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Bellatrix Isabelle Black Lestrange ([info]darkest_belle) wrote in [info]houseofgaunt,
@ 2008-09-19 17:31:00

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Who: Bella and Rodolphus.
What: A random run in while in Paris. Neither has seen the other since their last fight and things are bound to be interesting.
Where: Paris, France.
When: Friday Night, September 19, 3000.
Rating: TBD!
Status: Closed/Complete.





The city of love. Bella just snorted in disbelief as she stared out of the window of her temporary home, the irony of the whole damn situation only causing her to shake her head. Of all the places for her to end up, it had to be here. Given everything that had happened the gods must really hate her for having this be chosen as the random place her finger fell to on the map. Love was the last thing she felt or wanted at the moment.

She had left England early the day before, leaving Barty a note on the table before slipping out the door and into the night. As grateful as she was for his help and for the way he didn't try to barge or intrude on what was going on inside her head there was no way she could have stayed there any longer. Especially after Rabastan had hunted her down. She should have just stopped talking to him sooner when her gut told her to, but oh no she had to keep going and now the one place she had felt safe in was no longer safe.

Sighing she turned away from the window and headed further into the large penthouse apartment she had all but stolen. Its not the like the Muggle needed it now. They were dead in a ditch somewhere. And it was only temporary. Bella had no intention of staying there permanently. No if she stayed in one place for too long one of them was bound to track her down and that was the last thing she needed or wanted. Heading for the large chair that sat next to the fire place she sat down in it and curled up, wrapping her arms around her legs as she hugged them tightly against her chest, her eyes staring vacantly at the wall as she tried to quiet her mind. She knew she needed to rest and soon, there was only so long she could go before she crashed and she didn't want to reach that point but she couldn't get her mind to quiet down long enough nor could she get the words and images to leave her alone long enough for her to rest. And it seemed that now was not going to be any different than any other time she had tried to rest.

Frustrated she stood up and headed over to her bag on the floor by the door. Crouching down she began digging through it, her wand getting stowed into her pocket as she pulled out a few other items, both of the daggers were slipped easily into the tops of the boots she wore and the large sweatshirt slid easily over her head as she stood up. If she couldn't get her mind to quiet down normally she would just over work until it gave up. And hunting seemed like just the solution. After all Paris was full of whores, thieves and drug dealers. It should be able to keep her busy for a while.

Setting a few quick wards on the apartment so that no one entered it while she was gone she disapparated with a crack, pleased to see her old hunting grounds still remained, and that it looked even worse than when she had been alive. Pulling the hood up on her shirt so that she blended in more easily she set off down the street, her eyes scanning the bodies that littered it as she searched for the right target, the perfect toy with which to busy herself with for a few hours.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-19 07:14 pm UTC (link)
It was a good thing Rodolphus traveled plenty in his first life. He'd been wandering through various countries, barely paying attention to the scenery as it passed him by. When he got to a different country he'd wander around for a few hours or the whole day before apparating to another location hundreds of miles away.

Recently he'd been in Croatia, then hopped to Austria, and Switzerland (purposely avoiding Italy). He'd seen Italy enough. And recent experiences there certainly weren't reasons to return. Germany was one of the first places he had went to, so France was next on the list, where he intended to head South to Spain.

Rodolphus wasn't too fond of France. Admittedly he'd been to Paris a couple times, but hadn't wandered much farther than that. It was a familiar place, and Rod was thinking of trying to find a place to sleep. At least attempt to sleep. It'd been almost two days since he had slept a wink. And that wink was only four hours long on a park bench.

The sun was gone and about half the moon was shining bright. It'd been such a long time since he'd last been to Paris that Rod wasn't exactly sure of his location. It was a dirty block, though that didn't narrow down the options much. A whore approached him with a gleam in her eye. Just the mere thought of sex made an angry bile rise in his throat. He shoved past the woman without a word and continued on his aimless way.

Rodolphus was staring down at his feet as he tromped down a dark alley. He looked up as the alley turned into a side street. His eyes first landed on a strewn body then continued up the pavement to see a few more. "What the he-" The sight in front of him made his stomach clench and his heart drop.

