HopeForlorn

I am a little slammed with end of term papers and projects at the moment. I am reading you all and will get with the comments and things soon.

But...

I'm gonna have to really enforce a week off the journaling services. I have to use what I have of my "holiday break" for getting a foothold before some of this stuff eats me alive. All days will be study days, with the exception of Thursday in which I stuff myself with free turkey and other om nom noms  at mom's house.

I hope you all have a good week. Keep up the good journaling. I will need some non-textbook reading for when I come back! ^_^ v

On my way home from the university,I have to drive down a busy freeway along with people zipping at speeds above the legal limit. Today, I took the slow lane, driving about 5 under the limit which is more relaxing to me...especially after nursing a headache for the majority of the day.

In front of me is a man on a red motorcycle with his longish hair flapping out of the back of his helmet. I think to myself that he must be really chilly, because it is autumn here and the temperatures are reflecting that.

I continue to follow him to my exit and he takes it too. At this time, I notice that he is wearing a red jacket. He turns left, I turn left.

He gets into the left lane, I get into the right so that I can make my turn on the next street at the stoplight. As we are both slowing down at the red light, I look over and see that he is wearing - a red fur Santa suit cuffed in white and complete with black boots and a real white beard.

Cue me looking at him out my window and smiling. I point when he notices me and say "SANTA!" through my window like some star-struck little kid filled with Christmas glee. He looks at me, smiles and waves. ^_^

We went our separate directions after that, but I am still smiling.

It's at those times when I just wish I had my camera with me!

I am so completely exhausted today. I have a low-level headache that refuses to go away. I am close to resorting to the excedrin that I have in my bag. I am also having issues with my eyes today. They are all watery and runny and gummy. It's gross. I just thank my lucky stars at this point that I am not wearing eye make-up for the amount of rubbing that I am doing on my eyes. Bleh.

Spoke to my history professor on my redirect for the term paper. Have narrowed the focus down to the Nanjing massacre and Unit 731. He feels that even that may be too much and suggests that I choose one or the other. If that is the case, I may have to go with Nanjing with a passing mention to Unit 731 as they go a bit hand in hand. I think I will make the final decision this weekend based on what I have found in my sources. I certainly have more information on Nanjing, I think. And I have just checked out two more sources from the university library - one of which I wanted a few weeks ago, but was already checked out. I win.

One more class today and then homeward I go. I'll make it.

Also, you'll remember that on Monday I had a test in history that I continued to stress over. Turns out that on the essay portion I received and "A" and the test portion, an "A-".

So, what is my problem?

See, I stress myself out unrealistically. Now if only I could figure out how to make myself stop that.

So one of my test grades got /lost/ in Floral Design. I'll have to hope I can find the corrected test so I can get my grade to my TA, because I am /not/ taking the average on that test. I know I did better than that.

If I can't find it, well, I don't know how it'll work out. But this is kind of...okay, really...annoying.

I also need to figure out what I'm doing for my final paper in Japanese Lit so I can get the abstract in tomorrow. With sources. I have no idea what I want to write about.

I am losing my freaking mind right now! NaNo is killing me (we're so far behind ... I'm sorry, Raven! *HUGS*), I'm trying to get an e-commerce business started (I think my favorite phrase so far that I've heard for this is "network marketing" lol) and the cat is sick.

Apparently I attract cats with problems. Special cat peed all over my bed last Wednesday night, so I figured call the vet Thursday morning. Well, Thursday while I'm drinking my coffee waiting for the vet's office to open, HE PEED ON THE CHAIR I WAS SITTING IN!

If I hadn't done this before with Dodger, I would have been furious. As is, I know it's either a UTI or FLUTD. Get the cat to the vets, they can't get a sample. The good news is, since he's not completely blocked, the treatment at this point is the same - antibiotics and anti-inflammatories. I can pill a cat, no sweat. And a change of diet - Royal Canin SO is freaking $4/pound!!! I'm already one broke bitch, and now this??

Get the cat home, go to work, come home - cat pees on the living room carpet. Okay ... only the first day of treatment. NO big surprise. But he ate the food.

Saturday - no peeing in inappropriate places. Very little food being eaten
Sunday - no peeing in inappropriate places. Very little food being eaten
Monday - in the morning - cat pees on the kitchen floor right by the food bowl. I don't think he likes the new food very much anymore. In the evening - he peed on the chair again ...

I love the cat, I do. He's very sweet, but god damn! Nature's Miracle apparently didn't do the job, so I'm up for suggestions. Also, anybody ever tried a water fountain for their cat? Saffron doesn't drink nearly enough water, but the bowl holds no interest. He'll drink from the faucet when it drips, or the toilet (thank god no blue stuff in our bowl, right?), but not his own water bowl.

