Rating: R Genre: slash Pairings: Orlando, Billy, Elijah, Dom, Sean, Viggo, Bean, PJ, Ian, John(see notes below) Summary: One evening at Peter Jackson's house. Disclaimer: I don't own or know these people. This never happened as far as I know.
Notes: This linked set of drabbles was based on a smutty logic puzzle created by mgal to go with a monaboyd fic of hers (Lesson Learned). Who knew logic and smut could be so much fun together? :D
SPOILER WARNING: If you haven't done the puzzle yet and want to, read this **after** as this fic will give away the answers. :D
10:31pm: After 3 shots....
The door slams as two bodies, welded at mouth and groin, stumble over to the kitchen table where one arm brushes aside the detritus of dinner. Another steadies the shorter, cheekier half of this sexual chimera, now caressing its throat, now forcefully lowering its outer coverings.
The beast separates, then merges violently. It cries out in twin voices, caught in a vortex of its own making, oblivious to all danger.
Orlando, holding his jeans closed, chases awkwardly after Billy and Elijah. Dom, whose legs have turned to post-orgasmic jello, falls to the floor laughing.
11:05pm: After 7 shots....
"Bloody hobbits, rampaging around the house after that ridiculous elf like a stampede of wildebeast. I cannot wait for Peter and Fran to return and take their 'children' in hand.”
“They are merely exuberant. And somewhat inebriated.”
"Far too lively for the likes of me. Oh, thank you, Ian, how did you guess I needed to relieve myself? The alcohol at my age seems to just pass right through me. Wait, really, there's no need to---
"John, I would be delighted if you would continue to speak in that glorious voice of yours."
"But your knees...Oh dear God in Heaven!"
11:09pm: After 10 shots....
Moments like these are precious, ephemeral, disappearing before memory can set them in amber. Time leaves you merely with disjointed flashes of sensation - the rasp of denim against skin, now moist from exhaled breath. Craving a perpetual mnemonic seems futile.
The warmth of lips and tongue behind your balls turns suddenly cool - Bean's pulled back slightly to nuzzle, to sniff, to savour. Then you're pierced, again and again, tasted and devoured.
And you moan. Oh god how you moan.
A surprised gasp and a soft click near the patio door make you grin. Your wish has been granted.
11:33pm: After 16 shots....
Sean is sprawled on the Jackson's bed, drunk and loopy. He knows he's drunk because the ceiling is oozing and undulating in swirling patterns, because he can feel a warm, strong, non-Christine hand lazily stroking his cock. Or maybe that's just a halucinowatsit. Whatever.
Sean gazes down at the imaginary hand stroking him, follows the fictitious arm up to where he can see the apparition of Karl, naked in the dimness, staring intently at the hand that's stroking Sean (which isn't real, of course, but feels so damned good...).
Sean closes his eyes, and dreads the waking from this dream.
11:41pm: After 12 shots, one close call and three close encounters....
"Elijah, this isn't the dark room!"
"But Orlando's guarding the other hallway. And Dom's got the stairs covered."
"Orli's got Dom covered, apparently."
Elijah snickered. "You're mean."
"I wasn't the one taking pictures."
"Oh, god! Those two..."
"And then hearing John and Ian in the bathroom...."
"That was disturbing, but not nearly as much as trying to find a bush to pee in and seeing Bean--"
"Viggo seemed happy."
"Ew!" Billy could hear coats being thwapped by Elijah's flailing hands. "What the hell happened to so-called normal sex, you know, where guys fucked girls and kept their tongues away from--"
"You're such a wee bairn."
"Fuck off, Boyd. You were freaked, too."
"Hmm. No, I don't think I was, Elijah," Billy whispered in tones rich and amused, lips and tongue seductively caressing his name. Elijah swallowed, the touch of fingers sliding up his arms making him shiver, making him...excited?
"Maybe you were 'freaked' as you say for another reason?" Warm breath whispered over his mouth, his only warning.
Inside the closet Elijah moaned, unexpectedly, delightedly sucking face with Billy and aroused to the point of seeing stars and getting weak in the knees and--