No doubt Rodolphus looked as bad as he felt. There were deep dark circles under his eyes, his skin was sallow, and his clothes were a bit baggy on his frame. On this trip he hadn't felt the need to eat much. Only the little bit he needed to keep his body moving. She looked beautiful, but seeing her only made him feel all the more disgusted with himself. He didn't say anything to her. How could he? What would he even say? After being with Bella for so many years, Rodolphus knew she had to be aware of his presence already. Even if he apparated right there on the spot, he wouldn't escape detection.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-19 07:32 pm UTC (link)
She wandered for a bit before the constant approaches and offers from those around her started to grate on her nerves and soon her senses took over and her brain shut down as the bodies piled up behind her. She didn't even care how they died so long as they were away from her and couldn't touch her. The one who had managed to touch her was now nothing more than a dark stain on the concrete, a bit of their blood was smeared across her cheek but Bella made no move to wipe it away.

And then she felt him, her entire body tensing up as she froze, a wave of panic rushing through as the first thought that crossed her mind was to run, to get as far away from him as possible. But what her mind was screaming at her and what her body was doing were two different things.

Slowly she raised her head up, grateful that the hood of the sweatshirt she wore and the rapidly falling darkness hid her face well. Hid the sickly paleness her skin had taken on as well as the purple bruises that rimmed her eyes, which now ran up his body. She started at his feet, letting her gaze travel slowly up a form that was as familiar as her own before they came to a stop on his face.

Bella remained crouched as she had been, but every muscle in her body tightened as she waited for some sort of reaction from him. There was no need to tell him who she was, he knew just as well as she had known the moment he had come along. Now it was just a matter of seeing who would make the first move.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-20 03:52 am UTC (link)
Although Bella had her wand out, Rodolphus didn't make a move for his. A motion like that would only worsen the situation. Because of the lack of sleep his head had felt like there was a heavy fog in it; but the sudden encounter put him on edge. He could still feel a little fog trying to ease its way back in.

Of all the traveling he had been doing, how the fuck did they randomly run into each other?! Of all the dumb luck. They were purposely avoiding each other, yet here they were. In France. In Paris. In the same damn street. For so many years Rodolphus believed that he and Bella were meant to be together. It seemed fate had the same idea. But it felt wrong. How could they be together after all that had happened?

A few minutes of silence passed. Two depressed wizards just staring at one another. Though the hood shadowed her face, it was easy to see Bella had a sickly look. They looked similar other than the few partially healed scrapes and bruises on Rodolphus. Many of his stops had included forests which cut him up a bit. None the cuts were serious, so Rodolphus just left them to heal on their own. He didn't give a damn how he looked. Except now. Even at such a horrid time, a part of him still wanted to look good for her.

He suddenly became conscientious of his staring and felt compelled to speak. With a dry throat, he struggled to make himself speak, "I'm sorry, Bella." It was all he could force out. It didn't sound like the right thing to say, but he couldn't think of anything else that didn't sound ridiculous.

The smart part of him wanted her to flee. To run away and realize he was the wrong man to be with. His selfish side just wanted her to stay and stand there for him to watch for just a little longer. All he could do was wait for a reaction.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-21 02:05 am UTC (link)
His speaking as almost as bad as the silence that had been stretching out between them. At least in the silence she could fill it with her own thoughts and words and images, but the moment he spoke the delusion she had been living in shattered and the pure fury at what he had done to her, the way he had made her feel, both physically and emotionally took over.

Bella rose up slowly, a cold impassive look plastered across her face as she ignored the urge to run away from him and instead moved closer to him. Part of her was dying to reach out to him, to touch him just to convince herself that it wasn't dream, regardless of the similarities she could see in them, but the anger wouldn't let her.

Carefully she moved towards him, her mind going a mile a minute as she took slow deliberate steps until Bella found herself standing right in front of him, the urge to run even stronger now. She studied his face for a moment, features she had long ago memorized blurred in her mind as the red haze slid across her mind. Without thinking about it she curled her hand into a fist and drew it back before slamming it into his jaw with as much strength as she possibly could.

"Bastard."

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-21 03:17 am UTC (link)
His brown eyes widened slightly when she took a step forward. Of all the things he thought she might do, approaching him was not one he had considered. It just sounded too ridiculous to think she'd want to be any nearer to him. Up close he could see every little detail of her face under the hood. The pain clearly etched in her features wrung his heart dry. She never deserved to get hurt as badly as she had been. He was a terrible person.

