You had me from the start: The Christmas Cacti! Merlin's trowl! Wonder Cream for Clumsy Clods! ::cracks up::
I adore that Millicent works in runes and wards -- Viking rune stones that are "crude but powerful! How appropriate for her! :D
Magically-induced uncontrollable arousal is a "half-arsed plot device from some cheap romance novel?" Do I detect a hint of playful fandom meta here? ;)
So many awesome lines! "Hermione began to protest, and, in what was probably only the second or third tactful moment in his life, Ron kicked her in the shins." -- Totally snorfled out loud at this.
Also, adore the fact that this fic (with the unusual romance novel subplot) is sort of commentary on the fest itself.