|hermit9 (hermit9) wrote in hobbits_n_orli,|
@ 2008-02-09 21:30:00
I figured out why I had thought I had posted here but hadn't. I was only "watching" this comm instead of being a member of it, so it never showed up in semagic when I go distributing my smut.
So, to make up for my grievous error, here's a disordered series of posts of everything I have that relates to orli and the hobbits.
First, a silly little Billy-n-Dom fic I wrote ages ago for a whimsical little Halloween Challenge. It really isn't very good as it was conceived, written and posted in like two hours. I've actually edited it for the occasion this time and fixed all my horrible spelling. You're welcome.
Title: Untitled Haloween Fic
Rating: Rish. A couple bad words and implications
Disclaimer: Obviously fiction, just for fun, not making any money on this yada...
“You guys aren't scary.” The little girl in full witch's uniform had been watching them stoically as they improvised for at least two minutes before finally speaking to them and acknowledging that she had alt least been paying attention if not cowering in fear. Her little pumpkin candy pail swung gently in her grasp as other children and parents pushed past her through the darkened maze, laughing and shrieking at the mummies, monsters, ghosts, and other campy exhibits.
Billy stopped in mid-howl. “What are you talking about? We're terrifying. Aren't we Dom?” There was a lot of hobbit in his voice all of a sudden and it made Billy grimace just a little.
Dom stopped molesting the mannequin damsel he had in his arms and looked at their accuser, and then at Billy. “I'm scary. I'm bloody...bloody and vampiric and pale and chilling and horrifying. You...you're a little creepy, perhaps. You have more back hair than usual, but frankly you look like Eddie Munster,” he said with regretful matter-of-factness.
“I'm a werewolf.”
“And...Eddie Munster was a werewolf too. But he wasn't scary.”
“I don't look like Eddie Munster. He was like eight years old. I look like a bloodthirsty, horrible, adult werewolf!” he protested. Dom twitched the corner of his mouth where the fake blood was tickling him and then knitted it into his mouth to try to scratch at the spot delicately with his plastic fangs, and then grimaced when he tasted it.
“It's ok Bills. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Michael J. Fox wasn't a scary werewolf either. Some people just aren't made to be werewolves, you know. Maybe you-”
“Not made to be werewolves?! Dom...” Billy looked almost bristled, his half-entertainment exhibited by his hands on his hips, and his dramatically furrowed brow was starting to loosen the line of his widow's peaked, giant Chewbacca-esque wig.
“I'm just saying that maybe you should have gone for the mummy costume or something this year, perhaps something a little less avant garde. Like...Oh! You would have made a great Chucky!”
Billy rolled his eyes. “Avant garde. I can't do it, but you can? Is that it?”
Dom paused. “I make a pretty intimidating vampire,” he shrugged.
“Oh sure. A vampire that squeals like a wee girl when he has to go get a tetanus shot. Real intimidatin' Dom.”
“I got one of those. It didn't hurt,” said the little witch with green painted face and a wart that was starting to slip down her cheek. They had almost forgotten she was there.
“Well aren't you special?” Dom leaned over her pointed hat. “You know you're not very scary either. About as scary as Eddie Munster.”
“Neither are you!” she said defiant and smug, clearly without any intention of backing up her argument.
“Why don't you go put your hand in the little box over there where it says 'eyeballs', yeah?” he retorted, backing up a little.
“That's stupid. Its just olives.”
Billy's expression changed and he stepped closer and knelt down to be eye level with the girl. He squinted at her. “You're really not afraid of anything are you?”
“No.” she said.
“So why aren't a real vampire and a real werewolf scary to you, then?”
“You're not real. And you're too short.”
Dom cackled out loud behind Bill.
“I think she was addressing us both Dom," Bill said half over his shoulder.
“I'm taller than you are Bill. And I'm a perfect height for a vampire.” He continued to chuckle. His plastic teeth slipped out of place and he quickly snapped his jaw shut.
Billy sneered and then addressed the girl again, this time in a low, serious voice. “Maybe we're a little more diminutive than the vampires and werewolves in the movies, but we are real.”
“Nu-uh,” she said, but she was smiling a little like maybe a sparkle of doubt in that conviction was taking hold at Billy's soft words. Dom came up to Billy's side and squatted in front of her as well.
“What makes you think we're not real?” he asked her.
She just shrugged.
Dom paused and then sniffed the air dramatically. “What did you have for supper?” he asked suspiciously, and Billy just looked to him for a cue, or some idea as to where this was going.