As the familiar thought crossed his mind, Bella's fist collided with his jaw. The punch made his body turn from the force of it. Waist pivoted, he he hesitated before reopening his eyes to turn and look back at her. He deserved it. He deserved anything she threw at him. In fact he hoped she would do more. There wasn't a chance in the world he'd fight back.

Rodolphus's face was slack, almost void of emotion though his insides were convulsing with it. "I know, I am." He made the four words a statement, as if she needed a confirmation. It was a way to tell her that he was not going to deny what he had done. He knew damn well what he'd done and wanted to be beaten down for it.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-21 03:24 am UTC (link)
Bella stood stock still in front him, her chest rising and falling slowly even though pure fury rushed through her veins. It took every effort she had to put her wand away so that she wouldn't do something that in the long run would only make things even worse than they already were.

As tired and as stressed as she was the mask she had bee trying to hold in place on her face slipped and her emotions ran freely across it. Pain, hurt, fury, frustration, and buried beneath it all was a longing to be near him once more regardless of what he had done to her.

Balling her hands up into fists once more she stared at him, trying to get his words to make sense in her brain. But it didn't. His agreeing with her was not something she had counted or nor was it something she had expected and yet there he stood agreeing to the statement she had made and it only served to anger her even more.

"Why?" It was one word. Three little letters, one single syllable and yet there were a thousands questions contained within it. A thousand explanations that needed to be given and a thousand things she couldn't say or ask of him.

The most important being, why would you do this to me? Her gaze rose to meet his once more and the questions that could not be asked verbally were present in her eyes.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-21 01:18 pm UTC (link)
Seeing Bella let go of her mask only weakened Rodolphus's own. The single good thing coming out of it was she looked like she hated him. Her hating him would be the most logical thing out of this whole mess. Really, how did they end up on the exact same street in Paris?

Feeling weaker by the second, his brown eyes glazed with moisture. He glanced away from her face to see part of the street. It was at this moment he realized these were her old hunting grounds. Perhaps his subconscious had led him here. He had just been staring at his feet, so they must have walked the familiar path to this exact location.

He looked back at her, the water building in the inner corner of his right eye. The question hurt because he wasn't entirely sure of the answer. It was the same thing he'd been asking himself all along. How could do such a horrible thing to the one person he loved more than anything else? It felt like a staring contest as Rodolphus refused to blink, afraid the tear would release and make itself obvious. He hated to cry, and he hated to let Bella see him cry. The man was supposed to always be strong for his woman. Though, was she even his anymore? Rather, was he her man?

Rodolphus tried to gather himself to form a decent answer that didn't sound horrible. Everything he said sounded like the wrong thing to him. "My rage took over. I'm sorry. I should have stopped." He believed down to the last moment every person had control of their actions. There was very rarely an incident that was genuine not someone's fault when they couldn't have done anything different to alter the situation. It applied to him just the same. At the time he felt like he was on autopilot, but some part of him was still there. He should have stopped himself from touching her at all.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-21 03:00 pm UTC (link)
"Your right," she snapped as she took a step back away from, putting more distance between them as her temper took over once more, "You should have stopped. I fucking begged you to stop and you didn't listen to me." Her words came out in a hiss as she paced away from him, afraid of what would happen if she stayed near him.

Satisfied that there was enough distance between them she spun around to glare at him.

"You've never not stopped before when I asked you to. I-" her voice caught and she snapped her jaw shut once more, not sure of what else to say without breaking down in front of him. The part of her that wanted to go to him and demand that he make everything better, that he tell her the world wasn't as fucked up as she believed it to be and that in the end things would be fine was coursing through her veins but she couldn't go to him, she couldn't demand he make it all better for he was the one who made it worse to begin with.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this, how I'm supposed to react to it all and that terrifies me. It terrifies me even more that..." she paused as she glanced away from him, her anger being edged out by the depression and darkness she had been feeling for days now as the words ran through her head and then tumbled from her lips. "It terrifies me even more that I don't know if things between us can be fixed after this."

