herself_nyc (herself_nyc) wrote in herself_nyc_fic, @ 2007-10-05 13:05:00 |
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She was in it with him.
Again.
For a little while longer.
They didn't drive all day. Before three in the afternoon, Spike pulled in to the dusty parking lot of the kind of motel Buffy already thought of as their placelow, obscure, adequate. Anonymous and private.
In many ways: heavenly.
As the miles behind them had piled up, her spirits rose. After all, riding with Spike was irresistible, the way he kept his arm around her, his glances, the lingering introspective kisses he gave her while keeping the car always on the straight-awaythe sensation of being his all unbroken by any other hint. The way he kept her amused with storieshe could be the Scherezade of Vampires, holding off his own slaying with tales, if he tried. Not that she was any real threat to him anymore. She could still worry endlessly that he was no better than any of them and deserved to be slain at once. But it wouldn't be she who would do it. Not while all his little kindnesses rocked her like electrical charges. She was starving for what he had for her. It made no sense but there it was.
In the dim refrigerated little room, no lights on, he undressed her, murmuring into her breasts, raising her arms to nuzzle the warm moist pits, kissing her belly, kneeling at her feet to press his face with an intent restrained sort of connoiseurship into the cleft of her thighs. Her arousal, simmering all day in the humming car, went open-throttle. Unable to await his worship, she toppled him back and took him at a gallop on the floor. It occurred to her to wonder, when, for a few moments at least, she was sated, that she couldn't imagine herself ever doing this to Angeltearing his clothes, commandeering him for her own whim. It wasn't just that Spike so clearly liked, not just to be posed, molded, topped, but to be bullied. Used. He gave himself to it with abandon. She wasn't sure she'd ever have been able to reveal herself to Angel so completely as she'd already done to Spike. Spike was in on her in a way that no one ever was before. The thought revived her sadness. All her love for Angel, useless without him, was still there in her, and felt so much more worthy than what she had for Spike. So why did it seem less whole?
"I need to learn to drive."
"That would be helpful, yeah."
"Because I'd like to be able to tie you up and throw you in the back. Or the trunk. When I felt like it."
Spike's brow rose. "Ah?"
"Yes. I think that might be interesting, sometimes."
"Can tie me up right now if that's what you've got a hankerin' for."
His good-natured taking in stride of whatever she wanted to do with him licked curiously at her little cruel streak. Images of torment flickered in her headthings that would contort Spike's face out of its present fond mildness. Make him fang out. Make him cry. She didn't know why she wanted that.
"Got ropes, chains, an' all sorts in the car," he said. "Go an' fetch 'em, if you fancy."
She wanted to ask if Drusilla had done that to him. If she'd beaten him. Excitement flared up in her at the idea of beating Spike, not with a whip, exactly, but with something else made of leather, something that would leave a different kind of mark than a hand or a fist. It was easy to imagine Drusilla doing that, not that thoughts about Drusilla were welcome.
"I'd like to fuck you also. The way ... the way you said ..." She didn't want to say Angel's, Angelus' name out loud either. Didn't really want to think of them fucking, but now she knew about it, it would come into her mind.
He smiled. "That can be arranged." He tweaked her breast. "You're quite bossy, I like it. What's come over you?"
"I'm having a good time. We're going to have a good time."
"Oh, we are."
She rose and turned on the lamp, wanting to see better the expression from which issued his honeyed voice. There he lay in his torn shirt, ripped-down jeans, his hair pulled up, wet cock collapsed across one thigh. Later on, she would want to think of him just like that. Caught in a moment of being entirely her own. Too bad she couldn't take a photo.
"Tell me something."
His eyes narrowed. "This Truth Or Dare?"
"Yeah, kind of." She knelt beside him. "I want the truth, though."
"Honor bright." His smile mocked the boyish oath, but she knew he meant it.
"Do you still want to kill me?"
"Do I?"
