming is still open, and will be until the fic due date. If you've not been inspired by the prompt you took, you can always drop it and take another one, so long as your fic is in on time!

Hey everyone!

Just got a request via email to remove a prompt from the list because they had mistakenly also used it in another place, and figured it was no longer anonymous. The prompt has been removed as requested, but it seemed a good time to make clear that although we screened the comments for submissions and claims (so seeing [whoever]'s name attached to [whatever] wouldn't influence anyone's decisions), this isn't an anonymous fest. When the fics are posted, they will be posted with the author's name included. Please don't post your fic elsewhere first or anything like that, but you can make "hey my fic posted today!" posts as soon as it's up, if you like.

Prompt claiming will be open in just a little while. We have 19 word prompts, 18 scenario prompts, 16 quote prompts, and one image prompt, for a total of 54 prompts!

Pairing requests turned out to be a bit loaded towards Harry/Draco. We'd hate for someone to think "gee, that's a great prompt, but I can't possibly write that pairing", so remember that this is a crack fest first, and the instructions allowed people to optionally include characters or a pairing they wanted to see. Don't worry if you can't squeeze in every last detail of a prompt, including the suggested pairing. Have fun with it!

If you've forgotten anything about story length limits, how to submit a finished story, etc., you can find all that in the rules post.

Hi y'all,

Due to a miscommunication between the two mods, there was a goofup in setting the prompt submission and claiming periods. The original intent was to open claiming after closing submissions, but elethian misunderstood rockerchica826, thought it was a bit odd but changed it anyway, and then it didn't get corrected back to what both of us had actually originally meant.

Therefore, this will be the revised schedule, the change in italics:

Prompt submissions: October 27th to November 28th
Prompt claiming: begins November 29th
Submission deadline: January 11th
Posting begins: January 16th

There's no change to claiming end; you can still claim at any time up through January 10th if you like, so long as you get the story in by the deadline.

Those few of you who have already claimed, your claims will remain valid, but comments will now be disabled on the claiming post until November 29th.

Sorry for the confusion!