She returned her gaze to his once more, not caring what he saw in her eyes nor what look she had her face. Bella had never hidden from him before, she wasn't going to start now.

"You've never hurt me before, not physically, not like this. And I don't know how to handle that." Her words were barely above a whisper but with it being just the two of them on the street they carried enough so that he would hear them. And she felt that he needed to hear them. Perhaps then it would break through whatever had settled over his mind and caused him to do such things to her, for Bella had no idea how to get through and make what happened better. She didn't think she ever could.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-21 05:52 pm UTC (link)
Rodolphus's gaze was glued to Bella as she spoke and moved around. Damn his subconscious for bringing him here. He'd really thought more time would pass before they saw each other again. Maybe in a month's time they both would have thought through everything and wouldn't be so unstable. But of course, here they were, ready to break down.

Every syllable she uttered cut him deep. He would have preferred the cutting to be literal. The body healed quicker than the mind. The tear finally rolled down his cheek. He was too busy trying to think of a response to wipe the tear away. "I could stand here and make excuses, Bella, but I know what I did was horrible. I can't take back what I did," he subconsciously took a step forward. "The only mediocre solution I can think of is to keep myself away from you."

Finally saying it out loud made it hurt more. He'd made the decision that same day, but he hadn't spoken it until now. For some reason it felt official. "My temper took over that day. I can't risk losing control like that again, not around you."

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-21 06:14 pm UTC (link)
Bella froze at his last statement, the blood draining from her face as it turned to ice in her veins. Had he honestly just suggested that he would leave her? Her mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to find something to say to that, tried to think of some way to erase the words he had just said but she had nothing. Except for a hole in side of her that had just gotten bigger at his suggestion.

She sat down on the ground, her legs no longer able to support her as she tried to imagine a world without him, tried to imagine her world without him and she couldn't do it. Bella didn't want to do it. Even after everything that happened, after what he had done to her she still loved him.

"You would leave me?" She asked in a shaky voice, her eyes raising to meet his own as her own tears fell. She just stared at him, unable to say anything more than she already had. This wasn't happening, this was not happening to her. Not after everything, not after all they had been through. The harder she tried to convince herself of that though, the worse it got until she felt like she couldn't breathe. And that the walls were closing in on her. Her breaths started coming out in short gasps as she tried to get a hold on her emotions, tried to convince herself that perhaps this was just another dream, but she couldn't. It hurt too much to be a dream. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hung her head between them in an attempt to keep herself from passing out, but nothing was working as black dots began to dance in front of her eyes.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-21 06:41 pm UTC (link)
When Bella dropped to the ground, Rodolphus instinctively lunged forward onto his knees in front of her. His hand was about to reach out to her, but it stopped midair and he drew it back. It probably wasn't the best idea to touch her. He also realized it might not be a good thing for him to be so close to her either. In a voice laced with pain, he softly spoke, "Bella, never in my life have I wanted to leave you. My love for you made that impossible. But now my love's greatest concern is not what I want, but what I should do for you." Rodolphus paused to take in a deep breath in order to steady his emotions. "You should never be afraid of your husband."

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-21 07:48 pm UTC (link)
"I-I don't know what I am any more." Her words came out in between gasps as she closed her eyes and tried to focus on breathing, tried to remember how to do so properly so that her head wasn't spinning and the world wasn't flashing in and out behind her closed eyes.

After a few moments she opened her eyes and glanced up, surprised to see him as close to her as he was but she fought the urge to scramble away from him or flinch. As much as she wanted to put as much space between them as she could Bella knew it would only continue to make things worse if she ran every time he came near her or tried to touch her.

"I don't know where we're supposed to go from here. I've never had to deal with something like this. I'm not meant to deal with stuff like this." Her words trailed off as she stared at him, wondering if it all could be fixed. Ignoring the voice screaming in her head for her to stop she raised a shaky hand and reached towards him, her hand resting on his cheek. She could do this if she just ignored everything. If she drowned out the fear and the panic and the voices that were screaming in her head. She could be near him if she just ignored it all. But would it really help? If she were to surpress everything and try to forget it all and just be with him how long would it be before she resented him or they fought again over something stupid and it escalated into something much bigger than either of them knew how to handle.

