Who: Remus Lupin
What: The Full Moon
Where: Into the woods.
When: September 15th, 3000
Warnings/Status: Prepare for the emo. Complete/Narrative.


It was always such a long walk, the distance from the house to the woods, it was terribly lonely despite the company of the stars. No matter how many times Remus had done it over the years since gaining his affliction it never changed; there was no getting used to the bone curdling fear or the knowledge that he was nothing but an animal that needed only be chained and put down; there was no acceptance or peace. Nothing but the cold, long walk to a fate worse than death.

Remus exhaled a sharp breath and peered despairingly down the ridiculously long staircase from his flat, it would be such a pain, his muscles ached and his bones felt ready to snap.. No words need be said to the night though, what else could pass between him and the stars that had not found its way to the surface over the years that he'd walked this lonely path with them? There was little comfort to be derived from speech but he would love human presence beside him just then as it did something more than words could ever do.

The former Gryffindor cast his night time companion an appreciative look, forcing a brief smile then the man descended the stairs one at a time, each step excruciating and jolting Remus with every movement, causing sharp striking pains through his aching body. By the time they reached the bottom level Remus was perspiring and fighting back his tears of pain, his breathing rugged and his skin sallow for the effort of staying on his feet.

The stars twinkled sadly, that profound sorrowful look making Remus feel weak and stupid for letting himself succumb to his pain, but there was no derision or pity to be had from the skies, instead she offered only that calm determination to see this done.

If the stars could speak they would whisper, "Come on, just a little further Remus and you can get this over with."

If only, he thought darkly but said nothing of those pessimistic thoughts. She would only trying to help him, encourage him. Remus smiled again.

"I know," he murmured as if the sky had actually spoke to him and with a grim determination he pressed forward and pushed aside the thought that whatever lay on the other side was far worse than what he was feeling now.

And so one step at a time as they had done when descending the stairs Remus eased himself out towards the woods and quietly slipped onto the sacred ground, compulsively, hating himself for doing it, Remus' amber eyes flicked to the sky line in search of the full moon. How he hated this night, he dreaded it, it was a deep pit boiling in the depths of his stomach and he wanted to die rather than face that orb again.

The chill night air enveloped Remus and nearly stopped him in his tracks for the cold of it, his breath escaped in little plumes of white puff, broken only by the sharp intake and brief hold. "I can't do this," he whispered. Old sentiments, how many times had he uttered these very words? Both to Madam Pomfrey during his school years and his best friends but now only to himself... I don't want to do this, I'm so tired. Remus' steps faltered and he paused, his wild amber eyes darting to stare at the distant deeper trees before darting to the sky again. Moony was stirring as he had been this last week, stronger tonight than he had been over the month since the last full moon, Remus' senses were sharper and easier to access. He could smell the fresh cut grass, the mud beneath his feet, the smell of the leaves from the forest, he could even hear the little critters rushing to get away from the beast they sensed was coming.. he could feel them.

Remus wasn't rushing but he understood that he must make the deep places before the moon came up for his own safety and that of everyone around him. The sound of childish laughter broke behind him and Remus could only obey himself and silently he stepped forward. It was only that little human contact that enabled him to do more than revel in the beautiful smells and world around him that Moony enjoyed so much. It was those sweet innocent careless voices that reminded him that he was human still for a short while.

The trees emerged from the depths far too quickly and it took the breath from Remus to stare up at the live branches swaying back and forth to a dangerous tune, waiting for the tricksters to dart forward and tempt the branches.

Remus had come down to his last semi-good clothes a frequent number of times in light of the full moon and it was only recently that he had convinced himself undress at least halfway before going down for the transformation, that way he didn't have to keep scrambling around for some gold to buy new used ones every four weeks.

He hadn't realized that he'd been trembling until that moment, and it was further excuse to despise himself. How weak am I? Such questions drifted in and out of his subconscious while he unclasped his cloak and tucked it down in a pile of leaves for easy retrieval and quietly unbuttoned his last oxford shirt, shrugging it from his sore shoulders and hiding that too. Once he was nearly starkers and in the semi-chill of September's climate Remus gave the stars a kind appreciating look and uttered a quiet, "thank you," before he stepped forward to lose himself in these deep woods.

Darkness surrounded him and with a soft sigh the werewolf stepped forward, ignoring the silence and trying to suppress the deep rooted fear that threatened to undo him. This walk too was long, and very lonely and despite eternity seeming to lag at his feet the walk did not take nearly long enough to end. Remus came upon the clearing and he peered up through the tunnel of trees in trepidation, shaking violently now in more than just the cold... He settled himself against the great trunks of the majestic forest himself cleverly tried to forget the opening he'd just come from so Moony would not try to break through and return the way he'd come.

Alone now and afraid of what was coming the thin boy curled his slight arms around his sickly frame and forced down his sobs. Where Sirius and James? Peter even? What he wouldn't give to hear their voices now or see their laughing faces, something, anything to remind him that he was human and that everything would be okay.. that they would watch over him and see to it that Moony did not harm anyone.. that he would not harm himself. The boy swallowed thickly and furrowed his brows, furtively casting glances up at the sky again, searching the horizon for indication that the moon was coming and to his great disappointment he found what he was looking for. There, along the horizon the sky was lightening and it was not from the sun but rather the slow creep and crawl of the moon as she wound her way up the sky.

"You're a monster" the thought drifted across his mind.

"An animal, Remus," it said, "what are you doing in a school full of children? Children so unlike you.."

"No," he said allowed and pushed that back, "stop it. It's not true."

It's not true. His conviction was weak.

Lupin's eyes were fixed on the sky, and that internal instinct told him that it would not be long now, and indeed less than a minute later he went rigid and his heart pounded in his chest, it hammered a tune that no minstrel could keep up with and he thought it would burst out of his chest. The moon rose and the gleaming reflecting light burst into Remus' vision and his eyes burned amber and immediately he was on his knees and screaming his pain as muscles and ligaments tore and shredded themselves and bones snapped and crackled and burst through his skin to reshape themselves. He was writhing and crying and clawing at the earth beneath him and he was hardly a boy anymore, hardly human, his spine curved and each vertebrae protruded from his skin and resettled, his jaw cracked and shifted, elongating into the snout of his counterpart and from the ends of his fingers claws erupted and there was one last long wailing cry of human pain, submission and the figure collapsed in a trembling heap of fur and low growling, whimpering snarls.

Slowly, after a brief pause the wolf climbed to its feet.

Moony was free.