[The next is spoken very carefully, tone mixing calm and urgency the way only someone accustomed to emergencies will.]
Hello? I'm not sure if anyone's receiving this, but I am very lost. Something must have happened last night, because I have no idea where I am. If you hear me, please respond. My name is Mark Lilly, and I need to get back to my students.
Randall! If you can hear me: did you roofie my chocolate milk again?