"The only thing I really do know, is that regardless of everything, of all that has happened and has taken place between us I still love you. I know I shouldn't, and a part of me is telling me to run, to put as much space as I possibly can between us because of what you did to me and because of what I now feel, but I can't.

"I don't know how to stay away from you, and I honestly don't want to." Bella had always been as open and as honest as she could with him. Hoping that it would it make up for all of the other stuff she had done but there had always been things she kept to herself. Like her feelings and her emotions. She had kept them locked away for so long, kept them hidden and suppressed so as to be able to protect him and herself but that was no longer the case. She no longer needed to wear that mask or keep that barrier between them, and perhaps, if she truly let him in, let him see everything that she was and everything she had then maybe, just maybe they could move forward from this.

"I know this world is a fucked up place to be. I've done a lot to cause some of the shit thats in it. But even when the world did suck, when my life sucked, I always had you. I could always count on and trust for you to be there. And I know I've taken advantage of that time and time again. Used the faith and trust I placed in you and never thought twice about it. But now, now I need it more than ever. I need you here, with me.

"But I don't know how to make that work. I don't know how to get past the fear and the panic the thought of you being near me alone causes. And I hate that. I hate that this lies between us. I know I have no reason to feel like this. That after everything I've done to you, done to us that I deserve it on some level. That this is karma's way of finally saying haha to me.

"I'm not afraid of you Rodolphus, not really. I just don't know how to trust you any more. I don't know if I can. And that scares me. Not being able to trust you."

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-22 03:42 pm UTC (link)
Rodolphus bent his knees and silently sat on his feet. His attention never strayed from her words as she spilled her thoughts. The things she said about not trusting him and wanting to keep away from came as no surprise. But he didn't bother to hide the shock in his face when she said she deserved it.

"Bella we've both done a lot of terrible things in our lives, but you never deserved what I did. No matter how mad I was or what you did, I should have never layed a hand on you. I really am aware of what happened. My mind was not in control of my body, it felt almost like I was on drugs...only part of my mind was aware of what was going on. When I heard you-When I heard you call me 'love', even in that situation, it woke me up."

It was difficult to talk about. He'd thought about that day plenty, but mainly because it haunted him. It was difficult to try and make any sense of it. Much harder to try explaining it. "It's difficult for me to trust you as well...When I found out, what you did, I thought about our first life and how I believed you were in love with Riddle. One of my worst fears had come true; you being with another man. It drove me insane...with grief and anger. I was completely mad when I attacked you.

"I'm not saying that's an excuse, I'm just trying to explain it...though I don't even understand it completely." Rodolphus hung his head, unable to meet her gorgeous eyes. He didn't want to see her work through his words or how she would react to them.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-22 11:24 pm UTC (link)
Bella's eyes narrowed into slits as that phrase ran through her mind. Laid a hand on you. It ran through her mind on repeat and with every passing her temper rose another notch.

"Laid a hand on me?" She hissed. "You think you just laid a fucking hand on me Rodolphus?" Not even pausing to think about it her hands balled into fists once more and she took another swing at him, her fist connecting with his jaw as she lunged forward and tackled him back to the ground.

"This goes beyond just laying a hand me. That I could have dealt with. The bruises would have faded. But you did more than just lay a hand on me and bruise me Rodolphus. You...raped...me." The sentence came out in a hiss as the word rang loudly in her ears. It was the first time she had actually said it out loud. Actually admitted what he had done to her and all it did was fuel her anger even more.

"Have you any idea what its like to be afraid to be touched? To flinch or back away any time someone comes near you cause you fear what they may do to you? Have you any idea what its like to live with the constant nightmares and the pain? And I don't mean just the physical pain. I don't just mean the purple bruises you left on my arms. Or the injuries that turned the water pink when I took a shower to try and wash it all away. Have you any idea what its like to deal with this mentally? To have it play over and over again in your mind every time you close your eyes or try to sleep?

"I wake up screaming night after night because I can't deal with this. I don't how to deal with this. Have you any idea what you've done to me?"