“Spaghetti,” she said, and Dom's face slackened and his eyes widened in an overdone shock take that nearly made Billy sputter.
“With...garlic?” he asked breathily, on the verge of tears, it sounded.
The girl smiled and nodded furiously.
Dom screamed and scrambled away, followed immediately by Billy, and they both yelled “A witch! A witch!” in an arrhythmic string. They both crawled off behind a scary cardboard tree with a paper skeleton hanging from it and made the whole piece shiver with them.
“She's a witch!” Billy continued to call. “Burn-!” and Dom clapped a hand over his mouth with a scowl and a shake of his head.
“She'll turn me into a newt!” he covered, and continued to emit wails of fear and dread. Billy nodded and grinned at him.
The girl just giggled high and bubbly from the aisle.
By midnight the last of the people had left the haunted house, or as it was known during the day, the YMCA, and Billy and Dom had wiped most of their makeup off and started walking the four blocks home under the light of streetlamps and a cloud-covered moon. They walked quietly, sated from hours of laughing and performing, two of their favorite things, and enjoying the night air on their cheeks.
“What do you want to do when we get home?” Billy asked.
“Actually I was thinking maybe we didn't have to go home right away.” Dom smiled a little and slowed down until the pair were stopped in front of a dark house with some huge sheltering trees hanging their branches over the sidewalk. Dom reeled Billy into the circle of his arms gently, still wearing his thin costume cape. He rumbled low in his throat as he put his tongue and teeth to Billy's exposed neck and nibbled and sucked gently, eliciting a happy sigh-moan from Bill. Bill's head lolled back a little, but then he perked up a bit, realizing where he was, and pulled gently away from Dom.
“Ack, can't this wait till we get home, Dom?” Dom's lips and eyes smiled in tandem and the moon briefly came out from behind the fast-moving clouds long enough to glint off of Dom's subtly pointy canines. He ran his tongue over one of them and Billy swallowed.
“But I'm hungry now.” he whined softly, still grinning menacingly. Billy could feel himself melting under Dom's gaze as Dom re-approached him, pulling him into his embrace in slow motion, pretty much resigned to let him have what he wanted (he was never very good at resisting Dom and his impulses). That is, right up until Bill had a sudden burning need to fill and started scratching furiously at the nape of his neck. Dom pulled away and let him at it.
“Arg. Stupid full moon. I'm going to have to shave again tonight,” he said and started rubbing his back up and down against the bark of the big tree on the edge of the sidewalk like a little Scottish bear. Dom could see Billy's eyes in the darkness like they glowed of their own light until they slid closed with relief after he finally managed to scratch all the itches under his clothes.
Dom moaned sympathetically with a little pout on his face. “If you want I'll put some of that aloe stuff on you again tonight.”
“That would be wonderful,” Billy sighed and took Dom's hand. They continued walking. “And I don't have anywhere to be this week, so feel free to go for any spot you wish.”
“Well, nothing vital...And just don't drain me like you did last month.”
Dom sighed. “I know, I know. I told you, it was an accident.”
“How do you suck all my blood out of me by accident?”
“Well...you just taste so good...”
“Other parts of me taste good too you know, but you won't get to have any of them anymore either if you kill me.”
“I can't kill you and you know it.”
“No, but I can't get it up if I have no blood either. Don't tell me you wont miss that, Monaghan.”
Dom made a petulant whine. “Why can't I have my Billy and eat him too?” He leaned over and mock-bit his neck again.
Bill sighed. “I don't know. Why do I have to spend five hundred a month on shaving supplies and getting the hair removed from the furniture?”
“I don't know why you wont let me just put plastic down. It'd be easier.”
“I'm not covering the furniture in plastic Dominic.”
“Nor do I know why you tell people the hair comes from my aunt who 'visits once a month.' You're the one who gets PMS every full moon, and you know the kind of looks people give us when you say that. I think the carpet cleaning guy is really starting to get suspicious. Why can't we just get a dog and say it sheds?”
“You'd suck it dry!” Billy squeaked and reflexively bit at an itch on his own shoulder.
“I would not! You'd kill it out of territoriality in one of your sleepwalking fits.”
“Oh that's bollocks. I don't sleepwalk.”
“Billy. I found you naked, except for the hair, on the kitchen floor on your hands and knees trying to dig a hole in the lino with your claws so you could bury the newspaper you had in your mouth. Which was ruined by the way. I never did get to read the Peanuts strip from that day.”
“You are such a whiner.”
“Wolf in sheep's clothing.”
Their chorus of cackles echoed into the night.