As for the e-commerce biz - I've only got one crappy little website up right now for gift cards. Anybody around here do gift cards? These have no prices, but you have to go through one website to redeem them. No prices on the website either, so the recipient doesn't know how much you spent/ didn't spend on them. The stuff is nice, and it arrives like REALLY quick (I ordered something when I started this biz on a Thursday night, and it arrived Saturday morning so ... a day and a half?)

If you're interested, here's the shameless self promotion link, but I'm not responsible for the content of the site. It's a pre-build, and I haven't figured out how to change anything yet. http://dpetty1.ordermygift.com/

I sat down yesterday and planned out some things for handling schoolwork. Just seeing things written down is helping me understand the reality of what I have to do versus the OMG FLAIL of what I think I have to do. I have decided that I am only going to study until 6pm every daay and them put it away. This way I can have some semblance of an evening to watch a movie with Writer or read a book.

In doing this, I have started to calm down a little. I realize that not only I am stressing myself out, but I am making myself sick. So, I have to learn to handle this better. 

Writer did some wonderful things: I have been graced with fresh fruit at mealtimes, the laundry is being done, and I have a person to bounce term paper ideas off of. The little things...they help so much. I am starting to feel a little more balanced.

Now, these end of term assignments - wow! I am going to have to take them a little bit at a time.

First, I have a group project on Kashmir. I have decided to do my portion on the Kashmiri Pandits (the refugees). The violence done to them is akin to genocide and the pictures I keep running across are graphic.

Second, I decided back in September that I was going to write my term paper on the Second Sino-Japanese War, but the topic is huge and I have to narrow it down to something more manageable for a thesis. Silly me, I decided to tackle the Japanese war crimes of Nanjing and Unit 731. So, yeah, more violence...more small doses.

As if in response to my overload of graphic photographs, I have a kitteh on my desk. Hermen is good for a cuddle or two. ^_^

I will get to comments soon, but until then, thank you all for your suggestions on stress relief. I am looking into a few of your ideas and I'll let you know.

But, I am determined to have some "me-time" this week. I want a free day without the worry of school work and such. So, I am planning an outing for Friday or Saturday.

Now, here is where you come in. I would like each of you to give me between 1-5 things for a treasure hunt! It's been years since I have done one of these and I think it would be a good fun thing that focuses my mind on having some fun. 

Here's how I am going to play the treasure hunt:

1. You comment to me with 1-5 things to hunt down and find.
2. I take a picture of the thing and post "trophies" here in my journal for all to see.
3. If I am unable to find the things on the list, I will find a substitution.
4. I am allowed to interpret the things on the list in any way I see fit.

So, hit me with some items...send me on the hunt!

You guys, I think I am getting sick again and I think that stress has a lot to do with it. Seriously, I have been having these annoying headaches lately that could be due to eye-strain and stress (hello, I think my blood pressure is elevated). And now I am having gut issues along the lines of heartburn and well, let's just say that the bathroom is something I am starting to dread and fear.

I need some serious relaxation tips, so if you have any, please throw them out my way.

So, the stress (this is probably going to be some long rambling crap...)

Most of it is centered around school. I still have so much to do and so little time to get it done. I am hoping that over the holiday break I can play catch up, but you know I feel like I have no time for me. Even though this is highly unrealistic, it FEELS like it and that is a problem.

This weekend, I spent the majority of my time on homework. I got a summary and an essay knocked out and a little reading in. The essay is part of a take-home test and while I thought that I did very well on it at first, now I am starting to have doubts. It was almost refreshing to be in class today to hear that everyone had problems with the essay due to the 5 page limit and the amount of information that you had to include. But you know, I still worry. Then came the in-class test. I...think I did well? But again, I have doubts...

The thoughts just spin out of control. See, in my mind, in order to get scholarships to pay for school, I have o have this overwhelmingly high GPA. Currently I have a 3.66, am in the honors society and am holding  my own, but somehow that doesn't matter. I have to do better.

And you know, I know that  should go easy on myself. I have had a really tough few months. I mean, during this semester alone: sickness has been rampant in my house, my partner was laid off, we had to go on food assistance and unemployment, I have dealt with very loud antics from my neighbors, my partner has been fighting major depression, one of my cats died unexpectedly, I had issues with my financial aid that scared the heck out f me, my family has been having issues regarding my grandmother and her care, and I have not been sleeping very well. Also, my diet has turned to hell and I haven't been getting enough water...which to, can account for my headaches.

So, I should be a little easier on myself, you know? But I'm not. I could use a vacation, but can't afford it.