She kept him pinned to the ground as best she could, her nails digging into the skin beneath her fingers as she stared at him, daring him to argue with her or tell her she was wrong. Or that it was no big deal. Gods she wanted to make him feel like she did. To live with everything she had been, to walk around feeling everything that she was, but Bella refused to sink that low. She refused to become that person.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-22 11:50 pm UTC (link)
Rodolphus took the punch but barely turned his head before he was pushed to the ground. He merely laid there with his legs sprawled and arms limp as he looked up at her. The anger made sense, but not the action. For the first time ever he felt uncomfortable being so close to Bella. They used to be so rough each other in the past, but now he thought of her like a glass doll. He didn't move an inch, afraid to crack her delicate body. As he thought of her that way she talked about how hurt she was. It was far too late. He'd already put webs of cracks all over her.

Before he had shed a few tears because of the situation. Now his tears had come to a halt. His eyes were dried up as he couldn't stop the flood of images that played in his head along with her words. Rape. He had actually raped his wife. It was ten times worse hearing her say it. As if it had been some fucked up delusion his own mind had created to torture him.

He began to feel an anger burn inside of him. This anger was the same he'd been feeling for days. The rage he felt only for himself. When she paused he knew it was his turn to speak. His mouth did all the work with little thought behind it. "I'm not going to pretend I understand what you're going through. If I could undo it, I would. I have never regretted something so entirely. For the past week I have been yearning for death, but I refuse to die because I deserve worse! I know there's no possible way for me to make this up to you. Maybe you don't hate me, Bella, but you should."

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-23 12:23 am UTC (link)
"No, you don't. A part of me wishes that I could make you understand. That I could make you live with what I am day after day, but I refuse to do that. I wouldn't wish this on even my own worst enemy. I never, even in my wildest dreams ever expected you to do something like this, let alone to me."

Her temper spiked once more at his words, about his wishing for death and she swung at him once more, wondering just how much damage her fist was actually doing before pushing it aside.

"Are you crazy? Have you not listened to anything I've said to you? Ever? I know I should hate you, logic tells me that I should. That I should hate you with everything I am. That this conversation? Should not even be happening." She paused as she let go of his arms and crossed her own over her chest as she stared down at him.

"But I don't know how to hate you. I don't think I'm capable of doing so. I've tried, gods you have no idea how hard I've tried to hate you for this, for turning me into what you have, but I can't.

"I've tried to find it in me to hate you, but all I can find it in me to do is love you."

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-23 12:39 am UTC (link)
The punches barely phased him. No doubt there was enough force in them to bruise his face, but he just absorbed it. He wanted her to hurt him and he was getting a small dose. A few slams to the face wasn't justice though. Everything inside hurt more.

She always managed it. Bella always had the ability to take ahold of Rodolphus's heart and give it a good squeeze. Although he could never fully understand the type of pain she was going through, he knew exactly what she meant about loving him. During his entire first life he tried not to love her, but failed miserably. He knew damn well he was just the same as before. "I've always loved you, Bella. I do know what it's like to try to stop it. Whenever I tried not to love you, it never worked. You are my world Bella. I hate what I've done to you. We've both done horrible things to each other, yet I managed to top them all."

Rodolphus propped himself up on his elbows so as to get closer to her face. He wanted to be close to her and take a long look into those deep eyes he always managed to get lost in. "I don't deserve you." It was a statement. A clear fact out of all the craziness. "But for some reason you're always here by me."

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-23 12:58 am UTC (link)
Bella just stared at him before taking a deep breath and hanging her head.

"What the fuck are we going to do? I don't want to loose you over all of this. But I don't know how to fix it all either. Nor do I want to involve anyone else. This needs to stay just between us, but I don't know how to go forward from here. How to start fixing things."

Bella froze as he came closer, her body tensing as though it was going to flee but she refused to give in to the urge, refused to run away from him, run away from the whole situation any longer. Her eyes roamed over his face for a moment, taking in features she had memorized long ago before locking with his gaze.

"There has never been anyone else for me Rodolphus. And there never will be. It has always been you. And it always will be you. Regardless of whats happened or of what we've done to each other there has never been anyone else as well suited for me as you. We fit. And I don't want anyone else. Nor will I ever want anyone else.

"I will never leave your side love. I swore to always stand by you and I will continue to do so. You can say what you want, and think what you want but there will never be anyone else for me."