"I don't mean, are you going to kill me now. I mean, do you want to. In your dreams. Your fantasies. When you're coming inside me, are you biting me too? Am I dying with my blood in your mouth? Are you fucking me as I die?"
Her words seemed to hypnotize him. He stared at her in the low yellow glow of the sixty watt bulb, unblinking.
She waited as the seconds ticked by.
His eyes closed then. "There's ... different ways I think of ...." His cock stirred, as if it wanted to put a word in. Seeing that, she thought, I knew it.
"But I never want you dead. Because I always need you to still be with me when it's finished." His hand came up; she shifted out of reach. "Can't bear idea of losing you. Never again."
She too was transfixed, caught by the straightforwardness of his confession. "Because you love me."
He reached for her again, and this time she came closer, dropping down to straddle his chest. As she pinned him, he looked, head tipped back, eyes shiny, like a saint in some old painting. Which was quite a strange laughable notion.
Ecstatic.
She remembered that she'd forced the soul out of him, by making him happy.
How did that work? What was it about her, that pleased him so?
"What're you smirkin' for?"
"You love me. You're mine."
"Yeah." He frowned. "Miss Anne ... do you think 'bout killing me?"
"I'm thinking about it right now."
"Does slayin' get you off?"
"No." She slid back, until his renewed erection nestled against her ass. "It really doesn't. This does."
His gaze might burn right through her. "I do?"
"Yes." She leaned back against the hard, slightly curved shaft. Thought of how warm her flesh must feel against him. How rich her aroma must be. "When I think about killing you ... I feel pity."
"For me?"
"For both of us." She leaned forward then, to brush her lips against his. "If I'd known you before"
"Before what?"
"Before you were turned."
"Wouldn't have cared tuppence for me, then."
"How do you know?" She searched his eyeshow could blue eyes be so heated?
"Know it for certain." He grabbed her then, his hand clamped to the back of her neck, pulling her mouth down to crush against his. She let him roll her underneath, let him spread her thighs wide. His cock prodded her belly, her mons, teasing.
As he kissed her, his fangs came down. The blue eyes were gold now. "You ever kill me, want you to look me in the eye when you do it."
"Do you think I'd stake you in the back, Spike?"
"Think you'd do whatever you had to do, like you always have. You're the girl who gets it done. Which is why I love you."
Moth to flame? She couldn't bear to think so. "I'm not going to stake you."
"It might happen that you'll have to. Don't tell me you couldn't."
"Even if it's true?"
"Better not be true."
"You want me to be able to kill you?"
He thrust inside her then, rolling her again so she was on top, full of him, bearing down. He was tense beneath her, all hard muscle and hunger.
"I don't want that to be necessary," she whispered.
"You gonna pretend you don't love me better like this? Don't I thrill you more? Never want to be somethin' you don't at least a little bit fear. Else how could you really love me right?"
"You had your soul when I fell in love with you." So did Angel.
"But wasn't 'til I came to you without it that you admitted it. An' I don't exactly see you backin' off now."
He stirred beneath her, his cock stroking exquisitely up, punctuating his words. The good-natured pliable Spike was hidden now in the hard-eyed vampire. Her whole body alit to his threat, his promise. When he seized her wrist, yanked the arm forward to bite into the round curve of the crook, her cry was more pleasure than pain. "Oh God." It was a terrible delicious suspension, balancing between the twin impalements, fangs and cock. He took a long smacking suck beforetoo soon for her leaping urgeletting go. His thumb pressed hard where his mouth had been. The yellow eyes took in her reaction as he licked his lips. For a moment she didn't know where to lookimpossible to meet his gaze, after he'd just proved to her as much as she possessed him, he possessed her in his turn.
Then, with gentlemanly gentleness, he rolled her down again, until they were lying side by side, her leg hooked high around his flank, where they could fuck very slowly and she could taste the tang of her own blood as he kissed her.
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