I could do without my body trying to get sick again. And it all goes back to stress.

Any tips...any at all? What do you do to relax when you are under stress? How do you stop the spinning thoughts and worry so that you actually enjoy the relaxing?

I'm listening.

I really hate it when my laptop starts freaking out and showing me weird screens--or no screen at all. Which it's been doing increasingly.

I'm fairly sure that either my graphics card or my screen is frying out. Neither of these options make me a happy Ani. :/ I don't have the money to get it fixed or the time to be without my computer at the moment, and it especially makes me nervous that the last time I took a computer in to get fixed, I didn't see it again for two months. Two months that fell right smack in the middle of the wrapup of the semester. And then we ended up having to get a new computer anyway because Nephiros's hard drive went 'ACH MINE DATA' and then died for real less than a week later. Which I still kinda blame on the repair guy. Perhaps irrationally, but he was such an idiot I wouldn't be surprised if he did fuck Neph up somehow.

I'm hoping, hoping, that an install of Windows 7 (because hell if I'm staying with Vista when all my tech friends have said 'for the love of god and cheese crackers, upgrade') will fix some of these issues. But if it's hardware...it won't. And I really, really don't want to have to deal with this right now.

Edit: And then I almost got hit on the street in front of the student union while I was backing out of my parking stall. :| Note to drivers on that street: THE SPEED LIMIT IS NOT FUCKING 35-40. YOU'LL FUCKING HIT SOMEONE. BE SMART YOU ASSHOLES, OR AT LEAST DISPLAY SOME SHRED OF COMMON SENSE.

- University is eating my lunch right now. Getting to the end of the term and a lot of final projects are going to be coming due - one of which I haven't quite started yet. This term has been particularly hard in that I have papers (sometimes two or three of them) due every week. Around the 4th week of the semester, I said to myself: "If I make it through this term, it will be a miracle." So far, no miracles, with the exception that I haven't come down with the swine flu. Seriously, my classes are down by almost half of their attendance!

-

- Also finished reading "Some Trouble With Cows: Making Sense of Conflict" by Beth Roy. It was an interesting and sometimes amusing read on the conflict between Hindus and Muslims in Bangladesh when the area was ruled by Pakistan. It shows that sometimes a very little misunderstanding in a between villagers can be blown completely out of proportion and also mirror the conflict of the political environment outside their small village. If you are interested in anthropology, the history of India, or social conflict then I recommend this book wholeheartedly. As with the above book, "War Without Mercy", feel free to ask me about it.

- Finally heard from financial aid. After much sweating, I do have money to go to school for the winter (don't know if I mentioned it or not). So, yay! And I am still planning on filling out some scholarship applications, including the CLS from the State Department. Maybe I will get really lucky or Fortune will smile down on me and I will be able to study abroad for free.

- Can you believe that I have already registered for winter classes? And you know, I am already excited about it which is hysterical since I haven't even finished this term and am so stressed out with school right now. But I am happy that I got the classes that I wanted and needed. No frivolous classes for me, folks - I am beyond serious about getting finished and out into the wide world of a career.

- So what's on deck for this weekend (my weekends start on Thursday and end Sunday)? Well, at least one essay, one summary, a lot of reading and a little studying. And hopefully a little bit of fun. Tonight is the blow off night with no studying in sight - Pizza and Ghost Hunters with Mythbusters at midnight! Ah, sweet relaxation with Writer.

Someday, I will get to all those comments I have, but tonight, tonight I have to chill out.

So after buying the game in March, I'm finally seriously playing through Pokemon Platinum. Doing so while walking home from the bus stop made me realize something.

And that something is that I should really stop shouting profanities at my DS while I'm playing, at least in public space. >_>;

Jesus Christ what is Amano-sensei having us read? XD I READ SOME FUCKED UP SHIT BUT THIS IS SERIOUSLY. FUCKED. UP.

( Gets worse down here, sorry for not cutting earlier. )

BECAUSE I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY ON THIS FUCKER NOT TO.

whyyy did I get it into my head to make a sprite edit of my trainer character augh...

Working another character through the prompts I used for Shay ... is it just me, or does sex seem to come out in odd prompts? In this case, it was 'hair' - in Shay's case, it was 'ears'.

It's a little disturbing that 'sex' itself brings out very little, but hand the boys something fairly innocent, and it goes straight to the gutter. Maybe it's a guy thing?

Shame ... this one seemed so normal, too ...

If you choose to use a public restroom, please put down the cellphone while you are doing your business. No one wants to hear you on the toilet - not the people you are speaking with nor the people in the next stall. That's just gross.

Also, it makes washing your hands somewhat difficult.