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-23 01:12 am UTC (link)
He was as clueless as she was about what to do. Never had he thought things would resolve and there would even be the chance for them to be together. "I'm not sure either, but we can try. I've only spoken to you, Rabastan, and Jacinda, but I didn't tell them anything."

Since he was so close to her, he could see the tension slip over her. Like with any other tense situation he made sure not to make any sudden movements to avoid causing alarm. Being uncomfortable was unavoidable now. They had to work through it. When her eyes met his he could see she had calmed slightly. It was the usual Bella, taking full control of herself.

Rodolphus knew it was wrong for him to feel anything but guilt, but her words made him feel a spark of happiness. His bit of joy made his eyes shine, "For decades I've known you're the only woman I could ever love. We can get through this Bella. It'll take time, but we can do it." A strong urge came over him to hug her, but he fought it away. It was going to be very difficult to know when he was allowed to ever touch her.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-23 01:26 am UTC (link)
"Rabastan is a fucking bastard who needs to mind his own god damned business. But I guess we do have him to thank in a way. He managed to track me down at Barty's. I went to stay with him....after. And if Rabastan had not shown up there being his usual self I wouldn't be here in Paris, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. I don't want him, or anyone else involved.

"Barty I think has an idea of whats going on, of what happened. But he's not prying or pushing. If anything I think he is more than content to just let it all go. Something I wish I could do. I wish I could forget it all, that I could pretend it never happened. That none of it ever happened and we could just go back to the way things were, but that can't happen. That would be the worst thing we could do. Pretend none of it happened."

She held his gaze, smiling just a bit at the look in his eyes, her body relaxing a bit as some of the tension eased out of it. She could do this. She was stronger than her mind and her emotions and if she wanted to badly enough, and she did, Bella wanted it more than anything else, she could work past this. It would take time, but if it meant having him at her side again Bella would take all the time in the world to make it happen.

"I know. We just have to find somewhere to start. And I think the first place, is to stop avoiding each other. On all levels." Taking a deep breath she closed the space between them, her forehead resting gently against his. She wanted to do more, to wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his shoulder and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist like she normally did when it all got to be too much for her to handle but she didn't, she couldn't.

Bella ignored the urge and desire to run away, to put space between them, and she pushed aside the voice that screamed at her that he would hurt her again. Bella didn't believe it any how. He may have slipped once but she wanted to believe with everything she was that it would never happen again.

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[info]rodo_l
2008-09-23 01:46 am UTC (link)
The way she talked about Rabastan almost made Rod want to laugh. He'd always found their antics amusing. Hearing her talk about his brother like that again felt normal. It brought a small wave of relief and hope. Hope that things would get better.

The news about Barty didn't bother him. He knew she'd have had to go to someone, and there weren't a lot of candidates. One of these days he'd have to thank Barty for watching over her.

Of course Rodolphus had considered the idea of memory alteration. But like Bella said, it'd be the worst thing to do. Forgetting or ignoring it wouldn't help. Maybe for awhile it would, but memory spells didn't always work. If the spells wore off one day, they'd be right back where they started. Probably worse.

Rodolphus stared back at Bella, hardly able to take his eyes away from her. Whenever they spent time apart it felt like eternity. This time was worse because for the duration of it he never thought he'd be able to touch her again. The heat of her forehead to his was intoxicating. That small amount of skin contact made his worries fade into the background for a brief moment of bliss.

He stayed still and silent for a minute, just taking it all in. Speaking softly, he broke the intimate silence, "I love you Bella." Although they had to start anew to build their trust again, he was never going to let her forget how much he loved her.

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[info]darkest_belle
2008-09-23 02:06 am UTC (link)
Bella's eyes slipped closed as both of her hands came up to rest on either side of his face, preventing him from leaving or going anywhere. Part of her was still waiting for that. Waiting for him to come to his sense and leave her, to tell her that he was done with her and no longer wanted her and the day that happened? She would break. Truly and utterly. She also hoped for it to be the day she died for good. For a world without him was not one she wanted to be in.

"And I love you. Gods you have no idea how much I love you Rodolphus. I always have and I always will." She opened her eyes after another moment or so and just stared at him, wondering once more if perhaps this was all some fucked up dream that she was going to wake from soon. If it was a dream...it was much better than most she had had recently and the last thing she wanted to do was wake from it.

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