Oh, this is sooooo lovely and funny and beautiful! I adore Filch smiling so disconcertingly Snape almost loses track of his rant. And revealing that Dumbledore, who "thinks he's the Queen of Sheba and all," is not the Hogwarts head of household.
Of course not! It's Argus Filch as maintains the place, and keeps it running well, and tidy. Who better, then, to take on maintenance of the most difficult young professor, skinny Severus Snape?
::happy sigh::
I love how Filch calls him "poppet." Snape's shock after drawing that chalk line is so funny! Filch may be awfully odd, but he's no fool. I'm smitten by guileless way Filch works around Snape's suspicions, combined with the absolutely awesome sex, his earnest culinary offerings, and all the other TLC.
I love how sex is never far from their minds - both practical, greedy, and seldom having had such a chance! And the little references by each to the other's infirmities: Filch's wheezing and creaky joints, and Snape "getting chafed something terrible down there." Their combination of grubbiness and practicality, social maladroitness and genuine caring, lustful leering and rough love, utterly wins my heart.
It's also pungently sexual. Your descriptions of their uninhibited coupling has something of the same feel as Seeker's work, I think. Which is meant as the highest compliment! I love this kind of Snape, who's prickly and dirty and snooty and smart, but can be managed so nimbly - taken in hand, as it were! - by someone prepared to put some elbow (or other) grease into it and above all, to respect the lad and cosset him. Mrs. Buttons' book certainly helps! Albus got the wrong book out of the library, he did.
And I love that Albus totally messed this up! Hahahaaha. And that Filius pushes his 100-volume limit. The romance books! AHHHH :D :D :D And Filch reflecting one minute that touching Snape's robes after a bad day in the Potions classroom is no worse than having to put his arm down a stopped-up drain - OMG OMG OMG that's such a grotty, perfect, simile! - then the next minute soothing Snape with a bath and a good listen (and it's so poignant that he recognizes no one's ever listened to Snape, just like Snape not really knowing much about food, and wincing when he sounds like his own angry father) and all the while that Filch is soothing and cosseting and managing him, he's also gazing his fill at that " wet, naked skin, and dark little nipples, and glossy black curls" and deciding that three days of sex and bondage are just what Severus needs! AHahahahaaha.
This fic is stuffed with funny scenes and perfect insights. But it's the way you've so closely juxtaposed the lust and love, mutual maladroitness and need that makes this such a perfect depiction of this pair.
Snape/Filch is such an earthy pairing when done well. This rendering is *superb.* I could go on and on but I really would end by commenting on every line! I LOVE IT SO MUCH. But I'll stop and just go back and reread every bit, again and again.